I looked in the mirror and asked myself why.

However, there was no answer to my question. I knew none would come, because there wasn't one. My questions were futile as I donned my coat and scarf, wrapping it around my face to protect it from the cold as I shoved my feet into my boots.

As I exited my house and locked the door I heard a siren from somewhere off in the distance followed by the long unmistakable sound of a honking horn. My frozen heart began to ache at the sound as I made my way down the steps and out onto the street, heading towards my destination. While I was walking I passed couples and families on the sidewalk, happily going about their lives while mine crumbled around me. I knew I shouldn’t feel bitterness like I did, they had no way of knowing that my life had decayed paste the point of no return, but I couldn’t help it.

I remembered when I was like that. It felt like it had been years when in reality it had only been three days. It only took me three days to do this. To get back outside and do what needed to be done. It was a hard three days, but now that I had made my decision I felt as if things could only get better.

I was on the bus now, but I didn't remember getting on. I stared out the window, the vivid colors and images making me dizzy and I closed my eyes, leaning my head lightly against the glass. I sighed.

“Life isn't life anymore.” I murmured softly to myself, folding my hands gently in my lap, forcing myself not to touch the single healing cut on my wrist. “It's just an empty shell.” I opened my eyes as the bus came to a halt at my stop. After quickly exiting the bus I moved slowly across the sidewalk to the building that I had dreaded entering for the past three days.

Walking inside seemed to close my throat, and I had to clear it multiple times as I approached the front desk. The older woman behind the desk recognized me immediately, not surprising since most of the city watched the news at least once a day. “Just sign your name, honey, I'll buzz you in to the main desk.” I nodded silently and did as she asked while ignoring her looks of pity shot my way.

I pushed the heavy gate open after the buzzer sounded, the sound piercing to my sensitive ears. I distracted myself momentarily from the current situation by guessing how many steps it would take to reach the desk, but that ended quickly because there weren't many. I looked up at the man there and opened my mouth to speak.

“You don't need to say anything, sir.” He said gently, and I blinked slowly at the reoccurring look of pity. “We know exactly why you're here. An officer will take you to where you can talk to him.” I nodded and followed the man to the second gate where he held it open for me and bowed his head as I passed. Another officer led me down the hall. As we went I tried my hardest to ignore the unmistakable sounds that were always present in places like this. Yelling, the sound of metal chairs scraping across the floor, the faint sound of men playing basketball in the yard.

I blinked and I was in the room. I looked around and saw the other people visiting with each other over the table, the six inch tall sheet of plexiglass making it so that nothing could be passed to each other. The orange suits hurt my eyes and I looked down at my hands again, suddenly wondering if I would be able to go through with this.

“Mr. Lee.”

I lifted my head slowly and my eyes zeroed in on the figure in front of me. The world stopped turning for a moment as it all came back to me, and my broken heart felt as if it was bleeding from all the pain assaulting my system. Those eyes that filled my dreams with horror, black and unreadable. The hair that matched his eyes, hanging slightly over his eyes and casting a light shadow over his face. The completely unemotional air about him was hurtful, and I felt as if the oxygen in the room had suddenly filtered out and left me suffocating under the weight of the devastation.

He sat down before me, on the other side of the table and I bit the insides of both lips. He refused to look at me. “What do you want.” He droned in a monotone voice.

For some reason the sound of his voice triggered something and I spilled everything.

“The past three days have been the worst days of my life.” I whispered, and I saw him raise his head to look at me. “And it's all because of you. The only reason I have been able to go on is because I know that dying would only bring more sadness and pain. There is no point in quitting at life.” I paused as I felt the tears well up in my eyes. When I spoke again my voice was thick with tears. “But when I wake up in the morning...I can't breathe. I lay there and I stare at the ceiling wanting to die because I can't bear it.” By now the tears were streaming down my cheeks. “Can I just ask you one question?”

He was silent across the table, but he nodded slightly.

“Why did you do it?” I managed through my tears. “Why would you take away the only person who made my world turn? The only person who mattered?”

“Because I love you.”

I choked because I had heard it all before. “If you loved me you would have let me go. You would have let me be happy with him and wished me luck. You were in our wedding, Tao.” I whispered. “The three of us were best friends. We took you under our wing when you barely spoke Korean. How could you kill Hyukjae?”

“Because he had you.” Tao seethed, glaring at the table-top. “Even though he rejected you at first because he didn't know for sure that he was gay, you still chose him over me! I was there for you when he broke your heart, Donghae! I was the one who stayed with you for days while you cried over him, and then in he pranced announcing he was gay and you just went to him like a moth to a flame! It wasn't fair, I DESERVED YOU!” I stared at him, the tears still pouring. He slumped back in his chair. “The world is a better place without him anyway, now I don't have to see him with you anymore. Even though you won't ever want me, at least I know you wont ever be with him.”

I looked away, covering my mouth as I clenched my eyes shut and fought back the sobs. His cruelty was astounding. I still remembered the day he moved to Korea in high school. He was just the cute, awkward underclassmen who barely spoke the language, and so we befriended him, taught him the language, and the three of us were inseparable. I always knew he liked me a bit too much, but his affections were dangerous.

After all, he murdered my husband.

I looked back over at him, my body shaking with soft sobs. By now, the other inmates and their visitors were watching us apprehensively. But when I laid my eyes back on him, all I saw was a damaged child. A child who had fallen in love, and had fallen in love too hard. He looked fragile, like he would break any moment. And contradicting his words, I saw tears falling. And in that moment I knew that I had made the right decision by coming here. I knew that what I had to say would not only save me from a life without really living, but it would also save Tao's. Because even though he had killed Hyukjae, he regretted it. I knew that, because I knew Tao better than anyone.

I smiled at him. A forced, tearful, heartbroken and lost smile. He stared at me, his eyes wet.

“I'm sorry, Donghae.”

“I forgive you, Tao.”