Friday night, he came back to the apartment to see Jongwoon lounging on the sofa, obviously half-paying attention to the TV that was on low-volume.

“Why are you watching the cooking channel?” Kyuhyun asked, tossing his keys onto the counter. Hopefully he’d remember where he put them, unlike the multiple times in the past where he forgot where they were and stomped around the apartment demonically, yelling to himself in increasing panic that he couldn’t find the keys. His neighbors had given him skittish looks for the next few days. “How are you not hungry looking at all that food you can’t eat?”

Jongwoon seemed to startle out of whatever trance he was in from staring at the TV. He managed a tiny smile at Kyuhyun. It was a small smile, but it thrilled Kyuhyun to know that it was still a genuine one. “Welcome home.”

“You didn’t answer my question,” Kyuhyun huffed, plopping himself down next to Jongwoon, not even bothering to take off his jacket.

“All the other channels were terrible. This is my default channel to fall back on.” Jongwoon said, scooting to make room for him but they still ended up touching from thigh to hip.

Despite his initial protests, Kyuhyun settled down next to one of his favorite people and got even more engrossed into the show than Jongwoon was. After ten minutes passed, he found himself yelling at the chefs competing in the show while Jongwoon laughed at him, his eyes shaped into half-moons.

When the advertisements started playing, Kyuhyun sat down from when he had been flailing at the competitors to find Jongwoon still smiling fondly at him.

“What?” He grumbled.

“Nothing.” Jongwoon reached out to ruffle his hair. “You’re just very cute, that’s all.”

Kyuhyun flushed at the sudden compliment and tried to cover it up but trying to get his bird’s nest of hair into order again. “Wha – No – You’re cuter!”

Jongwoon laughed at him. “Glad you think so.”

If Boa was here, she would be having a field day and telling them to stop flirting and make out already, as she usually does when they eat or hang out together. Since she wasn’t here right now (thank goodness), Kyuhyun took it upon himself to ignore her voice in his head. He almost missed the days when she used to go mute from the fact that she was breathing the same air as a famous idol she admired. It had been hilarious to watch her be so awkward because she was usually so confident around everyone she met.

“ANYWAY,” he said loudly enough to drown out any inappropriate thoughts in his head. Jongwoon didn’t even startle from the sudden spike in volume, as he was so used to him.

“Yes?”

“…I don’t even know. I just wanted to change the topic,” Kyuhyun admitted, slouching further into the sofa. They shared a moment of comfortable silence, before he straightened up again, with his arm in the air like an obedient student. “Wait, no! I just remembered I have a question!”

Jongwoon snickered at his pose before indulging him. “What is it?”

Kyuhyun put his arm back down. “I’ve been wondering… I mean, you don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to, but I mean… What does depression even feel like? I always thought that it meant that you’re extra sad, but I don’t know.”

There was another moment of heavier silence as Jongwoon leaned forward and seemed to consider his question. Kyuhyun could hear the tiny voice from the TV promoting a weird horror movie related to Christmas and reached out to mute the TV.

“Depression isn’t the same as sadness.” Jongwoon looked up from where his elbows were resting on his legs. “You just feel no energy to keep on going. Completely apathetic. No motivation to do anything, not even sleep because that would mean the next day full of responsibilities will come that much sooner.”

Kyuhyun made a soft sound, considering this new information, having never thought of depression in this way before.

“One of the worst parts is waking up in the morning with the heavy weight of existence on you.” Jongwoon was looking at his hands again. “You can’t motivate yourself to do anything, much less take care of yourself. A task that would’ve seemed tiny to you when you were feeling fine would feel like you’re forcing yourself to climb Mt. Everest instead.”

Kyuhyun hesitated in reaching out to Jongwoon and resting his hand on his knee. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

He sighed heavily. “I don’t know. Be there, I guess? I often don’t like to bother other people when I feel this way because I feel like a burden to others. Like I’m not good enough to take up other people’s time.”

“But… That doesn’t make sense. Millions of girls would sell a limb to spend time with you. Maybe not their own limbs, but someone else’s, maybe.”

Jongwoon laughed tiredly. “Ah, you’re exaggerating again.”

“It’s true, hyung!” Kyuhyun whined, leaning forward.

Jongwoon covered the hand that was resting on his knee with his own. “Thanks for the vote of confidence, but depression lies to you. It tells you these things that you know aren’t logically true, but you can’t tell your emotions to magically change with a snap of fingers. I’m… Sorry about shutting you out last time I felt this way. I often don’t feel like being with other people when I feel this way partly because I feel like I should only be happy when I’m around others and it’s just so exhausting to pretend that I’m feeling fine all the time. I also just want to be left alone, even though I don’t want that at the same time. It’s weird.”

Kyuhyun frowned. It was hard to imagine what Jongwoon was going through. What he went through everyday. He got sad at times, sure, but he never felt anything like what Jongwoon was describing. How could he even get a grasp of what he was feeling if he had never experienced it before? All he could to do was listen.

“I don’t want you to pretend around me,” Kyuhyun insisted.

Jongwoon intertwined their fingers and smiled at him. “I’ll try to keep that in mind next time. Thank you for asking and listening to me.”

Kyuhyun squeezed his hand. “Of course.”

Jongwoon broke the mood by pulling his hand away and lightly punching him in the arm. “Eh, that’s enough talking. Come here, Kyukyu. I want some cuddle time.” He spread his arms and Kyuhyun was helpless to say no. He leaned in and breathed in his hyung’s scent of sweet melons. He always felt so safe in his arms, and wasn’t it just ironic that he was the one being comforted when it should be the other way around?

“I want some green ice cream,” he mumbled into Jongwoon’s collar. He felt the vibrations of his laugh underneath him, adding another layer of warmth and comfort to the hug.

“Again? You better not try to feed half of it to your Pikachu plushie this time.”

“What?! How did you know that happened? Uh – I mean, I totally didn’t do that. Of course not.”

“Uhuh. Sure.” The sarcasm was practically palpable.

“Ugh. You .” Kyuhyun tried to scowl but ended up yawning against the comfortable material of Jongwoon’s shirt. His eyes started fluttering shut.

“If you fall asleep on me, I will toss you out the window.” The hand that was gently carding itself through his hair contradicted his statement.

“Nngh.” And that was the last sound he remembered making before darkness settled in, cradling him warmly.  

Author Note: Long time no see, guys. Like literally, maybe two years?? It might be another two years before I come out with another chapter, though, so don't get your hopes up, haha. I'm semi-serious. Who knows when inspiration will strike next? I didn't even plan on updating with a new chapter today, honestly. This just came out of nowhere. Also, if you guys want to read a funny and yet accurate comic about depression, here's Hyperbole and a Half Part One and Two. Thank you to all of you for your sweet comments, especially to those who are still holding out hope that this hopeless story will be finished one day. We will see, huh?