I ing curse because it ing emphasizes my ing point!

"No offense" = "I'm about to insult you, but you can't get mad"

I wish the days were longer so I’d have more time to do nothing.

*Sees girl at a party, sitting alone on a bench*
Me: Wanna dance?
Girl: Who, me?
Me: No, the damn bench.. *dances with bench*

I really wish my life had background music, so I could understand what the hell is going on.