“Oh… do you want it?” he yelled as the elevator door closed, cutting me off from him and I smiled. He’s really just… I looked towards the ceiling trying to find the right word but failed. I felt myself blush thinking about the face he pulled on me before I left. He really is going to be the death of me. It was no less than an hour spent at his place and he already brought me down to the level of a blushing school girl.

And what was with that little stunt he pulled by the cabinet? I actually thought he was going to… I let my thoughts trail off not wanting to go there but I couldn’t stop blushing deeper. Jeez, seriously? What am I, a girl? I scolded myself as I held the movies over my face to hide the blush that I was sure was very obvious by now. Lowering the movies I stared at my reflection in the mirror like walls of the elevator and saw how wide my smile really was, even though my hood was pulled up keeping my face mostly in shadow I could still see my infamous dimples reflecting.

Key, huh? I thought scratching my head and smiled. I really do like that.

I know it was stupid of me but I really felt like jumping around and doing a little celebratory dance. I had to keep telling myself that this would only end in heart break for me, but wasn’t working at the moment. Truth be told, I had noticed Jonghyun from the very first time I saw him, even before we had met at the diner.  

I remember the day that I had decided set out on the streets of the crowded city to shoot the average life, people in their everyday life. I had just completed a high paying job and this is how I normally choose to celebrate, to just have fun with what I love. These pictures were never meant for outside eyes, just for me to look back on and to see how my abilities had grown.

As I walked down the crisp winter streets with my camera held tightly in my hands, that’s when I saw him. It was normal day just like any other with people rushing around from place to place. Just average people standing around enjoying the company of their loved ones as they stopped by for some window shopping or a friendly meal. As I watched all the activity I couldn’t help but take snap shots of the simple beauty that most likely goes unnoticed by most of the world. Just simple things like a woman laughing at an unheard joke and a man patting his daughter’s cheek as she smiles up at him and wrapping her arms around his neck. But my favorite one was when I saw that a little girl that had a long tan coat that had large buttons keeping her bundled up tight and long dark brown hair that flowed around her as she turned side to side. When she spotted a flock of cardinals on the side walk, and she looked left to right before a smiled broke out across her face. Just as I raised my camera she took off down the street waving her arms until all the tiny birds took to the sky to escape her path. I took many pictures of that scene but my favorite was her radiant smile as the feathers of the fearful birds rained down around her, my own smile spreading across my face because I knew then what I would title that particular piece.

 Blossoming Winter.

Sitting down on a small wall that surrounded what once use to be a garden but had died out as winter made its home in the city I began to refocus my camera. When I finished I aimed it farther down the busy street, just trying to find something that seemed to scream peace, joy, and life in this dead winter.  Looking through my leans I scanned the crowd trying to find anything that caught my eye and that’s when I saw him. He was a guy like anyone else from what I could tell but something about him caught my eye. It could’ve been the long grey coat that that came down about mid-thigh on him, and the way he had the hood pulled up only half covering his head so that his soft brown hair still pointed out. Or it could be the way his skinny jeans hugged his legs under the coat and how he had his scarf wrapped around his neck so many times that it covered haft of his face. Whatever it was, I was hooked and I wanted to see what expressions he would make because his eyes seemed to sparkle with laughter. Just as I focused my camera on him he spotted a child, a boy about two years in age that was being held by his mother in front of him, pulling his scarf away from his face he smiled.

I’m not one to believe in love at first sight but damn, I think I’m in love.

I clicked away trying to capture his smile and I was sure that I would never find someone who has that pure of joy written over their face but then I stopped and smiled. Just as the little boy had noticed him he puffed out his cheeks and made a kissy face to the child and the boy giggled and hid his face in his mother’s shoulder and the mother looked back and smiled at him. He straightened up while scratching the back of his head with a sheepish smile. After bowing the man made his way up the street in my direction but he stopped every now and again to mess with the attractions that the stores owners had put out to catch the attention of potential customers. As he stopped by each one I realized that the simplest of things made him pull the goofiest of expressions but I didn’t want to capture those on camera. Some things weren’t meant for the world to see and I didn’t want to invade his privacy. No, I would never do that, but I did plan on meeting him. Just a little bump here and apology there and bang, we have a conversation starter.

As he walked close enough I was about to stand up and put my plan into action when I someone called a name and I saw him turn to the side and smile. Following his gaze I turn to the left also and saw a woman in a thick warm red coat and skinny jeans with boots pulled up to her knees. She was waving with both her arms with a big smile planted right on her face as she called what I assumed to be his name.

“Jonghyun!”

I turned back to him just a few seconds before she made her wait to him and I saw the gentle smile that adored his face and I knew. He’s in love. I don’t know why but with that thought I felt my heart become heavy. With a sigh I watched her launch herself into his arms and saw how he caught her and spun them around. It hurt to see a pair of people so in love and knowing that I’ve never felt that way. Sighing again I turned away and made my way back down the street in the opposite way from the lovey dovey couple.

Didn’t they know that displays like that is what make single people bitter? I guess not. Damn and here I was trying to start up a conversation with a straight guy.  I thought with another sigh while fitting my camera back into its case. That was so embarrassing, at least I never have to see him again.

But man was I wrong.

Within the next few weeks I met a younger man named Taemin and we hit it off so he invited me hangout with him and his friends. I admit I was a little nervous at first but the other two men welcomed me with open arms. The tall one with dark hair named Minho would joke about how I was on my way to replace another guy who rarely came out with them anymore. While the shorter with light brown hair and a goofy smile named Onew, would throw a fit saying that he would forever be faithful to the unknown man. To say the very least these guys were entertaining and very nice, we hit it off from the beginning but Taemin and I was still the closest. I was very grateful to whatever higher powers that led me to Taemin because of him life had gotten only that much better.

I remember the day I was on my way on foot with Onew to the homey little diner that they deemed their official hangout. He seemed excited about something for the whole way and I finally decided to ask him why when we were a few minutes away from our destination. Grinning from ear to ear he told me while bouncing in place.

“You know that guy that’s Minho is always talking about you taking his place? Well his girlfriend is gone for the weekend so you’re finally going to get a chance to meet him.”             

It was obvious to me that these guys really like this guy, even if Minho acts like he doesn’t I’m sure he does too. He must be a really good friend if Onew is this excited so I did the only thing that I could at that point.

 “What’s his name?”

The smile that lit up Onew’s face when he talked about his guy I knew that they must be best friends. That, or he was in love with him which I highly doubted that.

“Jonghyun, he really is the coolest-”

I stopped in my tracks as he continued to rabble on, so involved him his speech about his friend that he didn’t even notice my pause.

There’s no way that it’s the same guy, I’m sure that it’s just a coincidence. I’m sure that Jonghyun is just a common name, yeah there’s no way that it’s the same guy.

But god does the universe like to prove me wrong. I was so shocked when he grabbed Taemin and started teasing him that I didn’t even know what to do. I just kept thinking, please don’t notice me, but to my disappointment Taemin just had to drag me into it.

“Kibum, don’t just stand there! Help me!”

I take back what I said about thanking the higher powers forTaemin, you can take him back now, I don’t want him anymore. Right after that left his mouth Jonghyun looked up at me and I swear I would’ve died from embarrassment if I was weak, which I wasn’t. So I dealt with it the one way that I do best.

Playful banter.

Over the next few months whenever Jonghyun would tag along him seemed to keeping a close eye on me, and I honestly didn’t know how I felt about that. I felt flattered but extremely uncomfortable at the same time but what I hate the most was every time he would complement me I would get all flustered and I could feel myself falling a little more each time. Every night after those few days I would scold myself, falling for a straight guy wouldn’t help me at all. And thankfully the days he came were very few.

And hopefully they stay that way or I don’t know what I’m going to do.

I was pulled out of my thoughts when my phone buzzed, indicating that I had gotten a text. I looked at the sender and frowned.

From: Taemin

            Did you have a fun time with Hyung? \(^^)/

Glaring at the message I shoved my phone back in my pocket. Didn’t this brat know what he was doing? Well, scratch that, of course he knew what he was doing. Screwing with my emotional state was what he was doing.

Pinching the bridge of my nose I sighed and fished my phone back out of my pocket. Amber was going to be upset but I really didn’t feel like I was in the mood to hangout out tonight. With a few swipes of my thumb I pulled her contact up and pressed call. It rang for a few moments until I hear her voice on the other end.

“Hey, what’s up Kibum? Are you on your way now?” she asked through the phone just as the elevator doors slid opening and revealed the lobby. It wasn’t very big but it was very comfortable looking with a few couches here and there sitting on red rugs that cover the tile floors.

I sighed and rested my cell on my shoulder as I zipped up my jacket. “I don’t really think I want to hang out tonight.”

She responded with an understanding “Ahhhh,” and chuckled. “Sounds like someone is stress. Don’t worry, I’ll tell the rest of the guys you can’t make it.”

 “Like you wouldn’t believe.” I told her with a growl and added. “There’s just this little kid that I’m going to have to put in his place and make sure he stops meddling in my life.”

“Then this is where we should say our goodbyes, I don’t want my ear in contact with you in any way when you see this kid.”  She told me and I could just imagine the smile she, no doubt, had on her face now. “I learned my lesson last time I tried to interfere. I think my ears have permanent damage” She finished with a sigh. I would’ve chuckled but just the thought of him made me boil.

While saying goodbye to Amber I pushed through the building’s door just to have the warm springtime night air wrap its’ self around me causing me to my jacket. Even if it was warm the wind still blew so I decided to keep my hood up, I didn’t want the hard work I put into getting my hair just right today to go to waste.

Thinking back to the text I frowned. I couldn’t wait until I got him within arm’s reach, he was going to wish he never messed with me. I paused on the sidewalk before turning right and going down the street towards the place where I parked my car. I don’t normally drive because I found that for the most part it’s easier to travel by foot in the city but I had originally planned to meet Amber and our previous group of friends which were on the outer limits of the city, but this couldn’t wait. Taemin had stepped over the line, he knew that I found Jonghyun attractive and he also knew the reason I didn’t want to get involved in this. I mean look at his history, he’s straight for God’s sake! But I guess that doesn’t matter in Taemin’s little world where everything seemed to work the way he wanted it. My only plans for tonight was to go beat some decency into him… okay, not ‘beat’ but I was definitely going to get my point across. 

Stomping down the sidewalk with these thoughts streaming through my head I realized by the time I yanked the door open to my car that I had no idea where Taemin was at this moment. With a sigh I rested my head on the open door of my car, I didn’t really want to resort to asking him where he was but it’s not like anyone else would really know. Onew and Taemin were friends but it was obvious to me that they weren’t the closest, Jonghyun was by far closer to the kid but there was no way that I was going back there. He would no doubt tease me about it, I could just see it now.

“I told you would come crawling back to me. Just can’t get enough of this y God can you?” …

Wait, on second thought he probably wouldn’t say that. That might just be me.

I shook my head to try and stop that train of thought, not helping my issues here. Slipping into the driver’s seat a thought hit me.

Minho!

Of course, why didn’t I think of him before? He was even closer to Taemin than Jonghyun was, granted sometimes I didn’t really understand it but they seemed to know exactly what the other one was thinking. I swear they had their own language too, but that’s not important now.

Raising my waist up I tried to reach into my back pocket to get to my phone, after a few moments of struggling with the limited space I was finally able free my cell from its confinements of my tight fitting jeans. I pulled it out and let it rest against the steering wheel while I took a deep breath, I really needed to stop putting my phone in my back pocket it was like my baby and I can’t even imagine what I would do if I hurt him in any way.

Yes, my cell phone is a boy… don’t judge me.

I scrolled through my contacts until I found Minho’s number, clicking on it I placed my phone on the dashboard while switching it to speaker. I waited for a few minutes while it rung, a few more seconds passed and just as I was about to hang up and try again I heard a deep voice cut through the silence.

“Hello?”

Picking up the phone I held it closer before I answered. “Hey Minho, I need to ask you something.” I heard rustling on the other end of the line, it kind of sounded like he was struggling with something.

“Here… hold up for a second.” He said and I thought I heard him throw the phone and it sounded like it landed on something soft… a bed maybe.  Before I could think any farther about it he came back onto the line. “Sorry about that, I’m supposed to meet Taemin a little later so I was trying to get dressed. So what is it that you need?”

“Where are you meeting Taemin?” I asked, hoping he wouldn’t hear the anger in my voice, luckily I don’t think he did.

“Ummm, at his place but not for a little less than an hour from now. Did you need me to do something before then?” he offered.

That’s what I liked about Minho, he was always willing to help a friend in need.

“No, I just needed to know where Taemin was.” I answered angrily but he didn’t seem to notice.

“Why not call him then?”

….crap.

I should’ve seen that coming, today just hasn’t been my day, but luckily he helped me out by answering himself.

“Did he not answer again? He probably lost his phone again, sometimes I wonder how he survives by himself.” He chuckled and I just laughed along with it.

After we said our goodbyes I started the car and headed in the direction of Taemin’s apartment. The closer I came to his place the angrier I got, I keep thinking about what I would say. The more the thought the more I kept thinking back to how fast Jonghyun made my heart beat, and that wasn’t good, not at all. By the time I was standing in front of his door I was I wanted nothing more than to hurt him, this wasn’t about making him understand my feelings anymore. No, as far as I was concerned Taemin had taken my trust and threw it out the window, I told him everything involving Jonghyun and about what happened before, and he still forced this on me. Dammit, he knew how I felt about this whole thing.  

Ignoring the doorbell I opted for banging on his door with my fist until he opened the door. When he finally did he was rubbing his eyes like he had just woken up from a nap, any other day I would’ve found this unbelievably cute, but not this time.

 I pushed him back roughly, not bothering to shut the door behind me; I didn’t plan on letting this drag out.

“What the hell were you thinking?!” I demand from him as I got in his face.

He tried to backpedal as he took in the anger in my face and voice, but I kept pace with him. With a terrified look on his face he put his hands out in surrender. “Hyung, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Like hell you don’t!” I yelled as we enter his living room, since he just recently moved out of his parents’ house his place was fairly bare of any furniture. This room only had a couch and TV with a little place rug in between the two. Still trying to put distance between us he walked back in the rug and got his foot caught on it, tripping he landed on the couch with a thump.

“I thought I was helping.” He whimpered out. “I just wanted you to be happy.”

“Happy, happy?! Are you retarded?!” I yelled as I grabbed the front of his shirt. “Since when is it considered happiness when a gay guy falls for a straight one?!”

“He could change Kibum.” He whispered out as he looked me in my eyes.

I glared at him for a moment before it clicked. “You’re the one who was texting Onew, weren’t you?” He didn’t answer but his silence was all I need, throwing him away from me I sneered. “You know what happened last time, I told you what happened to me dammit! And you still do this, I was frickin’ heart broken and you still thought this was a good idea?!” But all I got in response was him looking down to avoid my eyes. “Do you ever think before you act?”

Still looking at the floor I could hear him mumble out that sounded like, “Jonghyun Hyung isn’t like that though.”

I scoffed and rolled my eyes, putting my hands on my hips and glaring at him I said. “I know you’re young but I know you can’t be this stupid. Things don’t go your way just because you want them too; he just broke up with his girlfriend. Keyword, GIRLFREND!” I yelled again and took satisfaction in see him cringe.

“Kibum…” he whispered as he reached out for my hand. “I’m sorry, it was a mistake. Please don’t be mad.” But before he could wrap his fingers around my hand I yanked away from him. A look of hurt passed over his face and he tried to reach out to me again.

“Don’t.” I told him firmly. “I don’t want you to touch me, in fact I don’t want to have anything to do with you anymore.”  Seeing at him staring up at me begging me with his eyes for me to say that I didn’t mean it I almost made me cracked.

Almost…

The pain of the past was still fresh in my heart and that made me harden my gaze. Turning away from him I headed back out the door I stormed into a few moments ago and left him sitting on his couch. Pausing I thought I heard some sobs, I felt guilt swim through my body and I sighed.

Maybe I had been too hard on the kid.

But just as I was about to turn around and go back to him I saw Minho walking out of the elevator. Squaring my shoulders I headed down the hallway in his direction. Looking up from fixing his shirt he saw me and waved, I just nodded my head and brushed past him. He looked confused but didn’t say anything as he continued his way to Taemin’s. As I walked into elevator and turned around in time to see Minho push through Taemin’s door and I felt a twinge of regret knowing what I was leaving for him to deal with.

Later on that night, when I was home lying in my bed, I replayed the whole day again and again. I was definitely in the wrong, I shouldn’t have said all that to Taemin, but now I couldn’t bring myself to apologize.

Apologizing means admitting that I was wrong to someone, and I just had too much pride for that. I really didn’t mean all that, I was just really pissed and thrown off by today in general. Jonghyun really screwed up my whole mental map of the day.

Thinking back on all that happened at his apartment today, from the way he smiled at me to the way he touched me had me blushing before I knew it. Slapping my face I rolled over trying to dispel any thoughts of Jonghyun but it didn’t help.

Stop it Kibum, this will only end with you being left with the broken heart again. God, why do I always fall for the straight ones? I would understand if I didn’t know that they had the habit of liking girls but I’ve been fully aware both times already. I just have to keep my distance, being friends is fine but only as long as I make sure nothing like today happens again. The way his hands rested on my thighs affected me more than I’d like to admit.

Rolling over again, I tried to get comfortable so that I could get some sleep because I had a shoot tomorrow and I would rather not be dead tired through the whole thing but the universe seemed to have other plans. My brain just would not shut up, when guilt wasn’t eating away at the corners of my mind then it was Jonghyun’s face popping in with his ridiculous smile that did funny things to my heart that I refused to look too deeply at.

This is going to be a long night, I thought with a sigh.

a/n: so this took a bit longer than i thought it would, but have at it \(^-^)/

i just want to say thank you for reading and i love to read youz guys' comments >///< they make me so happy