I'm sorry for what I've done.
But all wanted to tell you is I love you.
 
 

 
A month ago
 
"You know what? I had enough of you! I had enough with all of your stupid accusation! Leave us alone!" he turn his back on me and walks away.
"Yah! Kim Jongin! Don't you dare to turn your back on me! Yahhh!" I scream my lungs out, hoping that he'll come back. I drop down on my knees as tears falls down to my cheeks. Don't leave me, not now please. I hug my knees to my chest. No. He'll forget about this. He always does. Then we'll be back to normal.

 
But it never did.

Things change drastically after that day. He never talks to me nor did we make up. What's worst was that he never once look at me in the eyes anymore. I tried to talk to him but he would always avoid me. There were times where we’ll bump into each other in the hallway, but he would just walk pass me like I wasn’t there at all. I was invisible to him.

I need you.

 
Lonely was all I felt after he left me. After all I am alone. He was the only one I would always look for when I'm sad or even when I'm happy. He stood by my side when my parents had passed away. He's like my brother and my best friend.

It was cold outside that night. I was walking home after work. It had rain suddenly when I am on my way home. I hide under a tree hoping that the rain would stop soon. My heart almost stops when I saw him running towards me. Am I dreaming? I asked myself. I felt happy once again. But it was immediately replaced by a knife stabbing through my heart. He wasn’t running towards me, he was running towards her. Seeing him holding her in his arms with those worried eyes hurts a lot. I am just here. Why can’t you see me anymore?
 

Why did you have to leave me now?

A week had passed and I was suffering.  The pain I had was so bad that there were days I couldn't get up from my bed. Even with the help of medication the pain was still there. But I tried my best to hang on. I dream about you and me every day. I dreamt about us happily together, talking and playfully hitting each other. I’d even hoped that I would never wake up from the dream.

I saw you with her the other day. You were whispering something to her ears as she giggles happily. I then remember that we were once like that too. Whenever I’m down, you’ll whisper to my ears making me laugh at your funny jokes. It used to be me and you against the world.

Please take away the pain.

 
Another week had passed and here I am at the rooftop of my school. I told myself that I was ready to give up. I walk to the edge of the balcony, got up and sat there with my legs hanging. I look up to the sky, asking god why? Soon the students were filled at the school ground. I look down and there he was, talking to her. Ignoring the fact that I'll be gone any time soon. Tears were threatening to fall but I held back. Then I realise, I did not want to die like this. I slowly got back down to the ground when the door suddenly flung open.
 
"Oh.. It's not him." I whisper to myself.
 
"Are you okay?" I look up and smile to him while nodding.
 
"Are you sure?" I nodded again.
 
He looked at me with worried eyes. Oh how I miss to be worried, to be cared by someone. Slowly my sights were suddenly getting blurry. I took a step forward and manage to say "Thank you, Sehun." before blacking out.

I’ve had enough.

 
I woke up in the infirmary room. God knows how many hours I've black out. How I wish that the pain would go away but it never did. Even when I'm asleep I could still feel the pain piercing.
 
"You're awake." I turn to the other side of the bed and nodded in reply.
 
"Are you feeling okay?"
 
"I'm fine Sehun-ah." I smile a little.
 
"No you're not! You just faint. So don't tell me that you're fine!" I frown a bit when he suddenly raised his voice.
 
I tried to sit up but it seems like I couldn't handle the weight of my own body. Sehun grab my arms and help me up. I was thankful that he’s here.

"I'm sorry and yes I'm not fine but there's nothing I can do about it Sehun-ah. Come on, don't cry." I wipe his tears away with my thumb.
 
"I'll be fine. Trust me. Soon, noona will be fine." I gave him an assured smile. He nodded and wipes his tears away.
 
"Can you do noona a favor?"

Hear me out.

“You came.”

 Here we are standing at the same position just like that day.

“I’ll leave after I’ve finished what I have to say.” He ignores my eyes and nodded.

“O—oppa, how are you?” Somehow I couldn’t say what I wanted to.

“Can you please answer me?” I pleaded.

“Did you ask me to come just to hear you ask me how am i? I’ll lea—”

“No. Don’t leave yet.” Once again he turns his back on me.

“Please. I swear this will be the last time you’ll ever see me.” I was literally yelling.

Look at me.

“Why? Why is it that hard for you to look at me? Do you really hate me that much? I won’t take back those words I said the other day. No, I won’t. I saw it in front of my eyes. Why can’t you believe me? Did love blinded you? Why can’t you see what I see? I hate it oppa. I hate to see you with her. She’s not what you think she is oppa. But you choose to believe her instead of me. We have been together for 9 years oppa! You’ve just known her for like a year. Why did you choose to believe her instead of me? Do you know how much it hurts? Do you know how lonely was I? No, cause you’ve stop caring about me. I cry myself to sleep every night. I can’t take it anymore oppa. The pain I’m having is unbearable. I thought at least when I’m with you I’ll be able to take the pain; To hold on, to keep living in this world. But you’re not with me anymore and I really can’t take it anymore. I’m slowly giving up oppa. I tell myself every day that I can make it through but I can’t keep lying to myself. Oppa, can you please at least look at me?” I hold his hand as tears keeps on falling.

Please look at me.

I drop to my knees as one of my hands clutches to my heart while the other one holding on to his hand.

“O--oppa, you’re the h--happiest thing that h--had ever happen in my l--life. You w--were the a--air that I breathe. I—I know you h—hated me f—for what I—I  had done. Bur c—can you at least l—look at m—me?”

I squeeze my eyes together as the pain pierce through my heart. I tried to open my eyes again but I can’t. Slowly my hand slips through his hand and fell to the ground. I manage to open my eyes a little and saw him slowly turning to face me. My lips curve and form a smile.

How I hope you’d turn to face me a few seconds ago.

My body was failing me. Soon I felt my body fall to the ground. The pain was finally going away. He was screaming but I couldn’t hear a single word from him. I gathered all my strength and grab one of his hands and smile to him one last time.

I love you.

I left that day. I kept my promise; I told him that it would be his last time seeing me.

Kai's POV

My parents help to manage the funeral. They were devastated. They didn’t see that coming. So did I.

“Thank you for coming.” I thank my classmates, her classmates.

It’s late but I haven’t left her grave yet.

Why? I keep asking her and myself.

Then I felt someone tap on my shoulder.

“Oh, Sehun ah.” I got up and turn to him.

“Soori asked me to give you this letter.”

A/N - So how is it? I hope i didn't dissapoint you all :/ Well, it's my first attempt.... i hope i did great? heheh compliments and critiques are welcome! :D