Chapter 17: I'm Afraid

“Were you… singing?”

It came more naturally than it ever did before. Maybe this was what they meant when they said the best composers had always been the most inspired. Back in the day, he thought he has been pretty inspired. Singing songs about his youth, and the love he didn’t really think he would ever have. But now that the same love is right at his finger tips, the tunes came in quicker, faster, and more meaningful.

“Uh… rapping, I guess,” he says, smiling, reaching out to hold the hand of his muse, as he idly walked around the room.

“It feels… different, surreal even,” he said, smiling in the direction he heard him. Junhyung wondered if this was the right time to tell him who he really was, but then again, he wanted grander things.

“What does?” he asks back, but truth be told, he felt exactly the same. Hyunseung, here in his room, gliding by, and staying by him. It felt unreal to him. Then again, he was not going to accept any other reality anyway. This was the reality he wanted, everything he has ever wished for.

“Everything, maybe,” he says, quite unsure, but happy nonetheless. As he reaches back, intertwining his fingers to that of the man sitting by the bed.

“Do you like it?” he asked, carefully. As if he needed any more validation as a composer, and as if Hyunseung was far worse than all the critiques he had ever encountered all his life.

“The room or the song? Your room is rather cozy,” he says, as he plays footsie in the thick carpet that had been freshly stapled unto the man’s room. Junhyung stayed and watched as he kept a hold of the man’s hand, as he felt the thick fur with his feet.

Junhyung smiled, feeling the simple joy that Hyunseung felt with the rich texture of the rug. It had been an expensive rug he bought on impulse, a day before today when Doojoon asked him if he could look after Hyunseung while he was being sent away for internship. But he knew the man would love it, and he was trying to tidy up the place anyway. It was perfect, except for the huge price tag it came with. However, seeing that huge smile, it no longer mattered anymore.

Taking him by his arm and grabbing him by his waist, seating him upon his lap and hearing him chuckle. It was one of the fondest feelings in the world. Intertwining their fingers and burying his face on the crook of his neck, taking in his scent, Junhyung felt that he could buy all the rugs in the world, if only to feel the man closer, and keep him in his embrace.

“Both maybe, or me, maybe?” he says against his skin, his warm breath touching the man’s neck, making him shiver a bit. He smiles at the feeling, him shivering under his breath. Junhyung notes the intimacy, and how bold he had become, there was a sense of shame, but it died in the few moments that he held him, and he places a chaste kiss on his neck.

“I like that, I like that, too,”

“Just 'like'?” he says, in a sing-song tone.

“Don’t push it,” he laughs.

“And I love you, too,”

- - -

“What are your parents like?” the redhead asks, while idly sitting on the kitchen counters.

“Unlike yours, most probably,” he casually says,

“Oh, so they’re not divorced, estranged and totally uncaring of their kids?” the redhead answers just as casually.

Junhyung had to stop half way his mixing, to pause and think about what he just said and what he just heard. He realized he never really asked these things and now, he’s getting answers he never really did expect.

“I’m sorr—”

“Don’t be,” he cuts him off. “They aren’t anyway, and I’m happy with the way things are,” he assures him.

“So, what are your parents like?” he asks again.

“Well, just like yours, but they’re together,”

“So, Prince Junhyung learned to be on his own?”

“Kind of,”

“It must be pretty lonely,” he says, trailing off, as Junhyung walks next to him, and once again, closing the gap between their bodies.

“But… you’re with me now, aren’t you? I’m not lonely, at least not anymore,”

And I don’t think I will ever be, with you.

- - -

It was quite a wonder. With the small pieces and small stories that Hyunseung shared, it appeared more they had shared quite a life. In many ways, Hyunseung’s life parallels Junhyung. The way they lived, the way their families have gone, and the many times they had to support themselves in order to live. Which was why it was more of a wonder how Hyunseung could be the way he is – positive, happy, very optimistic, very much unlike everything Junhyung used to be. And for that, the young musician was very thankful. Thankful that he came into his life, and showed him the error of his ways.

And if he can make it real, he doesn’t want to change anything else in the world. The feeling of his muse by his side, and the calm that he brings to him, there was that strange but very calming feeling as if everything is where it is supposed to be.

Junhyung smiles, as he watches the form of his muse. Touching his face, but careful not to wake him up from his peaceful slumber. He looked too peaceful, and the world seems just as at ease. The new happy version of himself is thankful, very thankful for what it is that he has right at this moment. But then again, the older version of himself only fears the coming days. It felt like he was happy, too happy even, and there was that feeling that he would lose it just as quickly and as calmly as it had gone. And so he holds him, as tight as he could, fearing that something, someone, in the darkness could quickly snatch him away.

Fame, the Yong name, riches, posh cars and this upscale house – they meant very little.

But this small form he was holding, peaceful in his sleep, meant everything.

And as an uninvited tear fell from his tightly shut eyes, he understood what it meant to love, and to fear the loss.

It was the first time Junhyung ever felt genuine fear.

- - -

Note: How long have I been gone? : (