::::::::::

Life.

A motive for living.

I never had a motive for living.

I wasn't living life.

I was suicidal.

I was helpless.

I hated myself.

I hated my father.

My father abused me.

I hated my mother.

My mother never stood up for me, she never cared for me.

I hated my eldest and youngest brothers, Kwang Ho and Tae Hyun.

They never stood up for me, they never cared for me.

No one cared for me.

Except my middle brother, Dae Hyun.

He saved me from committing suicide.

He saved me from insanity.

He saved me from myself.

He was my hero.

He was the only one that ever showed love to me.

He was the only one that truly cared for me.

He was the only one who was there for me.

:::::::

That was the past.

That was before.

Now, I have someone special in my life.

Now, I have someone who loves me.

Now, I have a reason to live for.

Music comforted me.

Dae Hyun saved me.

But it seemed the harder I clung to those two, the farther they distanced themselves from me.

During the darkest time of my past, both did not save me.

During the time I needed help the most, they weren't there.

But he was.

Kikwang, my lovely boyfriend.

Yes, Kikwang of BEAST, the famous idol group.

But to me, he's my savior, my boyfriend, and my everything.

I opened up to him and he did not reject me.

He gave me love, life, and hope.

::::::::::

But now that my past is my past, living life must be easier, right?

Wrong.

Now that my eyes have been opened,

The walls of my heart brought down,

And my spirit lifted,

There are other complications of life.

Friendships, school, love.

And, for me, the biggest of them all:

The future.

What will you do with your life?

Where will you go for college?

Where will you apply for a job?

Will you get married?

Will you have kids?

Well, okay.

Maybe not that far but somewhere along those lines.

It's frustrating, really.

To think about the future.

Sometimes, I just want to curl up in a corner and sleep forever.

Never wake up.

Never deal with all these problems.

Just living in your own dream world, where everything is at your command.

Sometimes, I wish life was like that.

But sadly, it isn't.

Life is hard.

How can I make it through?

How can I keep living?

I found my reason to live.

But what happens if it disappears one day?

:::::::::::

Just a warning: There might be some parts that certain people may become uncomfortable with. This story is written at a much lighter tone than The Misconception but there are still several dark spots. If you are not comfortable with reading this story when those dark times do come, you are free to stop reading at any point in time.