Warning: Language

O.o o.O

Tao sat quietly in his room, hunched in a corner of his bed against the wall, knees pulled to his chest, squishing Mr Panda in between. A pile of wadded up tissues surrounded him, the box just off to the side by his feet.

He sniffled some more, uncurling slightly to turn Mr Panda around and touch his nose to Mr Panda’s fuzzy face. He felt embarrassed and ashamed, and dread weighed heavily on his shoulders, knowing he’d have to face Kris’ wrath again when going to apologise. 

Right. He still had to apologise.

He continued sitting there dully, face pressed against Mr Panda’s, limbs unwilling to move. Anything to put off the impending lashing he would receive, verbal or otherwise. Tao’s breath hitched as he squeezed Mr Panda in sudden fear. Would Kris punch him? No, his ge would never raise a hand against anyone. But what if he did? No, he’d probably just yell at Tao some more. And Tao would have to stand there and take it, because he was the cause of it. 

Eventually, there came a soft knock on his door. “Yes?” he called out, wincing at how hoarse his voice sounded.

“It’s me,” Yixing said, peering in. “You alright, baby Tao?”

“Yes, ge,” Tao said, straightening and trying to smile. “I’m okay.”

Yixing entered with a sigh, closing the door behind him. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have let it get this far.”

“No, no,” Tao said hastily, shaking his head. “No, ge, please don’t apologise to me. You didn’t do anything wrong. I shouldn’t have…I…”

Yixing perched on the edge of Tao’s bed, hand going to pat Tao’s knee comfortingly. 

“I just like him so much,” Tao said, tears spilling over once more. He tried to wipe them off with the back of his hand, but there were too many. “I just like him so much, I didn’t even realise that…”

“Shh,” Yixing said, pulling Tao into a hug. “It’s okay, I know.”

“…d-didn’t even realise…that I was b-bothering him all this t-time,” Tao continued, words beginning to stutter as he continued to sob desperate tears into the crook of Yixing’s neck.

“I know, I know. It’s okay, baby Tao. Gege knows.”

Minutes later, there was another soft knock on the door, and this time it was Yixing who called out and Luhan and Minseok who peeked in. 

“Hey, baby Tao,” Luhan greeted in a hushed voice. “How you doing, buddy?”

Minseok just rolled his eyes, pushing Luhan into the room with a hard shove to his back. “Just get in.”

There wasn’t much room on the bed, but somehow they managed to fit. “Yixing told us what happened,” Luhan said, away Tao’s fringe, the ends wet with tears. “Gege is sorry. Although I blame Jongdae.” Who was conveniently not around to defend himself (thesis meeting with professor).

“We’re all to blame,” Minseok said curtly, punching Luhan in the arm. “I take responsibility as the eldest. I should have realised when to stop.”

“No,” Tao said, sitting up and blowing his nose. “No, gege, it’s not your fault. It’s me. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He sniffed as he began to tear up again. “I’m so sorry that I dragged you guys into this. You just wanted the best for me, and I…I just screwed it all up.”

“Oh, baby Tao,” Luhan sighed, gathering Tao into a tight hug. 

Outside Tao’s room, Kris raised his hand to knock, but stopped when he heard the voices inside. He stood there for a few seconds, listening to sniffles and soft murmuring, before turning abruptly and retreating back to the safety of his own room.

O.o o.O

The basketball court was empty, the squeak and slide of Kris’ sneakers loud and echoing, piercing to the ear. His pants were harsh, and he was covered in sweat, pausing after taking a shot to pull up the hem of his jersey and wipe at his face. 

“Hey.”

Kris spun, seeing Yixing perched on the player’s benches. He scowled. “How long have you been here?”

Yixing shrugged. “Just a couple minutes.”

“Well?” Kris asked, turning his back to Yixing as he went to retrieve the ball. “What do you have to say?”

“Can’t a best friend come see his best friend without an ulterior motive?”

Kris snorted. “Not if it’s you.”

“Touché.” Yixing paused. “So?”

“So what?” Kris sat down on the other end of the bench. He bounced the basketball lightly between his legs. 

“So…are you still angry with us?”

“Are you guys done being tard s?”

“Wow,” Yixing said, hand on his chest. “Wow, okay. I came to apologise, but now I don’t know if you deserve it.”

“Are you denying the fact that you guys acted like tard s?”

“Well, no, but you didn’t have to say it like that.” Yixing sighed. “I should’ve noticed that you weren’t just being the regular sort of grumpy, that you really were starting to get pissed off at us.”

Kris remained silent, cradling the basketball in both hands now, elbows resting on his knees.

“I guess I thought that if you really didn’t like Tao, you’d just sit him down for a talk. Put him out of his misery, you know. Make it clear you only want to be friends, and nothing more. That doesn’t excuse my behaviour,” Yixing said hastily. “We should’ve been more sensitive to your feelings, and we really shouldn’t have placed bets on you or kept pushing him onto you like that. I’m sorry.”

Kris didn’t answer immediately, fidgeting with the basketball. Eventually he sat up, giving the ball a hard bounce. “I’ll forgive you if you buy me a giant bottle of Canadian maple syrup.”

Yixing let out a relieved breath, unaware until then that he had been holding it. “I see how it is,” he said, rubbing his chin with his thumb and forefinger.

“That goes for all of you - the entire suite. Don’t worry, you can guys can all split it.” Kris smirked, spinning the basketball on one finger. “Don’t think you can get away with it if only small bottles are available. I want a minimum of one litre - I don’t care if you have to buy a hundred bottles. And none of that fake syrup . Genuine maple syrup, and it has to be from Canada. I want the good stuff.”

Yixing wrinkled his nose. “I’ll see what I can do.”

O.o o.O

“Are you ing kidding me?” Luhan shrieked. “I don’t want to pay for that!”

“Look,” Yixing said, “We just need to pool our money. We’ll get the biggest bottle possible and maybe a couple smaller ones to make up the rest.”

“How much does he want again?” Minseok asked. “How many bottles?”

“Doesn’t matter, he’s counting the volume.” Yixing plugged his fingers in his ears just in time for Luhan to shriek again.

“I don’t have the sort of money for such bougie expat goods!”

“Um.” Tao raised his hand. “Um, I don’t mind contributing more.”

“No, Peaches, we’ll split it evenly,” Minseok said, pushing Tao’s hand back down. “Luhan’s just being a dramatic little .”

“Who are you calling a little ?” Luhan glared. “I will fight you.”

“You could try,” Minseok said evenly, raising an eyebrow. Luhan glowered, sitting back down on Tao’s floor with his arms crossed.

“I’m not doing it,” he said stubbornly.

“Well, I vote we do it right now because we definitely do not want Kris-hyung to keep stewing in his own hate-juice,” Jongdae said, though he wasn’t paying much attention to the meeting, rushing to finish his assigned questions for his study group. “He’s the worst grudge-holder in the history of ever holding a grudge. It’s been almost two years but he still won’t let me near his Alpacasso.”

“I can pay for Lu-gege’s share,” Tao tried again. “I don’t mind.”

“No. Like I said, Luhan’s just being a little ,” Minseok said, before turning to Luhan. “You spend at least triple that on any given night out; your argument is irrelevant, and you’re just being a cheap little .”

“Just for the record, I hate you.” 

Minseok didn’t even skip a beat. “Lovely, look at all the s I give. Now. Yixing will go buy the syrup because he’s apologised already, and we’re all gonna go and apologise one at a time as soon as Kris comes back.”

“Can’t we go together?” Jongdae asked, finally looking up from his laptop with big, round eyes.

“No,” Minseok said curtly.

“I don’t want to dieeee,” Jongdae wailed, falling over sideways dramatically, laptop still carefully perched in his lap.

“It’ll be either by Kris’ hands, or by my hands,” Minseok said. “Take your pick.”

The horror on Jongdae’s face said it all.

O.o o.O

Okay, Tao thought, holding up Mr Panda to his face, you can do it. He waved a paw. Fighting.

Taking in a deep breath, he let it out with a whoosh as he knocked lightly on Kris’ door, already slit open a few inches.

He knocked anyway, pushing it open wider just the slightest. “Ge? It’s me. Are you free?”

“Come in.”

Tao entered, seeing Kris turn from his desk. “I, um…”

“Come in properly,” Kris said, as Tao lingered in the doorway.

“Should I…?” Tao’s hand rested on the door.

“Close it.” Kris definitely didn’t want a potential audience for whatever Tao had to say.

“I…” Tao fidgeted nervously as he stood in the middle of the room, fingers tight around Mr Panda’s feet, arms squeezing him tightly. “Ge, I came to apologise.”

Silence, as Kris continued looking up at him, eyebrows drawn into a fierce expression. 

“I…I want to apologise for my behaviour. It was wrong of me to…to try to force you into something you didn’t want. To behave with such disregard towards you. I was wrong. I shouldn’t have…shouldn’t have forced you into…into…” Tao sniffed as tears gathered, overflowing as he blinked. “I’m just so sorry, ge. Please. Please forgive me.”

Kris said nothing, face so stern and severe that Tao’s tears only multiplied as he clutched his panda tighter against him. 

“Don’t be mad at the others, please, don’t be mad at them anymore. They only did it because they wanted me to be happy, but all I want is for all of you to be happy. It’s not their fault, it’s mine, so please don’t be mad at them, it’s all my fault.”

“Look, Tao,” Kris began, trailing off into silence, standing slowly but making no move to reach out to Tao, whose shoulders began to heave with miserable sobs at what he thought was rejection.

“Gege, please don’t hate me. I don’t ever want you to hate me,” Tao cried, swiping with both hands at his gushing tears, wetting the top of Mr Panda’s head and pulling up the hem of his shirt to wipe his nose. “It’s the last thing I want. I’ll do anything if you’ll forgive me. I won’t - I won’t ever bother you again, I swear to you I won’t. I won’t ever ask you to stay with me again. I won’t ever ask you to -”

“You were never a bother,” Kris said lamely.

“I shouldn’t have…should never have tried to force my feelings onto you. I’m so sorry, gege.” Tao’s pink lips trembled wetly, and Kris darted a brief look down before turning away and running a hand through his hair.

“It’s fine,” he said shortly. He looked around for a tissue, but finding none, he turned to Tao with a small gym towel. “Come on now, stop crying. I’m not mad anymore, okay?”

“S-Sorry,” Tao hiccuped, wiping his face hastily. “I’m sorry, I should - I shouldn’t have cried, I’m sorry -”

“No, don’t -” Kris sighed. “It’s fine. Just - just stop crying.”

“I-I’m sorry,” Tao said again in a tiny, hiccuping voice, head lowered as he tried to hide the fact he was still dabbing at his cheeks. “I’m sorry.”

“Go wash your face. I’ll see you at dinner.” Kris sat back down at his desk, turning away dismissively.

“Okay. Um. Bye.” Tao bit into his lower lip as he headed back to his own room, sitting on his bed with Mr Panda squeezed under one arm and his hands holding up Kris’ towel in front of him, eyes beginning to blur with tears once more. His chest ached, and Tao wondered if this was heartbreak as he realised that, no matter if Kris forgave him, their relationship could never go back to the way it was before.

O.o o.O

The rest of the suite had all apologised, knocking at his door one after the other. Jongdae, in particular, had given an exceptionally moving performance as he had thrown himself onto the ground and grabbed Kris by the calves, wailing for forgiveness (“Hyung, this worked for Tao, right? Is it working for me?”). 

Kris had kicked him out immediately. (“Jesus I forgive you, just get the off me.”)

When there was yet another knock on his door, he called out curiously, wondering who it could possibly be, barely holding back a groan when it only turned out to be Yixing, followed by Minseok and Luhan.

“Okay, we got you the goods,” Yixing said, cradling a huge gallon-sized bottle of syrup like a baby. He set it onto Kris’ bed with a huff.

“Just as you requested.” Minseok said, waving a much smaller bottle.

Kris just stared at them. “What the actual , Yixing, what did you tell them?”

Yixing huffed, hands on his hips. “What? You said minimum one litre, and that it applied to all of us.”

Kris groaned. “Yixing, I meant one litre to share between all of you. As in one litre divided by five. What the was I going to do with five litres of syrup?”

Yixing shrugged. “Hey, I wasn’t about to ask.”

Minseok coughed into his fist. “You’re entitled to your kinks.”

Luhan’s face had completely drained of colour. “Do you mean to tell me,” he began quietly, each syllable enunciated sharply, “that I just spent sixty thousand won buying you ing maple syrup when it really should have been about twelve?”

“Uh.” Kris wasn’t too sure what to say when Luhan’s face twisted like that. “Yeah.”

“Zhang Yixing,” Luhan said, turning his head inch by inch to stare unblinkingly at Yixing on his right. “I am going to ing kill you.”

“Ge, in all fairness, it could’ve been interpreted either way,” Yixing said, backing away slowly, both hands held up in defence. 

Luhan let out an inhuman shriek before lunging for Yixing’s neck, and Yixing just about managed to dodge out of the way before running out, screaming at the top of his lungs.

There was the distant slam of the front door bouncing off the wall, and Kris looked back at Minseok, who could only shrug.

O.o o.O

Everyone tiptoed around Kris for the next couple days, but it was scarcely a week before they sank back into the usual routine around each other, casual and comfortable. 

With the exception of Tao, that is, who seemed determined to stick to his promises from his apology, trying to replace Kris in his daily routine with someone else - anyone else. Everyone noticed, even K suite, now that Tao would go all the way over just to ask if someone was free to walk with him to the convenience store for ice cream at night. (In the past, it had always been Kris. Kris, who would have dropped whatever he was doing - cramming for a midterm, rushing a paper due in the morning, whatever - to walk with him those twenty minutes there and back.)

It was Jongin sitting with Tao in the bathroom right now, dozing off on the toilet seat as Tao showered. Passing Tao’s towel to him, Jongin rubbed his eyes sleepily. “Hey, Tao.”

“Yes?”

“Why didn’t you ask Kris-hyung?”

Tao was silent for a moment. “Ask Kris-hyung what?” It was obvious he was just playing dumb, words stilted and wooden as he refused to meet Jongin’s eyes.

Jongin pressed on, “To sit with you when you shower.”

“He’s busy,” Tao said, still refusing to meet Jongin’s eyes as he dressed. 

“Or to go with you to the back staircase when it’s your turn to throw out the garbage. Or to let you cry on his shoulder when you miss home. Or to watch your dramas with you. Or to cook you ramyun at night. Or to go with you to that cafe you like for cake. Or -”

“He’s busy,” Tao said again, not wanting to hear anymore. Jongin trailed after him as Tao entered his bedroom, drying his hair with a towel. 

“Wow,” Jongin deadpanned, sprawling over Tao’s bed and grabbing Mr Panda. “Didn’t realise he was too busy to be a friend.”

“Jongin-ah,” Tao said quietly. “I don’t want to impose on him anymore.”

“You were never -”

“But I was!” Tao paused; even though the bedroom door was closed, the walls were terribly thin. “I was, I was a burden to him, and I promised him that I wouldn’t bother him anymore, so I won’t.”

Jongin was silent for a moment, fiddling with Mr Panda’s ears, staring up at Tao with dark, unfathomable eyes. “I see,” he said quietly. “Hey, want to come over? We can have some of Kyungsoo-hyung’s super secret snack stash, or we can hide Chanyeol-hyung’s teddies around the suite?” Jongin snapped his fingers. “Or, or, even better, we hide Chanyeol-hyung’s teddies and then eat snacks while he hunts for them! It’ll be hilarious; Chanyeol-hyung always gets in such a tizzy when his teddies are missing.”

“Nah, you go ahead,” Tao said, finally giving a genuine smile. “Thanks for staying with me, Jonginnie. I really appreciate it.”

Jongin waved him off carelessly, giving one last squish to Mr Panda. “No problem. ‘M gonna head back then.” He opened Tao’s door, stopping himself just in time to stop colliding head-on with Kris.

Tao shot to his feet, almost stumbling, feeling like he had been caught doing something bad. 

“Hey, hyung,” Jongin said easily. “I’m just heading out. Bye!”

Kris and Tao stood, staring at each other through the doorway.

“Kris-ge,” he greeted hesitantly. 

Kris didn’t answer, Tao unsure what to do, gaze lowering to the floor before finally, finally -“You had Jongin sit with you today?”

“…Yes.”

“Another ghost?”

“We were watching a drama and it got really scary all of a sudden.”

“You shouldn’t watch if you know you’re going to be scared.”

“It wasn’t supposed to be scary,” Tao said in a tiny voice. 

Another long pause, before -“I’ll stay with you next time.”

Tao’s heart stuttered at Kris’ words. He was highly aware of the hot blush flooding across his face and ears, fingers trembling as he twisted them into the hem of his t-shirt. “I…ge, I don’t…”

Kris took a step into Tao’s room, watching carefully for Tao’s reaction as he reached behind himself and pushed the door shut with a quiet click. “Next time,” Kris said slowly, “come find me first.”

Tao blinked hard at the hint of tears beginning to collect at the corners of his eyes, heart beating so rapidly he could feel his pulse pounding through him almost violently. “I don’t…I don’t…” Why weren’t any words coming to him?

“Next time you’re scared,” Kris took another step closer, “come find me first.” 

Tao stayed silent, throat closing up on him.

“Next time you need someone to be with you,” another step, “come find me first.”

Tao closed his eyes as Kris raised his hand, and it felt like like forever had passed until Tao felt calloused fingertips brush delicately across his cheek, a large palm cupping it gently. Unknowingly, he turned his face into the warmth, lips parting as it became harder and harder to breathe through the ache in his chest.

“Whatever it is you need.” Kris’ voice was so soft, so low, dark like honey as it rumbled through him. “Come find me first.”

“Ge,” Tao whispered, lips brushing against Kris’ palm. But that just made Kris release him, and Tao choked back a dry sob at the loss. 

But then strong arms circled his shoulders and waist, pulling him into a firm hug, surprising a gasp out of him. Tao clutched at Kris’ shirt, realising just then exactly how much he had missed this, missed Kris’ sturdiness, his comfort, his tenderness, and Tao bit into his lower lip forcefully, telling himself that this was real.

“I forgive you,” Kris murmured into Tao’s hair, reaching up to cradle the back of his head against him. “I should’ve told you before. I’m sorry. I forgive you.”

Tao turned his face into Kris’ shoulder, finally letting his tears fall.

O.o o.O

Tao woke up to the bright sun shining through open blinds. He was alone in his room, with Mr Panda tucked up against him. There was no Kris sitting by his bedside, not anymore, no hand holding his as the other across his hair - just wrinkled, cold sheets.

He sat up slowly, wondering if last night had been a dream. 

There were voices and soft laughter sounding outside his room, and so Tao dragged himself out of bed, wandering outside to see Kris sitting with Minseok and Yixing at the table.

“Good morning,” he said shyly. A chorus of greetings answered him, and Tao glanced over at Kris to see him watching him intently, cheeks heating up as he spun away quickly to prepare himself a large bowl of cereal for breakfast.

He sat down next to Minseok, chancing another look to see Kris still watching him. Tao cleared his throat, poking at his cereal as he gathered up the courage to speak. “Um. Um, Kris-ge, don’t you have morning practise today?”

“Cancelled.” Kris’ words were short, but his tone was gentle, and Tao felt something tight inside him begin to unwind, shoulders relaxing as he ate, listening to the others chat quietly.

A few minutes later, as Tao picked his bowl up to drink the remaining milk, he dared another peek, eyes moving straight up to meet Kris’ own. Kris smiled at Tao’s blush, and Tao hastily covered his face with his bowl.

This was enough for him. It was all he needed, only Kris’ smile.

O.o o.O

/Part 16

O.o o.O

A/N: Thank you so much to all readers, commenters, and subscribers!!! As always, I'm so sorry I'm such a terrible updater, but I hope you enjoyed this chapter!