The light of the rising sun warms Woohyun’s face causing him to wake from his slumber. Unconsciously his hand searches for the once usual warmth beside him but he finds nothing. He’s alone in his bed and that thought alone is enough for the sleepiness to leave his body. It has been for the last month. He sits up and with small hope looks to his right. Sure enough, it’s an empty space. Sighing, he swings his legs to meet the cold wood floor making him shiver.  With a blank face, he begins his routine of getting ready for school and leaves at 9 to make it to his 9:45 lecture first and avoid any unwanted events.

Walking to school alone is still something he is not used to and the warm touch of skin that once used to fill his hand is no longer there. He pulls his scarf closer to make create his own warmth. He is one the first to arrive in the large lecture hall and makes his away to the seat at the front; no one sits here anyway so it makes it perfect. He pulls out his notebook and pen getting ready for notes though there are still ten minutes before class begins. Pushing his ear buds into his ears he ignores the bodies that start to flood the seats behind him, ignoring anyone who looks his way. ‘Shutting your eyes to feign sleep is the best way to avoid looking at someone,’ he thinks and follows this advice but he still sees their faces behind his eyelids. He feels a jolt in his body and though his mind is telling him not to open his eyes, he does anyway and watches as his former love walks past him without a single glance at him. His body betrays him though; his back is too straight, jaw set, hands clutching the book in his hand tightly and lips are in a sealed to a straight line. Woohyun looks away and checks the time, [9:40am] right on the dot. As the memories begin to slip of times when this was time to arrive he quickly blinks away the images away and shifts into seat. The professor then enters, the lecture starts and his pen flies across the paper.

When the lecture is being wrapped up, Woohyun puts his things away as quickly as possible and is the first to leave the room. Everyone wants to leave of course, but no one as much as he does. Woohyun makes his way to the campus café and exits with a warm latte in his hands. Sipping slowly to avoid his tongue from being burnt, he makes his way toward the social sciences building for his next class. It’s late November and Woohyun has never been happier for the semester to end. Sitting near the entrance of said building, he watches the campus start to wake with students. Some are still dragging their feet while others are bustling about with papers and books threatening to cascade out of their hands. Then he catches sight of flaming red hair. Sunggyu walks with another person latched on his waist and smiles widely. ‘That’s a real smile,’ Woohyun thinks and though he happy to see him smiling, his heart aches to know it’s not at him. He watches as Sunggyu scratches the other male under his chin and when Sunggyu begins looking his way, Woohyun stands abruptly. It’s never been bad to be early to class, even if it is thirty minutes early.

His class passes by as quickly as the notes are jotted down by every student present and it’s noon by now. The sky is no longer as dark as it was but a cloudy white. Woohyun begins to feel hungry and decides to eat out. He orders a small club sandwich at a stuffy coffee shop and downs another cup of caffeine. Walking alone again, it’s the reverse of this morning and Woohyun can’t help but wonder what he’s doing with his life. What his life was before Sunggyu? Oh yeah, nothing.  His friends rarely contact him anymore but that’s mostly his fault because anytime they try to get him to go out, he declines. Another reason is that most of his group of friends is also Sunggyu’s friends.

He gets home and kicks off his shoes and puts his bag into his room. It’s still bright out, if you can call it that, and Woohyun decides he should study. Mostly for distraction though than trying to pass his class which he already is. Two hours later after being curled up in his sofa, he looks up from his text book and glances at the clock on the wall.

[6:15]

A month ago, Sunggyu would be going through the door any minute now and Woohyun would be at the kitchen preparing dinner. Sunggyu would be circling his arms around Woohyun’s waist and kissing the back of his neck and Woohyun would lean into his touch while stirring whatever he cooked that night. They would eat and talk about whatever was going on among their friends or events that occurred during class and then settle into the couch to watch some TV or a movie. But today, he can only stare at the door praying silently to see Sunggyu stumble through that doorway. Praying to see his face and a smile directed at him. Pray for him to come back. Only he doesn’t and Woohyun knows that he won’t. So he looks away and turns on the television to zone out. He tries not to think though the attempt is futile.  Sighing, he tries to pay attention again to whatever is going and it actually works this time. A sappy chick flick that is playing is the only reason though and in the back of his head he knows he’ll cry at scene every chick flick has where the main girl breaks down due to her ‘confusing and stressful’ life. And sure enough, an hour later he’s clutching into the throw pillow and crying as the girl on the screen cries in the rain.

When the movie ends he feels jealousy at the fact that he doesn’t have his happy ending. ‘Movies aren’t fair,’ he thinks, ’they always send the wrong message.’ Changing into his pyjamas and getting ready for bed has become something he began to dread and look forward to. It’s still sort of early for bed however that doesn’t matter when you’re alone. He lays in bed in the dark staring at the ceiling. Nighttime is probably the time when every human being is mentally weak and he’s no different from them at this moment. Immediately his thoughts run to Sunggyu and cling to his memory; his touches, smile, voice, eyes. Tears sting at the corner of his eyes as he remembers when they would curl up together in the same lonely bed he is in now and how they would just talk. He rolls over from his side and buries his face into the pillow beside his. Sunggyu’s scent is still present, honey shampoo and vanilla lotion. Pulling the pillow into his arms he lies back onto his side and clutches tightly to the scent. Shutting his eyes with tears now rolling down the sides of his face he begins to pray again:

‘God, I don’t know you’re if you’re there or not and

 I’ve never really been all that nice or good in life.

And I don’t always believe in you or go to church.        

Heck I’m gay and you are probably going to send me

to hell for that alone but please, I’m begging you,

 give me strength because, I don’t think I can go on any

 longer without him. I’m no longer living.

Just trying to survive. Please give me a sign of what to do next

because I can’t bring myself to do anything at all.

Please God, amen.’

Woohyun opens his eyes but slowly falls asleep with the scent of Sunggyu present and for once he does not toss.

-0-0-

The next morning is no different from the one before. Woohyun wakes with the smell Sunggyu still fresh in his nose and though he doesn’t want to get up, he does anyway. Right as he begins to leave he notices the sound of the children that live down the hall of his apartment. ‘What?’  Confused by their presence he checks his phone.

[9:00am; Saturday]

Of course he’d forget it is Saturday. They days practically blend together these days. Sighing, he retreats into his home again. Placing his bag back to its place, he looks at the kitchen with desperation. He doesn’t feel like eating home again. He swiftly gets his wallet and keys and walks out. When he’s outside, he notices how empty the streets are. ‘Of course they are Woohyun, they don’t forget its Saturday.’ He rolls his eyes in annoyance of his own thoughts as he walks to a small diner nearby. When he is seated at the back corner he remembers how many times he and Sunggyu would go to this diner and feels dread as their usual ‘ajumma’ waitress walks toward him with a smile. He thinks about walking out but guilt settles quickly when he hears her squeal in delight.

“Ahh~! My ‘son’ Woohyun! It’s such a pleasure to see you, sweetie.” Her smile is blinding and warm and Woohyun relaxes until he hears the question she asks, “Where’s Sunggyu dear?”

Woohyun doesn’t look at her as he replies, “He’s not coming. We’re not together…”

He feels a sturdy pat on his shoulder. “I’m sure he will see way to you again, honey. I prayed for you babies to stay together you see! Asked the man upstairs to spare you sweet souls from grief!  We’ve sixty five years together, so he better not fail me now!” she laughs as she walks away.

She calls from the back, “I’ll get you the usual,” and despite his current status, he cannot help but smile at the old lady’s antics. Settling back into his booth, he stares at his hands. He hears the ding of the door and pays not acknowledge to it but soon he feels someone’s eyes on him causing him to look up. Beside the booth stands Sunggyu with his hands in his pockets wearing a mildly surprised expression. Neither makes a move, including Woohyun who yearns to reach out to him. Right when Sunggyu seems to be turning to leave, the ajumma comes back hurriedly.

“Ah! Sunggyu! I knew you would come! Sit, sit!” she ushers a baffled Sunggyu to sit across from Woohyun who can only stare at the man across him. “The food’s coming soon so I’ll be back in a bit!”

Neither of them notices the old woman walk away with a smile upon her face. Sunggyu isn’t looking at Woohyun directly, more like at the seat beside him. Sunggyu fidgets under the heavy gaze on him making him speak first.

“Don’t look at me like that.” He’s not looking at Woohyun who notices the red tints that fill Sunggyu’s cheeks.

“Why are you here?” it comes out a lot more desperate than Woohyun had intended for it to come out but it’s out there so it doesn’t matter. Sunggyu keeps silent as if hesitating before continuing.

“I miss this place,” he starts. “And I…I had this thing, feeling if you will, that I needed to come here. And I didn’t expect to see you here at all.”

Silence settles again. Woohyun looks away now and stares at the faux wood in front of him. He can see Sunggyu tug at his sweater sleeve; Sunggyu does that when he’s nervous.

“We…we need to talk about what happened.” Sunggyu is looking straight at him this time but Woohyun can’t seem to meet his eyes. “Woohyun.”

‘My name sounds best when you say it,’ concludes Woohyun’s mind. Woohyun looks up at him and nods silently. A small smile graces Sunggyu’s features and Woohyun’s heart flutters. Food begins arriving and it’s more than they used to order. As the ajumma places the dishes down she comments, “Woohyun looks so thin and fragile now. What happened to you? Are you getting sick or something? You darn kid are just skin and bones!”

Woohyun pats his face and does feel his cheek bones more than he used to, “I don’t think I am...”

“I pray not,” adds Sunggyu and throws a smile at Woohyun who can’t help but smile back as the ajumma continues her teasing. They don’t talk then. But they will and inside Woohyun prays for their relationship to come together again. 

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a/n: thanks for sticking around lol. i've got more paper drafts for these prompts so maybe i'll update soon again? hope you enjoyed the update<3 cr.to owner of pic.

edit: had to edit some stuff omg. embarrassing >.<