Yongguk told me to meet him at his dorm room after class; Jung-gu Hall, room 502. I texted him to tell him I was walking up the stairs to his dorm. When I had ended the eternal climb to the fifth floor, there he was at the entrance of the stair case. Signature baggy jeans, grey tank top that revealed his muscled body, and a black and green hat. Exactly how I like him.

“Hey” he grinned, “how was class?”

I couldn’t even focus on class. I was looking forward to seeing Yongguk so much; I totally forgot I was even in class. The teacher even noticed and called me out to pay attention. It was pretty embarrassing.

I shrugged to respond not wanting to reveal his monumental influence on my day.

“Well, at least it’s over”

I nodded in agreement. We walked to his room, and he opened the door, “sorry for the mess” he scratched the back of his head.

His room was an absolute mess. There were clothes literally thrown everywhere, empty soda cans, candy wrappers, paper plates, and anything you could possibly name, scattered across the room. That’s when I noticed Zelo, his roommate, buried in his own bed.

“HEY HIMCHAN!” he screamed. The thing about Zelo was he was always a little too excited.

“Hi Zelo” I smiled and waved.

By this time Yongguk had already made his way to his bed and sprawled across it like he was going to sleep; his laziness was so cute. However by now, I was completely disgusted with the room, and I needed to do something about it. I started to pick up clothes and throw them in a hamper.

“Himchan… I didn’t ask you over to clean” Yongguk laughed.

“But it’s gross” I admitted.

Zelo pouted.

“Plus it’s not good for you two! Yongguk you should be taking better care of Zelo! Be a good hyung!”

Yongguk rolled his eyes, “Yeah yeah yeah mom” he looked at me from his bed and smirked, “come over here”

“but-”

“No buts; come over here”

I made my way over to Yongguk’s bed by jumping over the piles of clothes and trash on the floor.

“What?” I put all my weight on one hip and hand on the same hip as I stood at the edge of the bed. In one quick movement, Yonnguk grabbed me and flipped me into his bed.

“YONGGUK!”

I could hear Zelo laughing.

Yongguk grabbed my waist and pulled me closer to him, my heart rate pulsing through the veins of my body. I could feel his warm breathe on my forehead.

“You’re so frail and tiny” Yongguk laughed, “I need to be more protective over you. I don’t want anyone to hurt my girlfriend” he joked.

“Ew hyungs stop!” Zelo whined from his side of the room, “Go get a room!”

Yongguk laughed, “We’re in a room!”

The playful banter didn’t even reach my ears. I felt in absolute comfort, quickly drifting away. The exhaustion from the day had definitely hit or maybe it was just Yong-… No it wasn’t that. I cuddled deeper into the warmth and… and…

Zzz…

Zzz…

Zzz…

Zzz…

Zzz…

Zzz…

Zzz…

I felt my head slowly moving up and down to a soothing rhythm. I had never felt better, more relaxed, and content in my life. I ran my hand down the surface of something hard, and strong. What was it? Consciousness hit me, and I instantly popped up.

“Mornin princess” his deep voice whispering to me.

Oh my god. It was exactly what I thought. I had fallen asleep with Yongguk. Not with, ON Yongguk. My head was on his chest, my hand was on his chest, and my legs were intertwined with his. My face felt extremely warm, and honestly I was a little nauseous, my heartbeat accelerating; pedal to the metal.

“I- unf-ji-lo-ed- I” I just went for it. I rushed to get off the bed to head towards the door. My feet weren’t functioning as I collided off the bed and into a pile of clothes. The room was dark, but I could still make out what everything was.

“Himchan!” Yongguk got off the bed to help me up by holding my arm, “Gwenchana?” he looked deeply into my eyes.

There was no running. I had to endure the embarrassment of falling asleep on Bang Yongguk.

“Mianhhae… I-I just f-fell asleep” I covered my cheeks, “I was just really tired, and I was really comf-”

“Shhh… it’s cool. It didn’t bother me” he led me back to sit on the bed, “it’s better ya got your sleep. You slept alright?”

It was the best sleep I ever had, but I couldn’t say that. How tacky would that sound?

Instead I smiled, “I slept really well”

*knock knock*

“HYUNG! Can I come in now? I promise I’ll be quiet!”

I looked at Yongguk confused.

He laughed, “It’s Zelo” then he yelled, “Yah! Come in!”

Zelo poked his head inside, “H-hey”

“Why were you outside?” I questioned.

Zelo looked down to the ground as he shut the door behind him, “Hyung kicked me out when you fell asleep. He said I was too loud, and I’d wake you up”

“Yongguk!” I hit his chest, “How could you do that to him?!”

“Yah! I only had your best interests at mind!” Yongguk defended himself.

“Mianhae” I turned to Zelo to apologize.

“Chhet” Yongguk laid down and put his hands behind his head.

“It’s okay hyung. In all honestly, I probably would wake you up. And plus I felt weird interrupting you and Guk…”

“Interrupting what?” I questioned.

“Well…” he blushed, “you know…”

My cheeks warmed up instantly. It that really what he thought Yongguk and I were doing? I felt so embarrassed. We weren’t even a couple. He didn’t even like me like that.

“Zelo, it’s not like that a-at all!” I tried to explain getting flustered.

Yongguk began to laugh.

“Gukkie this isn’t funny!” I pouted.

“Sure hyung whatever you say” Zelo laughed.

“Yah! You two need to stop ganging up on me!” I got up out of the bed, “I’m going back to my dorm!”  I headed to the door after putting on my shoes.

“Aww come on babe, don’t be like that! We were just kiddin!” Yongguk got up.

“I need to go home anyway.” I said coldly. In reality, I needed time to gather myself. Falling asleep with Yongguk had set my sanity off the sane chart and into a senseless mess. As much as people thought we were together, we weren’t; and we never would be. Yongguk just didn’t think of me that way. Like Daehyun said, Yongguk’s just a flirtatious guy. My mood started to sag with the negative thoughts.

“At least let me walk you back” Yongguk said putting on his hi-tops.

“No, I’ll be fine. Just give me some space.”

“Uh… hyung you’re not really mad are you?” Zelo asked.

“No” I admitted. I wasn’t mad, just tired of the false hope.

“Himchan-ah, let me walk you home, it’s late and dangerous” Yongguk seemed worried.

“Just… let me go on my own.” If he would stop being so caring, maybe I wouldn’t be living with this hope that he actually liked me. I started to get annoyed.

“I… text me when you get back araso?”

I didn’t even respond as I walked out of the dorm room shutting the door behind me. My attitude towards everything had quickly made a turn for the worse. I didn’t feel the beautiful feeling I felt when I was sleeping with Yongguk, it was a distant memory. I was just tired of feeling this way, of wanting him so much, and not receiving. I needed closure. I needed space from him. I was too attached; I enjoyed him entirely way too much. I depended on Bang Yongguk… and I needed to get rid of the feeling.

Before I knew it, I was back in Bonghwa hall and walking into my dorm room. Luckily, Jongup was asleep so he wouldn’t ask me about the “festivities” of the night. Instead I quickly changed and got into my bed. It was cold, rock hard, lonely. I already missed to security and warmth that was Bang Yongguk. But I tried to brush it off, I needed to free myself and get rid of my hope, my hope that we would once be together.

“He doesn’t like you like that Himchan… He doesn’t like you like that Himchan.” I told myself.

Saying it out loud hurt… a lot. It felt like a chisel being pounded into my heart by a hammer. I could feel the blood dripping down my ribs. I was crying; I hugged my knees and after a few hours the night took away my pain.

Bang Yongguk… Bang Yongguk.