My name is Byunghun. That's what everyone calls me. Well everyone who doesn't really know me at least. My friends, family and of course Chunji all call me L. Joe. I like that name better, it makes me sound cool, like I'm a bad boy gangster or something. Normally when I say that everybody just laughs at me, but Chunji just smiles and nods his agreement.

He thinks I'd make a really good bad boy gangster.

In case you can't tell Chunji and I are pretty close. Without any doubts I'd say he's my best friend in the world. He has been for as long as I can remember.

We met when we were really young, my mum told me. In fact, it's all thanks to her that me and Chunji are even friends. Chunji knows that too, but he's never once managed to get up the nerve to thank her.

He's shy, but its okay, I know my mum understands.

She always understands. Or at least she tries to. Lately I don't think she's being as understanding as she could be. I think, after all this time, she's starting to forget that I know Chunji well: that we're friends. That may seem like an odd thing to think, I suppose but it's the closest I can get to being able to explain how things have become as of late.

I'm 17 years old, and one of the smallest kids in my class. Both in height and in build. You don't have to worry about me though. I'm a pretty fun guy, so its not like the other kids push me around or anything. In fact, I'm actually quite well known, though I wish I wasn't. It wouldn't be so bad if I was well-known for being myself, but the reason I'm so famous is because of Chunji.

I don't like that, because that means that Chunji is famous around our school.

He hates it too, and I don't blame him. He's had it really rough for as long as I've known him. He's told me, more than once that I'm his only friend. Whenever he says that it makes me feel angry and guilty. Angry because it isn't fair, and guilty, because my earliest memory of us entails me telling him I hated him. I don't know if Chunji remembers back that far, but even if he did, he'd understand.

Chunji always understands. Better than mum even.

Mum says that we met when I was 1 and a half years old. I have to take her word on that. Chunji must've been 5 years old at the time. I know, bit of an , right? That's part of the whole problem.

You see, we met in the midst of a scientific experiment. I know, weird right? That's always the first thing that makes people's eyebrows raise when they find out about me and Chunji. Trust me, it doesn't get any better from here on out. If you think we're both psychopaths this is probably the point when we should part ways.

Sorry to be so abrupt but I get so tired of listening to other people make comments about my friendship with Chunji that I've decided it'll be much better for everyone involved if I sever ties with people who can't accept us, before they even begin.

You see Chunji has some problems. He's had them for so long no one really knows how they started, or what Chunji would be like without them. To say he is shy is an understatement. See, Chunji has some sort of anxiety condition. He freaks out in public situations because he always wants to make a good impression on other people. Or at least that's how I always think of it. Chunji tells me that it's kind of hard to explain.

Anyway, his condition made it very difficult for him to make friends. He wasn't used to hanging around kids his own age, or any kids at all really. His parents thought he was old enough to enter pre-school, but he had a lot of trouble adapting. He didn't make any friends while he was there, and the other kids for being so quiet and shy. That only made his anxiety worse, and made it harder for him to talk to the other kids in this viciously repeating cycle. Chunji started to get depressed, and started acting out, and his parents got worried enough to take him for treatment.

Chunji got a primary diagnosis of severe social isolation. He was also diagnosed with depression but they didn't find out about Chunji's anxiety disorder until later on. Chunji was really shy and couldn't explain himself properly to the adults about why he couldn't make friends.

It wasn't his fault.

So his parents were advised that in cases such as these, there was a particular treatment program that had shown some promising results. They said the only way that Chunji might be able to recover from his condition was if they signed him up for a treatment program being run through the local university. I think that was only because they didn't have any friends with small children though.

But anyway, that's where we met.

Chunji remembers things about those days, but I was too young. Everything I know I heard from either my mum or Chunji. But that's okay, I've heard the stories so many times, I think I almost developed memories of those early days together.

I was just a baby, for all intents and purposes back then. My mum signed me up for the study. She saw an advertisement on campus, when she was there taking a 4 week course. It asked for those with healthy, well-adjusted children between 1 and 2. My mum couldn't resist, and called them that same day.

Whenever I feel like teasing her I comment about the fact that she was prepared to serve up her baby boy for an experiment. But I know her. Her heart was in the right place. See, my mum's baby sister had a disability. I'm not sure what kind it was, because we don't talk about her. She died young, and just thinking about her makes my mum sad. But she's never forgotten about the help scientific research could bring to those in need. Knowing that she was in the position to provide aid to someone else through me, she couldn't resist.

She likes to help others.

She brought me in for an examination, and they checked my performance through all sorts of different tests. They wanted to make sure I was suited to what we would be doing. They must've approved, because the next thing they knew, I was separated from my mother, and put in a playroom.

There were all sorts of toys lying around. I started to play with whatever I could lay my hands on. I was playing with something with flashing lights and loud noises, when he entered. Chunji was clutching at his mother's hand desperately, his nostrils flaring as his gaze landed on me. He looked like he was going to cry, and he tried grabbing hold of his mother's hand tighter as she tried to let him go. I was just sitting there looking at him, as she let go, shutting the door.

Chunji had screamed at the door, banging on it with his little fists in the hopes that his mother would return but no one came. He turned back to face me across the other side of the room and froze, massive tears welling in his big eyes. The two of us stayed in those same positions for what seemed like forever, to those observing us. Chunji's gaze fell to the ground and his shoulders slumped, and they were beginning to be convinced that they would have to declare this attempt a failure.

But then I stood up from my spot on the floor, and walked over to the much older and bigger boy, smiling at him. Mum said that they hadn't been able to hear what we'd said to one another, in a hushed mumble of what sounded like baby talk, before I grabbed Chunji's hand and dragged him over to the mat.

Chunji was still shy, and it took him a little while to get the hang of what we were doing. He sat there, not saying anything, as I started to babble at him incessantly, as I was wont to do as a child. Mum said that no one tended to catch much of what I said when I was that young, the exact words indiscernible thanks to my high pitch and fast pace. But Chunji sat there, nodding along to everything I said. After about 20 minutes, he seemed to loosen up, and began playing with me but it still took until the end of our little play date before he was speaking. And even then, his voice was so soft no one but me heard him.

Everyone observing the two of us was so proud. Mum said that Chunji's mum cried, never having seen her son smile while around another child. He actually cried when it was time for them to go home. But our parents assured us that we'd be back to play again the next day.

That continued for several weeks time.

The scientists monitored Chunji's progress and his condition improved. They were delighted to inform his parents that Chunji's social skills had caught up to a regular 5 year old child's levels. He was normal, and the earlier signs of depression had effectively vanished. Everyone was sure that his social isolation was at an end: that he'd just been a late starter, who needed a little nudging from a much younger boy, to kick-start his development.

Everyone thought he'd be fine.

My mum wasn't so sure. It was thanks to her that our mums exchanged phone numbers. She said that she'd known kids who had continued to have social problems as they got older, and she was concerned Chunji might be one of them. No one had ever bothered to investigate why Chunji had gotten so isolated. They'd assumed it was because he was depressed, the two were linked, and that everything would be fine from then on, since he'd have no reason to be depressed. But mum knew that the scientists wouldn't give out their personal details after the experiment, and so they would be strangers if she didn't ensure they exchanged numbers.

I don't think I've ever managed to thank her enough for that foresight.

Because sure enough things didn't improve for Chunji. His parents sent him back to the same daycare, but although his depression had recovered, and he now had the social skills necessary to be capable of interacting with those his own age, his social anxiety kicked in again. He still couldn't speak to anyone, and became isolated once more.

Chunji told me that his mother contacted the scientists as quickly as she could, informing them about what had happened. They told her that the underlying disorder had not been treated, and that there was nothing they could do for her son: that Chunji would just be one of the cases that relapsed. Not knowing what else she could do, seeing her son slowly becoming depressed once more, she contacted my mother.

They set up play dates for us once more, but under their supervision, and the rest is history. We've been together ever since. I'm the only kid that he has ever opened up to, and in a way that makes me feel really special.

I'm the only one that knows how cool Chunji is. He's always telling me new things, but everyone else in his classes thinks that he's stupid because he doesn't talk to them. He doesn't speak to anyone on campus, except for me, even now.

Because he would talk to me, our mothers always make6g sure to keep in contact with one another. Wherever Chunji goes, I follow a few years later. Even though he was still isolated when he moved into primary school, his friendship with me, stopped him from getting depressed. He said that this time, he at least had someone that he could talk to. He'd come over everyday after school, and tell me all sorts of things. He'd teach me things, and we'd play games together.

I thought it was so cool, having Chunji around. By the time I was in pre-school, older kids never wanted to hang out and play with little kids. But Chunji always smiled at me, whenever he saw me. He used to tell me all sorts of things, but no one ever heard him. I used to speak for him so often, telling everyone what he thought, or what he liked, that they thought I was making it all up. After all, no one had ever heard Chunji say a word. It wasn't until Chunji taught me how to count, read and write that they realised I was serious.

I remember being told all the time that I have to be patient and understanding with Chunji: that he wasn't like other kids, and so I had to be the grown up between us. I could never understand what they were talking about, after all the things Chunji would do for me, until we'd get into fights. Normally it was over a toy or something, that I wanted that Chunji took. I was told I had to brush it off, because Chunji was no more mature than I was: that he wasn't used to having to share with someone else.

I remember thinking it wasn't fair. Chunji was so much bigger than me, he could knock me out of the way with ease. If he took something, I could never get it back off of him. But I learned how to deal with it, as did Chunji. Suddenly I didn't have to worry about that anymore. Chunji got more mature, and he learned to play nicely with me. That was when I was first introduced to that idea.

It was the first time I was told that I had to look after Chunji. That I had to look out for him, because Chunji was different from the other kids.

That message has been drilled into my head ever since then. Our parents recited it like a mantra. I've heard it a million times. I thought they were kidding. Chunji was the cutest, most amazingly sweet person I'd ever met. I couldn't imagine him needing to be protected from anyone. Starting primary school soon put a stop to those thoughts.

When I entered kindergarten, Chunji was already in grade 4. The school mandated a policy that the older children were not to hang around the kindergarten area. They played too rough, and the younger kids tended to get hurt or bullied when the older children were allowed around them. The policy only inculcated ideas in the heads of the children. The younger ones thought older kids were dangerous, and the older children thought they were babies.

So Chunji only got more isolated when he started hanging around the kindergarten area at lunch and recess.

The only reason he didn't get in any trouble at school was because his mother came down and talked to the school about his social problems. The school counsellor had been concerned about Chunji ever since he started because he failed to make friends. He had sessions with the counsellor every week, and if he spoke at all, it always included me. When the school counsellor found out I was starting school that year, he insisted that we be allowed to play together.

But getting special permission to play with a 5 year old didn't exactly help Chunji fit in amongst the other students his own age.

Honestly, I think they were a little worried about affecting my development too. Because around the same time, I remember the counsellor calling me in to start having sessions with them every two weeks to check how I was handling everything. I didn't really understand what they wanted from me, but all they did was to ask me how classes were going, if I had any friends, how often I played with Chunji, that sort of thing.

It didn't really mean much to me at the time. It's only looking back on it, that I see they were concerned I would suffer from befriending Chunji. They must've been concerned that he'd smother me and stunt my social development with his special needs.

To this day, that's never been a problem for me. Chunji, despite what others might think, is mature enough to know that sometimes I need space. Whenever that happens, he gives it to me. You might be inclined to think that it's just because we're older now: I'm in high school and Chunji is at university. But things were okay back in primary school too. We'd play all the time, sure, but we didn't see each other much at school.

Firstly, we were in different classes. So for 5 out of the 6 hours we were at school we never even saw one another. We weren't even on the same sides of the school. So I made my own friends in my class. Sure we'd sit together at recess everyday, but by the time he came over to get me, and we took our spots, that only left us 10 minutes to talk. Mostly, I was the one that did the talking. The eating areas were very crowded and it made Chunji uncomfortable. If I were really going to see him, it would be at lunchtimes. But twice a week his mother signed him out of school for meetings with his therapist. Then he'd spend Friday lunchtimes with the school counsellor, who wanted to hear about how his week had been. Factor in my bi-weekly meeting with the school counsellor, and there was only 1 day a week where we could eat lunch together.

Every other day I sat with my friends from class. Honestly, I was happy back then. I had balance. I had my own, new friends and I had Chunji. Even then, I didn't want to give him up for anything. Someone around that often sees everything: knows you inside and out. Even that early on, he was my best friend.

He still is, but things are getting far more complicated these days.

Not because of anything to do with Chunji, though. Chunji is perfect, to me. No the problems these days are all to do with me. I've been starting to feel restless and unsettled. I feel like something should be changing now that Chunji's attending university. He goes to the local one, of course, he doesn't much care for travelling. He still lives at home too, so I still see him all the time.

Chunji's fine. It's just me that is messed up. Chunji says that I've always been the bossy one. The one that decides what we're doing, and that I push on with it, stubborn as anything. He says that I never give up with anything, no matter how stupid or pointless it might be. That I refuse to acknowledge some things are hopeless. Whenever he says that, it sounds like such a bad thing. I always have to remind him, that if it weren't for that, then we might not be friends.

He gives me a funny look whenever I say that. He says that he never claimed it was a bad thing, but I can hear it in his voice that he considers it a little depressing. That he does think it's one of my worst traits.

I'm starting to think that he might be right. Maybe I should develop more self control over my stubbornness. See, I'm feeling a little conflicted about my friends these days. I still hang around the same group of people I've been with for most of my life. Despite being my friends, I don't think they've ever exchanged more than two words with Chunji.

That was my choice, not theirs.

I used to wonder why the thought of my friends being friends with Chunji made me uncomfortable. I still wonder about it, to be fair... All I know is that something about the situation makes me feel strange. I really don't want them around one another.

Sure Kwangho and Changsung are nice guys, and Soomin has to be one of the coolest girls in our grade, but I just can't picture them around Chunji. Chunji would be all shy and withdrawn like he normally is around strangers, and while those guys are my friends they aren't exactly the nicest people around. They tend to find those that aren't loud and in-your-face types of people to be strange, and boring. I just can't imagine them giving Chunji a chance to loosen up, and then judging him for not doing so.

They should know just as well as anyone else, that Chunji has a condition: that he isn't very good at handling others socially. But all anyone else ever took away from those lectures was that he was weird and different. That he never spoke in class or participated in anyway. They figured that the teachers handed him the grades he needed to move into the next grade, so they could pass the problem on to someone else.

They never gave Chunji any credit.

I know, one time some of the other kids were teasing him because any group work that had to be done for his classes, always meant I got brought in. They thought he was sad and pathetic for relying on a little kid. He didn't rely on me, really. He did all the work, explaining everything to me. I just said the words in front of the others, for the presentation.

Chunji's voice tended to go funny whenever he had to stand in front of a group of people. His brain and his throat stopped working together, and so no matter how many words he had in his brain that he wanted to say, nothing would come out. Sometimes he couldn't even make his mouth open, let alone speak. He says that his throat feels constricted, and there's this sense of pent up pressure around his voice box but that's it. Nothing will happen. But when he's with me, the words jut slide out, easily.

It always seems incredible to me that I have that sort of effect on him.

I mean it's not like I do anything special. I'm nothing amazing. Not like Chunji. He's the smartest kid I know. He can explain just about anything to me, and make it sound like the most fascinating thing in the universe. He knows about all sorts of things, and always has a new, interesting story to tell me. I think that's one of the things I like best about him.

I remember one of his teachers said to him when he was in Year 6, that he'd have to grow out of his dependence on me: that I wasn't going to be around forever. Chunji disagreed with her. You see, Chunji has no problem speaking with adults, he only has trouble with crowds and with other kids. Anyway he argued with her that I was always going to be there for him. She tried to reason with him by asking him what sort of job he was going to have, pointing out that I wasn't going to work with him.

He answered that he was going to do buying and selling online through e-bay, from home. His parents had been saving up for his investment to get himself off the ground, and he had plans for how he was going to corner a niche market in online goods. He'd already had the bare bones of background research of how much he could expect to earn.

He was 12 years old at the time.

I told you he was smart.

I still can't believe that's what he wants for a career. He's going to university now to get a business degree. He wants to make sure that he's in a legally viable position, and that he knows all about running a small business and whatnot. I personally don't think that he's going to have any problems.

Unlike me.

I have no idea what I want to do when I grow up. Chunji says I still have ages to make my mind up but I don't really believe him. I mean he's had the whole thing sorted since he was 12. Freaking 12! He says that's because his condition made it much easier for him to decide what he wanted to do with his life. He said that even if he were to get better tomorrow, he wouldn't change his mind.

He says my decision is probably harder because I have a realm of infinite possibilities. That's certainly how it feels right now. It feels like everything has been going along more or less fine, and now suddenly there are a thousand things I'm expected to have been thinking about for who knows how long, and they want all their answers, and I don't know where to start. I look around me and everyone else seems to have been thinking about it, never having said a word about it to me. So while they're all ready I have no idea, and it's really starting to freak me out.

I mean university picks will be due in a few months. I haven't even thought about university. I'm probably going to go, but more as a default than as a choice. My parents have been pretty clear about that since day one. But I have no clue what I'm going to study. I'd barely have any idea what I was going to study this year, if Chunji hadn't taken care of my enrolment forms for me. I completely forgot they even existed. I never even read the book that told us what all the units were. If I stuff it up now, I risk screwing up my whole future.

And the worst bit is, I can't even be bothered to care about any of it.

I'm more concerned about other things. Things that on the grand scale of things probably don't matter, but which are really important to me: are all I can think about. I keep thinking about how life is passing me by. I keep thinking about how I'm 17 and I've never had a girlfriend, or how I've never even kissed a girl. I've never been on a date either, nor have I ever spent the night alone with someone my own age without my parents around. Whenever I think about it, I just feel like a pathetic excuse for a teenager.

I haven't done anything, and I'm nearly an adult and by then I'll be behind everyone else. If I were still seeing my counsellor, she'd probably try and put the blame on my relationship with Chunji. That's the thing I hate about those people the most. They always want to tell me that it's Chunji's fault.

When are they going to realise that Chunji hasn't done anything wrong? It's not his fault I'm so lame. Chunji has never stopped me from having a girlfriend, he's never banned me from kissing anyone, he's never restricted me from going out alone with others, and he definitely doesn't force my parents to stay home all the time. My problems don't have anything to do with Chunji. Chunji is about the only thing in my life that ever seems to be going fine.

That's kind of why I hate them. Not just counsellors, but therapists and everyone else like them. They always stick their noses into other people's business, and try to tell them what's wrong. They completely misunderstand the problem and then try to screw everything up worse than it already is, by interfering.

Not that I've ever told Chunji that or anything. He still has to see that therapist of his. For years now he's said that Chunji's problem is about his sensitivity and automatic physiological reactions. His treatment has always hinged on taking medications and receiving therapy. Chunji told me that his therapy consisted of gradual exposure and desensitisation to social conditions to relieve his anxiety.

I know it's not very helpful of me to say so, but it doesn't seem to be doing him any good. I mean the medications become a coping mechanism, since they were only ever designed to provide short-term help. His real solution was supposed to come through the therapy. But the therapy assumes that Chunji avoids social interaction altogether.

But that's just it, he doesn't.

He tries. Almost every single day he tries to talk to other people, and it never works out. Although his therapy might have taught him some useful techniques, they overlook one very glaringly obvious fact. Chunji attends the local university along with 85% of his high school classmates. He's still surrounded by people that thought he was weird and ostracised him throughout high school. Some of them even go back as far as primary school or preschool!

How is he ever going to be able to escape the weight of their expectations through stress-relieving techniques?

I personally don't think his situation is going to get better until... Well, let's face it, pretty much everyone that knows him has resigned themselves to the fact that Chunji is probably never going to get better. I'm not saying it to sound cruel, Chunji himself has told me as much on many occasions. I don't think Chunji is ever going to be normal by any stretch of the imagination. The best we can ever hope for is that he might make some new friends.

That's what I want most at least. I feel like it's this great shame that I'm the only person he feels comfortable around. Because Chunji is amazing. Just once I wish there were other people around that actually got to see it: to see him like I do every single day.

You know there was a time once where it looked like we were going to be separated forever? That's the reason I don't like therapists and counsellors or whatever. It was back in primary school, in Chunji's last year there. Because of the difference in our ages he was over twice my size, so it would have been pretty easy for him to hurt me. Although if I did get hurt then it was probably my own fault. I'm the one that always started rough and tumble type games with him, it's not his fault if I overestimated my own strength and told him to come at me with everything he's got, no holding back.

He never seriously injured me or anything. But sometimes I'd get bruises and marks, that sort of thing. With how mischievous I was as a child, I could have gotten them anywhere, or from anyone even. For all I know, it could have come about as a result of my own clumsiness, because I was always in a rush and rarely paid any attention to my surroundings when I was a kid.

Anyway, the teachers must've noticed some of my bruises and things. They had been very suspicious of my relationship with Chunji for years. Everyone had assumed Chunji would grow out of it eventually. Except me and Chunji of course. They started to get concerned by the amount of time this, nearly pubescent boy spent with a little boy: me. They must've seen him hugging me, when he came to get me so we could go home or something. Because the next thing I knew I was being hauled into the counsellors office.

I had three adults around me asking all sorts of questions. I was young and naive and I didn't really understand what they wanted from me. The way they kept pushing me about Chunji and the amount of time we spent together, puzzled me, so I tried to tell them what I thought they wanted to hear from me.

But the questions got more pressuring and they wouldn't let me leave. They started suggesting how I might have gotten my bruises and asking if Chunji gave them to me. I couldn't remember what they wanted to know, but they just kept asking when I said I didn't remember. Then they started asking me if Chunji had ever touched me somewhere inappropriate, and I told them he hadn't. But they didn't seem to believe me, and they wouldn't let me go. I was young and I must've been really stupid because I remember thinking that maybe they'd let me go if I just agreed with them. But that just started off an inquiry. Chunji and his parents were brought in, and my parents were called in. It turned into this whole big mess.

Chunji was much older than I was, so he must've known what was going on. He must have memories of that awful day. No one ever blamed me for what happened. But that doesn't change the fact that I feel bad about it. It has to be one of my most shameful memories. Worse than the time I wet my bed when I was 11.

But it wasn't just my fault. It was the teachers and the counsellor at fault as well. I know they were just trying to look after me, because they were worried about me. But they nearly got Chunji in a whole heap of trouble because of their nosiness. If things had gone on like that, I could've lost him forever.

I've always harboured a bit of a grudge against them ever since.

As a sign of protest, for about a month afterwards, when I realised what nearly happened and why it happened, I refused to speak in my counselling sessions. Guess I'm still that childish, even if I don't try and ignore them completely anymore.

I mean I spend my time these days grumbling about the fact that I have no life, when I have no one to blame for that but myself. Whenever I've considered getting a girlfriend or anything, my mind instantly drifts to Chunji. I start to worry that she'll try to compete with him for my time and attention. I worry that no one I meet will be sympathetic to his needs or his condition. I worry that they might try and tear us apart.

And quite frankly, none of the girls I've ever met would be worth that.

I think the only girl I've ever seriously considered dating is Soomin, and even then I think that's only because she's around so much. I mean she has pretty eyelashes, and a cute dimple when she smiles I suppose. I've often tried to think about what I like about her. I've never really been able to pinpoint anything but the basics really. I mean, she is a nice girl and all, but even after all these years, that's all I can really bring myself to say about her. She's a bit ditzy too, I suppose now that I think about it. I mean she's always leaving things behind, so we end up paying for things for her. It , but at the same time, you don't really want to call her on it, because it'd feel kind of slack to try and chase after a girl for money, especially when she's been your friend for so long.

I dunno why I even keep thinking about it so much. I mean, under normal circumstances I wouldn't even be interested: I never have been before, so what's really changed, right? But I mean Kwangho and Changsung have been in my ear for I don't know how long talking about the future and the past and everything in between.

I've spent years listening to their stories. Talking about all the girls they've liked, and the ones they've dated. I've heard about the dates and the confessions and the heartbreaks. But as they've gotten older, the focus has shifted to be more on the kissing and touching and what they get up to when their parents aren't around.

Listening to them doesn't really make me want to do it anymore than I do now. But after listening to them talking about it and the way the other boys in the class join in, has done something to me. Something inside of me has just snapped or something, because now I feel like I've been left behind. I feel like I need to get it over and done with: I need to experience it once before its too late. Before I'm too old, and inexperience becomes inexcusable.

I'm so sick of feeling like this.

Then when I noticed the way Soomin's voice raised an octave when she spoke to me. When I noticed how she would always try and spend time alone with me, asking for my help on something, or wanting to do something together “just for old time's sakes” or that sort of thing and it finally hit me, that she liked me. As in, she really liked me. I wasn't sure how long it had been going on without my noticing, but when I informed Kwangho and Changsung about my recent discovery they laughed at me for being oblivious.

They told me it was about time.,and asked what I was going to do about it.

The problem is I have no idea what I should do.

I mean I've never really had any interest in anyone, but Soomin is a friend. I mean there'd be nothing wrong with experiencing everything with a friend, so at least then I wouldn't feel so left out, right? But I really don't know. I even went and asked Chunji about it. I know that might sound odd, but trust me when I say that Chunji is the most wonderful confidante. He always gives me good advice. But he told me he couldn't see any harm in doing it.

See, I told you he's never done anything to impede me getting a girlfriend. He's one of the ones encouraging it.

But for some reason that only makes me feel more unhappy about the prospect. I don't think I wanted Chunji to approve of me getting a girlfriend. I mean, does he not realise that she might try and drag us apart? Does he not realise how much of a drain on our time together it would be? Does he not realise that it would mean we couldn't be as close anymore?

Am I the only person that is aware of any of those sorts of things?

I think I wanted Chunji to tell me that he wants to keep me all to himself. But just repeating that thought to myself sounds weird. Something tells me it isn't normal to think about things like that. It's not normal to be so attached to your best friend, is it? But then I'm pretty sure best friends aren't normally as close as Chunji and I are.

That must be the explanation behind it.

Still I think I'd feel better if I could make some new friends. Some new people. People that wouldn't treat Chunji like he was a weirdo, and make him feel uncomfortable. I mean it was my outgoing attitude and take charge, impulsive nature that attracted him as a child. I can't be the only person in the world with those traits, right?

Maybe I'd feel better about going out and trying new things if we made some new friends. People that Chunji felt comfortable around too. That way he wouldn't be as dependent upon me.

That's got to be the solution!