I'm standing here right in front of you

They still stay the same

Then i hear you say ‘I love you’

And my worries disappear

Once they were out of bed they realized that there was something different about the place they’ve been living for years. She smelled the freshly brewed coffee and he believed he heard someone sang little tunes.

Putting the nearest clothes she found on her body, Chaerin stepped out of Ji’s room and found Dara skipping happily in the kitchen. Her body was draped in the cute apron Chaerin forced Jiyong to buy once upon a time. On the table was a simple breakfast for the three of them; a pot of coffee, fresh salad, scrambled egg and fried bacon.

Jiyong appeared behind her a moment later, he noticed how Chaerin’s body went still in front of the door. “Hey, anything wrong?” He whispered to her ear, snapping her out of her reverie.

She stared at him with the look that looked somehow blank and off to him, “huh? Oh... nothing.... I... I will take a bath first,” she excused herself in a too hurried manner. He raised one of his eyebrows, he knew this couldn’t mean any good.

---

Chaerin stared at the blank canvas before her, it had been the longest time she contemplated in front of the medium but nothing seemed to be good enough for her to draw. In her mind was nothing, or more likely, too many things, she couldn’t decide whether they were good or bad.

Jiyong had left a little before nine this morning with Dara and her bright yellow coat trailed behind, looking all too happy to Chaerin’s liking but she reminded herself that she was the one who suggested the newcomer to go with Jiyong anyways.

She tried taking a deep breath, hoping it would help her shutting down the troublesome thoughts that seemed to be running around her head endlessly, making her dizzy. The meeting with the curator usually made her happy. They talked about the upcoming exhibition, deadlines and stuff, things she had gotten used to. But the mood she was in right now was of no help at all.

She questioned herself why was she worrying so much when she shouldn’t. Jiyong never once was disloyal to her, but the fact that he had too much fans in his workplace only emphasized how good looking the boyfriend of hers was. She never had a problem with those fans, no matter how many times his colleagues told her how the girls came to the restaurant only to see him. She never had to worry, because she knew Jiyong didn’t even give a second look to those girls, or ladies.

But this time was different, the very fans lived with them. Yes, of course Dara was a fan at the very least. She could see her eyes twinkled every little time Jiyong talked to her, and that blush on her cheek only made it more obvious.

She was never in such close proximity with a competitor, neither she thought of Dara as a competitor. That was until the little scene she witnessed this morning. The image of a girl in the kitchen preparing breakfast was her daily dream. She had always wanted to do the very thing, waking up early and preparing everything for Jiyong. To see Dara did that there was like being ripped off of her own dream and watching herself being replaced by some random girl who appeared in their house not more than 24 hours ago. Worse, it wasn’t just a random girl, it was a girl who declared to be his fiancee.

If she thought watching Dara cooks was hard, to eat the actually delicious dishes she prepared made Chaerin almost choked. It was too good, almost as good as Jiyong’s cooking. Every time the spoon touched her lips she had to try her best not to bite it.

She knew Jiyong knew about her behavior in this morning, although she wasn’t sure if he knew the reason. He had been staring at her the whole breakfast time, the look in his eyes before he walked out the door was even more tender than it used to be, the way he held her hands before he went out was tighter than usual, and the hug they shared was longer and more intimate; as if assuring her he was still hers and she didn’t have to worry about anything at all.

She knew he knew, but the heat she felt when she stared at him walking down the hall with the newcomer behind him disturbed her, to think that they’d spent the day together doing things they're good at (and one that she was hopeless at) nagged her thoughts even more. She gripped tightly to the brush she had held since minutes ago.

The canvas was still blank.

---

It wasn’t hard for the boys in the workplace to like the bright girl, Dara. She was quickly accepted into the circle and she couldn’t be more grateful than that. Jiyong himself was a warm person, although he wasn’t one who talk too much and would only replied her with a sentence or two when they got the chance to talk (more about confirming if she did the right thing in the workplace), but the chance to be close to him the whole day made her all jumpy in excitement.

Mrs. Park, the wife of the restaurant’s owner was very happy to know that there was finally a girl in their kitchen, for Dara’s cooking talent was quite satisfying. She learned quickly to make the basic dishes, and she never once complained. Her appearance, had made the place warmer and brighter. The first day of work was such a happy experience for Dara.

When it was time for them to go back home, Dara felt a blush creep up her cheeks. She and Jiyong would be in the same car again, and such little thing made her more than happy. When Jiyong told her they were going to visit the grocery store to buy some stuff to fill the refrigerator she thought she’d fly. To stroll along the hallway with the one and only Jiyong was like a dream come true for her.

She took a good look at him and noticed every little details he made. The way his eyebrows crooked when he contemplated, the way he bit his lips upon realizing the price had gone a little bit higher, the way he walked, the way he turned his head when he saw stuffs on sales. Every little thing he did made her believed she had gone crazier a step more dangerous.

“Why do you want to be my fiancee?” Jiyong asked her out of the blue, she gaped for a while, trying to find her voice that seemed to be lost in an unseen vortex.

“I... I don’t really know, Mom told me there was a guy planned for me, she gave me your picture and I fell in love...” She blushed hard upon saying this, her voice softer like a whisper, of course he heard it.

He chuckled, which made her feel hot all over her body, “You’re like the total opposite of Chaerin,” he told her, and she couldn’t help but feeling jealous. The way he said her name was like saying something so precious to him, which actually might be a fact. “If her parents told her that they’ve planned someone for her, I can imagine her going berserk even before her parents show any picture,” he said, and she couldn’t help but notice the dreamy tone of his figure whenever he talked about his girlfriend.

“Even if the fiance might be you?” She questioned, at the same time trying to defend herself. No way any girl can resist to have such a fiance like him.

“Even when the fiance is Tom Cruise, I think.” He giggled, and she had the urge to just record it so she can watch it over and over again for his giggle was too adorable. “She’s like the hero of personal freedom, she’s one who believes that you’re the one responsible for your life.” He continued, walking closer to the cashier. “And I guess that was what made me fall for her even more.” He finished off and she could swear there was a tinge of pink on his cheeks.

He blushed?

On the way back there wasn’t much talk between them, Chaerin just called asking where they were and the rest of the ride was silent. Once in a while she would look up to him and found him biting his lips, trying to suppress a grin, and she knew pretty well what the source of his happiness was.

---

The first thing she noticed when she entered the apartment was the fuming smell, and she realized that Jiyong had ran to the kitchen in no time. Chaerin was there standing very still with the pan fuming in front of her. The fire was off but she could have sworn the cool girl Chaerin was obviously shaking in front of her.

Jiyong gathered Chaerin in his arms, very much like what he did last night. He seated her on the dining chair, she didn’t seem to recognize her surroundings, still too shocked to whatever happened a moment before they entered. “I...” She heard Chaerin voiced out, her shaky voice sounded small and scared, pretty much opposite to the one she heard when she talked about the rules the night before; sharp and confident.

Jiyong gave her a glass of water and Chaerin almost choked up on it for drinking too fast and Jiyong's hand never left her back, soothing her nerves. “I wanted to cook...” she said in a low voice, almost whispered. “But-” She couldn’t finish her sentence, choking up on her own tears as Jiyong pulled her closer for  a hug.

Chaerin buried her head in Jiyong’s chest, her hands gripped tightly on his shirt. She was never this disappointed at being failed to cook. She was always failing anyway. He her hair softly, whispering soothing words to her, “It’s okay, you know... It’s really okay...” he told her, still her hair. She was shaking under his touch and he couldn’t help but think that he had never seen her this sad before. Sure he had seen her angry so many times, in so many different styles, but there was something different about her today, she was disappointed, not at him, but at herself.

Chaerin was never one who look down upon herself. She was one who thought that she was the best in her field even with all the lacking she had. She was one with confidence overflowing her body, and one who will admit her mistakes bravely.

Tonight she wasn’t being her oneself, she looked almost... afraid.

---

It's my insecurity

It's not you it's me

I'm my worst enemy

It's my insecurity

(Insecure - Nikki Flores)

--- 

Well, so the drama (?) is just starting, I mean... a story does need some drama, right? ;)

Comments, pretty please? I very much need them right now. I need to know what you guys think about this chapter and/or this story. Tell me whatever you think about it, the characterizations, the pace, anything constructive to help me. Thank you so much :D