That day was different than any other days. Sungjong kept reading the paper in his hand. It was his hand writing, with every words were carefully chose. He was glad the sky was bright enough to help him read in the dark condition. He peeked to the down side of his shared-bunk-bed with Hoya and found out his favourite hyung was already sound asleep with his earphone connected to random hiphop songs in his purple laptop.

The pretty boy then glanced at the wall clock inside the room. It was 3 in the morning and his eyes didn’t feel heavy at all. He shoved back the paper under his pillow, didn’t want to look at it anymore. The meeting with the company two days ago really bothered him, thus made him ignored his sleeping time.

When the CEO announced that they will promote Woohyun as solo artist this time, a major heart pain instantly hit his heart. It started a year ago when Woolim gave Sunggyu chances to make a mini solo album and the reaction was outrageous. Fans love it and the album immediately became a hit. Not long after that, the company debut Infinite sub-unit called Infinite-H that gave spotlight to the two main rappers of the group, Dongwoo and Hoya, and again the fresh hip-hop music brought by the two Infinite members made their album a total hit.

Sungjong stared blankly at the ceiling, thinking whether he made the right choice to become a singer. Well, he didn’t blame the CEO at all since Infinite has two main vocals and he never doubt his hyungs singing abilities. Immersed in his own thought, he didn’t even realized when he felt in the deep sleep.

__________________________________________________________________________________

When the news about Woohyun upcoming solo album broke out to the fans, the reaction was pretty much the same with Sunggyu. Sungjong stared at his handphone, his hand trembled a bit as he was nervous about something. He quietly walked inside his room to avoid all of his hyungs and spend sometime alone.

Slowly, he climbed the ladder of his bunk-bed and landed on his favourite and comfortable bed. He shifted his attention back to the phone in his hand.

It will be the same like a year ago. He said in his mind and all the memories played back.

Flashback

Without knowing anything, the cute boy opened his SNS and it was flooded with many messages.

Sungjong, please be strong!

Sungjong and Sungyeol, you know I love you right?

Sungjong and Sungyeol oppa, please have a solo song too.

He got confused as what is actually happening and keep scrolling down.

Sunggyu really deserved solo album. I think Infinite will do fine even without Sungjong and Sungyeol.

Flashback end

Sungjong opened his eyes and breathe heavily at the past nightmare. He don’t want to remembered it, yet he can’t forgot it at the same time. He was dumb enough to find himself log in to the popular social site again, just to see the fans reaction.

Sungjong oppa, what do we do, Sungyeol oppa was doing well this days. Oppas be strong!

Sungjong oppa, I love you. I hope you didn’t upset.

He read some of the messages. Pabo fan. Why you keep cheering for me? What did I do that you keep supporting me?

The tears slowly flowed down his flawless skin. Why did this world consist of many nice people that are completely stranger to him? He didn’t like the fact that fans confronted him since it made him feel bad. He felt guilty for not able to do anything for the fans. His hand quickly wiped away his tears as he hates to be a weak person. Sungyeol have been doing well ever since he became a permanent member of one of the popular reality shows at KBS TV. Myungsoo have got a new drama role, and he finally became the main cast. It left only him. He never did anything to Infinite. He believes he has no talent at all as all the memories came back to him.

The hyungs totally made fun of him when he got the lowest point at the karaoke game in Infinite Ranking King. “Are you even a singer?” Sunggyu said while laughed hardly. Sungjong know the leader didn’t mean it but he felt somewhat, hurt. Eventually he can’t help but feel that he didn’t have enough talent in singing.

When talking about dancing, it definitely about Hoya and Dongwoo. He was nowhere near their talent. The time his pride was hurt so much was when he lost to Myungsoo in dancing battle. Everyone can see it since it was broadcast in Sesame Player. The hyungs flicked his head as a punishment and he need to smile. Everytime he thinks about it, he felt dumb.

Variety shows? He’s not as funny as other members. Yes,at early of his debut, he was actually really funny for showing his divaness style but as soon as he turned 20, Sungjong decided that he need to become more matured and manly to gain more love from the fans. Thus, another episode happened in his life where he became a boring and less entertaining person.

“Sungjong, if you see the broadcast later, your part will only be opening and closing,” Woohyun mocked him at the closing filming for Infinite Brain King. He had tried his best but his hyungs shined more than him, resulting in less screen time for him.

 He was the earliest member that debuted in the drama for kids channel but all the recognition went to Myungsoo as he began to get many drama roles. Sungjong was only remembered as lemon candy boy rather than as actor and this didn’t give enough justice to him.

His thought was disturbed when the door of his room opened.

“Sungjong, what are you doing?” Hoya came in and peeked at Sungjong on the upper bed. The latter quickly shoved the phone in his pocket and get up. “Just surfing some stuff. Did Woohyun hyung already gone to his solo recording?” The pretty boy tried to shift the subject.

“Yeah, he’s gone from this early morning,” Hoya said.

“Then no one going to cook us lunch,” Sungjong uttered while climbing down the ladder.

“Hyung, do you want to go out for lunch together?” Sungjong asked after he has reached the same level as the purple maniac boy.

“I’m sorry Sungjong. I and Dongwoo hyung have to attend appointment with Tiger JK hyung. Dongwoo already arrived there.”

Sungjong narrowed his eyes after heard the answered. “It’s okay.” He still managed to sound cheerful. Isn’t that his speciallity? Stay bright though his heart was a complete darkness.

The younger walked away to find his other hyung in the living room, but he met with shocked when no one there. Everyone has personal schedule except him, he was completely forgotten.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Today he was alone again. Their apartment was dull and quite since he was the only occupant there. Sungjong took his laptop and opened it, chose the right folder to open and finally the sight of what he want to watch appeared.   

Sesame Player. The one which he was really immature and bullied a lot by his hyung. He chuckled when there’s a scene when he managed to lock out Sungyeol and searched for his stuff. The ending of that was not really beautiful though.

After spending two hours watching all the episodes (he kept forward to his favourite part), He chose another file. Infinite Ranking King. Ah, its the one when I got a lover-dovey hyung-dongsaeng relationships with Myungsoo hyung. He smiled at the thought.

After spending a lot of time watching all of his moment with his hyungs, he shut off the laptop and walked to his room. His hand quickly reached for the paper, or to be exact a letter under his pillow. He stared at the letter that he wrote a week ago.

I’m sorry hyung, but I guess this is it. He bit his lips to control his emotion and quickly folded back the letter. Sungjong has made a decision after thought about it for quite sometime. He has to admit that he has no place in the industry. This was his the fourth year as Infinite member and he think he has had enough. The boy pretty sure his hyung will be fine without him and they can even survive when they go to their individual path. What did he become then? He will be forgotten of course.    

Sungjong can still control his emotion when he opened his closet. The drawer in the closet was opened giving the sight of colourful letter in there. His hand was shaking as he took all the letters and read it again. It’s the fan letter that they wrote especially to him. He read it one by one when his tears started to flow down and they became heavier as he moved from one letter to another.

I’m sorry. I cannot do anything for you. He said between the hiccups, and kissed all of it. The letters were shoved to his bag and he started to pack all of his things.

Sungjong checked all of his belonging to make sure nothings left. He looked back at the letter and read it for the last time. He admit that he lied about some of it since he didn’t want his hyungs to know about the real reasons of his departure.