The office was finally silent after hours of ringing phones, buzzing employees and clacking keyboards filled it. All the lights were off, except for the boss’ room, the one room that is always occupied, whether it was during the holidays or not; that one room who had been his sanctuary, and his mean of escape from the world outside its walls. The room is large for just one person and was decorated with few furniture and paintings. It looks quite elegant but once you’ve stayed there long enough you’ll realize one thing. It screams loneliness. This is what made him like this place so much, but at the same time dread to be in it….because it’s like his empty heart.

He loosened his tie, trying to ease the suffocating feeling he felt because of his job. He stood up from his seat and watched the city bellow him still fully alive despite the late time. A short knock from the door distracted him a bit.

The door opened only to reveal his driver, “Mr.Kwon the car is ready…”

“You’ll go ahead. I’ll stay here for a while.”

“Just call me, sir, if you need anything” he bowed before leaving.

And once again he was left alone for his thoughts to consume him. Kwon Jiyong. His name is well known in the business world. His family tops the list of most successful persons in Seoul. He became the president of the company after his father had decided to retire. The burden of keeping the income pouring was passed onto him. He was also one of the most sought out bachelor in the whole South Korea. But he wouldn’t be if only he wasn’t a goddamn coward to run away from her, the person who he had loved, and will only love for the rest of his life. And now that he knows she’s happy finally happy in the arms of another, it felt like he lost his purpose in life.

He came back to the church the other day, after almost two years of hiding in shame and guilt. He had wondered, if only he waited at the end of the aisle like every groom, would he be happy now? What if he didn’t get scared, would he have a family now? But he did it also for her. He left her for the better.

~*~*~*~

From the start, his parents were never happy to hear that their only son is in love with his own secretary. They have seen her as an opportunist, a gold digger who only wants a shot of fame which she’ll get once she marries Jiyong. But he fought for her. He protected her from his own parents even if that led him to be disowned. They both didn’t care, as long as they are together, nothing else matters.

They rented a small apartment in the province. He insisted that they should be away from his parents so that they won’t be able to harm her. They had tried talking to him, threatening him that they will do whatever they can just for him to leave her. But he was not to be fazed. The first few months were fine. He was able to find a job though the pay was low. He suspected that his background was the reason why companies were hesitant to accept him. She worked in a restaurant to help him with the expenses. But there came times when both of their incomes weren’t enough. One day, he came home to find her crying in their bedroom. She told him that they will be kicked out of the apartment soon if they won’t pay the remaining debts they have. The next months became stressful for him. He had to work overtime for his pay to double.

Despite the problems facing them, he had finally asked her to marry him, and she said yes! It was probably the happiest day of his life. They decided to hold their wedding at the local church but because of the lack of budget, it has to be as simple as possible. They have also planned to make it a secret wedding so that his parents wouldn’t be given a chance to interfere anymore. He felt sad when he can’t give her the wedding she had dreamed of, though she had insisted that it’s okay with her. She even joked that she doesn’t mind getting married only wearing their pajamas and holding a single flower in her hand. He laughed at her cuteness, but the disappointment inside of him never left.

What made him give up was when she was involved in an accident. She got hit by a car when she was heading home. He almost went crazy rushing to the hospital where she was brought. She was out of danger but she needed to undergo an operation. He knew that it will be expensive but he had no choice but to proceed with it. He had to go all the way to Seoul and knock on his best friend’s door. Youngbae was more than willing to give him the money, he even insisted not to pay him back. But Jiyong’s pride won’t let him, he promised to pay him every month. On his way to the province he thought about their future. What if another incident like this happens, and there would be no one there to help them? He feared that it would be too much for them to handle. They weren’t ready to have a family yet, he concluded.

“Ahh I hate this. I might be ugly during our wedding because of these scars.”

“Babe the wedding is still next week. I’m sure you’ve fully recovered by that time. And you know that you’ll always be beautiful,” He said while caressing her face, careful not to touch her wounded forehead. She just giggled and held his hand.

She looked at him straight in the eyes and saw that something was bothering him. He was not the usual cheerful Jiyong she met. “Ji, are you okay?”

“Huh? Ah…yes. I was just thinking…” he paused and looked outside the hospital windows, “What if we postpone the wedding?”

“Why, because of my accident? Jiyong, you said it yourself, the wedding is not until next week. I’ll be in perfect condition to walk down the aisle. You know how much I’ve waited for us to be married, right?”

He faked a smile at her and hugged her, “You’re right.” And that time he had to lie about what he really felt; lie to her and to himself.

Days before their supposed wedding, his mind was clouded with thoughts. He didn’t know what to do. If he cancels the wedding, he knows she’ll be devastated but if they go through it he knows that she’ll have a hard time as well. He didn’t know what to do. He feared that she would not understand.

And when the day had finally came…

…he ran away.

~*~*~*~

Now that he was thinking of it, why did he not have faith on her? Why didn’t he try to tell her his worries and fears? Why didn’t he trust her to be strong? But as he stared at his own reflection on the glass windows he knew the answer. He had no faith himself. He doubted if their love for one another is enough for them to survive. He didn’t believe that they were strong enough. And now he hates himself because of those.

His phone rang and he immediately answered it seeing that it was his best friend calling. “Yo, Ji! Let’s go out tonight! My friend just opened his new club.”

“Sorry Bae but I’ll pass. I’m not in the mood for some partying.”

“What’s wrong? Unclosed deals again?”

“I finally went back there….”

There was silence on the other line followed by his friend’s heavy sigh, “Did you saw her?”

“No, but I was able to meet the priest who….who was suppose to bless us in our wedding. He recognized me Bae.”

“What did he say?”

“At first he looked so shocked to see me but then he smiled. He said that he didn’t know what happened back then and it’s not his business to meddle with my decisions.”

“Did he say anything about…Dara?” he noted the hesitance in Youngbae’s voice when he mentioned her.

Jiyong then noticed something wet trailing down his cheeks. He was too busy paying attention to his breaking heart that he hardly felt the tears falling. He quickly wiped them off and tried to answer his friend without his voice shaking. “He said….that she came back. She was with a guy. She was very happy…and she was contented.”

He gripped his phone so hard like it would break anytime. His knees weakened as more tears fell from his eyes. He leaned on the glass window, somehow hoping that it’ll break on his weight and send him falling from the 30^th floor. If ending his life meant ending his pain, then so be it.  

“Jiyong, she had already moved on. Don’t you think it’s time for you to do the same?”

“I can’t, Bae! You know she’s the only person I can love.”

“Man, you’ve already wasted a year of your life living in the past. You have to wake up to reality! You must continue life without her.”

“I don’t know how to. I don’t know if I can, not when every night I see her in my dreams. One moment she was smiling and laughing then suddenly she’s crying and throwing hateful words at me!”

He heard his friend sigh, “Ji, you know what you need the most? ....Forgiveness. You need to face her and let it all out. That’s the only way you’ll be freed from your misery.” He didn’t want to sound harsh, but Youngbae knows the truth is what his friend needed the most right now.

“What if she pushes me away?” he asked like a lost kid.

“Then try again. If she doesn’t want to listen, then go back the next day and talk to her again. Keep trying. It’s not only love that’s holding you back now, but guilt as well. It’s not yet late to fix things between you two. Jiyong, this is your chance.”

He knew his friend is right. This was his chance to correct his mistakes. It might be too late for them to be together again but he knows it isn’t too late for them to be friends. He stood up and wiped the tears with his hand. He chuckled lightly seeing how much a mess he was right now. And then he realized; he was tired of it. He doesn’t want to punish himself anymore. He wants to be freed. He wants to be back to the old Jiyong, no matter how painful the process would be.

“I will, Bae. I’ll try to find her.”  

A/N: I apologize for this...I was not able to edit this or check for any errors ^ ^; Please bear with me...