Yoseob wondered if Dongwoon was sane.

Just look at the young man. He’s charming, he’s handsome, he has nice features, but it doesn’t seem like he’s interested in any guy who keep on throwing flirting glances at him. In fact, he waved them all even though all those gorgeous men shoved their numbers into his hands. Dongwoon seemed terribly bored by the endless drinks from the men who were dying to know his name. Surely if Yoseob was Dongwoon and he’s still single, he’d be excited and at least have fun with one of them.

But no, this young man just stayed still at his seat and he didn’t seem to like the given attentions.

“Isn’t he going to pick one?”, Yoseob mumbled to Doojoon.

“Let’s see...nah.”

“Then why the hell are we here instead of the usual diner, Doojoonie?”

“Because it’s Gina-noona’s birthday and she’s always wanted to come to a gay club?”

Yoseob turned to the dance floor which was flooded by people—he got a massive headache just by looking at a bunch of men and women dancing and flirting around with each other—and couldn’t help but smiled at their friend’s view. For a straight person, Gina-noona sure looks happy dancing in a gay club. Or was it because she had too much drinks?

“Reason accepted...and your friend’s still gonna reject all those hotties?”

“Yeah,” Doojoon replied casually. “He’s not interested. Not gonna be interested. Never gonna be interested.”

“Your friend’s crazy.”

“He’s not, just that he doesn’t have a heart.”

“I heard that,” Dongwoon scowled as he put the empty glass on their table. “I hate coming here. But tell me again why do I always agree to come here with you?”

“Because you need to get a life and have a date,” Doojoon said seriously and the younger male scoffed again.

“I will have a date. ...when I’m interested.”

“See? He doesn’t have a heart that could beat for someone else,” the leader of the group told Yoseob with a satisfied smirk. “At least not yet.”

Yoseob laughed with a hand over his mouth and Dongwoon rolled his eyes.

“I’m outta here,” Dongwoon stood up and his friends could see that the men that had been looking—and drooling—over their table to snatch the young man’s attention looked disappointed as he grabbed his coat. “Tell Gina-noona happy birthday once again, and uh...you might wanna pull her back here before a girl asked her out.”

Their eyes quickly diverted to the dance floor where Gina looked uncomfortable as few girls talked to her. In a scary kind of way.

“See ya,” Dongwoon pointed with his chin before walking out. Yoseob waved at him while Doojoon rushed to the dance floor to save his friend.

As he reached outside the club, the tall male huffed and ed the top two buttons on his shirt. Today was actually tiring. Dongwoon kinda hated the situation at the office—everyone tried hard to gain his attention and it annoyed the hell out of him. Just because he’s the son of the owner doesn’t mean he likes it. When he was about to go home, suddenly Doojoon showed up and kidnapped him to the club—another thing he hates. But the drink wasn’t so bad. And the birthday girl was happy, so...

It was enough for the day and he needed to rest.

Dongwoon got into the car and the engine. It started raining the moment he drove away and he sighed deeply, thinking that it was such a misfortune because this baby of his was at the carwash earlier today. The rain made his view blurry—he didn’t bring his glasses, damn—and Dongwoon had to be extra careful. He made it to the red light and stopped. There were just a few cars and his was on the third row.

The light turned to green, and they started moving. All of a sudden, he cursed loudly as the car infront of him stopped with a loud screech. Thankfully Dongwoon hit the brake at the perfect time, or else he would’ve hit the car and it would be even a more tiring day. Irritated, he almost got out of the car and strangled the driver, but then the car sped up and Dongwoon screamed to himself, and he was about to drive away when he realized—

—he realized someone was lying down on the street.

“,” Dongwoon cursed for the umpteenth time before looking around, realizing that with the rain pouring harder, the street was empty and that someone—that someone was probably the reason why the car before stopped and ran away. It may be hit and run. “,” he cursed again and a nasty thought crossed his mind, that if he left...no one would have known anyway. It only lasted for two seconds before Dongwoon decided that it’s not gonna happen.

“I do have a heart,” he mumbled to himself and got out of the car.

Dongwoon ran to the lying person on the ground and he got soaked wet immediately. He carefully flipped the person—it was a male—to see any injuries or broken bones and checked the pulse. Thank God he’s still alive. Without thinking more, Dongwoon carried the male into his arms and placed him carefully at the backseat before running back to the driver’s side. He sped up to the nearest hospital and they brought him to the intensive care unit.

“We got an emergency,” the nurse was half yelling to the other nurses as she checked the male’s condition. “I think his arm is fractured and he might have an internal bleeding. Get the room ready.”

They counted together and on three, the male was carried to the bed. Now that there was light, Dongwoon could see his face clearly—he didn’t think it was necessary since he was only trying to help him—and he realized as he held his breath.

Pretty.

“I need your ID,” another nurse came to him. “Are you a family?”

“Eh? I—“, Dongwoon stuttered.

“If he’s not, is there anyone I can contact?”

Dongwoon looked confused. She sure speaks fast.

“Lee Kikwang, I found this on his pocket,” she handed Dongwoon a wallet and an ID. “Is he a family?”

Kikwang.

“He’s my boyfriend,” Dongwoon answered without thinking. “I’ll take care of the administration.”

 

 

***

 

 

Kikwang was still unconscious the following day. And the next.

Dongwoon had been coming to see his progress, but Kikwang was still sleeping and he didn’t show any signs that he’s going to wake up soon. The doctor said that there was internal bleeding due to the trauma, but it wasn’t serious and with intensive care it should heal quickly—and no broken bones. He also said that if he didn’t take Kikwang to the hospital right away that night, the male’s probably already dead.

The nurses smiled at him everytime he came after work. One of them had told him that they envy Kikwang for having such a good boyfriend like him, and they wish for Kikwang to wake up soon because it would bring smile back to Dongwoon’s face again. It’s true that Dongwoon didn’t smile a lot, but it’s actually because of his nature, but of course they didn’t need to know that.

Taking advantage of Kikwang’s comatose condition, one of the male nurse took it as a chance to give him his number—which Dongwoon quickly tossed to the trash bin.

Day by day, just by looking at Kikwang’s face, Dongwoon grew even fonder at the male. He couldn’t help but staring at those perfect lip lines, eyebrows, the shape of his nose, and most of all, he was curious about Kikwang’s eyes. Are they black? Are they brown? Whatever color he has, they must be beautiful.

Beautiful.

Dongwoon realized that he’s been repeating the word over and over again. Beautiful. Perfect. Pretty. Flawless. Everytime he saw Kikwang, he would touch those smooth cheeks and it got him to smile, he felt like caressing silk. He couldn’t wait for Kikwang to open his eyes, there’s this huge urge in Dongwoon’s heart, screaming that he wanted to talk, he wanted to know this male better, he wanted to be by his side...

And finally, after waiting long enough, that day came.

He got a call from the hospital, saying that Kikwang’s gained consciousness and that Dongwoon should come over soon.

Dongwoon rushed over in a record time, he left his work, he left his colleagues, he left everything just to see Kikwang—the beautiful, flawless male that had stolen his heart. When he arrived at the hospital, he stopped in front of the room to calm himself down, to take a deep breath and tried to stop shaking. Failed to do all that because he’s full with happiness and nervousness, Dongwoon opened the door and his heart almost stopped beating.

Kikwang’s eyes are even more beautiful.

“Ah,” the nurse happily said. “Your boyfriend’s here.”

Kikwang still laid weakly on the bed, but his eyes were on Dongwoon. Dongwoon was right—his hunch was always right, that he was beautiful when he’s sleeping—and even more when he’s not. He ran out of words for the perfect creature in front of him. A lot of things wanted to be said, but Dongwoon, for the first time, felt like running away because he didn’t know what to say or do. Kikwang was still pale, he looked confused and uncertain, but his gaze at Dongwoon was true.

It’s as if...he believed that he is Dongwoon’s boyfriend.

Dongwoon gulped.

“Hey,” he greeted.

A blush formed slightly in Kikwang’s cheeks and he smiled weakly.

“Hey...”

 

 

***

 

 

Kikwang didn’t remember anything.

Amnesia, the doctor said. It would take time to bring the memories back, and it depends on Kikwang on how long it could be. Kikwang didn’t ask a lot of questions at Dongwoon, and the latter felt a bit grateful about it, because he’s not sure himself if he’s going to be able to answer. He’s not his real boyfriend, after all... When Kikwang was allowed to leave, Dongwoon brought him home—to his apartment.

Kikwang looked at the street all the way home, pressing his lips into a thin line and picturing everything in his head, as if he was trying hard to remember the road home. Not even a single word was out of his mouth.

Dongwoon only glanced from the corner of his eyes.

When they arrived, Kikwang looked surprised as Dongwoon opened the car door for him. “Th—this is where we live?”, he stammered, eyes full with uneasiness. Kikwang grabbed the seat belt tightly as if he was glued to it.

“Yes. This is...our place.”

“Our...place?”

Dongwoon nodded and he offered his hand at Kikwang with a gentle smile, and after hesitating for a moment, Kikwang put his hand on the taller male’s.

He even got more surprised as they got inside, it was a luxurious apartment. A really big, luxurious apartment. Judging from Dongwoon’s appearance, Kikwang knew that the male was rich, but he didn’t think he would be that rich. He wondered what did he do to deserve someone like Dongwoon, and how did the handsome male fell in love with someone like him. Kikwang walked around carefully and glanced around, he laced his hands tightly on the chest so that he wouldn’t bump on anything—wouldn’t want to break something on the first day he came home...

“Do you want to eat?”

Kikwang turned around and his cheeks turned a shade deeper as he noticed Dongwoon was close. Too close. He could feel that ever since he opened his eyes and saw the taller male, his heart just wouldn’t beat any slower whenever he’s around. “U—um, I’ll make something...” He’s not even sure if he can cook.

“You need to rest, I’ll make something for us.”

“Let me do it, what’s your favorite?”

Kikwang gasped at his own question and Dongwoon looked expressionless. He bit his lip in guilt before looking down.

 “I—I’m sorry,” he quickly said in fear. Kikwang didn’t want to make Dongwoon angry and he had a feeling that the latter’s going to be really scary when he gets mad... “I mean... I’ll—I’ll remember soon... I’m sorry...”

A sigh was heard and Kikwang noticed the calming gaze from the handsome male.

“Don’t worry,” Dongwoon smiled and touched Kikwang’s cheek. “I’m not angry, so stop making that face...”

And Kikwang wished Dongwoon would never stop smiling at him.

 

 

***

 

 

Dongwoon couldn’t forget Doojoon and Yoseob’s shocked faces when he introduced Kikwang. He had told the couple that he didn’t want them to ask many questions at Kikwang, and he had told Kikwang that maybe it would be best if they acted like he didn’t have amnesia. It was a safe play for both sides.

So their first meeting ended up nicely, with Yoseob nudging a lot at Doojoon—and it hurt the oldest male but Yoseob didn’t seem to notice it—as he shrieked over small things like when Dongwoon wrapped his arm around Kikwang’s waist, or when Dongwoon got a drink for Kikwang, or when Dongwoon was being very protective of the pretty male as if he’s made of glass.

They went home straight away right after Kikwang told Dongwoon that he had drank too much and it made him dizzy. It got Yoseob to send another awe glance at Dongwoon because he quickly bid goodbye at them the moment Kikwang finished the sentence.

“Your friends are really nice,” Kikwang said happily. “Um... Did I change that much? Yoseob kept on staring at me...”

“That’s just because you’re pretty,” Dongwoon replied casually with his back on Kikwang as he unlocked the door to their apartment, so that he couldn’t see that the latter was blushing. They got inside, locked the door and went to the bedroom to change.

Kikwang looked down nervously and twiddled his fingers before clearing his throat. “W—Woonie...?”

Dongwoon stopped undressing and slowly looked up. “Excuse me?”

“I—I wondered how I used to call you...”, Kikwang bit his lip shyly. “Did—did I say that right?”

“...say that again.”

“W—Woonie...”

“Once again.”

“Woonie...”

Dongwoon couldn’t breathe as he found the way Kikwang called his nick name incredibly y. He walked closer to Kikwang—and the latter stepped backward in uncertainty, until his back was against the wall and Dongwoon trapped him with his body.

This man...only this man.

“Woonie?”

“God,” Dongwoon breathed as he kissed Kikwang softly on the lips.

Their first kiss.

Kikwang moaned softly and Dongwoon put a hand on the back of Kikwang’s neck, pulling him even closer, even though it was impossible for them to be any closer because there were no inches left between them. Dongwoon slid a feet between Kikwang’s thighs and a hand was pushed softly against his chest, this time with a bit louder.

Dongwoon broke the kiss and continued to explore Kikwang’s exposed neck with an arm wrapped around his waist. He and nipping the smooth skin, and the other hand went underneath Kikwang’s shirt and touched one of the sensitive spots. Kikwang cried and grabbed Dongwoon’s hand in shame, to try to push it away because his touches were making him crazy, but Dongwoon’s hand stayed still and he teased Kikwang’s even more.

“A—ah, Woonie...”

Although Dongwoon had never touched anyone else before, but he felt so right touching Kikwang. He glided his hands on Kikwang’s silky skin lightly like they’re transparent and fragile, and had been stealing glances at the pretty male’s expressions everytime he flinched and let out a moan. It was obvious that Kikwang’s shy and he’s embarassed but he let himself be touched by Dongwoon.

Cry out for me.

“You’re hot...”, Dongwoon whispered as he traced back his way to Kikwang’s lips.

“Is—is that bad?”, Kikwang looked worried and put a hand over his mouth.

“I think...it’s y,” he replied between kisses. “It’s y...”

Kikwang cried as Dongwoon’s hand traced south to the member between his thighs. He didn’t remember being so sensitive like this. Or was it because it’s Dongwoon? He clapped a hand over his mouth and closed his eyes in shame and Dongwoon removed his hand before kissing his lips once again.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m... I’m embarassed...”

“You don’t need to.”

“W—was I always this loud?”

Dongwoon blinked and Kikwang stared at him shyly, like really shy, his cheeks were red and being so close, the taller male could feel the heat rose from the pretty male’s face.

“Let’s prove it.”

Kikwang’s eyes widened and tears were starting to well up in his eyes. Dongwoon kissed his eyes and wiped the tears away, before kissing Kikwang again, this time not holding back anymore. As he ped Kikwang’s jeans and stripped the pretty male out of it, Dongwoon carried Kikwang to the bed, completely breathless at the view.

That night, Dongwoon found that Kikwang was incredibly vocal in bed.

And Dongwoon didn’t hate it.

 

 

***

 

 

Days turned to weeks, and weeks turned to months.

Before they knew it, Dongwoon had fallen in love completely with Kikwang. Kikwang still didn’t quite remember, and Dongwoon didn’t want him to rush, because he knew that if Kikwang remembered, then it will be over. It was selfish for Dongwoon to think so, but he just didn’t want Kikwang to leave.

He’s just too in love.

They would talk every night about everything. Sometimes—most times, Dongwoon tried to picture Kikwang with his personality and answered his questions as casual as possible. About how they met. About how they fell in love with each other. About how they first moved in together. And Dongwoon would make up cheesy sentences—and God, it wasn’t him at all—but he smiled in relief whenever Kikwang gigled like a fangirl at his stories—his lies.

Lies.

Dongwoon had told him almost everything that’s really about a Son Dongwoon. Everything that Kikwang wanted to know about him. But whenever Kikwang asked about KiWoon, it would make him stop for a while before thinking for the most realistic answers. He made up stories and deep down inside, he’s scared the stories would turn into different parts if, if, Kikwang decided to repeated the question.

A lump of guilt would build everytime Dongwoon lied and it’s getting thicker and thicker. He even wondered if Kikwang had actually realized that he had lied a lot of times, because he always looked away everytime he couldn’t answer the question. Surely Kikwang would feel something wrong too, because he said that they had lived together for some times but Dongwoon didn’t have a picture of them at all in their apartment...or Kikwang’s clothes, for that matters.

But it was never a problem because Kikwang would always cling and entwined their fingers tightly.

And Dongwoon would never let go.

He would never...

One day, when they were going out together and Dongwoon went to a store to get a change, all of a sudden a girl called out Kikwang’s name and it made the pretty male to blink. He observed the girl who’s running towards his direction and something in his brain screamed that he knew this girl. But he didn’t remember where...

“Kikwang-ah! Kikwang-ah!”

Kikwang bit his lip as he frowned at the waving girl. “...yes?”

“Kikwang-ah! Oh my God! It’s really you! Where have you been?”

“Um...you are?”

She bulged her eyes out in disbelief. “What??? How come you’ve forgotten about me? It’s me, Jiyoon!”

“Jiyoon...”, Kikwang said slowly and narrowed his eyes. Familiar name...

“Oh my God, how could you??”, she glared at Kikwang and sighed. “Anyway, I’m just glad you’re okay! We’ve been looking for you everywhere and we’re very worried! Where the hell have you been?”

“I’m sorry—“, Kikwang winced in pain as something regained itself deep inside his brain. “Please don’t talk too loud—“

“Kikwang-ah, what happened to you?”, Jiyoon kept on talking. “Junhyung-oppa was worried to death—“

“Junhyung...?”

Junnie?

“Yes, your boyfriend!”, she said in exasperation.

Who is...Junnie?

“Stop,” Kikwang closed his eyes painfully and held his head with both of his hands. “Stop, please, Woonie—“

“Hey, what’s wrong?”, Dongwoon suddenly showed up and Kikwang immediately rushed into his arms like a helpless child. “Hey, Kwangie?”

“I don’t—I don’t remember—“, Kikwang whispered desperately and hugged the taller male.

“Hey, it’s alright, don’t cry,” Dongwoon tried to calm Kikwang down and threw a menacing glare at Jiyoon. “And you are...?”

“Are you his friend?”, Jiyoon stared at Dongwoon from head to toe, amazed by his handsomeness, but now’s not the time to be amazed by that. “Do you know that he’s been missing for the past few weeks? His boyfriend’s so panic and went everywhere and looked for him but—“

“My boyfriend?”, Kikwang cut her.

“Yeah, your boyfriend,” Jiyoon stared at him in anger. “Stop joking on me!”

“I am Kikwang,” he quietly said. “But I...don’t know any Junhyung... Woonie’s my boyfriend.”

Jiyoon went agape and widened her eyes. “...what?”

“I got amnesia,” Kikwang explained. “I...I still don’t remember anything. But...are you a friend of mine?”

“It’s too much for now, let’s go home,” Dongwoon said and Kikwang nodded quickly, obeying his boyfriend. “I’m sorry, Jiyoon-ssi, isn’t it? I’m sorry, but we have to leave now.”

 “Amnesia...oh my God that explains everything,” Jiyoon breathed. “But... But! Wait! Kikwang-ah!”

Jiyoon tried to reach for her friend, but Dongwoon had already pulled Kikwang away to leave. A pool of people was flowing around her, and they were drowned between them and the next thing she knew, they were already gone.

 

 

***

 

 

Kikwang stared outside the window, enjoying the night view of the town. It was beautiful, but something was bugging Kikwang, and he’s scared. He’s scared because he didn’t want to remember.

When Jiyoon called his name, Kikwang missed the familiar feeling—he somehow knew that she’s his friend, one of his close friend, but Kikwang chose to ignore that feeling, because once again, he’s scared. But what is it that he scared about? He didn’t know. Probably because of the great amount of dislike—and fear—that showed on Dongwoon’s face when he saw her approaching him.

He did realize about the weird gestures Dongwoon had been showing, that he realized Dongwoon may not be telling the truth, but to be honest, Kikwang didn’t mind. Because he’s just as much as in love with Dongwoon. Kikwang’s too afraid to find out about the truth, because if he does, he may lose Dongwoon and that’s just something he prevent. That’s why even though he asked a lot of questions and Dongwoon looked uncertain everytime he answered, Kikwang didn’t mind. He would just cling to Dongwoon even more tightly, because he knew Dongwoon cared about him as much as he did.

He doesn’t want to be separated from Dongwoon.

Not now, not ever.

Is it a selfish thought...?

Jiyoon mentioned something about ‘boyfriend’ today.

Does it mean...?

Kikwang shook the thought off and tried to get some sleep. He snuggled closer to Dongwoon and grabbed the end of the taller male’s pajamas. Sighing, he tried to close his eyes and forgot everything that happened earlier. Convincing himself that his place is beside this very man near him. Inhaling the scent he loved, Kikwang slowly drifted to deep slumber.

If only he knew that Dongwoon couldn’t sleep even with Kikwang by his side. Not after knowing the happening event today.

Dongwoon was in misery.

His friends could see it from his eyes—lack of sleep always leave something on the face, and worse, his expressions. Yoseob could tell how bored he was in the club when he got all those free numbers and now he could even tell something was bothering him and it got something to do with Kikwang. And Doojoon—being a good friend, he tried to comfort Dongwoon that whatever it is that they’re having—a fight, an argument, maybe—is part of a relationship and they need to talk and go through it so that the relationship will be even stronger.

And Doojoon was right.

They need to talk.

Both of them deserved the truth—no, Kikwang deserved the truth. It was Dongwoon who lied from the start, and Kikwang believed him. If there was someone to blame then it was Dongwoon and not Kikwang. Kikwang deserved the painful truth, and after battling with his inner self, Dongwoon in deep breath and gruntled in despair before grabbing his car keys and left.

Kikwang knew something was wrong when Dongwoon took him out that night, and his hand never left Kikwang’s. He knew something was wrong when Dongwoon brought him somewhere strange—oddly, it slowly became familiar because Kikwang knew the place... He knew something was wrong as Dongwoon rang the bell and waited for the door to be opened, he turned to him and mouthed,

I love you.

Their smiles were wiped off from their faces as the door was opened and Kikwang recognized Jiyoon.

“Kikwang-ah,” she breathed. “You’re here.”

“Kikwangie?”

Kikwang gasped in pain as he saw a familiar figure running towards him and a second later, he was embraced by the male. The scent was familiar, and Kikwang felt like he knew him somewhere, but still...

Kikwangie?

...it feels strange when it’s not Dongwoon’s arms that were wrapped around him.

“I’ve missed you so much,” the male whispered in tears. “Thank God, Kikwangie...thank God...”

And Kikwang remembered.

It all came back to him like a movie roll. He remembered everything as he winced in pain, that they were shouting at each other that night at Junhyung’s apartment, Kikwang left in tears, and the next thing he knew was that he ran carelessly through the rain and a flash of light was blinding his eyes.

“No,” Kikwang whispered in fear. “No.”

I don’t want to remember.

“I’m so sorry,” Junhyung said softly as he cupped Kikwang’s cheeks. “I’m sorry.... I can’t believe you’re here...you’re home...”

“No...”

I don’t want to be here.

“Kikwangie?”

“I...”, Kikwang trailed off as he threw a begging glance at Dongwoon. “Woonie... Please, I...”

“He’s your real boyfriend,” Dongwoon said quietly. “I lied to you. I’m sorry.”

“But—“

“Thank you,” Junhyung bowed at Dongwoon before pulling Kikwang into his apartment. “Thank you, Dongwoon-ssi.”

“Woonie, I—“, Kikwang gasped again as Junhyung had tried to close the door, to shut him from seeing the taller male. “Woonie, don’t do this, please!”

Dongwoon stayed on his track, he looked everywhere but Kikwang. Kikwang’s shaking voice was killing him, he wanted to rush to Kikwang, punching Junhyung in the face and took him away, but he couldn’t be selfish.

Not this time.

Not anymore.

The door was closed harshly and Dongwoon could hear the sound of the door being locked. He faintly heard Kikwang screamed in tears and he still wanted to kick the door and take Kikwang away from Junhyung, but...again, he couldn’t be selfish.

He had lied numerous times to Kikwang and he deserved better.

Kikwang deserved better.

Dongwoon kept on telling himself the same thing over and over again, but it’s not working. Instead of feeling calm, he felt disappointed and enraged.

If it was for the best...

Then why, Dongwoon felt like it was a fatal mistake to let Kikwang go?

 

 

***

 

 

Dongwoon gulped his alcohol like they’re merely mineral waters and Yoseob stared with his jaw dropped.

“I’ve lost count,” Yoseob said to Doojoon. “Fifth glass?”

“Broken hearted effect,” Doojoon nodded and clicked his tongue in awe. “I’m surprised he still has a heart.”

“I heard that,” Dongwoon growled and tossed a small piece of paper to Doojoon.

His friends chuckled as the oldest male between them dodged the thrown paper and Yoseob sighed in sympathy. “But really, Dongwoon-ah... I like Kikwang-ssi. He’s really pretty and from the way you treated him, I’d say you’re...crazy for him like my boyfriend’s here crazy for soccer. And he’s really nice.”

“I’m also crazy for you, Yoseobie. Oh, and Kikwang smells really nice,” Doojoon added.

“And really pretty. Doojoonie, I like to say it. Kikwang-ah is really pretty!”

“And he’s...here.”

Dongwoon stopped drinking and he glared at Doojoon. “Don’t joke. I’m still hurting, you know.”

“But he’s really...here,” Doojoon said and pointed with his chin. Dongwoon followed his gaze and he held his breath as he realized Doojoon wasn’t lying.

Kikwang was there, with his hands laced on his chest, and Dongwoon felt really grateful to God that he was born and was given the chance to see this pretty male once again. Dongwoon bit his lip, feeling unsure of what to do, before standing up quickly as he saw Kikwang was hit by a random male, and the feeling of jealousy and possessive waved against him.

“Back off, he’s mine,” Dongwoon snapped at the male and grabbed Kikwang’s arm. The male quickly retreated nicely and Kikwang seemed relieved to see Dongwoon and looked like he was about to cry. “Hey...” A hand was raised to touch his silky cheek, but Dongwoon hesitated.

“Hey,” Kikwang forced himself to smile.

“What are you doing here? Are you alone?”

“Y—yes,” Kikwang said and looked around. “It’s a bit loud here, isn’t it?”

“Do you wanna go outside?”

“C—can we just go home?”

Dongwoon stared at Kikwang’s eyes for a moment before nodding slowly. “Wait here,” he said half demanding as he went back to the table, grabbing his coat and excused himself from the DooSeob couple. Consciously, he entwined his hand with Kikwang’s as they exited the club, heading to the car.

Kikwang obeyed as he grabbed the other man’s hand even tighter, stared at Dongwoon’s back longingly and clutched his chest.

It hurts without you, Woonie.

“Where’s Junhyung-ssi?”

Dongwoon stopped walking as they reached the car and unlocked the doors by beeping the car keys. Kikwang also stopped walking, but making no move of getting into the car.

“We broke up.”

Dongwoon stayed expressionless. “Why?”

“Because...because I’m in love with you,” Kikwang frustratingly said. “And I think you’re being too selfish, Son Dongwoon. You’re selfish for not asking me how I felt, and you made that one sided decision, shouldn’t you—shouldn’t we talk first about what would happen to our relationship??”

“You were amnesia, and I took advantage of you—“

“But I didn’t feel that way!!”

“What I did was wrong. I had hurt you.”

Kikwang looked really hurt at his sentence and he tried hard not to cry. “My memories came back, Woonie. I got them all back.”

Dongwoon said nothing and slowly fisted his hand. He hated seeing Kikwang cry, especially the ones caused by him.

“But what confused me,” Kikwang continued. “Is that my memories with you—our memories—were the ones I cannot erase. They live strongly—you live so strong, Woonie, so bright in my life that I can’t...forget. That no matter how much I remember my pasts, it’s like they’re not important anymore because...”

A tear fell to Kikwang’s cheek.

“...because I don’t care anymore. I just want to be with you...”

Kikwang had finally said the last sentence and he broke to tears. It’s as if the burden that was kept inside was released and he’s just glad to be able to say it. But Dongwoon still said nothing. He stared at Kikwang blankly and the latter bit his insides nervously.

“Even though maybe, maybe...you’ve told me lies, but I was happy. I was really happy, Woonie...”

“I’m sorry.”

Dongwoon did not dare to look at Kikwang in the eyes. His gaze was on the ground, refusing to go up. He could feel Kikwang’s questioning stare, but Dongwoon chose not to respond to any of it. After a moment that seemed like forever, Kikwang finally came to realize what the taller male meant.

He did not want to continue.

“I...I see...”, Kikwang stammered sadly. “Then...goodbye, Woonie...”

“Goodbye,” Dongwoon replied shortly, eyes were still fixed on the ugly ground. Stupid him for not wanting to see the pretty creature in front of him for the last time.

Kikwang hesitated for a while before finally turning away to leave. Several steps later, he looked over his shoulder to see Dongwoon for the last time, and the latter still acted like he didn’t care at all. Slow steps turned to fast ones, and he acknowledged that Kikwang was running.

When Dongwoon finally looked up, his loved one was nowhere to be found.

 

 

***

 

 

Dongwoon never knew that the feeling of brokenhearted could be so painful like this.

He kept on thinking about Kikwang. Ever since the night at the club, Dongwoon cursed himself over and over again, regretting making Kikwang cry. He didn’t know which was right and which wasn’t anymore. He flashed back to the night where he found Kikwang was hit by a car and that he had decided to get off the car and saved him. What if he chose not to care and leave? What would have happened then?

Maybe it was fate.

A cruel fate...

Whatever it was, it got them to meet.

Doojoon and Yooseb had been calling him stupid non stop, since he was refusing to be with Kikwang but he still stalked him everywhere. Just to make sure he’s safe—Dongwoon reasoned stupidly and he would earn a snort from his friends.

And why do you want to make sure he’s safe?

Dongwoon couldn’t answer.

Because you’re in love with him, God, I don’t know what to call you anymore. You’re far worse than stupid.

Then Doojoon would get a smack from Yoseob and a growling Dongwoon to his drink.

He sighed and recalled Kikwang’s words.

Shouldn’t we talk first about what would happen to our relationship?

Dongwoon closed his eyes and growled in pain. Kikwang was right, he was the selfish one, he’s the bastard... He turned to the right and hugged the pillow childishly before inhaling Kikwang’s scent. Dongwoon stopped breathing and looked at the other side of the bed. He could still smell Kikwang’s sweat, and the way Kikwang cried his name echoed in his mind.

He could still feel Kikwang everywhere in the apartment.

That night, he came to his senses that he couldn’t take it anymore, that he needed to have Kikwang back.

 

 

***

 

 

“Yo, Kikwang-ah! We’re going to the club. Aren’t you coming?”

“Nah, I’ll pass... You guys have fun.”

“Again? Man, you’ve changed, since the long trip last month,” a friend of him commented.

Kikwang smiled apologetically. He had lied about his whereabouts to his friends, luckily his manager would still accept him back to work. “It’s just that I’m really tired and I just want to go to sleep...”

“Don’t tell me your boyfriend didn’t allow you to have fun with us!”

Woonie seemed to be the jealous and possessive type, but he’ll definitely be okay if I hang out with my friends, the thought just popped somehow in his mind, even though Dongwoon’s not officially his boyfriend. “No, I’m just tired. Next time?”

“Deal. Next time! Okay?”

Kikwang laughed and nodded. He’s not sure if he would want to tag along to the club ‘next time’, but he always say yes just to not disappoint his friends. Kicking a stone aside, Kikwang slowly stepped to the opposite direction, to his apartment, when suddenly he noticed a familiar figure standing by a car near his office.

The man he’s in love with.

Kikwang lost all the words he’s been wanting to say to Dongwoon, his throat was dry and he had a sudden trouble swallowing. Dongwoon, on the other hand, looked just as nervous as him, as their gazes met and all the desires suddenly lit up, and Kikwang almost ran right to him, to the person he’s been longing. They stared at each other and none of them seemed to want to break the straight line between their eyes.

But someone had to talk, and it was Dongwoon who cleared his throat first to speak.

“Hey.”

Kikwang swallowed thickly before replying.

“Hey...”

Even though they had something before, but right now it feels like they’re strangers. They looked like they had just met accidentally, ran to each other in the night and just started a monotone conversation right away. But Kikwang was happy. He was happy to see Dongwoon again, and he tried his best not to burst into tears.

Dongwoon had a thousand things to say at Kikwang, but the moment he saw the pretty male, they all vanished to God knows where. Maybe he was planning to say let’s start all over again. Maybe he was planning to say that Kikwang’s stunning, as always. Maybe he was planning to say cheesy words to make Kikwang giggled and agreed to go home, with him. To their place.

Instead, his mind was shouting a specific sentence and that’s what he said exactly.

“Lee Kikwang, would you be my boyfriend?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

End.