My eyes fluttered open as I felt the soft sunrays beaming on my skin. It was a chilly winter morning and I wrapped myself up in the warm blanket. I groggily reached for Seunghyun’s hand because of the cold air that lingered on me. I felt around, only to feel some pillows around me. Warmness left my body and I realized that he had already left for the draft. I sighed heavily, pulling myself up with a heavy heart. No amount of words can describe how I felt when I realized that he was already gone. Tears welling up in my eyes, I began arranging the pillows and folded up the blanket. I heard the crinkling of a small piece of paper as I was cleaning up. Puzzled, I picked up the small piece of paper. My eyes squinted, fighting the sleepiness in order to read the mysterious note.

                “Baby, I’m off! Turn on your iPad. I recorded something for you! Love, Choi Seunghyun, your One and Only.”

                I immediately threw the note to the side, jumped over chairs and couches, leaped over the coffee table, and grabbed the iPad on the kitchen counter. I have to see this. I’m already getting deprived of him. Snuggling into my blanket again, I quickly switched on the device, anticipating the video excitedly. I needed to see his face again. I needed to hear his voice again.

                “Hey, Ji.” He chuckled as he adjusted the iPad. He was recording this last night! What, when I was sleeping??? How did he do that? How did I not notice??? I blushed furiously as I saw him angling it to where that we were both in the shot. I heard him chuckling in the video. “You’re so cute when you sleep,” he said, smiling at the camera. “Look at you! Sleeping soundly, having absolutely NO IDEA that I’m filming you. Can you hear me? Huh? Helloooo?” He snickered, waving a hand over my face. He smiled proudly, happy at the fact that he managed to get some footage of me sleeping. I pouted as I watched him make silly faces at the camera.

                His jovial expression turned melancholy after he realized that there were only a couple of hours left before he had to leave. “You know…” he started, sighing sadly. “Hopefully this isn’t the last that you hear of me.” He tilted his head to the side, looking at me lovingly. “I hope these aren’t the last words that I say to you.”

                “I’ve been thinking about this a lot, more than not,” he continued. “Why do we have to go to war? It’s funny how a couple of disputes can spiral into a war that can cause so many nasty deaths. I don’t know if I could psychologically process all of the things that I will experience. I will hold a gun for the first time. I will cross into unfamiliar territory, almost running into looming darkness blindly, not knowing what the future will hold for me. I will kill a man for the first time. Oh, how easy it is to kill someone in movies. Mindless, quick, and in no way psychologically painful. It’s amazing to see how movies can portray war. All the glory is placed upon your shoulders as you slaughter many people, justifying your actions in the name of war. Will my actions be justified? Will war turn me into an animal, with the only purpose of life is to kill? Nonetheless, I will place my life into the hands of God and only trust that whatever happens to me will benefit those around me. I may die, Jiyong. I may not be able to converse mindlessly with you anymore; I may not be able kiss you, hold you close to me, watch over you, or heal you anymore.” He sighed again, looking to the ground. His words were heavy and sad. “Plus, I may not be able to cook beside you ever again.” He added quietly, smiling a bittersweet smile. “Your cooking was always the best.”

                As I was watching the video, studying his expressions, his voice, his eyes, I knew that he didn’t want to go. Well, who would? It is indeed a scary thing, war. But I can feel the uneasiness laced in his voice. I can see fear in his eyes, clouded by sadness. My heart became heavy and I felt a pain in my chest. A lump formed in my throat as I held back tears welling up in my eyes. I sighed deeply, feeling my breath hollow. I quickly wiped away the tears that fell from my eyes and listened to him as he continued.

                “Leaving you will probably be the hardest thing for me to do. I feel like a little child as his mother is taking him to school on the very first day of Pre-K. Scared and uneasy for the looming unfamiliar events that will take place in the near future. I remember the first day of school like it was yesterday… I’ve told you this story countless times, but I will tell you again.”

                Many mothers walked their children to school on the first day, holding their hand tightly, reminding them to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ when necessary. Their mothers would go fixing their uniforms and zipping up their backpacks, running after their children if they forgot their lunch boxes. Some children even had their fathers walk with them alongside their mothers.

                It was an odd sight for me, seeing some fathers walk proudly with their child. My father was never around so my mother was all that I had.

                “Omma, Omma.” I called, gazing up to my mother. The wind was blowing in her face softly, the sun lightly shining on her soft complexion. She was holding my hand, gently swinging it as the both of us walked down the sidewalk near the school.

                “Hmm?” she cooed, looking down at me. She chuckled and bent down, adjusting my shoelaces for the millionth time because of my clumsiness. “You have to be careful, young man! One day you’re gonna fall and will need to use a lot of band-aids to fix all these boo-boos up!” She pinched my nose, smiling sweetly at me.

                “I promise I will be careful, Omma!” I said happily, smiling from ear to ear. I gazed over to my right and saw a mother and a father holding their child’s hand on either side, engaging in a happy conversation. I cocked my head to the side, confused. “Omma, where’s Appa?”

                She smiled sadly, holding my hand tighter. “Your father can’t be here right now,” she said softly, gazing up to the sky. Her eyes became sad and deep, as if she were recalling something that broke her heart.

                “Where is he?” I asked, gazing at wherever she was looking at. “I don’t really see Appa a lot.”

                “He’s…” She paused a bit, trying to find the right words to say. “He’s out there trying to protect you.”

                I immediately thought of my father as a valiant knight with armor and a shield, slaying bad dragons with his mighty sword, like the stories that my mother reads to me at bedtime. I looked up to him so much, even if he wasn’t with me all the time.

                I pretended to wield a sword and swung it at an imaginary dragon.”Omma, like this?”I giggled, hoping to make her smile. I sighed in relief when I saw her laugh, bending down to my height.

                “Yes… Very much so.”

                “I want to be like Appa when I grow up! I’ll stand super strong and protect you!”I was a bit unsure of my words… but all I wanted to see is my mother’s smile.

                “I can’t wait. Now be a good kid and go to school. Make me proud.”

                I nodded and held her hand tightly. She noticed the fear and anxiousness that lay hidden behind my eyes. She sighed softly and held my face. “I know… that this will be a scary thing for you, I can see it in your eyes, Seunghyun.” She gave me a small smile. “But you are the strongest child that I’ve ever met. You are the perfect child that every omma and appa wants. Please be strong, okay? I love you. We’re here now… run along now! Don’t forget to eat and be nice to other children!”

                I gave her the biggest hug that my tiny arms can and pecked her on the cheek. She kissed me back on the forehead and ruffled my hair, chuckling. “Make me proud!” She shouted as I trotted off to the school gates with other children and teachers.

                I glanced back to see her quickly wipe away a tear as she waved at me from afar.

                “I love you Omma! I miss you already!!”

                As I entered an unfamiliar place, I began to feel scared. I didn’t have my mother’s hand to hold as the only assurance of security. She wasn’t there when I uneasily made through a crowd of young children like me. I was confused, alone, and scared. I started panicking when I had no idea what to do, where to go, or why I was here. I began to feel tears brim my eyes and wiped them away swiftly, afraid that someone may see me.

                Omma… I thought, clutching my chest tightly. O-Omma…

                As I was being absorbed in my own thoughts, I accidentally bumped into a young boy, about my age, maybe less.

                “Oof!” The little boy exclaimed, falling to the ground. I quickly whipped around to see him on the ground, rubbing his aching . Startled, I rushed to him, holding my arms out to help him back up on his feet.

                “Ahh, mianhe!” I cried, bowing my head a bunch of times. “Are you okay??”

                The boy suddenly gazed up to me and threw his head back laughing, finding my actions quite humorous. I gave him a confused look, not knowing whether to laugh or continue being worried.

                “I’m fine, thank you.” He grinned from ear to ear, giving me a thumbs-up. “My is pretty sturdy!” The kid said, reaching out an arm, asking me to help him up. I giggled when he said ‘’. I don’t know… kids find human body parts hilarious. What can I say?

                I gripped his hand tightly and pulled him up. I looked down and noticed that his elbow was skinned. I gasped and pointed at the wound.

                “Uh-oh…” he muttered, examining the boo-boo.

                “I-I’ll go help you find a band-aid!” I said, pulling him out of sea of children.

                After asking a kind teacher to direct us to the nurse, we made our way to her office and asked for a band-aid.

                “Omo!” The nurse exclaimed, disinfecting the small scratch. “What happened?”

                “Ah… I accidentally bumped into him and he fell…” I said nervously, scratching the back of my head. I glanced over at him and mouthed ‘sorry!’ to him. He smiled back and gave me a thumbs-up, mouthing ‘it’s okay!’ back at me.

                “Aigoo…” the nurse chuckled, shaking her head.  “You boys gotta be more careful! I hope I can see you two often- just not covered in boo-boos.” She smiled sweetly and patted the both of us on the head.

                “We will!” The two of us chorused. After finishing bandaging up the boy’s elbow, we both made our way to our classrooms, accompanied by the nurse herself.

                The boy suddenly turned to me. “My name is Kwon Jiyong! What’s your name?”

                “C-Choi Seunghyun.” I stammered, surprised by his straightforwardness.

                He patted my shoulder, grinning his signature grin that I’ve began to notice. “I like you. Do you want to be my friend?”

                My heart skipped a beat. I nodded slowly, enjoying the fact that Jiyong is now my friend. I smiled too, catching the contagious grin of his.

                He grabbed me and hugged me tightly. “Awesome! You’re my first friend!”

                You’re mine too, I thought.