O2 // [ T W O ]

2.

✉

I cursed under my breath as I d under my pillows, finding for my phone that was vibrating. The stupid phone that woke me up. I should've switched it off before I went to bed. I should do that tonight.

I finally got the stupid device in my hand and unlocked it. My wallpaper was still a photo of us. The first photo we took together. The photo that you insisted we shouldn't take because you said you'd look horrible in it. I checked my inbox and found that there was no text from you, but there was a text from your brother.

I opened the message.

'I know you broke up with my brother, and believe it or not, he's pissing me off. The state that he's in- he's broken and lost without you. He would come home drunk and I know you're the overly jealous type but he has no other friends that would accompany him other than Yoonji. I'm sure he didn't sleep with her because... well, he keeps pushing away despite her only helping him. He still loves you, a lot. Please, just forgive him for whatever he did?'

I locked my phone, my brain too tired to process whatever he just said. I was too tired for anything. Yes I am selfish, but I warned him at the starting that I would hurt him, break him and throw him one day but with that stupid gummy smile of his, he accepted me anyway.

Stupid Yongguk.

Due to my previous relationship, it was hard to trust anyone anymore. I didn't know why I accepted Yongguk. Maybe I was lonely and sad. I'm just taking advantage of his kindness. I cursed myself again and again.

I felt tears roll down my cheeks. I was cheated, played and made fun of by the guy I loved so much.

My first love.

He's happy with someone else now, that I'm sure of.

And one day, Yongguk will find someone like that too. Someone who can make him smile. Someone that can make him laugh. Someone who will understand him. Someone different from me. Someone who will love him so much, just like how he'll love her.

I just wanted someone to break this shell that's covering my heart. I want Yongguk to do it, but at the same time, I'm so scared. I don't want to open up to anyone because in the end, I'll die alone. Yes, in life, in truth, we're always alone.

I was sobbing as I curled up in my bed.

He used to come over and cuddle with me on this bed. His scent still lingers.

Yongguk, not my first love. First loves are unforgettable, that I know, but I don't love him anymore. My mind is filled with Yongguk now and it hurts.

I just want him to be more persistant and accept this selfish side of me. I'll change when I'm ready and it might take years to change this selfish, possessive and overly jealous side of me but I want him to wait. I want him and only him to be the one.

As I got up, I felt pain hit my head like a hammer. I groaned and went to the bathroom, trying not to hit anything as I made my way there slowly. I looked into the mirror, staring at those swollen eyes and puffy cheeks. I sighed and washed my face.

Is it going to rain again today?

I washed up and looked out of the window. Yes, it is going to rain. I cursed again and got ready. I wore my thick jacket as I grabbed the umbrella he gave me. It was a simple red umbrella but I treasured it.

I walked out of my apartment and felt a drop of water hit my right cheek. I sighed and opened the umbrella. I slowly made my way to his house. To be honest, I was nervous and I'm not sure if he would be home.

As I was about two meters away from the house, I saw Yoonji hugging Yongguk under her umbrella. I'm not sure what she said but he wasn't smiling, to my great relief. She was obviously into him and I felt a pang of jealousy hit me.

I waited for her to walk away but for half an hour, under the rain that I detest the most, I stood there, wondering what I should say. I didn't know what to say to him, how to apologize or how to explain to him about everything.

As I was right outside his house, I texted him, telling him to get his out.

I watched as the door fly open as he ran over to me in the rain. Because of his strength and the way he hugged me, I dropped the umbrella he gave me. This reminds me of a drama scene.

We didn't exchange any words but just felt each other's warmth in the cold weather. We were both soaked and he finally pulled back. I looked up at him, not wanting him to pull back at all. He looked deep into my eyes as I pulled him in for a kiss.

A kiss that explained everything that I wanted to say.

A kiss that screamed, 'forgive me'.

A kiss that said, 'I will wait for you'.

A kiss that said, 'I will accept you'.

A kiss that said, 'I'll always love you'.

That's how I fell in love with the rain.