I abandoned the even rhythmic breathing behind me and cracked the door to my room to keep from having to make a sound by shutting it. The cloth slippers I was wearing slid soundlessly against the linoleum beneath my feet.

 

I stopped abruptly in the middle of my kitchen in mild surprise.

 

The dishes were already done.

 

Even when I tried to make an effort to clean up for her, she was already two steps ahead of me. At some point, it must have been while I was showering last night, the thought of dirty dishes had bugged Eunjung so much that she did them herself and still had time to clean up the living room.

A girlfriend with mild to moderate OCD definitely had its perks and the end result was quite cute. Whether her behavior was compulsive or not it came off as extremely sweet and it made her impossibly even more attractive. I tried to flatten my turbulent hair while I made my way to the refrigerator, admiring every detail of my spotless apartment.

 

I poured myself some pomegranate juice and walked into the living area, running a finger along one of my shelves and there was not a even spec of dust. I sipped my juice appreciatively. Eunjung was definitely a keeper.

 

I picked up a picture I had framed on the shelf and took a closer look at it. It was a group photo of us taken right before our debut. Fascinating, because Eunjung had her arm around my shoulder, and yet, there wasn't even the inkling of a spark between us, mostly because I'd only known her for a couple of months. We were just professionally sharing space.

 

I wanted to know that if we ever took a picture like this again, would we be able to look so professional still? Would it be like the pictures in the magazine where I, and I alone, could see all of my emotions spilling out of my eyes?

 

At what point would the others be able to tell?

 

The picture held my attention because six people seemed like such a small crowd now compared to eight. It reminded me of the struggles I had being part of the fresh recruits and feeling lonely in the beginning. We'd grown so much closer since then that it made me worry about the future.

 

As much as I was sure I'd finally convinced Eunjung that nothing bad would come from this announcement, I hadn’t completely convinced myself of that yet.

 

Today was the day we'd find out. I glanced at the time; Just six hours from now...

 

I felt the sick feeling in my stomach begin to devour me from the inside out. I set the picture back down on the shelf and stared down into my juice.

 

I wanted to go back to my room. My safe haven. I wanted to climb under the warm covers and have Eunjung wrap her strong arms around me and tell me everything would be okay, but something kept me rooted to the spot. The silence in my apartment was taunting me, because until this moment my apartment hadn't been completely silent like this. My heart started beating faster.

 

I figured it all out one second too late... I couldn't hear her breathing anymore.

 

Jungie's arms came around me from behind so fast, so tight, that I felt some of my juice tip out of my glass and land, luckily, on my foot. I held in a scream as best I could, but I was sure if she hadn't have been holding onto me so tightly I would have jumped high enough to hit my head on the ceiling.

 

She began pulling me away with her.

 

“B-be careful. I don't want to spill.” I said in a shaky voice.

 

She released me at once.

 

“Put it down.” She demanded.

 

I bit my lip and did as I was told. Her voice was at its peak of iness; extra thick with sleep and less inhibited than usual; her command was a sharp bark that I couldn't refuse. I wanted to turn around and jump her but she didn't give me the chance. As soon as the glass was free of my hands her arms were around me again, pulling me away with her.

 

I laughed to myself as I watched my living room shrink away from view. This might appear kind of barbaric to anyone else watching, but I just sort of thought of it as Eunjung retrieving a bone she'd lost earlier.

 

I hit the bed first and then she collapsed on top of me so I couldn't get away again. I didn't offer any resistance.

 

She pulled herself up to be even with me, a hand in my hair and her face disappearing into the crook of my neck. I closed my eyes and weakly ran a hand up and down her back.

 

“I woke up and I couldn't find you.” She said in her hoarse voice.

 

I smiled.

 

“I was just in the next room...”

 

“But we didn't get to cuddle.” She said.

 

“I won't do it again.” I promised. I was beaming now, unable to contain myself with how cute she was being.

 

She pulled away to look at me skeptically.

 

“Why do I feel like you're making fun of me right now?” She asked.

 

I bit my lip to keep from laughing and shrugged.

 

“Wow, you think this is funny?” She asked, hanging open.

 

“Aniyo.” I insisted. “You're just adorable.”

 

Eunjung furrowed her eyebrows before launching a full out assault, slipping hand hand quickly under my shirt to tickle my stomach.

 

Of course, I was extremely ticklish there and immediately began flailing.

 

“Stop!” I yelled between my most embarrassing giggle that I couldn't stop.

 

She slowly curbed her attack until she was only gently tracing lines on my stomach. She rested her head on her hand and just watched me. It was still extremely ticklish but at such a slow pace I was able to get away with only a few jerks of my body when she hit a particularly sensitive area. Every time I did this, her smile was blinding.

 

“There isn't another person in the world I would let do this to ME!” I said, my last word punctuated with a wild jerk of my body as she hit a ticklish part of my ribcage.

 

“That's a very good thing.” She said, thoughtfully. “If there was, I'd have to track them down and kill them, and that would get messy.”

 

I laughed, “You aren't a killer.”

 

“I know..” She said, coyly. “You have goosebumps.”

 

She pointed at my arm, obviously trying to change the subject. I nodded.

 

“Are you cold?” She asked.

 

“Yes.” I lied, unsure how much more of the tickle torture I could take.

 

She removed her hand and pulled me to lay underneath her gaze after draping the comforter over me delicately.

 

I stared up into her eyes expectantly. I was beginning to live for mornings like this when she'd wake up in a playful mood. The stare she fixed me with now was anything but playful though. I had been able to mostly keep her mind off of things for the week but now that we were face to face with the outcome just hours away it was unavoidable.

 

Without being able to tell the future, neither of us knew what would happen. All we could do was search for answers in each others eyes.

 

It frustrated me to no end that I couldn't take the worry away from her face.

 

I couldn't tell her with conviction that everything would be okay, but I could tell her what I knew was true. I reached a hand up and brushed her face gently and, as difficult as it was, opened up to her for the first time.

 

“Do you even realize how much I love you?” I whispered.

 

Eunjung's eyebrows raised in surprise at my admission.

 

“Tell me...” She said.

 

I was brought up short, not because of shyness but because I couldn't think of a unit of measurement large enough. I shook my head.

 

“You have no idea...” Was all I could say.

 

She smirked.

 

“I think I've got an idea.” She said.

 

“You're underestimating me.”

 

She smiled. “It's so unlike you to talk like this...”

 

There had to be a way to make her understand... I felt it was the only way to make her feel better right now.

 

“Everyone is worried about when we're going back to work right now and... I'm only worried about when we do go back to work, maybe you'll be too tired. Maybe you won't want to stay with me...” For some reason I felt like my throat was starting to constrict. I sounded pathetic but I couldn't stop talking.

 

Eunjung's face was growing softer with every word I said.

 

“...Everyone is stressed out but I've had one of the best weeks of my life with you. I've never felt this way before, Eunjung.”

 

She came to lie beside me now, our faces just centimeters from each other.

 

I could feel her breathe while she considered me.

 

“You have nothing to worry about.” She said.

 

I opened my mouth to speak but she put her finger against my lips.

 

“I wonder how long you've wanted to say that to me.” She mused.

 

“Too long.” I conceded.

 

Eunjung smiled softly.

 

“I always like to think that I know what you're thinking, but sometimes you're so mysterious...” She whispered.

 

“I'm sorry..” I whispered back. “I will become better for you.”

 

“Don't you dare change a thing for me.” She said, tapping my chin with her finger. “I like you just the way you are.”

 

I was happy the playfulness returned to her eyes even if just for a few moments. Without effort she was making me melt for her again. The sensation began in my stomach and swelled throughout my entire body. My chest felt like it was so full of helium that I may have just floated away if she wasn't holding me down.

 

She leaned her face into mine and I closed my eyes waiting to feel her lips against mine, but it didn't come.

 

I felt her nose brush against mine, but for some reason she was frozen there. I exhaled and I could feel her breath as well. The longer we remained like this, the more maddening it became.

 

“Wae?” I breathed.

 

I thought I heard a soft chuckle get caught in the back of , but she didn't answer. She was teasing me.

 

I leaned forward to try and put an end to this but she pulled away. All I could do was whimper.

 

“What's wrong?” She whispered.

 

My eyebrows furrowed. She knew exactly what was wrong.

 

“... Kiss me.” I begged.

 

She pecked me and pulled away when I tried to make the kiss deeper.

 

I sat up in frustration and glared at her. She started laughing at me but I threw aside the comforter and pounced on her, claiming the kiss I needed.

 

“Mmph.” She hummed against my lips as she pulled me firmly against her.

 

I squirmed against her strength only because I liked feeling her use more force. Her hands were gasping my shamelessly as she ground into me. This was a habit she'd formed ever since I pulled that stunt in the living room with my clothes. It was just part of play time now but her arching back and rolling hips were more needy than ever and it was driving me insane.

 

It didn't take long for the friction to raise the temperature in my bedroom. I clawed at Eunjung's back, encouraging her to move faster. All I could hear was her harsh panting, the place on my neck where she was breathing was growing moist with sweat.

 

I whimpered because it felt so good. Finally, this was actually happening; Finally, I would be hers and the catalyst that brought us to this point was the most sincere confession I'd ever disclosed. This was love in its most fundamental, pure form. Romance so powerful that it hurt because in the basic shell of a human body, there wasn't a way to express it to its fullest extent.

 

She had me on my back in the blink of an eye, the springs in my bed groaning in protest. I held on tight to her shoulders and felt them flex as she pinned me down. I watched her look my body up and down, assessing the situation with her hair sticking awkwardly to the first sheen of sweat that made her forehead shiny.

 

No one had ever looked so y to me before.

 

She a wedged her knee between my legs, forcing them apart before she leaned down to kiss my throat. It was overwhelming being so accessible to her.

 

“Jungie...” I croaked a cracked whisper.

 

“Please.” She breathed.

 

“I can't..” I started, but I wasn’t even sure what I was going to say. 'I can't breathe', maybe?

 

She stopped and fixed me with a piercing gaze.

 

“Qri-ah, please. No more excuses. We don't have to be anywhere for hours...” She whined.

 

“No, don't stop.” I said softly, but something she said got to me. “Just.. will you do something for me?”

 

“Anything.” She replied.

 

“Will you... call me by my given name?”

 

She looked momentarily confused before smiling with comprehension. She leaned in close to my ear and whispered, “Lee Jihyun-Ssi, I want you so badly.”

 

Her voice alone brought a wave of pleasure through my body.

 

The little hairs on my neck stood on end and it suddenly felt more real than it ever had. No more stage names, in fact right now, I didn't want to be a member of T-ara. I wanted to be a girl falling madly in love like this for the first time with someone who wanted me for who I am deep down, not who I became after I joined CCM.

 

“Take me, then.” I whispered back.

 

Her face changed instantly, her lips curling but not into the friendly smile I was used to. A weaker species would have feared for its life.

 

My normally docile fox was turning into a fierce predator before my eyes and I couldn't have been happier to be her prey tonight. I held her gaze with a y smirk as I lifted my hips off the bed so she could finish tugging my shorts off.

 

HamKyul time, I thought. Maybe the last good thing that would happen to us in the foreseeable future.

 

Not a moment too soon.

 

 

I watched Eunjung's face carefully as we rose to the top floor of Soyeon's apartment complex. Staring deadpan straight ahead, I got the impression she was seeing into another world. seemed permanently upturned at the corner of her lips, and every so often she'd grin for no apparent reason.

 

I hit her in the arm.

 

She looked at me confused.

 

“Stop that.” I said, smiling.

 

“I can't help it.” She said, smiling wider.

 

“We can't go in there like this.” I said.

 

“I know.” She said, scratching her neck.

 

We met eyes again, grinned and looked away from one another.

 

“I'm serious!” I said.

 

“Okay.” She said.

 

Eunjung was now covering with her hand, but I could tell by her eyes she was still smiling. How bad would it look when we showed up after what was supposed to be the most stressful week of our lives grinning like idiots?

 

“You have to be on your best behavior, too.” She warned me.

 

“I will.” I said.

 

“I mean, Jiyeon's going to be there. You can't hit her when she tries to hug me.” She said.

 

I smiled to myself, thinking that after this mornings events, Jiyeon really wasn't something to worry about anymore.

 

I looked up at her and nodded.

 

The door slid open and Eunjung motioned for me to go ahead. Upon turning the corner she caught me hard on the with her open palm.

 

I yelped in shock and pushed her back into the elevator. She flinched when I rounded on her.

 

“You can't do that!” I said, my mouth hanging open. She was laughing so hard, I had to prod her hard in the stomach to get a reaction from her.

 

“I was just getting it out of my system.” She said.

 

I pointed a finger firmly into her face and tried to give my most intimidating glare. Her grin returned anyway. She bent down and quickly pecked me.

 

I shook my head and turned for the hall. “You're going to be the death of me, Ham Eunjung.”

 

“Maybe you can teach me how to have a blank face. You're good at that.” She said, following me.

 

I stopped in front of the door and glared up at her. She winked down at me before pushing Soyeon's doorbell.

 

“Be good.” I whispered.

 

I could see Eunjung trying to straighten her face out while we waited. It was entirely possible we were being watched through Soyeon's security camera but nobody spoke to us. Boram opened the door for us in the end.

 

Everyone stood up to greet us. It was strange to think that I'd actually spent five days without these girls for the first time in as long as I could remember. The time went by faster than the speed of light.

 

Boram, looking small as ever, hugged me very sweetly.

 

“Are you holding up?” She asked.

 

I nodded and she touched my face. “Looks like it.” She gestured to her own face. “Every day these circles under my eyes get deeper. What do do?”

 

“Unnie looks beautiful.” I said, putting a hand on her head. I made eye contact with Hyomin who was coming towards me now. She put her arms around me, pinning Boram between us.

 

“I missed you guys so much.” Hyomin said.

 

Boram tried to say something back but her voice was too muffled to be intelligible. Soyeon reached between us to pull Boram free before hugging me.

 

As genuine as their greetings were, the warmth in their voices didn't match up with the light in their eyes. The entire room had an elevated level of anxiety that I was expecting. It felt like I was a guest at a funeral.

 

“Let me get you something to drink.” Soyeon said. I nodded and started following her into the kitchen.

 

A pair of arms came around me from behind. I dragged the extra body along with me, unsure of who it was.

 

Soyeon opened her fridge to me and motioned to take whatever I wanted. As I grabbed a can of soda, the hand of the person hanging off my back pointed at a juice box.

 

“I want that.” Jiyeon said in a small voice.

 

I was brought up short by her sudden appearance. I grabbed the juice box for her and looked sideways at her. She looked back at me like there was really no good reason why she wouldn't be clinging to me. I kind of felt guilty. Maybe I had upset her the other day... What if I'd imagined everything?

 

“Are you okay?” I asked her.

 

She pushed the straw into her juice box and sipped from it, looking me dead in the eyes and nodding. Ridiculously cute kid, but she looked deflated, like she barely had any energy to stay upright. Apparently, Hyomin wasn't exaggerating when she said Jiyeon was taking the situation poorly.

 

I pulled her arms tighter around me and walked her to the couch. I definitely felt bad about how I treated her before at this point.

 

I sat beside Eunjung on the couch, Jiyeon came to rest sort of across both of us, leaning her head onto my shoulder.

 

“Twenty minutes.” Eunjung said, taking note of the time.

 

I noticed how empty the room seemed.

 

“...Hwayoung and Areum?” I asked.

 

Soyeon sighed. “I invited them both...”

 

It would make sense that they would opt out of this gathering to be together alone.

 

“I was thinking, this is probably nothing. He's probably just going to announce that Hwayoung is injured and is going to miss out on promotions for a while, right? If he did that, I think the negativity would just go away.” Boram said.

 

I nodded in agreement. It seemed like a plausible theory.

 

“Well, whatever happens, I just want you all to know that I loved working with you.” Hyomin said.

 

Boram immediately slugged her in the shoulder.

 

“Don't talk like that.” She said.

 

“He'll probably just release a statement denying everything.” Eunjung said.

 

“...It's kind of hard to do that since he's already said that our twitters got hacked.” Jiyeon said softly.

 

“At the same time. Idiot.” Soyeon muttered.

 

“Are you still receiving bad messages on twitter?” I asked.

 

All of the girls nodded.

 

“People wishing death upon me...” Jiyeon muttered.

 

I rubbed Jiyeon's shoulder and looked at Eunjung.

 

Eunjung didn't really know how to contribute to this conversation since I'd kept her completely isolated from the hatred. Judging from what was being said though I think she got a good idea of what she would have been hearing all week. She leaned forward off the couch and took her head in her hands.

 

“At least it'll be over with tonight.” Boram said.

 

I was alerted when Jiyeon sat up. I watched her move Eunjung's hair out of the way run a finger down her back. I sat up so I could see what she was doing better. There was a single red line, a cut.

 

“Unnie, what happened?” Jiyeon asked.

 

“Mm?” Eunjung turned her head.

 

Jiyeon moved aside the strap of Eunjung's tank top to reveal more parallel scratches. I gasped softly when I realized that those wounds were inflicted by me unknowingly.

 

In throws of pleasure.

 

“You're covered in scratches.” Jiyeon said.

 

Eunjung looked at me then to Jiyeon quickly. “I don't know.”

 

Jiyeon ran a finger down one of the lines where I'd broken the skin on Eunjung's back with my fingernails. This time I was sure I was not mistaking the anger in her face. Not anger, but cold fury. There was no doubt in my mind that Jiyeon figured out how those marks got there.

 

“Any minute now.” Soyeon said.

 

I stood up to prepare for the inevitable, Jiyeon's eyes still stabbing me in the back as I walked. We congregated behind Soyeon and her open laptop unsure of where we'd get the message first.

 

“It can't be that important if he isn't alerting us first.” Boram said, sounding like she was trying to reassure herself more than anything else, before leaning onto Soyeon's back.

 

I was standing in between Hyomin and Eunjung, just watching Soyeon refresh the companies press release page. Our arrangement slowly turned into a group hug.

Hyomin's arm around me, Eunjung holding my hand. We stood in silence and it wasn't until this moment that I felt really nervous.

 

It felt like we were standing there forever.

 

Click. Click.

 

….

 

Click. Click.

 

….

 

“I wish I could get away with being this punctual.” Eunjung muttered.

 

I grinned and looked at her.

 

At that very moment, Boram jumped in front of me.

 

“THERE! There there's a new article. Click it!” She yelled, loud enough for the entire neighborhood to have heard.

 

I went numb as I waited for the page to load. I thought I might have felt Eunjung squeeze my hand, but I completely disregarded it.

 

My eyes were immediately scanning the text as quickly as I could.

 

Complaints by T-ara's staff...

 

Hwayoung's contract as an artist will be voided effective immediately with no conditions.

 

Voided.

 

There was no way I could have read that correctly. I scanned the same line five, ten, twenty times but the words wouldn't change.

 

“No.” Someone said.

 

Hyomin roughly reclaimed her arm and started yelling beside me. But all I could do was reread what I already knew was there, but I was certain it was going to change.

 

The others left the area in a loud conversation that I wasn't paying attention to. I floated into Soyeon's computer seat and gazed unblinkingly at the computer screen.

 

Complaints by staff members? The same people that work with me? I thought it was impossible. From one incident there was no way this many people wanted Hwayoung gone. The entire outcome reeked of a cover up. But it was more than a cover up. Not only had he fired her, the way he vilified her as an unprofessional brat pretty much ensured she'd never work in the industry again.

 

Oh god, I wondered what Hwayoung was doing right now?

 

I stood and walked back to the couch where I was before but it felt like I wasn't even making my own feet move. I was so blown away that I didn't even know how to react. I felt like doing so many things at once that the end result was just blank.

 

I looked at the silent room around me to the others to see maybe how I should be acting.

 

Soyeon was staring at her hands, tears flowing effortlessly from her eyes. My own eyes started to sting when I saw her. I assumed she was taking all of the responsibility for this happening.

 

Boram was on her shoulder looking physically pained. I understood that expression because I was feeling that searing pain through every nerve in my body. Sweet Hwayoung, sacked after coming so far. After improving so much. After... falling in love.

 

This must have been horrible for Areum, too... Aish, what a mess.

 

At this moment, I wished we would have gone to be with her for this instead of Soyeon's. After everything we've been through and how much we had in common, I felt responsible for her well being. I felt like she was my real little sister and now she was being taken from me.

 

My heart was aching so badly now that I was clutching at it.

 

“What did you even fight about?” Hyomin asked Soyeon sharply.

 

“That is irrelevant...” Soyeon said in a cracked voice.

 

“Maybe it's not as irrelevant as you think.” Hyomin said, her anger rising. “Maybe if that fan hadn't have seen Hwayoung throw her crutches down the hall. Maybe if it hadn’t have gotten out-”

 

“How do you even know it was a fan?” Soyeon said in a stronger voice. “How do you know one of our staff didn't just want an easy payday and go to the tabloids? According to the article they didn't give a damn about her anyway.”

 

“Well, it shouldn't have happened. None of this should have happened. To let that get out of hand, fighting in the hallway of a hotel its unprofessional.”

 

“Maybe twitter wasn't the right place to talk about it.” Soyeon glared back at Hyomin, whose head immediately fell with guilt.

 

“Stop it.” Boram said. “This isn't helping anything...”

 

I was still thinking about Hwayoung's well being, and the first tears escaped from my eyes without knowing they were coming. I brushed them away gently and locked eyes with Jungie who had matching beads of salty tears streaming down her face.

 

A cell phone went off, and then another one. I felt mine buzz in my pocket as well.

 

Likely a mass message. I waited for someone else to read it aloud.

 

“...We're going back to work tomorrow.” Soyeon said. “An hour early for a meeting.”

 

“How on earth could they think we'd be able to work tomorrow like nothing happened?” Hyomin asked, exasperated.

 

Omo, I was sure he had a lot to say to us.

 

I had the urge to escape again. I felt like my place was with Hwayoung right now. I felt, as long as I stayed this room it would never truly sink in as real. This whole thing felt like a horrible nightmare and watching all of these girls break down in front of me was surreal.

 

Jiyeon stood up from where she was squatting before with her arms around her legs, completely defeated.

 

“Is he an idiot?! This whole week people have been analyzing Hwayoung's well being so he just turns around and fires her?! This isn't going to fix anything. People are going to hate us even more now!” She yelled

 

She was probably right, too. How could a man who has been in the business this long do something so irrational...

 

“We're finished. We're never going to come back from this..” Hyomin muttered.

 

I stood up. Staying here was going to drive me mad.

 

“I have to go.” I said, softly.

 

“Why?” Soyeon asked, her eyes drawn together. “I was going to make dinner...”

 

I shook my head. The last thing I felt like doing was eating.

 

“I feel kind of sick. And... if we have to look like idols tomorrow I have a lot of work to do.” I muttered.

 

“I can't stay here.” Hyomin said, bluntly, standing up.

 

Everyone stood up. I'd started the cavalcade of departure.

 

Words of reassurance were tossed around but they had no effect on me. I went through the motions of hugging everyone but I couldn't offer any reassurance, not while all I could think about was what Hwayoung was going through.

 

I was uncharacteristically annoyed with them, because as Hyomin and Soyeon had announced they were at fault. They were the reason such rumors could be blown out of proportion. They were the reason our private affairs were suddenly transparent. But at the same time I knew they couldn't have anticipated this outcome...

 

Eunjung and I shared an elevator ride downstairs with Jiyeon and Hyomin as Boram opted to stay with Soyeon for dinner. All that could be heard were Hyomin's loud sniffs as she tried to stave the never ending torrent pouring from her eyes. All I wanted to do was throw my arms around Eunjung and allow myself to cry as well, but I refused to break down in front of the kids. I didn't want to break my composure until after meeting with Hwayoung.

 

“Where are you going?” Jiyeon asked Eunjung after we hit the ground floor. I was walking ahead of them but I was listening very closely.

 

“I need to go see my mother.” Eunjung said louder than normal. Probably so that I would hear.

 

“We should do dinner soon. It's been a long time.” She said.

 

“Yeah.” Eunjung said.

 

I glared at my feet as I descended the stairs down to the sidewalk. How could Eunjung have disregarded my suspicions so quickly earlier? Did she really not see Jiyeon the way I did? Was I crazy?

 

I got into my car without saying goodbye and drove directly to Hwayoung's apartment.

 

I sat in my car contemplating the building. It'd been a long time since I'd visited her here and I was trying to judge exactly what floor it was on. The apartment I thought was hers had its lights out.

 

My phone vibrated. I pulled it out. A text message from Eunjung.

 

“I just wish to get some advice from my mother. I will be there when I'm done. Are you okay? I had a hard time trying to gauge your mood. I love you so much. xx”

 

I sighed, wishing so badly Eunjung was going with me. I knew how hard this night was going to be, but I also understood that she was much closer with her mother than I was with mine. She had to get her strength from somewhere, and I was certain Eunjung was the type of person that didn't want to have her vulnerabilities on display in front of me.

 

I slipped the phone back into my pocket and stared down the empty hall. For the first time I wondered if Hwayoung even wanted me to be here. Perhaps she would be upset that I came without warning.

 

I stood at her door contemplating whether or not I should return to my car to call her, but in the end I pushed the doorbell and waited.

 

And waited. And waited...

 

Of course she wouldn't answer.

 

If it were me, I wouldn't talk to anyone for months.

 

I got halfway back down the hallway when I heard a door open. I turned around and locked eyes with Areum's moist ones, her head poking out from the door I'd just left.

 

She met me halfway, walking into my arms and immediately crumbing. I could feel the wetness from her face against my neck.

 

“...I don't know what to do, she's inconsolable.” Areum said. “Please help her.”

 

“I've come to do whatever I can...”

 

I followed Areum back into the apartment and found Hyoyoung on the cell phone in the living room. Her interest perked when she saw me. I nodded at her respectfully.

 

“Umma, we'll find out tomorrow. Can you hold on a second?” She asked the person on the phone with her.

 

She removed the phone from her ear and covered the microphone with her hand.

 

“Lee Qri..” She started, and sighed.

 

“I'm sorry we have to see each other again under these circumstances.” I said.

 

She walked towards me, gripping her short hair and letting it fall into disarray while she was considering me.

 

“I've always liked you.” She said.

 

I waited for her to finish, blank faced.

 

“Hwayoung told me there was no bullying.”

 

“There wasn't.” I said.

 

“If I ever find out who ruined my sister's life they will pay.” Hyoyoung said, fiercely. “I hope all the rumors are untrue.”

 

Behind Hyoyoung, Areum winced as though she'd be pierced through with a broadsword.

 

“Kim Kwangsoo ruined your sisters life.” I said. “The rumors are untrue.”

 

Hyoyoung looked at me as if she didn't quite believe me but resumed her phone call. I followed the wounded Areum to the bedrooms.

 

“I'm the one that ruined her life...” Areum whispered.

 

“In the last month you've made her happier than she's been in the last year. Don't blame yourself, there's a lot of people at fault.” I muttered back to her.

 

She gestured at the open door beside us. I peeked my head around the corner and saw Hwayoung sitting upright in a chair completely motionless. Her crutches were within arms length against the bed. The computer monitor she was staring at was turned off.

 

I entered slowly and pulled up a chair beside her. I was inches from her face and she didn't react to my appearance at all. I wasn't even sure if she knew it was me.

 

I didn't say anything immediately, I just touched her hair and then her face where there were dried streaks the remains of tears she didn't bother to wipe away.

 

Her lip twitched from my touch, her eye brows quirking into a sharp glare.

 

“I love you, sister.” I breathed.

 

She swallowed hard and turned to look at me. Her eyes were shaking inside their sockets as if she intended to cry but there was nothing left inside of her to come out.

 

“I love you, too.” She said.

 

I kissed her temple and held her close, forehead to forehead while she dryly sobbed. Her slender body shuddered hard with every rattling breath she fought for.

 

It was the first time since she'd joined that I looked at her, not on equal grounds as a coworker, but for how young she still was. Hwayoung was still a child in so many ways. Right now, she was a child struggling so desperately to understand her unjust punishment.

 

“Was it Soyeon?” She asked.

 

“No.” I said. “Everyone is devastated.”

 

Hwayoung scanned her room before leaning into me again.

 

“Promise me something.” She said.

 

“Anything.” I said.

 

“It's easy to get wrapped up in yourself and I know you have Eunjung now, but... Just... Keep an eye on Areum okay? It's.. really not easy being the new kid.” She said.

 

Her first thoughts were of Areum. I felt my face soften because someone going through something so terrible like this had to be madly in love to think of someone else first.

 

“We will both take care of her.” I said.

 

Hwayoung laughed without humor once, and then the most pained expression crossed her face so far.

 

“For now. But it will happen. Eventually she won't be happy with me anymore. I won't be able to be there for her. She will find someone better...”

 

Hearing her talk like this hurt me, I couldn't imagine what it was doing to Areum who was probably still in the hallway listening.

 

“Areum will stay loyal to you because she loves you.” I said. “And I promise I'll take care of her when you're not there.”

 

“My life is over.” Hwayoung said.

 

“This chapter is over...” I corrected, eying her carefully. “You have a lot to live for.”

 

She smirked. “I'm not going to kill myself.”

 

I don't know why hearing her say that out loud made me feel so much better. There were countless horror stories about pop stars that fell from grace and ended up taking their own lives in the end. If that ever happened to her I'd never forgive myself for allowing it.

 

“Did.. you ever feel bullied, Hwayoung?” I asked.

 

“No.” She answered immediately.

 

“You know, a lot of the other girls are receiving hate for being bullies.” I said.

 

“I know.”

 

“If you... put it out there that there was no bullying then maybe-”

 

She interrupted me.

 

“I'm not allowed to tweet.”

 

I stared at her.

 

“But you're no longer a CCM employee.”

 

She smiled darkly. “He's covered his bases. He's already threatened that Hyoyoung will never work again if I disobey him.”

 

“...Why would he want us to look bad?” I asked.

 

“He's trying to make me look bad. Like I don't care for you girls.” Hwayoung mused. “But I think in the end he wants to punish everybody.”

 

She was looking past me. I turned around just in time to see Areum's head disappear from the doorway.

 

“Pabo, come here.” Hwayoung called.

 

Areum reappeared biting her lip. Hwayoung patted her lap and Areum flitted to her. I smiled because it was adorable.

 

Areum sat on Hwayoung's lap and glared at her.

 

“Why must you keep saying that?” She said. “You'll never be able to get rid of me that easily.”

 

Hwayoung qualified a small smile and pulled Areum's head to rest on her shoulder.

 

“You're still always welcome at my apartment.” I said.

 

I rubbed Hwayoung's shoulder because the offer sounded shallow. How are you really suppose to console someone after something like this?

 

“And you better come..” I continued. “You're still my sister.”

 

Hwayoung smiled tightly. “Yeah, we'll need to I think.”

 

I stood and thought better of being here. Areum looked like she had things under control now.

 

“I should go but, uh. Areum I can stop by here tomorrow if you're staying and need a ride to the meeting.”

 

“Hwayoung has a meeting, too.” Someone said behind me.

 

I whipped around to see Hyoyoung leaning against Hwayoung's door frame. Her eyes trained curiously on the way that Areum was sitting on her sister.

 

My stomach dropped, but Hwayoung played it very casually, easing Areum off of her and getting to her feet with the purpose of saying goodbye to me. She didn't even make eye contact with Hyoyoung.

 

“That meeting should be super fun, huh?” Hwayoung asked, putting her arms around me.

 

“Dreading it.” I muttered. I swayed her back and forth slowly hugging her very tightly.

 

“It won't be as bad for you. At least you're not the one that has to beg for her job back.” Hwayoung said.

 

“...You will try?” I asked.

 

“Worth a shot.” She said. “And if the backlash is bad enough overnight, I might have a chance.”

 

Hwayoung grabbed for her crutches to walk me out, but I insisted otherwise.

 

“Call me a lot, okay?” I said.

 

“We'll come over sometime this week. If... you aren't too busy.” Hwayoung said.

 

I nodded and headed for the front door. I could hear Hyoyoung behind me walking me out.

 

“That kid, Areum, she's a good kid, yeah?” Hyoyoung asked.

 

“She's great.” I said. Hyoyoung opened the door for me and looked like she had more questions but I bade her goodnight before she could ask. It wasn't my place to confirm or deny her suspicions, and she obviously had suspicions.

 

I made it all the way to my car until I finally broke down and had to navigate my way home through my own blurry tears.

 

As childish as it was, I thought if I could get home fast enough and go to sleep there was still a possibility I could wake up and this all would have been a dream...

 

I caught a glimpse of myself leaving the elevator, makeup streaming from my swollen red eyes.

 

I stood in front of my door fumbling with my keys, a fresh new wave of tears hindering my progress. I wiped my eyes so I could find my house key, but even with clear eyes my key chain was surprisingly light. A single key missing.

 

My mouth dropped open as I remembered lending Eunjung the key to my apartment.

 

I pulled out my cell phone and sent a quick text to Eunjung.

 

“You have my key...”

 

I rested my head against the door and wept silently, wondering how long I'd be standing here alone, knowing how terrible this would look if one of my neighbors were to find me here. It didn't matter. I couldn't stop now that I'd started. A weeks worth of worries and a day spent in turmoil were too much weight to bear anymore.

 

I jumped when I heard the lock mechanism in my door turn.

 

It opened and Eunjung looked shocked to see me crying. She'd never seen me really cry before.

 

“Ah- Don't-” She sputtered before I collided with her, burying my head into her chest. I dropped everything I was holding noisily onto the entryway after she closed the door behind me.

 

“No, no. Shhh..” She said, pulling me to the couch. “Where did you go? I was worried...”

 

“I went to see Hwayoung.” I said.

 

“Ah, I thought you must have...” She said in a gentle voice. “Don't cry, baby. Was it bad?”

 

“It's so sad...” I mumbled.

 

“It's okay. We'll get through this together and we'll look out for them.”

 

She did her best to put me back together. First, pushing my hair out of my face then running her cool hands against my eyes to ease the swelling and removing any trace of running mascara from my face.

 

For the second time in a span of twenty four hours, I was out of my comfort zone and in a vulnerable situation in front of Eunjung and once again she came through, making me feel safe and loved.

 

After I was calm again and we went to bed, I watched her sleep for a long time just wondering how I would ever be able to show her how much I appreciate every aspect of her.

 

 

 

“So.. did you have fun?”

 

My eyes lost focus on the same part of his table again. I was sure by now that I would be able to hand draw the exact details of the wood grains by memory if I wanted to.

 

“For three years I put my hard earned money into building your image and in the span of one weekend your childish behavior ruined it. Selfish immature girls...”

 

He was pacing back and forth in front of us. I didn't dare look at the others for fear of drawing attention to myself but judging by the lack of energy in the room I feared they were deflating by his mere presence. The worst part about it was that so far everything he said, though callous, was true.

 

“I think idols such as yourselves have a warped view of reality. You get to go out and sing and act cute on television, it's easy to forget that this is merely a business, right? You are all just an investment. I've tried to drill this into your heads since the beginning. I've tried to keep it competitive between you for this very reason but you've all ended up liking each other too much.”

 

He sat down front and center.

 

“I think you understand now... that if you me over again I will simply remove your playmates.”

 

I recoiled. It was the first time he'd every openly swore at us.

 

“Did you think you were too famous now? Did you think you were immune from punishment? If I were to fire you all, I would still be able to make good music.”

 

Had a pin dropped to the floor it would have sounded like an atomic bomb and the silence stretched on for too long. I didn't want to look up to see what he was doing. I assumed he was trying to build suspense. The worst wasn't over yet.

 

“You are now a liability to me. I risk ruining my name by keeping you, so, tell me, give me one good reason why I shouldn't just disband T-ara right now.”

 

I looked up in shock. He was now leaning back in the seat comfortably looking to each of us in turn. He expected an answer. He smiled.

 

“Well, if you don't have a good reason that makes things a lot easier for me. I don't want to deal with a public relations disaster.”

 

I watched Soyeon stand up on shaky knees with baited breath. Our leader, our spokesperson, the person who was partially responsible for this mess was also our one last chance.

 

“S-sir.” She stammered.

 

He looked up at her with mild interest.

 

“I think we can learn from this and come back stronger than before.”

 

“Really? Do you truly believe that? Who would idolize a bunch of bullies?” He asked.

 

“But we're not bullies.” Eunjung said. It made me nervous that she was brave enough to speak.

 

“Do you realize that it's irrelevant whether or not you bullied that girl? It doesn't matter. You'll always be branded the bullies from now on. YOU are the ones that brought that upon yourself with your immature behavior. I don't even care what could have provoked you into a screaming match in a public hotel hallway with another member, unless you care to share?” He glared at Soyeon.

 

“Why didn't you fire me then? Why Hwayoung?” She asked, ignoring his question.

 

“Hwayoung is more expendable than you.” He shrugged. “You're the leader and main vocals. Half of this group can rap as it is but we aren't here to discuss my reasons.”

 

After all of my contemplations, it was shocking to find out that the conflict itself didn't matter. To him, it was as simple as eliminating the weakest link in his eyes. Firing Hwayoung was a punishment to all of us, not just Hwayoung.

 

“Well, this is how we're going to do things. Since your humble leader thinks you can bounce back you will have one last chance. Since you want to act like rookies, I will be treating you as such. Think of this as your debut. As for the hate you'll receive, think of it as your punishment. If you ever want to have fans again you will fix this mess yourself. Do not disappoint me again.”

 

He waited a moment before motioning for us to leave.

 

I didn't think my legs would support me out of the door. It didn't look like anyone else was in much better shape either. We shuffled around the furniture weakly.

 

“Oh, Lee Qri.” He said.

 

I froze and turned to him. It had been an incredibly long time since he addressed me personally in a meeting. I must have looked like a deer in headlights.

 

“I anticipate great things for you in the future. Work hard.” He said, smiling.

 

I nodded and bowed awkwardly before following the others out.

 

What the hell did that mean?

 

Eunjung was waiting for me on the stairwell with wide eyes and offered me a hand which I took.

 

“Are you okay?” She asked, brusquely.

 

“Are you?” I asked back.

 

“I don't even know.” She said with a nervous laugh. “That was intense.”

 

She pushed a door open on the landing and I was surprised to find everyone huddled together, crying and hugging one another. It took me a moment to realize who was at the center of the pack was the tallest of them all, her crutches laying on the floor underneath them forgotten.

 

Hwayoung and Soyeon were crying together the loudest, Soyeon crying hysterically, the hardest I'd ever seen her cry, desperately trying to convey how sorry she was to Hwayoung. Hyoyoung was standing off to the side but this exchange wasn't going unnoticed. She was eying Soyeon suspiciously.

 

“Our meeting is now.” Hyoyoung said, tugging on Hwayoung's arm.

 

Areum picked up Hwayoung's crutches and helped her back onto them while Hwayoung tried to clean her face.

 

“Don't worry.” Hwayoung told everyone, swinging towards the door I'd just come out of.

 

She smiled weakly at me as she went.

 

“Wish me luck, Unnie.” She said.

 

I watched her go and it took me a while to realize what she needed luck for when I remembered she was going to go in there and beg for her job back. It hit me hard in the chest because I already knew that it wasn't what she'd done, but who she was that got her fired.

 

That sweet lovely kid didn't stand a chance.