The first time is happens, Dongwoo lets it slide.

They’re at Hoya’s family reunion party to which Dongwoo was begged to go to because Hoya didn’t want to be alone. They had been going out for almost three months though they had years of history as friends in their past. Hoya was called by his grandmother her across the room to accompany her. Hoya always described her as a kind and adventurous person so Dongwoo isn’t too worried to go along. Hoya drags Dongwoo by his hand as they settle on the loveseat beside her armchair. When she notices Dongwoo besides Hoya, she turns to Hoya in question.

“And who’s this handsome young man, Hoya?” Dongwoo grins widely and waits for an introduction.

“Ohhh, it’s Dongwoo. He’s my best friend.”

Dongwoo’s smile falters for a second before he composes himself again. It’s understandable. Older generations wouldn’t understand well, he thinks. He smiles warmly at the old grandmother who is immediately charmed by him. As they converse, Dongwoo feels Hoya’s hand grip tighten on his. A silent apology Dongwoo recognizes and he squeezes his hand back in return. They never talk about it after because it really doesn’t matter then anyway.

-

The second time it happens is when they’re studying at the library for midterms that are coming up. As they clean up for after a previous student, a boy with a sharp nose and rough-looking hands, who is also tidying up besides them, approaches them.

“Hello! I’m Woohyun, and this is my friend Sunggyu.” He emphasizes the word ‘friend’ as he catches the hand of a quiet older looking boy who is holding a cup of black coffee on his other hand behind him.  Sunggyu smiles at them and they smile back.

“Hoya,” he says. “And this is my friend Dongwoo.”

No emphasis. Dongwoo swallows back the disappointment building up in the back of his throat and greets the couple. After a couple of hours of studying together it becomes clear that Hoya and Dongwoo are together. They are sitting across each other when Woohyun jokingly scolds Hoya asking, “Why did you say you guys were just friends earlier then?” to which Hoya replies with a simple, “It just slipped out.”

Dongwoo looks away from Hoya accidentally catching the gaze that is set on him. Sunggyu gives him an understanding smile and Dongwoo feels like he’s felt whatever he’s feeling now before. He smiles weakly.

Woohyun and Sunggyu retreat to their apartment late at night after making plans to meet for dinner after midterms. Hoya and Dongwoo bid their farewells and walk home in silence. Dongwoo stares at the ground ahead when he feels the warmth of Hoya’s hand slip into his own. He feels a tight squeeze. ‘I’m sorry.’

It doesn’t need to be said like always. Dongwoo knows Hoya was never one to speak his mind easily. He gently caresses the back of Hoya’s hand with his thumb. ‘It’s okay.’

-

The last time it happens it breaks Dongwoo’s heart more than it should. Or at least that’s what he thinks.

They’re 8 months into their relationship by now. It’s a late Thursday night. They’re sitting together at home watching a cheesy action movie on the couch when Hoya’s phone begins to rings. Dongwoo doesn’t think much of it before he watches Hoya’s eyes widen. Uncertainty tightens in Dongwoo’s chest. Hoya, who was previously leaning against Dongwoo, moves to the other side of the small couch trying to put space between them. Dongwoo realizes his heart is tightening as it beats against his ribcage.

“Hello? Yeah it’s me. ..” Hoya doesn’t look at him. Dongwoo’s eyebrows furrow in confusion. “Ah...Nah. It’s fine…I’m with a friend.”

Crack.

Dongwoo remembers the night Hoya laid beside him under the moon at the park.  Hoya described Dongwoo as a steel warrior with a porcelain heart. He promised to protect it as Dongwoo passed it onto his hands. Dongwoo continues to stare at the explosions on the screen with a blank expression. He strains his ears to listen over the gunshots that seem to be aiming at his heart. 

“Haha, I know. It’s been a while. Yeah. I know. Me too.” Hoya is absently picking at the string that’s sticking out from the sofa’s arm as he suppresses a smile.

Another crack is heard in Dongwoo’s ears.

It seems the bullets were well aimed. 

Dongwoo’s grip tightens on the control as he tries holding it from letting it drop. He blinks, and then shakes his head in bitter amusement. ‘Funny’, he thinks, ‘I’m literally trying to hold on to control.’ Hoya is laughing loudly with whoever’s at the other end of the line. Dongwoo feels something trickles from the cracks on his heart. He realizes that he can’t hold his emotions inside if his heart is cracked so he stands up quietly. Hoya doesn’t turn. He sets the control down and makes his way to the door trying to slip on his shoes as quick as possible. Hoya is smiling now, his cheeks tinted pink. When the door clicks open, Hoya turns to him. Dongwoo doesn’t want to see his face. He pulls the door hard before breaking into a run. Hoya’s voice echoes in his ears as he runs through the deserted street.

‘Wait! Dongwoo!’

A/n: I had a lot of feels when writing this. Got mad at myself for making Dongwoo sad tbh. Thank you for reading :)