A smile spread across my lips as I sighed in content. Everything was perfect. The warm flames of the fireplace were dancing happily as I felt comforted by their presence. The fire lit the dim room, taking in the room with warmth and its soft glow. The hot chocolate was rich and warm, soothing my soul. The soft fragrance of pumpkin spice lingered in the room. I lay nestled in the arms of Seunghyun, feeling safe and secure by his arms and a soft knitted blanket.

                I laid my head on his lap, lazily watching the dancing flames. I reached for his hand softly, holding it up to my face, feeling his warm touch. I heard him chuckle melodiously as he caressed my cheek, gently it as I heard him breathe softly.  I sighed softly again in pure contentment.

                “I wish we can stay like this forever…” I murmured, my eyes beginning to droop as he continued to caress my cheek. I unconsciously took his other hand and held it close to me.

                “I know,” he said quietly, slowly gazing towards the window. The pitter patter of the rain lightly tickled his ears. “I want to stay like this more than you.” He sighed, closing his eyes. He began running his fingers through my soft blonde hair.

                “Do you really have to go? Please don’t leave me.” I said softly, my voice hinting with melancholy. These words were all too familiar. I gripped his hand tighter, fighting burning tears back. I sighed deeply, my breath hollow. I was sad. There’s no other word to describe what I was feeling. Sadness filled my heart and my chest became heavy.

                He didn’t say a word and gazed up to the ceiling. He tightened his grip on my hand as well. My stomach tightened and I felt tears stream down my face. I shut my eyes tight, cursing myself for being too weak. Tears dripped onto my small hand, still gripping his tightly. He bent down and laid soft kisses on my forehead.

                I nodded slowly, knowing that what has to be done will be done. It’s a cold winter’s night in the midst of another Korean war. Seunghyun and many of our loved ones have been drafted to serve in this bitter war. I wasn’t drafted into the war because of my failing health.

                A mysterious illness took over me, causing my health to deteriorate week by week, day after day, minute by minute. It wasn’t until many months that a miracle took place. All the pain left my body and I was on a path to steady recovery. The doctors had not explanation of the events that took place but proceeded to send me home nonetheless. After being released from the hospital, I was forced to get as much rest as possible to aid me back to my healthy state.

                Throughout all the pain that I experienced, he was there for every second of it. It tore his heart open as he saw me cry out in pain and sob in frustration. He knew it wasn’t his fault, but he still felt responsible for it. He spent endless nights holding my hand, lulling me to sleep by his soft voice. I would wake up to see him still holding my hand, fast asleep with his head lying on the bed. I knew he was trying with all of his might to stay strong, to remain a fortress for me, shielding me from all harm. But knowing that what was killing me is out of his reach, it was hard to stay rooted himself. There were times where it seemed like it almost broke him and the only thing keeping us from losing each other was our love.

                “P-please don’t leave me,” a small voice echoed. Who was that? I was surrounded in darkness. I felt cold and alone, but I constantly heard a voice crying out for me.

                “Please.” The voice echoed again, louder and clearer.

                “S-Seunghyun?” I called out. Was it him? I began running, but to where? “Is that you?” I choked, blindly running wherever I could, fighting the immense darkness that seemed to imprison me. Like a lost child looking for his mother, I began sobbing helplessly as I frantically clawed through the darkness, my eyes searching for the source of the voice. “Seunghyun.. S-Seunghyun… S-Seung…” I dropped to my knees, giving up.

                It’s useless, I thought. I’ll never be able to find him. I screamed out his name and wailed, pulling at my hair. It’s a nightmare that I can never escape, I thought. I curled up into a ball, feeling coldness wrap around me, bitterly blanketing me. My eyes drooped as tears continued to stream down my face. “Seung..hyun…”

                “I’m here, I’m here.” The voice said, breathing warmness upon me. The voice was crystal clear now.

                “N-no you’re not…” I said weakly, closing my eyes. “I-I… don’t see you.” I’ve given up. Now I wait. Waiting for what? Maybe I was waiting to die, because that’s what seemed the most inviting right now.

                “I know you may not see me right now, but look for me someplace else. Look for me in your heart. Can you find me in there? If you can find me in your heart, you’ll be able to find me.”

                I took a deep breath, calming my tears. How do I do this? I thought. I sat there and thought hard.

                Who was the one that I blushed at when I saw him walking by so many years ago? Seunghyun. Who was the one that I looked forward to seeing every morning? Seunghyun. Who do I want to spend my whole life with? Seunghyun.

                A soft light began to glow in front of me. I slowly stood up, shielding my eyes from the light that was continuing to grow and intensify. What is it? I thought. I slowly walked towards it, reaching out to feel its radiance.

                My eyes fluttered open to see that I was surrounded by nurses and doctors, and at my side was Seunghyun, holding my hand. The sound of low humming machinery and monitor beeps filled the room, accompanied by small gasps as I began to gain consciousness.

                “Y-you made it…” He said, tightening his grip on my hand.

                I smiled meekly. “I… found what I have to live for.”

                Ever since that, he stayed by my side. We’ve known each other for most of our lives but even so, we became stronger together. We began sharing our lives together. When I was at my lowest, he was there, holding my hand. When he was at his lowest, I stood tall and supported him.

                Now, with Seunghyun being drafted into another bitter war, I’m going to have to be strong for him.  I shuddered at the images that flash through my mind of what can happen to him when he’s away. What if today will be the last time that I’ll see him?

                My eyes snapped back at the reality that was facing in front of me. I shuddered, burying my head into the blanket. Please, God, make time stop for me.

                “Is there something bothering you?” He said softly, breaking the silence. He looked at me with worrying eyes.

                I shook my head slowly. “You know what’s on my mind.” I sighed again, looking away from him. “I’m just worried, that’s all.”

                He smiled sadly and wrapped his hands around me. “I know you’re worried,” he murmured, “but you have to take care of yourself.” He began to run his hands through my hair again. “The good news is that I only have to go for a couple of weeks.” He added, smiling. “I’ll send you letters every day, don’t worry.”

                I nodded and closed my eyes. “Those will be the only things that will keep me alive…” I whispered, drifting off into a deep sleep. 

~*~

Hey, everyone! This is my second fanfic, so constructive feedback is very much appreciated!<3

Enjoy! c: