Jungsu was a real angel. And I don’t mean Angel with a capital A, like the HALO fandom was called, but a true angel. He made coffee, pulled my chair for me and kept smiling even though he probably thought I was a sasaeng or something. And while I told him and the manager my plan, he kept listening closely and never interrupted me even once.
‘So because of the schedule, where I will be following one member a week, you guys will still have enough privacy and won’t be bothered by me outside of work, with the exception of that one week once every eight weeks where I will be following you around from morning until night. And of course we will be housemates so we’ll bump into each other occasionally without a warning. But I don’t mind signing a contract which states that I’m not allowed to write about the personal lives of the members that I’m not following around at that moment.’
It all sounded kind of complicated, but I had a hard time explaining this part of the plan. It would all become clear if we just got started, but I was afraid that this confusing story of mine would scare them away. I continued anyways.
‘I know this whole living in the dormitory thing is kind of risky and it will be a guaranteed scandal, but a scandal is exactly what HALO needs to get the publicity it has been looking for. I would also like to point out that this blog will be meant for the western world, and in the western world I’m sure people won’t be that hurt about me living in the dormitory. When this country sees that the western world isn’t making a problem of this whole live-in bloggirl thing, they will probably calm down sooner or later, but the curiosity will still exist and HALO will be on everyone’s radar. I can’t guarantee this kind of outcome, but my study on online journalism for marketing purposes has taught me that this is usually the pattern that the media will follow.’
I was proud of myself. I sounded like a real professional salesperson. I could see in Jungsu’s eyes that he was impressed with my story.
‘If you are a sasaeng, at least you are a smart one,’ was his first comment. I didn’t know if I had to take this as an insult or a compliment. I hated sasaengs. They ruined opportunities for normal fans.
‘I’m not a sasaeng. I hate them and if one will ever come within my reach I will make sure they never try to come near HALO again.’
My eyes were filled with fire when I said that, and Jungsu’s smile gave me more confidence.
‘I like this girl, she’s got something that most Korean girls don’t have. She’s feisty,’ he said to his manager. I immediately got shy again. Oh my god Jungsu said he liked me!! But he also said I was feisty… was that a good thing or a bad thing? I really didn’t know.
‘There is just one thing that I don’t understand,’ the manager said suddenly. He frowned and scratched his unshaved chin. Compared to the wonderful Jungsu that looked extremely young even though he was already 26, this manager was ugly as hell. He was overweight, his hair was filthy and he smelled like sweat and ramyon. He had a flat face and his skin was horrible. Being the manager of a visual group like HALO must have been hell for him. There was no way a woman would ever find this man attractive, especially if he was standing next to his clients. But ah well, he seemed nice…
‘If you move into the dormitory and take on the job of following HALO members around from morning ‘till night, then what happens to your own life? Aren’t you in university right now? Don’t you have any friends or family that you need to spend time with?’
When I wrote the email to MFK I only thought about this aspect of my plan for a short while. I was already in Korea for four months and I never really missed my mom, dad, brother or two sisters back in New York. The friends I had at home always told me that they didn’t expect me to come back from Seoul since I always dreamed of living there so they wouldn’t be very surprised and the friends I made here in Korea were mostly international students as well that would go back to their own countries in a few weeks anyways. The only thing that was a real problem was my education. If I gave up university right now and my plan failed, what would I become? A waitress? It was the only personal risk to this plan, and it was a huge one. This was my future we were talking about. I was giving up my life for this job. I couldn’t afford to get fired if I started this.
‘Yeah about that… it would be nice if the company could give me some insurance in case the plan fails. So that I can go back to university or maybe get another job within the company or something… I don’t need much, just a little something so that my future and life won’t be ruined in case the plan fails and HALO disbands or anything…’
The idea of HALO disbanding because of me scared me, and not only me, also Jungsu. His smile had disappeared and he didn’t seem as enthusiastic as he was a few minutes ago. ‘Do you really think your blog could cause HALO to disband?’ he asked after a short silence. I honestly didn’t know. All I knew was that it wouldn’t be just rainbows and unicorns if I moved in. The harsh criticism of the Korean press would also take its toll. But this was not the time to back out. Even if there was such a risk, chasing a dream like this was a once in a lifetime opportunity.
‘If MFK doesn’t do anything soon, HALO won’t have a future at all. Every month a new rookie group debuts. If you want to make it in this harsh industry, you have to make radical decisions and take great risks. It’s all or nothing, and it’s that same with my plan. We just need trust and faith to succeed.’
This was the last thing I could say to make them believe I could do this. I didn’t really expect them to go through with all of this, especially after the disbanding issue came up. But after a very painful moment of silence, Jungsu sighed and stood up from his chair. ‘Alright, let’s do this. I have to discuss this with the other members first, but Sky is right. If we don’t do something now, HALO won’t have any future at all and to be honest, I don’t think there will be another plan that will have any chance of succeeding.’
I couldn’t believe it. This was so unreal. It was too much for my head to take. I was actually still dumfounded about the fact that Jungsu was sitting in front of me and that I was talking to him. And now he was saying that he wanted to give my blog a try. He was actually saying that he wanted me to move into the dormitory to follow him and the other members of HALO around in their daily lives.
Wasn’t this the kind of dream every single fangirl in the world had? To live with their idol? To be able to live their daily lives with them?
How could this actually come true for me right now?
I wanted to cry and faint, but I think my system of feels overloaded because I didn’t feel anything at all. All I did was shake Jungsu’s hand like a robot. I made a new appointment for the next day to go into details like salary and my résumé and insurance and all that. He also asked for my phone number so that he could give me a call tonight to tell me the response of the other members.
Jungsu asked my phone number and I gave it to him like it was the most normal thing in the world.
I didn’t really know what the proper emotional response was to all of this. I just tried to function like a professional journalist. I smiled, shook hands again with Jungsu and the manager and let them guide me to the exit.
I really thought I would survive all of this, that I would keep my head cool like I did in that little office.
But as soon as Jungsu and the manager were out of sight, tears started falling. First I cried silently, but this was no kdrama so after a few seconds I cried my heart out, like an ugly duckling with a running nose and wet cheeks and a seal like sound.
me, this world. HALO everything. This was the best ing day of my whole ing life.