They were about to start the leg of their Super Show 4 concerts and the dorm was littered with gifts from fans. Siwon observed with amusement and affection s who were playing around with some of the gifts. As usual, Donghae got Nemo-themed stuffed toys and Yesung got his turtles. 

Five days had already passed and Siwon still hadn’t sent Kyuhyun another letter. The deadline was in two more days. If he couldn’t give a letter, it meant Kyuhyun had won. Kyuhyun however, didn’t seem to be gloating. In fact, they barely spoke to one another and Ryeowook was now casting them worried looks. The only time they probably interacted was when Donghae suddenly gave him a Pooh stuffed toy from the mound of gifts while Kyuhyun got the matching Piglet one. Well actually, more like tried to give him the toy since Kyuhyun was busily watching his favourite drama of the moment, “The Moon Embraces the Sun” and he had growled that he was busy, even if Donghae was his favourite hyung.

“Er, Hae?” Siwon asked with a confused expression while Kyuhyun did the same then looked at him. He just smiled at the maknae and shrugged.

“That suits you coz Pooh loves honey and you have low blood sugar right? Besides, you’re big as a bear and Kyuhyun-…” Donghae’s voice trailed off, realizing almost belatedly what he was going to say.

It didn’t matter though because Kyuhyun attacked him anyway, screaming all the while that he wasn’t a piglet. 

It was on the night of the 7-day deadline that Siwon finally got the nerve to give his letter. He had debated long and hard what tactic to take and found inspiration somewhat from Donghae’s antics. He supposed he should retain the light tone he had started with and since Kyuhyun replied with a poem of his own, he’d continue doing that as well. 

He and Kyuhyun had been in the same van going back to the dorms from their press conference. They didn’t speak to one another so Kyuhyun raised an eyebrow in surprise as Siwon suddenly went in front of him as they alighted and took his hand. Before he pulled away, Kyuhyun felt the letter pressed into his hand. Siwon gave a small smile before saying his goodbyes to everyone as they had reached the dorms and got to his own car to go back to his own apartment.

Kyuhyun walked into his and Sungmin’s room and sat down on his bed, the letter on his lap. He looked unseeingly at the wall opposite him before taking a deep breath to calm the beating of his heart. I must still be high from that press conference. Kyuhyun thought, trying to find a reason why he suddenly felt nervous…and excited. He carefully got the paper out from its envelope and started to read the elegant handwriting: 

To my dearest Kyuhyun,

I’ve found my world and there’s only you in it
Fell in love in just one minute
Always and forever I’ll be true
Because what’s you without me? 
What’s me without you?

It’s like night without its moon 
Summer without its sun 
Stopping a flower from blooming when it’s almost done 

It’s like Dalmatians without spots
Piglet without Pooh
It’s like Dory not being in Nemo 
That’s me without you!

It’s like Romeo telling Juliet he just doesn't care... 
So imagine what we would be if we had never met? 
You’re one thing in my life I won’t regret

You’re my sun, you’re my moon shining on me no matter what I'm going through
You make me so happy with just one touch...
Ask yourself... did you ever think a boy could love you so much?

Sincerely, Siwon, Kyuhyun read, a smile on his lips. This was really cheesy…and cute. Siwon seemed to be making his love poems really light-hearted and… 

A tinge of something like disappointment suddenly washed over him. It was odd but it seemed like something had changed. 

Nothing had changed from Siwon but here he was, not recognizing himself. He was somehow…expecting something.Something more. Something not like the same teasing tone Siwon had used again. Why couldn’t Siwon be serious about this?

But why should he be when this is supposed to be just a game?

That last thought brought Kyuhyun up short. He abruptly stood up, his breathing not quite even as wave after of wave of realization hit him. As if he was replaying scenes of some movie, he slowly and clearly remembered every smile, every touch, and every supposedly playful kiss from Siwon whether they were on stage or when they were just amongst themselves…in the dorms, in the gym, in the studio, everywhere and anywhere. 

And suddenly he now knew why he had always been annoyed, had been wary, had been hesitant. Siwon was quite affectionate to everyone but he had resisted that affection. He had been reluctant to reciprocate the other boy’s apparent and obvious affection because in some corner of his mind, he was afraid…afraid because he liked it too much.

Kyuhyun quickly went to his desk and got his little dusty Mandarin dictionary. He knew he should have used some of his spare time to practice his Chinese for their Super Junior-M activities but then he figured this was a good time as any. He had to laugh softly and bitterly as he just realized that he could also be a coward because here he was, composing a love poem for Siwon, hiding it in another language and praying that the other would just think it was mistranslation on his part for anything written there. 

***************

It was almost a week and there was still no letter from Kyuhyun. Not only that, but the younger boy seemed to be avoiding him. No one noticed it though. Or that’s what Siwon thought.

“What’s with you and Kyuhyun?”

Siwon was startled out of his thoughts as Eunhyuk faced him, hands on his hips and a worried expression on his face. “Nothing,” he answered in almost a whisper since the topic of their conversation was also just across the room.

Eunhyuk almost rolled his eyes, “No, I wasn’t asking if you two have a relationship going on,” he joked while Siwon almost choked and tried to explain, if only he knew how not to stutter. “Oh please, lighten up. I was only teasing you,” Eunhyuk almost chuckled but seeing the expression on the taller man’s face, he continued in a more serious and worried tone, “What happened? You’ve been annoying the heck out of each other after we filmed that VCR and now you two seem to be playing hide-and-look.”

“You mean hide-and-seek?”

“No, hide-and-look,” Eunhyuk emphasized with a shake of his head, “You look when he’s not looking and he looks at you when you’re not looking.”

Siwon was sure that the rising blush on his cheeks wasn’t caused by the exertion they made for practicing their dance routine. Because seriously, they were on a 10-minute break and were 5 minutes through it now. So he tried to will his heart to beat normally and ask in the calmest tone he could muster, “I-…I don’t…” then belatedly realizing what the older boy said, “Kyu-…Kyu looks at me?”

“Well of course, why wouldn’t he? We’ve been in the same group for years, ne?” Eunhyuk but then got serious again when Siwon’s face fell, “You seriously have it bad.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

Eunhyuk just grinned and patted him on the back, “Sure you do. Now get your back in position. We’re starting again.”

And so Siwon went through their routines, focusing and concentrating. He was a professional after all and they just started their concert tour. He was pretty sure he was doing a pretty good job of keeping it together until his eyes met that of Kyuhyun in the studio mirror and he missed a turn. He didn’t hear Eunhyuk’s ‘tsk’ though nor see Yesung’s glare since the older boy was just following him from behind and did just that, followed his mistake. 

And even if he did, he probably wouldn’t have cared though since he was still staring at Kyuhyun who also stared back at him, not breaking eye contact even as Leeteuk clapped his hands and announced that practice was over and they would just meet tomorrow. He continued to follow Kyuhyun’s movements from the mirror and saw Kyuhyun taking out a paper from his pocket then still looking at Siwon, also from the mirror, he made sure he saw him putting the paper on the outside pocket of Siwon’s backpack.

Their eye contact broke when Yesung came over to Kyuhyun and slung an arm around the maknae’s shoulders to drag him outside, saying something about jajamyun noodles. Siwon had to stop himself from running towards his bag to get the letter. He wasn’t supposed to act like some nervous and giddy schoolgirl who was waiting for her crush’s love letter. 

And that’s when it struck him, was this what Ryeowook meant? That they put themselves in the girl’s shoes and empathize with her?

Siwon waited for everyone to go on and head out of the studio, just smiling and shaking his head as the other members asked him if he wanted to hang out with them in the dorm. When the room was finally cleared after he had also told their manager that he’d be fine going home on his own, he hurriedly went to get his bag and sat down. His hands weren’t quite steady as he took the letter from the front pocket of his bag and carefully unfolded it to read. 

The farthest distance in the world 
Is not the space between life and death 
But when I stand in front of you 
Yet you don't know that I love you 

The farthest distance in the world 
Is not when I stand in front of you 
Yet you can't see my love 
But when undoubtedly knowing the love from both 
Yet cannot be together 

The farthest distance in the world 
Is not being apart while being in love 
But when plainly cannot resist the yearning 
Yet pretending you have never been in my heart 

The farthest distance in the world 
Is not pretending you have never been in my heart 
But using one's indifferent heart 
to dig an uncrossable river 
for the one who loves you 

Did, did this mean what it seemed to mean? Siwon didn’t dare to hope. He read it one more time just to make sure his translation was correct. He had to remind himself that they were doing a contest but this love poem…surely, Kyuhyun couldn’t have made this without feeling something at least?

That’s it. To hell with pride. He wasn’t sure of Kyuhyun’s feelings but he was sure of something else now. 

***************

Kyuhyun tried avoiding eye contact with Siwon. He couldn’t believe he actually wrote something like that to him. He had been hoping that Siwon didn’t fully understand the words he used. He was better after all in classical Mandarin but he knew Siwon was better in just about…everyday Mandarin.

Oh God, who am I kidding, Kyuhyun groaned to himself, Of course Siwon would understand it. But the question was, how much did Siwon understand? It didn’t matter if he was able to translate everything but did he actually get what Kyuhyun meant by them? Did Siwon laugh his head off when he read it?

Kyuhyun was lost in his thoughts that he didn’t notice Siwon was already in front of him. He had to restrain himself from giving in to his instincts to run and hide because surely, what he wrote was probably the mushiest of all the mushiest love letter of them all.

“Here,” Siwon said softly, not quite meeting his eyes as he held out a thick and expensive looking envelope. “It’s my last letter.”

Kyuhyun was busy trying to not look embarrassed that it was a few seconds before he realized what the older boy said, “La-…last letter? You mean, you’re not doing this anymore?” Kyuhyun hoped Siwon didn’t hear the slight break in his voice. Then he cleared his throat and added in a taunting tone, his usual pride wrapped around him, “That means I’ll win or are you that confident that I won’t be able to reply with something better?”

Siwon just smiled and Kyuhyun was surprised to see a hint of…was that sadness in his eyes? “I’ll actually be happy if you respond with something. Anything really. It’s just- what I mean is, um-… that is to say,” Siwon ran a hand through his hair and chuckled self-consciously, “Just, just read it and whatever you response is, I’ll be okay with it. I, I mean if it’s something bad, I mean, not encouraging for me, I’ll understand of course. Of course, I’m hoping that it’s something good but it’s your choice of course so…oh God, I’m babbling. I’m sorry. Anyway, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

And before Kyuhyun could make sense of Siwon’s long-winded speech, the taller boy had run off.

“Are you still doing that letter contest?” 

Kyuhyun looked up to see that Sungmin had approached him, a curious gaze on the envelope in his hand. 

“Yes.”

“And have you figured it out?”

“Figured out what, hyung?”

Sungmin didn’t say anything. He just looked into the younger boy’s eyes then slowly smiled. “You already did. You just don’t want to admit it. Anyway, let’s go. We have a flight to catch tomorrow.” 

It was already well into the night and Sungmin could be heard snoring from across the room that Kyuhyun finally found the courage to read the letter. Siwon had said it was his last, did that mean it was a goodbye letter?

Kyuhyun had to mentally slap himself. Why would Siwon write a goodbye letter when the contest was writing love letters? Of course it would be a love letter, probably something funny again or, and this one Kyuhyun dreaded, a love letter saying that he now wants to move on and that’s why he had said this would be his last.

Oh my God, I watch too many dramas, Kyuhyun scolded himself. They were not acting out some kind of drama, they were having a silly contest. This wasn’t even real! And with that kind of grounded mindset, he hastily opened the letter, afraid that he might chicken out again at the last minute. As he saw the paper though, he was startled.

It was blank!

What the hell? Kyuhyun thought bewilderedly. He flipped the page over and over but saw nothing. Well this is anticlimactic, a little bit of humour was now getting to him. Did Siwon decide to put one over him or since he wrote his recent poem in Mandarin, Siwon went ahead and used invisible ink this time to write his?

Kyuhyun groaned and debated whether to actually go to the kitchen and squeeze lemon juice onto the paper when a more disturbing thought crossed his mind. What if Siwon purposefully left it blank? What if it symbolized what he meant by “last” letter? Did the blankness reflect what he felt for Kyuhyun?

What if I’m just overreacting and overanalyzing and Siwon was really just that stupid enough to forget that he actually had to write something?

Then he heard it, a muffled step just outside his door. He expected Eunhyuk to come in at any moment, probably to nag him to go and sleep because they were needed at the airport early tomorrow but a few seconds passed and nothing happened. He frowned in confusion and frowned some more when he saw something white being slipped under the door.

“Gah! You’re still awake. I thought you were already asleep and oops!” Siwon made a comical picture when Kyuhyun had opened the door. He had the most frightened look on his face when Kyuhyun had opened the door and he quickly lowered his voice when he also saw the bundled form of a sleeping Sungmin on the other bed.

Kyuhyun went out and closed the bedroom door behind him. “I was reading your blank letter,” he explained before he could stop himself, he hadn’t counted on telling Siwon that he was losing sleep poring over a letter that didn’t, well, actually had anything to be read but then he remembered the other paper he just picked up from the floor, “What’s this?”

Siwon tried to grab the paper but Kyuhyun instinctively clutched it to his chest. “That’s ah-…” Siwon tried not to stutter even as he went red, “That’s actually the letter I wrote. I didn’t realize until later that I put the blank paper after it in the envelope.”

Bingo! Siwon was really that stupid. Kyuhyun thought mockingly but there was also an overwhelming relief that his worst fears were unfounded. 

“I think I was just nervous and-…No! Don’t read it yet!”

“Why not?” Kyuhyun was confused but he didn’t give the paper to Siwon who was attempting to take it.

Siwon was sure that he was blushing right now but he continued urgently, “It’s ah-…well that is…can’t you just read it after I’ve gone home?”

“Huh? We’ll be seeing each other tomorrow anyway so why do I need to wait when you’ve gone?” Kyuhyun asked then suddenly as if something possessed him to do it, he took hold of Siwon’s arm while with his other hand, he took the letter and started to read: 

To a boy,

Kyuhyun frowned in confusion and if he was honest with himself, a bit hurt too. Why did Siwon suddenly used a very impersonal greeting? He filed away that confusing feeling though since Siwon was just beside him and continued to read aloud: 

Have you ever loved a girl and knew she didn’t love you? 
Did you ever feel like crying and thought what good would it do?

Have you ever seen her dancing when the higher lights were way down low?
Did you ever say ‘God, I love her’ but just couldn’t let her know?

Have you ever wondered where she is at night, perhaps with someone new?
One moment you’re happy, one moment you’re blue.

You just can’t let her see you, it’ll never turn out right.
Love is great, it hurts too much and the price you pay is high.

So if you fall in love my friend, you’ll find it doesn’t pay.
Although it causes broken hearts, it happens every day.
If I were to choose between love and death, I think I’d rather die.

And if you fall in love my friend, you’ll be hurt. Oh yes, it’s true.
Because Kyuhyun, you ought to know, I fell in love with you.

Kyuhyun looked up at Siwon and Siwon just looked back at him. They stared at each other in silence, neither of them knowing quite what to say. 

“Oh,” Kyuhyun finally said after a few more moments of stunned silence.

“Yes, oh.” Siwon agreed and nodded stupidly, all the while studying Kyuhyun’s face for signs of anger or disgust.

“So…” Kyuhyun began then paused, uncertain.

"Yes, so.” Siwon echoed and nodded again, not quite knowing why he was nodding but he had to make sure he was amiable to whatever Kyuhyun said.

“You’re in love with me.”

“Yes, in love with you,” Siwon nodded again.

“So this probably means I won the contest.”

“Yes, you won the contest.” 

“You’re just agreeing with everything I say,” Kyuhyun pouted but there was a teasing light in his eyes.

“Yes, everything you say,” Siwon agreed and continued nodding.

“Kiss me then.”

“Yes, okay…wait! What?” Siwon finally snapped out of his trance. He gaped at Kyuhyun, not quite believing what he had heard. But the smile on the other boy’s face told him that he wasn’t dreaming. Siwon could feel a wide smile forming on his own face and he took a step towards the maknae to give him just what he had asked for and what he himself had always dreamed of doing…

Thud!

The bedroom door was closed on his face. 

“Um, Kyu?”

“You took a long time to do what I said, you forfeited your chance,” Siwon could hear Kyuhyun’s muffled voice from the other side of the door, “Besides, we have an early flight tomorrow so go home.”

“But Kyu-…” Siwon started to whine. How the heck did Kyuhyun think he could sleep after this? He debated whether to knock on the door or actually just break it down and apologize to Sungmin and maybe the other members he’ll probably awaken after when he heard some curious noises inside. After a few more seconds, he saw a slip of paper pushed out from under the door with his name on it. Then he heard Kyuhyun’s voice say softly, “Good night hyung, see you tomorrow.”

Siwon took the paper and read the hastily scrawled line on it, the dimples on his cheeks deepening and his heart beating faster at the one written sentence on the paper.

I’m in love with you too. 

He was going to make sure he’ll be seated beside Kyuhyun on the flight tomorrow.

The End.



A/N2: Now I can reveal what was the other inspiration for this fic. It’s this picture:


LOL yeah I know, this fic went nowhere and is quite laaaaaate, SS4 and that flight to Thailand. But I had a fun time imagining why Kyuhyun was looking at Siwon warily like that and this was one of them. ;D

And thanks so much to the subscribers and for the comments.♥ And you can still tell me which is the cheesiest poem of all XD