☁ c a l l i n g : Jokerkkhe22 ☁
☁ d r e a m i n g i n t h e c l o u d s ☁ review shop [ⒸⓁⓄⓈⒺⒹ]☁ Title [3/10] : Your title is very unclear to people who are not into "Beast" or "B2ST" (like me). Personally, I didn't know what "V.I.U" was until I googled it. Next time, create a title that is very sensible to people who aren't in the fandom and to people who are. Also, make it relate to the story that is very clear.
☁ Appearence [4/5]: It's nice to look at, but it doesn't "show" the story. What I mean is, it doesn't give a slight insight on the story like a cover is supposed too.
☁ Foreword & Description [10/20] : Your description isn't very well written. It doesn't give any insight on what is going to happen in the story & your foreword isn't really a foreword, it's more like a scene in a chapter. What kept you afloat is the background of Dongmin's death. It's sort've like the thing that the story revolves around. For future advice, explain your plot for your description without giving it all away. And for the foreword, you could write a quote that relates to the storyline or a line from the book.
☁ Characterization [3/10] : Now, I don't really know a lot about Junhyung, but I know any respectable Korean would not act childish like that in Chapter 4. You want to get the korean idols as real as possible. Always act yourself, "Is this how they would act in this situation?"
☁Originality [0/10] : I'm sorry. Honestly, I am. But I have to stay true to myself. There is no originality in this story. It's really practical! For future stories, take an overused idea like this one, and give it a drastic twist! Like, Junhyung is secretly married to someone else and no one knows.
☁ Plot [5/15] : Your plot is okay. You could work on it more. It lacks some of the elements of a plot (i.e : )
☁ Spelling/Grammar/Punctuation [4/15] : You need to work on grammar and punctuation. After someone is talking you put a "," unless it ends in "!" or "?" (i.e : "Hello Ron," said Harry)
☁ Flow [6/15] : It doesn't flow really well, and some of the words you aren't used correctly or don't belong. You sometimes have incomplete sentences.
☁ TOTAL : 36/100 ☁
Verdcit
This was a really easy and practical read.
To the writer, take what I said in note and re-read your writing before
saving & posting. Also, you have tons of dialogue and
little narration. It should be opposite. Lastly, don't use a lot of
Korean. Keep it too the neutral "Anneyong", "Oppa", "Unnie" etc.
If you are going to use korean, spell check them.
A lot of improvement is needed.
I hope I wasn't too harsh.
Sorry if I couldn't inspire you. Try some
writing activities! There are some of AFF.
Here's one that's starting out (also the only one I know) :
Dump the ideas┇story prompts, challenges & tips ♡
For the reader who likes easy reads.
--- 10.29.12 ---
story link : here
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