The loud voices of deep rappers followed by a booming bass pierced my ears waking me almost immediately. I looked around to find the source; Yongguk’s alarm on his phone… I should have known by the rap music…

“Eommaaaaa turn it offfff” Zelo whined throwing a pillow of his head. I completely, 100 percent agreed.

I reached for the phone and fumbled with the lock, but eventually turned it off. After sighing, I looked at the giant mound that I had to cross to reach the phone. Yongguk was still sleeping. I pushed him, angry that he was still asleep when it was HIS alarm that went off.

“Yaaah~~~” he grumbled

“You’re so lazy! A-and a jerk!” I huffed getting off the bed, Zelo shuffling still asleep behind me.

“Baby… baaaby! Arrrg damnit!” I heard Yongguk’s voice trailing off behind me.

I went straight for the kitchen knowing I needed to make breakfast for Zelo before school.

“Get in the shower, I’ll make breakfast honey” I said smacking Zelo’s cute little as he blushed and groaned heading to the bathroom.

I sighed; breakfast time. One hand on the refrigerator door, I opened it to reveal… nothing…

Absolutely nothing…

“Great…” I was starting to get really annoyed. Not only was there nothing to eat, but I could hear Yongguk, The Lazy, shuffling behind me. He wrapped his arms around me and breathed down my neck- I was not in the mood.

“You’re not mad at me are you?” His voice still morning hoarse.

“Get off me!” I wiggled from his arms. He instantly let me go and looked at me worryingly.

“We have no food! How am I supposed to feed Zelo before school!?” I yelled getting angry.

“Himchan calm down! I’ll give him money for breakfast.”

“It’s not the same! He should have a well-balanced meal BEFORE he leaves for school. Knowing him he’ll buy a bag of chips and a soda for breakfast!”

I watched him rub his temples, “You are acting too much like his mother”

That’s when I exploded, was he really that daft?! “Well if you didn’t notice Yongguk, HE DOESN’T HAVE A MOTHER ANYMORE!”

I my heels back towards the refrigerator annoyed with how dense Yongguk could be. I started to look through the cabinets, frustration building into tears.

“Himmie… I-I’m sorry… please don’t cry” Yongguk came up behind me putting one hand on my waist.

“Ani!” I turned around to face him. I felt hot rivers running down my eyes. “You don’t unders-stand Yong-g-guk!”

“Hyungs?” Zelo came into the kitchen, his light blue hair almost black due to the fact that it was still wet. He looked… sad.

I quickly wiped my tears away, “We don’t have anything for breakfast”

“Oh… it’s okay I’m not hungry anyway” Zelo smiled.

“No, that’s not acceptable-”

“Here” Yongguk cut me off and grabbed his wallet from the counter, the exact place he through it last night. He dug inside and handed Zelo 30,000 won, “That should cover breakfast and lunch”. I watched him give a weak smile.

“H-hyung… I can’t accept this”

“It’s fine Zelo-ah… I told you last night. We’re taking care of you now. Don’t worry about it”

Zelo looked down towards the ground…

…

The maknae looked up with a huge grin, warming my heart, “Thank you hyungs” he bowed.

“Oh stop…” I ordered, “Now go dry your hair and put on a coat it’s cold outside.”

“Ne eomma” Zelo giggled running back down the hallway shoving the money in his back pocket.

“There problem solved” Yongguk grinned.

Honestly, I was still annoyed with him. He acted like everything was so simple, and that every problem could be solved so simply. Taking care of Zelo was NOT going to be so simple.

“What now?” His grin replaced by a frown.

I didn’t say anything… not that I wanted to be rude, I just had nothing to say to him. I walked right on by and headed down towards the hall.

“Baby!”

I didn’t respond.

“Baby come on! God!... ! What did I do?!”

I still didn’t respond and headed towards the bathroom to begin get ready for the day ahead of me.

University…

The thing that really got under my skin was the fact that no matter what your major was, you still had to take general education classes. I was so unlucky to be stuck in said classes all day, dare I say boring. To make matters worse, I was already regretting treating Yongguk the way I did this morning. It was early, I was irritable… how could I scold him for being lazy? That’s one of the reason I love him so much. And for an empty fridge, it’s not like he knew Zelo was going to get kicked out of his house and move in, and on top of that we just got home from the intensive! Who had time to grocery shop? I slapped myself for being so… malicious this morning. I wondered if Yongguk was angry with me, and Zelo heard us fight, I wonder if he was worried about mine and Yongguk’s relationship?

Stupid Himchan… Stupid STUPID Himchan.

The worst part of it all was that I was too stubborn to apologize. I couldn’t even send Yongguk a text saying sorry. I just sat for hours on end in my boring mathematics and history lectures with thoughts of Yongguk hating me; it was torture.

When I was released from class, I made my way home and had to deal with my mother. I had to answer all her questions about who Zelo was, why he got kicked out, and first and for most, what was going on. I had to thank God for having such an understanding mother as she did just that and gave me a reassuring hug telling me to cheer up. However, I did NOT tell her about my argument with Yongguk… BUT she did tell me to bring over Zelo some time to have “real mother” time.

The day slowly turned to an end with not even a simple call from him… him being Yongguk. I-.. I cried myself to sleep. I was such an idiot. Regret was the name of the game.

The next morning I woke up with dry brittle eyes.  Each eye peeled open breaking cracks of dry crust of arid tears from the night prior. My pupils burned in the sunlight that devilishly peeked through my pink shams and curtains. I wanted more than anything to curl up to my strong boyfriend, but on a simple turn to my side, my sad truth revealed my empty queen size bed; no Yongguk.

I begged for a message, a text, a call, a voicemail anything from him as I checked my phone on my bed stand, but realizing I didn’t live in a fantasy; I found nothing. My eyes began to water as I tried to push away the overwhelming thoughts of him leaving me. I was so weak without him. I didn’t want to go to class, but I managed to slip into jeans, t-shirt, and hoodie and leave the house for school. It was the first time I left the house without wearing makeup. I didn’t care.

The air was tinted with a slight cool breeze considering the recent adjustment to fall, the leaves changed to the beautiful red and orange colors that symbolized colors of love, highly juxtaposing my relationship. My trip to school was filled with sights of loving couples holding hands; joyful which made me want to slit my wrists to sulk in my own agony.  

On arrival to school, I took a seat in the back of the lecture hall, and sat in complete stone till release time, similarly to yesterday.  The only variance was, this time I wasn’t thinking. I wasn’t thinking at all. I gazed straight ahead forming holes into the cool grey walls with my eyes. My eyes were still dry and never blinking. They were barren deserts never seen by human… never seen by Yongguk; he didn’t even text me… it… it… hurt.

Around midday, my phone vibrated and my heart was put on hold. I quickly fumbled around my hand bag to find my phone. The several seconds of hope were crushed, though I was surprised to see who the text was from, Daehyun. We texted for the next hour. I told him about Yongguk and I, and he told me about his recent situations with Youngjae’s father and how the encounters were getting worse. He told me that moving Youngjae out of his home with himself to a new area was looking promising. I sighed… Zelo and now Youngjae… being gay is tough…

Several hours later, when I was at home, a similar occurrence occurred.  My phone vibrated and shivers were sent down my spine. It was a call! I caught myself praying it was… him.

“Y-Yoboseyo?” I answered my voice cracking from not talking the entirety of the day.

“Eomma…”

It was Zelo… my baby… he sounded sad. God… I hated this.

“Zelo-ah, honey what’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong with you and appa? Why aren’t you here? Yongguk hyung has been really quiet when he’s home from work today and yesterday. He comes home, sits on the couch, and stares at nothing while drinking a beer, then he goes to bed.”

I breathed heavily not knowing how to answer; I didn’t even know what was going on. “I-I… don’t know Zelo…” I admitted.

“But Himchan hyung, I can tell you’re hurting too! I can hear it in your voice! I know how you get when Yongguk isn’t around… it’s… scary” I heard him shiver, “It’s not good for you to be separated from him and Yongguk hyung knows that too!”

It hurt even more hearing it from the youngest… everything was out in the open. All my problems laid out on the table... I felt so… so… exposed.

“I-I’m sorry Zelo-ah… I need to sleep. Eat well… I’ll see you s-s-oo-oon. I love you honey.”

“Eomm-!”

I broke down as I hung up. I instantly turned off my phone and curled into a ball on my bed, for the second time today dying for Yongguk’s touch.

I hated it… I hated being apart.