Tape #0

“This is Kim Sihyung,”

-

“I’ve been making her these mix tapes so she will know how I feel,”

Tape #1

“Hi, you’re Ara – Yoo Ara, right?”

-

“My name is Sihyung – Kim Sihyung, but of course, you don’t know me, do you?” (chuckles)

-

“We live in the same neighbourhood, mine is three blocks away from your apartment, just across the street – but of course, you don’t know that, do you?”

-

“I see you almost every day; you’d usually walk pass my apartment around 8 in the morning. Sometimes you’d be late; ten minutes, twenty minutes; thirty and at times you wouldn’t appear at all – no matter how long I waited. Sometimes when it’s cold, you would have your red scarf wrapped around your neck – and when it drizzles, you got your pink umbrella with you – and you’d run as quick as you can with your flimsy steps, stepping on the paddles of water along the pavement. Once, you almost slipped and at that split second, I thought my heart almost dropped but I sighed in relief – because you didn’t. You should probably stop wearing that pointy heels, it’s dangerous – and also I heard that heels aren’t good for your health,”

-

“Sihyung, my name is Kim Sihyung – just in case if you have forgotten,”

Tape #2

“Hey, Ara do you like painting? (slight pause) Hmm – you don’t?” (chuckles)

-

“It’s Sihyung, by the way,”

-

“Well, painting is fun. You’d get to explore with various colours, play with imaginations and you get to work with your bare hands. Painting gives me life – a life that this life couldn’t give me, you know if I could sum that up in a fewer words, but I’m not good with words either, so I paint – a lot. That’s one thing that I’m good at,”

-

“I hope you won’t think that I’m creepy, but I’ve painted you and it turned out pretty too, and no, I am not a stalker by any means! I just happened to see you every day and no, I didn’t take any of your pictures, even though there were always opportunities to but I didn’t – because that’s a violation of privacy right? (chuckles)

-

“You should really see the paintings – it’s just as beautiful as you,”

Tape #3

“It’s me again, Sihyung – Kim Sihyung,”

-

“Ara, how does it feel like the world out there? My mom said it’s really pretty out there, especially when it’s autumn, because that’s when her favourite flower blooms. Lavender; mom said she likes lavender the most – because it’s purple and purple is her favourite colour. Summer is really nice too, because I could hear the heart warming sound of kids laughing around the neighbourhood, and laughter is good because then, it doesn’t feel that lonely anymore,”

-

“But I think I hate winter the most,” (long pause)

-

“My whole body aches when it’s winter, especially the lower half of my body. Hemiplegia – that’s the word. Sometimes, I find it really hard to breathe, and when that happens, it feels like someone tries to rip my heart off my chest and if I don’t try my hardest to fight the battle, I think I’d be wandering elsewhere – somewhere where pain doesn’t exist,”

-

“But Ara, I really don’t want to lose the battle,”

Tape #4

“So do you like my talking voice? No!?” (chuckles) (clears throat)

-

“I hope you’re not bored of me yet – because I still have a lot to say to you,”

-

“Hmm – Ara? I wish to hear your voice – I wish time would let me,”

Tape #5

“It’s winter now; time flies really fast, doesn’t it?”

-

(coughs) (inhales) (exhales)

-

“Ara, I can’t talk at the moment – ”

-

(tape ends abruptly)

Tape #6

“I didn’t see you today. I waited for hours but you didn’t appear. Where were you?”

-

“I miss you,”

Tape #7

“Hi, you’re Ara – Yoo Ara, right?”

-

“Sihyung, my name is Kim Sihyung – just in case if you have forgotten,”

-

“So, I don’t see you everyday anymore – instead, I see a lot of people with white outfits; and it isn’t autumn here or summer because every single day I could only smell the overpowering whiff of antiseptics. The loneliness gets even worse here – I could barely hear any sound of laughter anymore because they say it’s taboo here. People are dying, so being happy here is almost prohibited – that’s what the nurse told me,”

-

(long pause)

-

“Ara, when my time is up, I want to leave happily,”

Tape #8

-

Tape #0

“This is Kim Sihyung,”

-

“I’ve been making her these mix tapes so she will know how I feel,”

#

The tapes had never reached her, and pain – doesn’t exist in his world anymore. 

sihyung/ara

this is probably too long to be called a drabble