SEOHYUN'S POV

Have you ever felt like the air you breath somehow suffocates you? Or like any minute your beating heart would suddenly jump from your chest? 

No amount of books can explain to me why I felt that way when I received the mission envelop that is telling me that my ‘marriage’ with Yong-oppa will come to a close. Books explained to me that you would feel crushed like there's this vicious knife stabbing repeatedly at your heart, but I felt different. I didn’t experienced the stabbing pain. The empty gap. And all the things those books tell. The only emotion running through me is...

Nothing.

Absolutely nothing. Like all my emotions suddenly turned numb and the only thing that entered my mind is I'm glad. I'm glad because I know that Oppa would have time for himself to rest because I would never forgive myself if he suddenly fainted because of me. His health is the most important for me. 


LIES....





LIES....






LIES... 





That day I told my unnies what happened. I told them that Oppa and I will soon part. I didn't even shed a single tear when all of them surrounded me and gave me a huge hug.

"It's alright, Hyunnie... It's alright..." I remember Hyoyeon-unnie telling me as she trace comforting circle at my back. I can't tell her I'm alright, she won't believe me. But I'm really fine with it. I'm fine with it...


LIES....

LIES....

LIES... 





March 14.... 




White Day (Our end)... 



This is one of the special day for couples to spend another time with each other. A time where according to my unnies, boys turn cheesy and they try to show how much they love their partners; A day where girls are considered the object of everybody's affection. 

Another first that I would spend with Oppa. Now that I think of it, Oppa awfully spends all of my first times. First couple things. First couple rings. First guy I came to get close to. First kiss. First... love? First... heartbreak? (I'm not really sure) And many other first in my life... If I would accuse Oppa something, I'll tell him he's really selfish. I mean how can other guys equate to the things he did with me. Who can be as patient as he is to me? Who Oppa?? 

Would recreating our memories make me see, who Jung Yonghwa really is in my life? Would it prove to me that I was not dreaming for a year and you're actually real? 

"Hyun! We need your signature for us to withdraw our account." You called me softly as I gave a smile and fluidly sign my name. 

"Thank you, Yonghwa-shi, Seohyun-shi. I hope you would once again transact with us." the teller told us and we return it with a soft "De." 

Oppa slowly roll our bills and faced me, "So, how are we going to spend our money? How about we run away, Joo Hyun?" 

"Eh~ Don’t joke like that, Oppa!" I can't help but feel my heart slowly stop. For some odd reason I want to say yes. I want to run away with him. I want to...

BUT I must never feel selfish. He comes first...

After a few hours, we met again. In the MBC lobby. The place that started it all. The start and the end of our journey... And for the first time, I felt my heart beating once again. Slowly… but it felt like its pounding. But I try to hide it with my laughs and jokes.

Empty

Empty

Empty

"Oppa! Aren't I going to pick someone who is going to be my husband?" I asked and Oppa look at me incredulously. "Yah, Hyu~n. You don't need to choose anymore because no matter what happens you'll always choose me. I know you that way." 

I laugh at his self-confidence while he scoffs at my reaction. "Come on, Joo Hyun. Give me your blanket!" 

"But Yong Oppa, what if I don't want to?"

"Jashik! If you don't give me that blanket I'll steal it!"

"I'm just joking, Yo~ng."

"Aish! Seriously, Hyu~n, you are giving me a heart attack." he told me as he held his blanket like a trophy. Suddenly, his triumphant grin turn into a small smile. Still looking at my (his) blanket, he softly asked, "Joo Hyun, if you ever turn back time... Would you still choose me?"

I look at him weirdly thinking that he's turning nuts with his questions. How can he even turn back time? But if ever I can really turn back time.... 


I would....



"De, Oppa. I'll still choose you." I suddenly felt a cloth cover my eyes before someone envelop my shoulder. A soft "Jashik" was all I heard followed by his loud laughter.


It was nearing 3:00AM when we arrived at FNC building. This is the first time I stayed up this late (adding to the list of first with him). I really missed that studio. It’s been too long since we came back here and it’s such a fun to tease Oppa. When I told him, I haven’t touched my guitar for so long I can feel his disappointment. But I guess, I can’t lie to him so long because he instantly knew that I played the guitar because it’s tuned.

When I suddenly heard the soft strum of his guitar, I can’t help but smile. “Falling Slowly. “

“Oppa, let’s play it!” I told him happily as I went to the piano. He gave me his smile and started strumming.

I don't know you

But I want you

All the more for that

Words fall through me

And always fool me

And I can't react

And games that never amount

To more than they're meant

Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home

We've still got time

Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice

You'll make it now I don't know you

I tried my best to stop my fingers from turning stiff and shaking. He just... he just...

I’m going to miss that stare. That voice. That smile...

HIM...

I was singing to Oppa one of his favorite SNSD song when the lights turned off and out came CNBLUE brother-in-laws. I can’t help but laugh as they try to reenact our first meeting. I can still remember as they snap their fingers while singing. Has it been that long already? Each one of them gave us (me) a message that really touches my heart. Those boys are really one of the most pure people I ever knew and I'm glad they become a part of my life.

They finally bid us farewell with Jungshin-chingoo joking, "Hyung don't do anything weird!"

"Yah!" Oppa screamed making all of us laugh. Jonghyun-oppa and Minhyuk drag their Jungshin-chingoo before Yo~ng kills him. They where almost outside when all three faced us expectantly and all of a sudden shouted,

"CAN WE STILL CALL YOU HYUNG-SOO-NIM?"

I suddenly felt a burst of emotion flow through my blood. Their question suddenly made my brain finally work after its unexpected shutdown. It's like the gear in my head is slowly turning, sending thousands of impulse in my head. I tried so hard to keep my emotions at bay as I gave them a shy smile; "Of course"

They happily bowed down to us before running out. No matter what happens after this I'll never forget them. However.... their outburst made me realize what is happening for the first time. It's like those movies when you are dying and a burst of memories flash through you. My early numbness suddenly hurt so much. Don't cry... don't cry. I repeatedly told myself. 

"Are you alright, Hyu~n?" 

No. I'm not alright. "Yes Oppa."

"I’m glad" He then went to fetch his guitar and sat down. Just like once upon a time when he sang me that song... 


When I first saw you, it was like a dream
Because of your smiles which are like that of an angel
If this you could become my love, what would I do
Just thinking about that had me feel so happy

I will let you know
I’m imagining you
Imagine you looking at a smiling me
You who are holding my hand~ Oh~ Oh~
Under a spell you become my love
Imagining you, imagining you sleeping in my arms
You’re kissing me~ Oh~ Oh~
Imagining sweetly

In a white house on a small green green hill
We are sitting on a yellow swing
I serve you morning coffee when you wake up in the morning

I imagine to be with you every day
Imagining myself holding you~ Oh~ Oh~
Imagining sweetly

Every day we can imagine our being the other’s half
We imagine that we become more and more alike
My dream will come true

I love you, be my love
I love you, I pluck up my courage and confess
Oh~ oh~
You’re my imagine love

It sounded great. I've actually heard it when he texted me and told me that his new CF came out. My unnies never stopped teasing me about the song telling how lucky I was for having him. I could feel his eyes look at me expectantly. 

"It was great, Oppa."

"Jashik. Is that all you have to say?" he asked and I can't help but laugh. "Are you trying to find compliments from me, Oppa?"

"Jashik."

You're great. I won't find anyone like you. I appreciate everything. I love this song. I...

"I really love this song Oppa. Seriously. I would even add it to my collection of songs from CNBlue."

"Promise?" He then gave me his pinky as I hook mine "Promise."

"Joo Hyun... Joo Hyun..." he softly called as he looks at our interlocked fingers. "De..."

He then shook his head and smirk, "It's nothing. So what did my buin prepare for me?"

"Ehh~ Why do you think I prepared something for you?" I teased that made him looked like a child deprived of a candy.

"Yah! I'm expecting a lot from you Hyu~n."

"I'm just joking, Yong-choding." Slowly, I fetch my (his) guitar and tried to focus on the song I've painstakingly learn. 
The first day that we met, I still remember that awkward meeting.

What words should I say, how should I reply.. I really worried a lot.

But a day passed, and then a month, and now a year,

I won't be able to forget those precious memories and have a final thing I want to say.

We will be able to speak banmal even though it's a bit awkward and unnatural.

Instead of thank you (formally) should I say it a bit more casually (banmal)?

We will be able to speak banmal, as I slowly draw closer.

Now, I will look into your two eyes and say it.. I love you.

I could feel his piercing stare when I was singing the song and when I'm already done he gave me a round of applause. 

"Hyu~n! You're really a genius! So pretty! Like a Goddess"

I'm going to miss that. The way he indulges me with compliments. All through out the show as well as the time we spend together outside or when he text and call he would never forgot to compliment me. Even to the simplest things I do. I feel like I was a bit unfair to him. He continuously tries to erase my insecurities with thousands of compliments but I didn't even return it as much. It seems I still lack a lot to become a good wife and now I can't change my action anymore. There's no more time. And the only thing I can give him is the way I would talk Banmal.

Too Late...

Too Late...

Too Late...

I may have started awkward with my Banmal but as I continue to talk to him and his smile growing more and more... I can’t help but feel why I didn’t try it before. Why did I only start now? Why is Oppa still accommodating and praising the lacking me? Why...

It was nearing 4:00AM and the filming is about to end. As we rode in his red car, I still can’t believe he has a license and a car already, and was having fun exchanging small talks. Never did once did we encounter an awkward silence. This time I hope beyond hope that time would stop. 

I know that the only thing that is ending is this show. Maybe I'm even being overly dramatic because I believe in Oppa and I know (I hope) that he would still call and text me. However, this show is our escape and excuse to relax and have fun. This show is one of those concrete things that made us see each other. This show is our bridge to each other. I know that when I arrive at my door, seeing and going out with each other would be scarce to none. Fans would misunderstand. 

Our relationship. Oppa and I, is an unknown blurred lines. It's like we are best friends stepping towards the side of being lovers. I'm still unsure between the difference between like and love but one thing I'm sure of is Yong Oppa is in the middle of the two. I like him very much but I'm not sure if it already reached the stage of love. I mean how would you know if you already love someone? I may have an idea between the difference between love and like but... Do I already love him?

He broke my reverie when he suddenly asked me, “What are you going to do, Seo Joo Hyun? What are you going to do with your life without me? It's boring.”

I can’t help but stop and only answered, “I know...”

I know that I would feel that there’s a certain void that you would left me. I know that I won’t smile like before without you making jokes at me. I know that I won’t be as free as I can be without you... I know, Oppa... I know...

"Hyu~n. Give me your hand" he suddenly said after a few minutes of silence from his heavy question. I looked at him as his eyes focused at the road in front of him, a serious look etched in his handsome face.

Reluctantly, I gave him my right hand. I can't help but feel afraid that he might be returning the ring I gave him. Unconsciously, I closed my hand into a fist and I heard him laugh at what I did. 

"I'm not going to return MY ring, Joo Hyun. You gave this to me so basically I own this." he reassured me as if reading my thoughts, "Didn't I told you already? No one knows you like I do." 

I hit him in his shoulder at his teasing before surrendering my hands.

I trust you. 

He then held my hand and I felt a cold metal lying beneath our hands as he laced our fingers. 

"It's my gift to you, Hyun but don't look at it until we part. Thank you for being a part of Jung Yonghwa's life." he whispered. Seemingly wishing that the camera would not see our exchange. Shakily, I let go of his hands and slip his gift in my bag. 

04:00 AM.

We arrive at our dorm. Like Cinderella, the fairytale would end at the strike of midnight but this is not a fairytale. This is Reality. 

"I guess this is the en-" 

"No Hyun... This is goodbye to our virtual marriage but, it will be the start of our real journey. " He told me seriously as he held both my hands as if he doesn't want to let me go but then he stepped back and bowed, 

"Annyeonghaseyo, Jung Yonghwa imnida." 

Taking a deep breath, "It's nice to meet you. I'm Seo Joo Hyun... makne-... no... I mean I'm Seo Joo Hyun.... just Seo Joo Hyun." 

"Joo Hyun... I hope we would become very good friends." I also wish for that to come true and maybe someday even more than that stage. I then gave him a bow before turning away from him. 

Step by step, I feel like the cold air is impending my functions to breathe but I don't want to look back because even if we promised ourselves to start anew, it still hurts. My heartbeat seems to pound in my head and as I enter our dorm all of my unnies are wide-awake. Finally my walls broke and I slid down and cry... 

I felt everyone rush to my side and I found myself envelop in Hyoyeon's embrace, "There... there Seohyunnie... It's alright" 

But the tears just won't stop. I would miss my Yong. My Yong-choding. I'm not even sure if we could really stay in touch. He would be busy filming and as much as I would support him and adore Shinhye-unnie, it still hurts to know that he would have another girl to take care of. 

It hurts... 

It hurts... 




It hurts... 




Carefully they lead me to my room. "Rest yourself, maknae. I even asked Hyoyeon to sleep in my room so you would not be disturbed. Rest." Taeyeon-unnie said before she closed my door softly. I'm thankful for my unnies for their understanding and help. 

Dragging myself, I change into my pajamas before searching for my bag. I soon found the small metal box that Oppa gave me. Slowly, I opened it and a folded paper fell and beneath it was a chain. 

Picking the letter, it said: 

TO  HYUN,

Hello! If you are already reading this then that means our marriage has already ended and I bet my buin-ah is already crying and missing her nampyeon. kekeke. But don't worry, your nampyeon misses you too. Also, Oppa is sorry that we did not finish our list of things to do during our marriage but don't worry. Trust Yong! I will do my best to grant our list one by one. I'm really happy to have met you. By the way, the chain in the box is for our ring. You know how I always lose things. That's why I've decided to have a couple chain with you. I always wish you all the best. Girls Generation Hwaiting! 

From Yong-seobang.. 

PS: I'll call you once I wake up so rest now so you can answer my call. kekeke.

Daintily, I picked up the silver chain in all my crying mess, I laugh and berate myself. I'm being stupid for worrying. I guess I'm not all that brilliant, Yong. I trust Oppa fully and I know that he consider me important. And I believe he... WE... would do what ever we can to meet each other. 

This... I guess is the real start of our relationship...

-----

Yonghwa's POV (coming soon)