“You what?” There was a smug in Si Wan’s expression as we sat on my roof the next day. Yes, on my roof. It was our secret hiding place that I found when I was eight, I just need to climb out my window sill and climb up higher. But it has been our secret hiding place since they found me when we were playing hide and seek. So there we were, straight under the morning sun as they force on me to tell what happened to me when I ran out to my room and refused to talk about anything last night.

“I kissed him!” I yelled. There was a reason why we sat there. I tend to yell when I’m stressed out and my brother might hear what I said and there’s a big possibility they will skin me alive if they knew I kissed someone. And this place is where no one can hear us.

Si Wan laughed out and Taek Yeon went to stretch my cheek. “You are one naughty girl! Congratulation on your first kiss,” he said with a wide grin.

I slapped his hand and pushed him away. “It’s not like I did it in purpose!”

I bit my lower lip and chewed it. I remembered what happened last night as I closed my eyes and the flashback of the scene back to my head.

I didn't know how long time has passed. It might be just a second. Or a full minute? Or an hour? It could have been a few days passed as I stood there, feeling the warmth of his lips on mine. The warmth made me lost my mind.

I knew it was wrong, a split second after the first time I touched my lips I knew I did something wrong. I thought of pulling myself away and apologized for doing such a foolish thing or maybe I’ll jump off the fence because it was such an embarrassing and reckless thing to do. But the thoughts had gone right the next second… when he kissed me back.

I could only see fireworks and butterflies. My knees fell weak but there was something holding me like gravity. I could not think of anything but the beautiful fireworks. The world might burn down in an alien invasion or being hit by a comet and I wouldn't have realized it. There was nothing in this world that can concern me. Nothing…

“Hyo Na…!”

There was like a snap in my head that bringing reality back. I quickly broke up the kiss and stared at dazed Soo Hyun Oppa. I looked at ourselves as I realized my hand were on his neck and his hands were on my waist.

“Hyo Na-yaa!” I heard the voice again, it was Il Woo Oppa.

I quickly untangled myself and hastily moved back a few steps. I was so embarrassed. What have I done? Oh my God. Did I just kiss Soo Hyun Oppa? Please let the earth swallow me.

“Ya! Seo Hyo Na! Where are you?!” Now he yelled.

“I’m… I’m sorry. I… Oh my God,” I didn’t even dare to look at his face. I just turned around and ran away.

I ran away, for God sakes. I left him behind… his face was… shocked. Like it was much worse shock than what he felt after he saw what Il Woo Oppa and Geun Young Onni did. I deserved a bloody punishment for doing such a stupid foolish thing.

“Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!” I screamed out. Si Wan and Taek Yeon jumped out startled. “I want to dig a hole and bury myself. I’m so ashamed of myself. Please just kill me!!!” I screamed and covered my face with my palm again.

“It can’t be that bad,” Si Wan said, trying to cheer me up.

“You shut up Im Si Wan,” I glared at him.

“Yeah.. it…, sorry,” Taek Yeon zipped his mouth as soon as he met my death glare.

“What do I have to do now?” I looked at them. They just shrugged. “Why don’t I have girl friends when it comes to these matters? Why do I left behind with you… two guys! God, this is not fair!”

They stay silent for quite a long time after that. I felt an arm on my shoulder, then another arm. I look up and saw them on my each side.

“Let’s just finish this by the simplest way,” Taek Yeon said coolly without looking at me.

“Then we will see how it ends,” Si Wan nodded following his words.

“What do you mean?”I covered my face again.

“Do what girls usually do,” Si Wan said softly.

“Confess your feeling,” Taek Yeon continued sternly.

***

I tapped my feet nervously. I peeked at my phone one more time. Still no reply from him. I sighed and looked at the shining water of Han River. It was summer, but black clouds were hanging on the top of Seoul, waiting to pour it wrath, alarming people with thunders.

I didn’t know what to do. It must have been awkward for him too for meeting me again after what happened last weekend. Even if he said he will come to meet me last night, will he really show up? Am I being hasty, asking him to meet me here? Will he come? Have I press on him to much? What should I do if he did not show up?

I started to tap my feet again. I’ll wait for 10 more minutes… or an hour. All day long would be great too. In case he couldn’t find me or anything.

“You’ll make a hole under your feet,” I heard a voice behind me.

I turned around so quickly I almost fell off. He shot me his bright but a little awkward smile. I almost died of relief.

“Oppa… you came,” I beamed at him.

“I came,” he announced and took a seat beside me.

It was the most awkward moment I had for my entire short life. Both of us couldn’t speak a word. I kept staring at my shoes and chewing my lower lips and trying so hard not to look at him. But I have to say something, didn’t I?

“Hyo Na-ya…,” Soo Hyun Oppa called out first before I was able to say anything.

I gulped, and then answered. “Yes?”

“Uhh… about… about what happened the other night. It was…,” I held my breath. Let’s think positive, it might be a good thing. “… a mistake. Right?”

Oh…

Oh… a mistake.

It felt as if the ground I’ve been tapping for hours as I wait for him to come shattered into a million pieces. A mistake. He thought it was a mistake. I put up my hope way too high. I have flown too high and now I must fall painfully.

“Right, Hyo Na-ya? It was a mistake?” he said once again as a feel a double stab in my heart.

“I don’t know…,” I answered him.

The clouds rumbled one more time above our head and the rain started to fall. So does the rain in my heart as my tears started to welling up my eyes.

“Come…, It’s raining,” Soo Hyun Oppa took my hand and took me to his car for shelter. I just followed him helplessly. I felt hollow inside.

Right after the sound of his side of door closed up it was silent again, covering up like trying to choke us from within.

“Was it a mistake? Our kiss?” I finally found my voice.

It took him a hesitant moment before he answered. “It was.”

It broke my wall, those words. I cried.

“Hyo… Hyo Na-ya…,” Soo Hyun Oppa looked alarmed.

“I’m no good, aren’t I?” I tried to laugh. “I’m supposed to pretend to fall in love with you… but I really do. I fell in love. And it was a mistake.”

“Wh… what are you saying?” he looked like as if I was dropping a bomb.

“I love you…, can’t I just take you heart like Geun Young Onni did? Or… or did I just break my own heart?” I couldn’t stop the tears, his face was a blur now in my eyes.

“Hyo Na ya… this… this should not….,” he looked like he was trying to gulp something bitter in his throat. “I CAN’T!” he yelled at me. “I cannot do this,” he shook his head and started hitting the steer.

Ah, the pain in my heart. I never... never felt anything this painful. I could not breathe. I started to choke up. I needed air. I needed to get out of here. I could not be here.

I opened the car door and stepped out. Then I started to run.