My Heart Will Go On
50 Reasons To Live
A/N: Hello!! I Really enjoyed writing this story. It's close to my heart. Maybe a bit too close but I hope you like it
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1. Get wasted.
“Hey, Kai,” D.O. giggled, looking over at him and putting a hand on his knee to get Kai's attention away from the swaying bodies in front of him as they watched dazed from a ratty couch.
“Kyunggie!” Kai exclaimed over the loud bumps of the music, laughing as if the nickname was the absolute funniest thing in the world. The amount of alcohol consumed by the two in the past hour was enough to hold down an elephant, making everything completely hilarious to them.
D.O. paused for a moment, looking thoughtful.
“Promise me you won’t look at me like I’m going to die,” D.O. said, still smiling.
Kai turned his head to the side in confusion. “But aren’t you going to die?” he asked simply.
“Yeah, yeah. But I don’t want to feel like it,” D.O. explained and not more than two seconds later, he started laughing again.
“Hey, Kyungsoo,” Kai said, looking at the other boy mischievously.
“Yeah?” D.O. asked through his fit of giggles.
Kai didn’t even look at the crowd of people at the party before saying, “Wanna make out?” and crashing his lips onto D.O. without waiting for an answer.
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2. Wake up somewhere different than where I fell asleep.
“The ?” D.O. groaned, grabbing his pounding head as he sat up. He looked around and noticed he was in the grass in the front lawn of what’s his name’s party, they had gone to last night.
He saw Kai over a little, laying in a bush that looked far too pointy to be comfortable, mouth open with drool on his chin.
Maybe he gotten a bit more wasted than planned.
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3. Eat an entire box of Fruity Pebbles for breakfast.
D.O. looked down at his fifth and final bowl of Fruity Pebbles and scrunched up his nose as he felt his stomach churn. He wasn’t hungry anymore, but he started this list and he was sure as hell going to end it.
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4. Get a tattoo.
“, Kai, this is going to hurt, isn’t it?” D.O. said nervously, biting his lip and glancing at the needle the burly man was about to press against the inside of his wrist. In the harsh fluorescent lighting of the shop, it looked all too vulnerable.
“Yes, baby, but I know you can do it,” Kai murmured into his ear, placing a soft kiss on it’s shell.
“So, bravery, right?” the man asked one final time, the needle coming dangerously close to his skin now.
D.O. gulped once more before nodding and squeezing his eyes shut.
It was worth it.
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5. Not die a .
“D.O, you have to be sure about this. This isn’t like anything else on your list, this is-” Kai took a deep steadying breath, “this is big.” He looked down at D.O's bare chest with wide eyes, hovering hesitantly over his body.
“, Kai. I’m almost eighteen years old and I’m going to die. But I am not going to die a . We’ve been going out for eight months! People our age would have done it ages ago. We have to do it now, before I can’t. I’m going to get weaker, Kai, and there is no way I’m ever going to be up for this anymore. Come on, Kai, I want you. I want all of you.”
“Alright,” Kai breathed. He kissed D.O's neck and trailed up to his mouth. “Alright,” he repeated.
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6. Meet SHINee.
“No, I don’t think you understand, you guys. They are standing right there and holy , how’s my hair? Are my clothes wrinkled? . I knew I shouldn’t have fallen asleep in the car. Oh my God, they’re literally in front of me. I’m not dreaming. Okay, okay. What do I even say?” D.O. rambled, frantically fixing any flaw in his clothes and looking at his friends with wild eyes.
All four of the ers just laughed at him.
“Stop it,” he whined, jutting out his lower lip to pout at them. “I don’t know what to say!”
Chanyeol rolled his eyes. “Just be yourself, it’s hard not to love you with your antics,” he said sarcastically, but with a whole lot of sincerity behind his eyes. D.O. was that person. The one that no matter how hard you tried to dislike them, you just couldn’t.
D.O. was special.
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7. Go bungee jumping.
“Hold on tight, love! I don’t think I can do this without you,” D.O. yelled as they climbed up higher, trying to yell over the wind while struggling to walk with Kai attached to him from the harness.
Kai had wanted to do this one with him, so they were going to jump together.
“Believe me, it might be a little too tight,” Kai huffed, trying not to look down.
“Alright, we went over everything down there. Remember the rules. Are you guys ready?” their instructor asked, grabbing the industrial rope and hooking them in safely.
“Yes,” D.O. answered for them both, earning a small hit on the arm from Kai, who also repeated the notion with a lot less confidence.
“Whenever you’re ready,” their instructor said, giving them an encouraging smile.
They counted off, “1, 2, 3,” and jumped, feeling the rush of wind go through their hair. They were flying together, and D.O. wondered if this is what falling in love felt like in the end.
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8. Do something crazy with my hair.
“Bleach, D.O? Sehun? Did you guys kill someone?” Kai asked as the pair walked into his room. “Do you need help cleaning up the body?”
“You know it. Chanyeol just wouldn’t shut up,” D.O. joked back, going to sit down next to him. “No, actually I want to bleach my hair and Sehunnie here volunteered to do it with me.”
“Volunteering makes it sound like it was my idea,” Sehun responded, glaring playfully.
“Besides, it’s just one piece in the front. I drew the line at all of my hair.”
D.O. nodded at him before turning back to Kai. “Just wanted to do something with it, you know, before I lose it all.”
Kai wanted to cry all over again at the words, something he had been doing quite a lot of in his spare time away from D.O.. But he had made a promise. It might have been a drunken promise, but he knew it meant a lot to D.O.. So he smiled and grabbed at the bleach like it was the same old, same old.
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9. Get a puppy.
“Knock, knock,” Kai said before pushing his way into D.O's room without waiting for approval. He bit back a smile when he noticed that the boy was fast asleep, curled up on top of his covers. He had been getting tired easily lately, and even if the reason was horrid, Kai couldn’t help but love how adorable D.O. looked asleep like that.
The squirming bundle in his arms interrupted his thoughts and he broke out into an all out grin before walking towards the bed and placing the little, chocolate lab onto the covers.
The puppy immediately bound onto D.O., his face and demanding attention. D.O. jumped up and looked extremely confused, but still started to pet the puppy. “Who’s this?” he asked, looking up into Kai's smiling face. A small smile found it’s way onto his face and he broke out into a fit of giggles as the puppy began to his cheek.
“Baci,” Kai said. “It means kisses in Italian.”
“The name fits her. Who’s is she?” D.O. asked, shaking the dog’s ears playfully and watching as she flipped onto her back.
“Uh, actually, she’s yours now,” Kai said, smiling sheepishly and sitting on the bed next to the two.
D.O. did not squeal, okay?
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10. Skinny dip.
“This is not okay, you guys! My parents could wake up and murder me!” Baekhyun whisper-shouted at the four boys who were quickly taking off their clothes before jumping into Baekhyun's pool. He looked back nervously at his house, double checking to make sure no lights were being .
“Shut up and enjoy the view!” D.O. yelled, sticking his tongue out before plunging into the water.
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11. Go on a spontaneous beach trip.
“We’re going to the beach, grab a change of clothes!” Sehun demanded, pulling D.O. off the couch and pushing him towards the door.
D.O. looked down at his boxers. “Can I change first?”
Sehun just rolled his eyes. “I guess,” he sighed sarcastically.
“Where are Kai, Chanyeol and Baekhyun? I assume they’re going too.”
“In the car, so hurry up!” Sehun shouted, giving D.O. one last push towards his bedroom door.
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12. Go sailing.
“Do you even know what you’re doing, D.O.?” Kai cackled as he watched his boyfriend laugh and mess with the sails on the two person boat they were trying to maneuver.
“ no! Were you paying attention during the lesson? Don’t think so!” D.O. exclaimed gleefully because , he had no idea what he was doing, but this was still fun and he could still feel the wind and the sea breeze and why didn’t they do this sooner?
“I was paying more attention than you,” Kai shouted to be heard over the waves, coming up behind D.O. and tickling his sides to try and get him to let go and give him a chance to control the reins.
“No!” D.O. giggled, swatting his hands away and turning around to smile at Kai, momentarily forgetting what they were doing.
He was reminded when he went in for a kiss and the boat just sort of tipped.
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13. Have an underwater kiss.
“I love this,” D.O. sighed, floating on his back in front of Kai, who was being the protective boyfriend he is and making sure D.O. didn’t float further than he could swim back.
It was nice, really. An easy silence had fallen between the two of them as they felt the fading rays of the sun kiss their skin. It was their last night at the little beach house and D.O. had wanted to spend up to the last minute possible in the water. And Kai had only ever wanted whatever D.O. wanted, really.
“You know we still haven’t done the last thing we need to do here on your list,” Kai said slyly, bending down so his entire body was underneath the almost clear water.
“Really?” D.O. asked, smiling slightly and standing back up in the sand before crouching down to Kai's level. “But you know, I seem to have forgotten what the number was?” he said, feigning innocence.
“I’ll just remind you then,” Kai mumbled, putting his hands on D.O's waist and ghosting his lips over D.O's. “Take a deep breath, love,” he whispered softly.
D.O. put his hands on either side of Kai's cheeks before Kai pulled them both under.
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14. Swim with dolphins.
“So, you can just take it’s fin or whatever? It won’t hurt her?” D.O. asked, cautiously running his fingers over the dolphins… skin?
“Yes, sir. She’ll probably move a bit because she wants to play with you, swim around with you a bit. Would that be alright?” the dolphin trainer, maybe her name was Mary, told him. He really ought to pay more attention in training lessons.
D.O. laughed a little breathlessly instead of answering, reaching his hands further forward and grabbing the dolphin on it’s top fin.
His mom smiled fondly at him from where she was sitting with her waterproof camera on the edge, feet dangling in the water.
“Smile!” she said, bringing it up to her eye and snapping a quick picture.
“Mom, I cannot believe you didn’t want to do this!” he exclaimed, laughing louder as the little dolphin started to swim in a little circle, pulling him along. He felt like a little kid again, that same glee almost lifting him up.
“This is for you, boo!” She said, taking more pictures. Kai would be downright upset if she didn’t, he was already upset that he couldn’t come.
“You’re going to have to eventually take the girls here!” he said, thinking of how much they would all love it. They were supposed to come this time, but poor Fera still didn’t know how to swim properly and D.O's mom hadn’t wanted anyone to feel left out. So she kept it just the two of them today and D.O. didn’t argue because he was such a mommy's boy at heart and didn’t mind.
“Promise,” she replied, taking another picture of D.O. laughing. She would keep those for herself, just to have something of her son to hold onto. Something that was only hers.
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15. Shoot a handgun.
“Okay, this is freaking me out,” Sehun mumbled, his grip on the gun tightening as he brought it up to eye level and aimed at the target in the shooting range.
“Just one!” D.O. insisted, watching him carefully, just to make sure he actually did it before he shot his own.
When he heard the shot even through the huge earmuffs they were wearing, he smiled and raised his own gun, pointing towards the zombie cut out and squeezing the trigger back with a satisfying bang.
He hit him right through the head and Sehun and Kai didn’t know whether to be proud or terrified.
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16. Create a time capsule for Kai.
D.O. looked around his room frantically, clutching his self-decorated box in his hands. It was covered in doodles and his favorite lyrics and things that he loved, but he couldn’t seem to figure out what to put in it. He knew Kai wouldn’t notice if things that were important to them disappeared from D.O's room. They were hardly ever in it anymore and D.O's wouldn’t be at home much longer anyway.
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, thinking of Kai and their life together and what he wanted Kai to remember of it.
He looked around his room again and noticed the movie poster for Love Actually. They had watched it for their first date. D.O. smiled fondly at the memories and placed the box down onto his bed. He had to go up to his tiptoes to actually reach the top tack, but eventually he managed to get it down. Looking at it one last time, he saw rather than felt a single tear hit the laminated paper. He shook his head lightly to get himself out of the little funk and started to fold the poster carefully before placing it into the bottom of the box.
The beginning was a good place to start.
He went outside once it was full, so much heavier than he expected, and went to the single tree in his small backyard where a hole had already been dug. It had taken him much longer than it once would have, but he couldn’t ask Kai, or even any of the other boys, for help. No, this he had to do all on his own.
Kneeling down carefully, he placed the box in the ground and stared at the lyrics sitting on the top, front and center.
Like stars burning holes right through the dark, flicking fire like saltwater into my eyes.
You were one inch from the edge of this bed, I drag you back a sleepyhead.
The tear that landed on the top almost startled him from his thoughts and he hurriedly pushed the damp soil over it in one go, running away as fast as he could.
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17. Donate 100 dollars or more to a cause.
“Boo bear, are you sure about this?” D.O's mom asked him, peering over his shoulder cautiously as he hovered over the bright blue ‘donate’ button.
D.O. rolled his eyes, yet again. “Yes, mom. It’s only half, but I already told you, the other half needs to go to the girls, alright?”
“This is a lot of money, I just want you to be sure. Your list only said one hundred.”
D.O. smiled proudly at the four digit number. “Yep. But I’m not going to make it to college, mom. But maybe these kids can.”
Thank you for your donation of $7,547 to the Teenage Cancer Trust.
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18. Jump in a taxi and scream ‘follow that car!’
“Kai,” D.O. giggled putting his hand up into the streets of busy Seoul, trying to hail a cab.
“D.O., you have to look panicked and in a hurry!” Kai insisted, putting on an overdramatic face and waving his hand frantically. “Honestly, I thought you were the one in drama!” he teased, before letting out peels of laughter as a cab pulled over beside them.
D.O. clambered in, Kai right behind him and he pointed at the closest car and yelled, “Follow that car!”
The cab driver looked as if he was about to do just that before he heard the two teenagers burst into laughter. He rolled his eyes, almost fondly, and asked, “Where to?”
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19. Sing to someone random on the street.
“Chanyeol, this guy.” D.O. whispered as Chanyeol strummed random chords on his guitar as they walked along the streets of Seoul.
He subtly pointed to a man who was on his phone, looking far too busy to be sung to.
Chanyeol nodded, biting his lip before they both started to sing, purposely horribly off-key.
“Every day is so wonderful and suddenly it’s hard to breathe. Now and then I get insecure from all the pain, feel so ashamed. I am beautiful no matter what they say, words can’t bring me down.”
The man glared at them and tried to walk around the pair boys, but to no avail because they both blocked the path, carrying on. He finally managed to get around him, but Chanyeol and D.O. were fast on his heels, laughter blending with their terrible singing and the chords getting messier as Chanyeol tried to run. Finally they honestly just couldn’t take it anymore and stopped following after him to burst into peals of laughter.
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20. Lay down in the middle of an aquarium.
“You know, Kai, you’re my favorite person ever,” D.O. mumbled, looking up at the aqua color of the water and the fish swimming around. He didn’t want to look at Kai. He didn’t want to look at his eyes because right now he doesn’t think that he could ignore the pain in them, the grief. He knew Kai was trying to be strong for him, he wasn’t dumb, he had known Kai since they were young. He could read him like a book.
“You’re mine too, Kyunggie,” Kai replied, bringing his hand down to lace through D.O’s, having the same problem as D.O.. He couldn’t deal with everything D.O. was holding on the inside. Not now atleast. “And I’m really scared to have to lose you.”
“I’ll always be with you, Kim Jongin. Don’t you dare forget that, alright? And we still have time, don’t think about that now.”
“It’s hard not too.”
“I know,” D.O. replied, throat closing painfully as he chased the tears away. This wasn’t the time to think of the end.
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21. See Super Junior in concert.
“Chanyeol! , this is so cool!” D.O. exclaimed, looking around at all the people in the crowd.
“Kai told me to not let you get in the pit, so is it cool if we just chill back here?” Chanyeol asked, gesturing to the significantly less crowded area in the back of the venue. D.O. didn’t mind, it still had a pretty good view of the stage. It was the music that really mattered, anyway.
“I don’t even care, as long as they play SPY, I’m the happiest person here,” he said smiling as wide as he could and slinging an arm around the happy virus.
He wasn’t going to tell Chanyeol that he was tired, he wasn’t going to tell him he felt like he would throw up because the last resort chemotherapy he went through two days ago was making him sick, and he sure wasn’t going to tell him that he wanted to scream in pain right now because there was no way he’d let him stay if he did. Instead, D.O. kept a smile on his face as he saw his favorite band step onto that stage.
Instead of crying, he yelled right along with everyone else and threw his hands in the air to let everyone know he was a fighter, and this was not going to be the end of him.
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22. Kiss in the rain.
“D.O., what are you doing?” Kai asked, confused as he was yanked into the downpour in front of D.O’s house.
D.O. laughed and brought his hand up to kiss it. “The list, Kai! I have to complete the list!”
“What-” Kai started to ask, interrupted by D.O. kissing him hard and needy.
It wasn’t really as spectacular as the movies make it. It was cold and it was too wet for him, but it was Kai and that part was perfect.
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23. Go on a haunted hay ride.
“I don’t think it was Chanyeol we had to be worried about,” D.O. whispered into Kai's ear, pointing his finger at Sehun's terrified face. The young boy was looking around the dark night, trying not to appear as scared as he truly was.
“You’re right. I think when they started telling the story, he grabbed Baekhyun's hand,” Kai replied, laughing and kissing D.O's cheek while he was there.
“You’ll protect me from the big, scary ghosts, won’t you, Kai?" D.O. joked, glancing at all the plastic decorations around the dirt road.
“Always.”
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24. Watch all the Scream movies on Halloween.
“Oh, , , !” D.O. screamed, pulling his pillow over his face as yet another stupid girl was walking towards the murderer. Honestly, wouldn’t they know better after what happened to last half a dozen?
“D.O., calm down. You already know what’s going to happen,” Kai chuckled, tightening the arm that was slung across D.O’s shoulders. He knew he shouldn’t be finding D.O’s fear funny, but honestly, the movie wasn’t exactly unpredictable.
“But something is going to ing pop up, and oh , Kai. It’s going to p-” he cut himself off with a high pitched scream.
Kai laughed and pulled D.O. onto his lap. “Didn’t I already tell you that I’d protect you from the monsters,” he teased, just trying to make D.O. smile at him. But he had really called this one on himself.
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25. Go to America.
“Mommy, look!” Eun Jae yelled, pointing excited at the empire state building.
D.O. looked around nervously at all of the people around him, tightening his grip on Fera as she squirmed in his arms to catch a look herself. “Mom, are you sure New York was the greatest idea?” he whispered, quiet enough that the girls wouldn’t hear.
“Yes, Bear, stop worrying,” his mom tutted at him, walking up to their hotel’s entrance.
“There’s just so many people,” he muttered, doing a double check, yet again, that he saw all four of his sisters in front of him.
Lissa scoffed, punching him lightly on the arm. “Worse that mom and grandma combined.”
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26. Finish a marathon.
“D.O., you don’t have to do this. You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone,” Kai insisted for what seemed to be the fifteenth time in the past thirty minutes. He was worried, to say the least. D.O. had gotten considerably weaker in the past month and Kai was worried that he had gone too far this time. His breathing was shallow and on the verge of being wheezes and he knew that D.O. would be really upset if he had to stop before the halfway mark.
“I’ve got this, Kai,” he laughed, being typical D.O. and throwing it off with a smile. “Besides, my mom told pretty much everyone who is involved with the program and if I get too tired, I’ll have a wheelchair there in two seconds.”
“You better not push yourself too hard,” Kai warned, not fazed by D.O's joking demeanor. He knew Do Kyungsoo.
D.O. shook his head and kept walking. This was on his list, this may be his only chance to do this, not Kai's.
“We should’ve put this further up on the list,” Kai said, worry still etched in his features. He kept looking over D.O. skeptically, watching as his skin began growing paler and paler as they ran. “D.O., I really think we should get you the wheelchair now,” Kai told him, wrapping his arm around D.O’s shrinking waist to keep him upright.
“Yeah, yeah,” D.O. mumbled in reply, feeling slightly faint.
Kai pulled him aside to let other people pass and then pulled out his phone to call D.O's mom. He quickly told her where they were in the race and asked for her to bring down the wheelchair and a water for D.O..
D.O. didn’t really remember being set down into the chair, but before he knew it Kai was pushing him in the marathon again and handing him a water bottle.
“Drink it,” he demanded, giving him a fake glare.
D.O. nodded and took a couple gulps before reaching up and messing with the bandanna he had picked out today. “How does my hair look?” he asked Kai, his joking side present once again as he ran his hand over his bare scalp before placing the bandanna back on.
“You look perfect, D.O..” Kai responded, trying to convey how genuine he was being through his words. He knew D.O. would never believe him, though, but all he could do was never stop saying it.
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27. Have a date on the Eiffel Tower.
“How the Hell did you manage this, Kim Jongin?” D.O. demanded as Kai led him to a table set up on a platform on top of the Eiffel tower.
“I have my ways, sweet cheeks. Now enjoy it because I could only get an hour,” he joked, pulling out D.O's chair for him.
“Such a gentleman,” D.O. complimented before looking down and laughing at what was set up on the table. Just a couple bags of chips, some grapes, and two bottles of coke. “This is classy as hell,” D.O. commented.
Kai blushed and stuttered out, “Well, I couldn’t very well take up a dinner up here. They wouldn’t let me. Wouldn’t even allow a candle.”
“It’s actually perfect, Kai. Don’t worry your gorgeous head about it.” D.O. smiled brightly, running a hand through Kai's hair for emphasis. He soon grew distracted though, moving his free hand to pull at the beanie covering his bald head.
“It doesn’t bother you, right?” he asked quietly, dropping both his hands to sit in his lap.
“Kyungsoo- no, not at all!” Kai protested in shock, pulling D.O's hand into his grasp and kissing his knuckles.
D.O. felt tears prick at his eyes. Kai and him never really talked about anything regarding the illness. The moment they talked about it, it would make it real. But sitting here, looking over Paris, which would never happen had they just been normal, and with Kai holding onto D.O's hands like they would slip away. It felt pretty real to him.
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28. Attach a lock to a love bridge.
“While we’re here, might as well,” Kai said, grabbing onto D.O's hand tightly as they wound through the people surrounding them. They had just gotten out of their cab and were walking towards the Pont de l’Archevêché, a bridge that had been infamous for couples placing ‘love locks’ on it. Locks that signified forever.
Forever was just what they needed.
“Tired,” D.O. mumbled, nuzzling his head into Kai's neck.
“We could do this tomorrow if you want,” Kai offered, slowing down a little and looking a bit uncertainly at the space between them and bridge. It wasn’t far, but if D.O. couldn’t do it…
D.O. scoffed and held his hand tighter, pulling them back to the same pace as before. “Don’t be dumb, I can handle being tired. This is worth it.”
They reached the bridge, the sight of all the locks was slightly breathtaking. Knowing that this many people, from all over the world, came here and did this for someone else, it warmed their hearts.
“There are so many,” D.O. whispered, running his hands over a patch of them. All different colours, textures, styles… all different stories.
D.O. wondered about the next people to stand in this spot, and the next, and the next. Would they see their lock? Would they be able to feel them in this spot? He was certain that they had to leave some impression, the love he felt for Kai couldn’t just disappear along with him. It was unfathomable. Something this strong couldn’t just… go away when he did.
Kai laughed slightly, breathlessly, and took their lock out of his pocket. “Let’s get ours on as well, so we can go back to the hotel and you can sleep.”
D.O. made a little whining noise before walking up to a clear spot. “Alright?” he asked, looking up at Kai, his eyes blown wide and full of so much - too much.
“Alright,” Kai breathed, hooking the lock over it before snapping it shut. He leaned down after he did it, kissing D.O. like he was all the mattered. Because for Kai, he was.
Remember us forever. KJ+DK.
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29. Be in two places at once.
“I am currently in two places at once Kai. Think about it,” D.O. said, laughing at the idea. He knows this one was a bit ridiculous, but come on, how cool is this?
Kai just rolled his eyes fondly as his boyfriend stood on the border between France and Germany. “Come on, love. You’ve had your fun, but I still have a long drive.”
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30. Volunteer at a homeless kitchen.
“Hello, sir,” D.O. chirped, fixing the bandana he had put on this morning. “Looked a bit lonely, don’t mind company, do you?” he asked, sitting next to an elderly man dressed in tattered clothes. You could tell he didn’t have much, the dirt, ripped clothes and fact he was at a homeless shelter sort of giving him away. But his eyes still had the sort of hopeful glint to them that D.O. admired.
“Not at all, son,” he replied, looking up at D.O. with curious eyes. “You look too young to be working here. Never get too many teenagers.”
“Wanted to give back before I go," D.O. admitted softly, taking his hand and pulling off his beanie to show the stranger his head.
“People like you don’t deserve it.”
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31. Ride in a hot air balloon.
“Sehun, why in the world are you coming with us again?” D.O. asked curiously as the balloon started to leave the ground, leaving Sehun's knuckles pale as he gripped onto the edge. It wasn’t the smartest idea the boy had ever had.
“Wanted to,” he spat out, trying not to let his fear of heights ruin this for D.O..
D.O. and Kai laughed at him, draped over each other as they watched the ground get further and further away.
“Appreciate it Sehun, but I’m almost positive you might piss yourself,” D.O. teased, poking Sehun in the stomach with the hand that wasn’t around Kai.
“Seriously,” Sehun said, breathing heavily. “Wouldn’t have missed it. Wanted to be here for you.”
D.O. ducked his head to hide the blush on his cheeks. He had truly amazing friends.
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32. Have a proper tea party for my sisters.
“Lissa, would you pass the kettle please,” D.O. asked politely, smiling at her as she handed him the glass pot.
“Miss Lissa, Kyungsoo,” Fera scolded, taking a delicate bite of the raspberry scone in front of her.
“How will I ever tell you apart then?” D.O. asked, feigning horror.
“Miss Lissa, be careful not to spill tea on your dress,” their mom piped up, taking a slow sip of her own.
They were all dressed in their best dresses, D.O. in his tux, and had decorated the dining room with faux extravagant decorations. If anyone else were to see it, D.O. is almost sure they’d call it tacky. But it was wasn’t for anyone else, it was for his four little darlings to show them how much he cared and always would.
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33. Pet a zebra.
“What if it bites me?” D.O. asked nervously, glancing over at Kai and Sehun with nervous eyes as someone from the zoo walked over to them.
“D.O., you called this on yourself,” Kai said. He laughed when D.O's eyes widened as he gazed at the gate to the Zebra pen he was about to enter.
He groaned as the worker explained the rules to him and led him into the pin. “So I can just- just go up to it?” he asked, unsure.
“That’s the idea,” the zoo worker replied, looking at him with sad eyes.
So D.O. walked up to the zebra and ran his hand along his back, ignoring the kids pointing at him with envy, but he’d rather have that then the eyes of ‘sympathetic’ workers who don’t know .
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34. Leave a note to Kai.
Dearest Jongin,
I know that you’ve been trying to sneak peeks at the list, but just know, you will eventually find out about the rest of it. Just… You know, afterwards. I hope you’re having fun at school! I’m officially out and I’m sad that I can’t see you everyday. But you’ll visit, right?
You told me once that you’ve remembered every single moment of your life after you were about to call me yours.
Can you just promise me that you’ll remember me forever? Not necessarily everything, but just, don’t forget me, alright? Promise? :)
I love you to the moon and back, Kai.
Do Kyungsoo.
-
35. Beat Baekhyun in chess.
“Hah! I win! You can’t deny it, I won fair and square!” D.O. exclaimed, trying not to cough because then Kao would rush over and baby him again.
Baekhyun smiled at him and looked down. He’d never been the best liar, but in his happiness, he knew D.O. wouldn’t notice that Baekhyun had allowed him the win. “You are now pronounced chess king!”
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36. Paint something I consider beautiful.
“Stop moving right this instant!” D.O. giggled at Kai. His boyfriend was currently sitting in the corner of his tiny hospital room on one of those uncomfortable plastic chairs. “I’m almost done, promise.”
Kai just pouted and looked around the room some more, hoping that something about the dreary white had changed. It hadn’t.
“Done!” D.O. exclaimed, turning the small canvas around and showing Kai the painting.
“DO KYUNGSOO!" Kai exclaimed in outrage. “That isn’t me! That is your fish!”
D.O. couldn’t help it now, he broke out into cackles, putting the painting down so he wouldn’t smear it.
Kai came over easily overtaking him and tickling him like it was nobodies business.
“Kai, stop!” D.O. laughed, not able to control himself. He broke out into a fit of coughs though, body weak as he let out huge heaves.
“Oh my god, D.O., are you okay?” Kai demanded, going still and pulling D.O. into his body in a protective hug.
“Fine, Kai,” D.O. choked, giving him a tentative smile. He hated when he worried.
-
37. Decorate for the wrong holiday.
“Valentine’s Day came early this year!” D.O. exclaimed happily, slouching down onto his hospital bed, exhausted from the decorating and the dancing that had gone down during the process.
“About three months too early,but you know, that was the goal,” Chanyeol said, a little laugh escaping his mouth.
“I think it really adds a nice touch to the room, really brings out all the colors,” D.O. droned sarcastically, looking at the white walls covered in decorations in fake adoration.
Kai sat quietly, rubbing D.O's back gently after noticing the tired look on his face. “I could really go for a nap,” he said pointedly, knowing that D.O. would never openly admit to being tired if he thought it would let someone down.
“Yeah, me too, Kai.” D.O. agreed, catching onto his plan but glad for the cop out.
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38. Plant a tree.
“I really need to thank the nurses again for letting me do this,” D.O. muttered, patting the freshly placed soil that was over the tree sprout they had placed on the hospital yard.
“You’ll have the chance, dear,” his mother said, looking over at the two boys with a careful eye. D.O. had been getting worse, far too quickly. She was almost always beside him now and when she wasn’t, he was either in surgery or with Kai.
“I’ll visit it every year,” Kai decided, looking at the tiny little tree they had just planted together. He wanted to see it grow, but he wanted to see it grow with D.O.. “Twice,” he added. D.O's mother had to look away and hold in her tears.
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39. Make a huge blanket fort.
“I honestly have no idea how I got away with all of these blankets,” Kai explained to D.O., setting up the last sheet above the entire fort they had just built in the hospital room. He was still flushed from sneaking away from the supply closet, hair haphazard from blankets being dropped on his head and eye bright from exertion.
“Because all the nurse’s have creepy crushes on you?” D.O. offered, still pouting at the fact that Kai wasn’t letting him help. He wasn’t letting him do much of anything on his own any more. D.O. wasn’t going to argue, though. If it helped Kai feel better, it was alright with him.
“I built it over your bed so you can still sleep on it,” Kai explained, grabbing D.O's hand and bringing him inside the fort, flicking on the flashlight he had also brought with him.
“Deal,” D.O. murmured, putting his head heavily on Kai's shoulder.
-
40. Is falling in love too cliche to put on here?
“Hey, Kai,” D.O. said, motioning for him to walk over to the hospital bed.
“Are you okay? Are you tired again? Do you need more pain medication?” he immediately asked, like usual when D.O. said anything slightly off. He rushed over to the side of D.O's bed, crouching down.
D.O. laughed. “No, silly. I just wanted to tell you that I love you,” he said, taking a serious tone and putting a pale hand on Kai's cheek. Kai could remember a time when those hands had been tan and strong. But they were just as perfect to him now.
Kai started to stutter nervously, biting down on his lip almost hard enough to draw blood. “I-I love you too.”
-
41. Slow dance with someone.
*and I have to speculate
that God Himself did make us into
corresponding shapes like puzzles pieces*
They were both crying, the lights out with only the music with them.
“K-Kai,” D.O. breathed, clutching onto Kai's shirt and whimpering as he started to cry harder. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too, I love you too,” Kai chanted, his breath choking low in his throat. Even in his near hysteric chanting, he still managed to get out, “But it’s thoughts like this that catch my troubled head when you’re away, when I am missing you to death.”
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42. Give people a reason to remember my name.
“No, we’re not bothering with this one. I will always remember your name,” Kai insisted, pushing the list away from D.O., not even bothering to try and sneak a peek this time.
"Kai,” D.O. whined, trying to get up again.
“No, everyone will remember you D.O.. You won’t be forgotten. You’re special, this is special, we’re special. And even if they forget, there will never be a second of the day I won’t remember your laugh or your smile or your freckles that show up in the sun. I will never, ever forget you.”
-
43. Give the best Christmas present ever.
“This one was a piece of cake,” D.O. scoffed, handing an oddly shaped, horribly wrapped present to Kai. “And don’t you dare so much as touch the wrapping until you read the card.”
Kai rolled his eyes, taking the card from D.O’s slighter hands.
Dear Kai,
Open one year after my death exactly.
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44. Actually finish writing a song.
D.O. was about to burst into tears as he looked down at his piano after screwing up again because it was too hard to press all of the keys down with enough force to make them sound right.
“D.O., it’s alright,” Kai reassured him, his back soothingly. “If this is too much we can-”
“No!” D.O. all but yelled at him, trying again to play a simple C chord. “I can- I can do this. I have to do this.” he said, his voice breaking.
Kai placed a kiss on the edge of his jaw and shifted in the hospital bed so he was leaning his head on top of D.O.. “I know you do, baby.”
-
45. Come out to my dad.
See the problem was that D.O's dad just wasn’t around anymore. And he was scary. And he looked like he could kill someone. But D.O. just chalked it down to the fact that he wasn’t around.
It was frustrating, sure, that even now, when D.O. was on the brink of his death, this was one of the few times his father had come to visit.
And D.O. just spit it out. He put it out there for his dad to deal with because D.O. didn’t want to have the weight on his shoulders anymore.
“I’m gay.”
And when his dad just left the room, it really didn’t bother him as much as it should’ve because Kai was holding his hand and his mom was smiling at him like he just won a Nobel Prize.
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46. Have a band dedicate a song to me.
“D.O.! Get on YouTube right now!” Kai exclaimed, barging through the hospital room door to find D.O. laying down and staring at the ceiling.
D.O. struggled to get up in a sitting position and gave Kai a curious look. “Why?” he asked.
“Here, I’ll show you,” he replied, getting D.O's laptop and sitting next to him, trying not to take up too much room. He quickly signed on and looked up what he was looking for before turning the volume all the way up.
He looked at D.O. as he watched the screen with his eyebrows furrowed.
“Hi, everyone. I’m Kevin from U KISS and last week we got a really special message from a guy named Kai who wanted us to dedicate one of his boyfriend’s favorite songs to him because it’s on his bucket list. It’s really close to my heart because as you guys probably know, I’ve been through the same thing this kid is going through. So, here’s to you D.O., stay strong and don’t stop fighting,” Kevin said looking straight at the camera before going into the song ‘Take Me Away.’
Somebody take me away
Somebody take me away
Somebody take me away
Somebody take me away
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47. Change someone’s life.
“Boo bear, you know that you’ve changed all of our lives,” D.O's mother told her son, his cheek like he was going to break as he coughed and determinedly sat up.
Chanyeol, Sehun, Baekhyun, Suho and Kai sat around him, all nodding.
“There’s so much you’ve done for me, so much you’ve changed me into, for the better,” Chanyeol said, a couple tears stinging his eyes.
“I’m so much better because of you, so much better, D.O.,” Sehun added, getting oddly emotional for… well, Sehun. His voice cracked and he buried his face into Baekhyun's shoulder.
“D.O., this is one off the list. You’ve touched so many people,” Baekhyun agreed, wrapping an arm around Sehun.
“Told you,” Kai joked, kissing his cheek fondly.
-
48. Get a New Year’s kiss.
“Made it another year together, Kai,” D.O. croaked, coughing weakly, as though his body had just given up altogether.
“We can make it another year, right?” Kai asked, smiling almost bitterly, his eyes full of tears that wouldn’t dare come out.
“Of course,” D.O. agreed, struggling to get his hand up. He rested his palm on Kai's chest, his heart. “In here though. Every year, right here.”
Kai put his much bigger hand over D.O’s, a sob ripping through his throat as he grabbed D.O's hand, bringing it up to his mouth before kissing it repeatedly.
“You’re supposed to kiss my lips at midnight, you muppet,” D.O. joked softly.
And who was Kai to deny him this.
They kissed and it tasted like shooting stars. So bright, but gone in the blink of an eye.
-
49. Fall asleep in someone’s arms.
“No! No, no, no! , D.O., you can’t just leave me like this! You can’t!” Kai cried, clutching D.O’s body closer to him.
Nurses and his regular doctor rushed in at the sound of the deadlined heartbeat and tried to tear Kai away from him.
This didn’t really sit well with him and he started to scream louder. “No! D.O.! He can’t be dead! Help him, what are you doing! Do something!” Tears started to pour like a heavy rain down his face. “No! Let me stay! He wanted me to stay! I told him I would stay.”
-
Every night in my dreams
I see you, I feel you,
That is how I know you go on
Far across the distance
And spaces between us
You have come to show you go on
Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on
Love can touch us one time
And last for a lifetime
And never let go till we're gone
Love was when I loved you
One true time I hold to
In my life we'll always go on
Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on
You're here, there's nothing I fear,
And I know that my heart will go on
We'll stay forever this way
You are safe in my heart
And my heart will go on and on*
50. Have a song written about me.
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