I took Iza with me to a party one weekend. Normally, Iza was way too shy of a person to go anywhere’s that required her to socialize with people other than me, however, I was getting myself and Iza prom dates, and I had failed on Iza’s part so far. I chose for us to sit on a couch that was in the middle of the hubbub of this party. I would leave to go talk to people I knew, but kept an eye on Iza’s progress. Whenever I left, within a couple of seconds, a boy or two would meander over and attempt to talk to her. Unfortunately, Iza was completely oblivious to any of their subtle hints that they wanted to get to know her, so they usually walked away disappointed that she didn’t show any particular interest in them. It was hard not to laugh at their faces and hurt ego. I felt bad that I was making Iza talk so much to those boys, so I got up and fetched a drink to wet her parched throat.

              I went to the table that supported the mixed drinks and pop and was filling up a cup when I heard a familiar laugh. There was Taemin talking to a girl, with his arm slung over her shoulder, a similar gesture that he used with me so often. This struck me as very weird; Taemin is never that close with anyone other than Iza and me. I watched them laugh softly at some joke that the girl had finished and felt this anger bubble up to my chest. It was like all of a sudden I wanted to both physically and mentally hurt this girl. I mean, I’m not usually a mean girl, I get along with pretty much everyone, and so where was this coming from?

              I shook my head to try to get this horrible feeling out of my head. I took my drinks back to Iza and interrupted a conversation one guy had finally managed to start. Iza dismissed the boy when she saw me sit down beside her, with my arms crossed.

              “Uh oh, someone is in a bad mood. Am I taking all the boys attention, so no one is paying attention to you?” joked Iza, her gentle smile that her brother and her both had, grace her angelic face. “Why don’t you go talk to that guy? He’s been staring at your for while now,” Iza motions with her head to a boy who quickly averts his gaze to the floor.

   I straighten my back. I could have just as a good time as Taemin. I march over to the boy Iza singled out and introduced myself. “So, my friend tells me you’ve been ogling me all ngiht,” you let a smile paint your face.

   The boy looks into his cup of beer, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to come off as creepy.”

“Not at all. I like boys who know what they want,” You glance at Taemin, who’s still cuddly with unknown girl.

“I’m G.O,” new boy puts his hand out to shake.

“I’m Hollis,” I’m sure to smile brightly at G.O

The two of you get into a deep conversation. As it turns out, G.O is into history just as much as you are. G.O talks about all the places he wants to visit; which was interesting because most of the boys I talked to only wanted to talk about sports or how rich their parents were.  I realize, sadly, I’ve got my eye more on Taemin and his new beau than focusing on what G.O was saying. This had to change.

I fanned myself “You know, it’s getting hot in here. Do you want to go outside for a breath?”

G.O smiles widely. Okay, so maybe that was usually used as an innuendo to signify ‘make-out’. Either way, I needed to get out of this house.

G.O grabs some drinks and we find a secluded spot on the house’s wrap-around porch. I sit down on a swing bench and take my drink. I gulp the fresh air and find myself better equipped to focus on G.O. without Taemin haunting me in my peripheral vision, I started to have a good time.

“I never figured I’d be out here, talking with you,” G.O says, fidgeting cutely beside you.

“I am a pretty popular girl,” I tease, swinging my feet happily. How nice was this? I was talking to a boy who was cute, liked me and was into the same topics I was. This was the perfect time to get rid of my first kiss.

“How about I add something else to your list of things you didn’t think were going to happen tonight?” I bite my lip and lean into meet G.O’s lips. The kiss is slow and perfect. Just as I pictured it would be. Except I didn’t feel anything. That’s weird. I thought when you kissed someone you were into, it was suppose to make butterflies in your stomach.

A startled gasp makes G.O and I jump out of our embrace. There was Taemin with that girl. My eyes narrow down at Taemin holding that girls hand. Taemin sees me looking at them and drops her hand like it’s burning him. What was he doing here? And with that girl? And interrupting my kiss? I feel anger burning at my fingertips. I can’t find pity for the girl who looks sad when Taemin let’s go of her hand.

Taemin stares at me in horror, like he can’t understand what he just saw. “What are you doing?” he asks in a small voice.

“I could ask you the same thing! Aren’t you whisking that girl away to do the same thing?” I’m angry for Taemin interrupting us. How was I supposed to get anything done with Taemin always riding my tail coats???

“No! I was just showing her…” Taemin doesn’t finish his sentence as I turn my head and hmph stubbornly.

“Hey man, I think she wants you to leave,” suggests G.O.

The girl tugs on Taemin’s hand “We should go.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Taemin shoot one more confused and heart look my way but allows the girl to lead him away. Good riddance. I let G.O sweep me away in more conversation, but I just don’t have the heart to continue fully. I feel like something really bad just happened. My heart is hammering in my chest and I feel like I’m on the verge of tears. I don’t understand. How could I be feeling this way after my first kiss?!

I cut-off G.O mid-sentence “Listen G.O, this has been awesome but it’s getting late. I’m going to grab Iza and call it a night.”

G.O looked disappointed but nodded that he understood.

You strode back into the house, towards Iza. Her smile falters when she felt you were in a worse mood then you left. “What’s going on? I think I saw Taemin leave the house with a girl. Did you see him?”

I ignored all her questions. Taemin was the last person I wanted to think about. I couldn’t get a gasp on all these new emotions that were bubbling up because of him.

“Let’s go,” I say and we leave on a weird note.

ZZZZZZ

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Isa’s POV

The next couple days at school are very weird. Iza is lost. Her brother is not his happy go lucky self. He doesn’t talk to her anymore, and he won’t go near her when Hollis is involved. Hollis was very withdrawn and quiet. It seemed like she wasn’t in this world, her mind was constantly thinking of elsewhere.  Actually Iza hadn’t seen Hollis and Taemin talk for a couple days now, since the party they all went to. Something must have happened, but she didn’t know how to broach the subject with either of them.

The air of tension left after a couple of weeks, but their friendship never went back the same. Taemin would say hi to Hollis, Hollis would ruffle his hair, and that would be the end of it. Iza felt like they went through the same motions, but the emotion behind it wasn’t there anymore. Taemin no longer idolized Hollis and Hollis no longer looked back at Taemin with affection. The rest of the year went along normally, other than the fact that they were the three musketeers no longer. Taemin became super popular, join the drama club and almost became a local celebrity. Hollis didn’t go to any of the shows. Hollis went on to date quite a lot of different boys, not staying with one for a long period of time. Iza didn’t understand why Hollis wasn’t falling in love with the several cute boys Hollis went through. It was like her romantic side was gone, and she was just a boy eater. She didn’t recognize either her brother or her best anymore.

Before Iza realized, senior year was over and they graduated. It was prom and Iza was worried. Taemin had become a little withdrawn the closer the date to prom came, and Hollis was going to more parties with Iza and form what she was hearing in the rumor mill, doing some pretty y things. She had heard from Taemin months ago that he had elicited a promise from Hollis to go to prom with him. Had both of them changed their mind and that’s why it had been so weird these past months?

Iza became even more confused when she got to school one day, and Hollis was talking about prom openly. She hadn’t been paying much attention to what Hollis was saying, because lately it had been filled with “you won’t believe what ____ did last night” or “______ and I did this last night”. What really jumped her out of her reverie was when Hollis said prom date along with another person’s name who was not her brother.

“I thought you are going with Taemin. Didn’t you promise him?”

“That was a childish promise made before certain things were clear,” replied Hollis mysteriously vague.

Iza, not being one to push anyone, let it go. She brought it up to Taemin’s attention, but she wasn’t able to garner anything out of that conversation either. Taemin simply shrugged and smiled at his sister with that information. He told her he could get another date just as easily, as if being Hollis’s date didn’t mean anything to him. Iza could have sworn she had seen a seed of sadness in Taemin’s eyes, but it was gone too fast for her to confirm that thought.

ZZZZZZ

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It was the night of prom. Everything was arranged to perfection according to me. My date was one of the most attractive boys in school, a muscular athlete, and an airhead. He was the perfect date, meaning I could choose anything and it would be fine. I chose the color of my dress down to every detail that involved Kurt’s tux. I called the limo company and I arranged the driver to take us to the choice after parties. I even arranged my own corsage. How sad was that? But this was how I liked my life, when I was in control and everything went according to plan. No interfering emotions to throw a wrench in everything. Since that heart-wrenching night that will not be repeated, I had done everything in my path to never experience that again.

It had been months since Taemin had seen me kiss G.O. After weeks of contemplation, I had come to the conclusion that I actually had deeper feelings then I realized for Taemin. At the time of the kiss, I hadn’t been ready for that sudden revelation, thus explaining my different attitude that night. It was clear, however, that Taemin did not feel the same. He may have adored me, but now that he was able to be with a girl, clearly he had no interest in me anymore. Taemin didn’t make one move to talk to me after that night, so obviously he was done with me.

It really crushed my heart a little bit, because I always believed Taemin to be a kind and gentle soul. I always carried a tiny belief in my heart that Taemin liked me back. No boy ever stared at me the way he did, and get the kind of response he managed to achieve: a shiver of great magnitude snaking down my back and an instant smile.

My heart started to race as my doorbell rang. This was the last chance Taemin had to win me back. He had to keep his promise, he just had to! He had been the one talking about taking me to make sure nothing happened to me. I had made sure to do a lot of things these past few months to show him I was obviously not taking care of myself, so he needed to save me. My hands shook as I turned the doorknob and there was my back-up date, smiling stupidly in his plain tux. Taemin had failed me. He really wasn’t coming. I sighed and shook such melancholy thoughts away. I tried my best to exude perkiness and to pretend this was the happiest night of my life while my parents took pictures.

The athlete escorts me into the ballroom turned into our prom’s lack-of-taste undersea theme. We pause at the proper place to take pictures with the group of friends we were partying with and I wave Iza over. I had roped her a date because once again, I wasn’t going to let her have a bad prom.

Iza sends me a cheerful smile and my heart hurts because it really reminds me of Taemin.

As it turns out, Iza suggested we ditch our dates and just have some good old silly fun. She makes fun of the decorations with me and we dance awkwardly to the hits of our graduating year. I start to think I might have fun after all when I see Taemin.

He looks heart-breakingly perfect in his tux, his hair straightened to curls around his forehead. He looked so dashing. I had been right; he would have been the perfect date. It just really crushed me with the finality that Taemin was not my date. I had been sure that no matter had been going on between us, that he would be there at my house tonight night with a bashful smile and a corsage. Because to Taemin, promises were everything. If you broke one, you were worst then the dirt under your shoes.

I tried to keep my mind off of the emotional pain, but barely kept from breaking the entire night. The night had ended and I was leaving with Kurt to go to the first after party. I cast one last glance behind me and by entire coincidence; Taemin had been doing the same thing. Our eyes locked, and I felt like it was the same type of tension in that gaze that night we had been hugging but Taemin turned around as if nothing had ever happened. Kurt pulled me along, urging me to get into the limo. That was the last time I saw Taemin’s face for a long time.

ZZZZZZ

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It was now four years later. I had graduated from university and currently studied under a top archaeologist. I had shed my hurtful throwing of my body around after the first year in university. Instead, I threw myself into my studies, and decided to be successful in my future. That way I felt like I was achieving something in my life. Since I graduated from high school, I had finally healed my broken heart. I no longer felt desolate anytime I thought about the lost chance with Taemin. It was behind me, and I started to date. I had some pretty steady boyfriends, but I was still having a hard time committing fully. Even after these four years, I had still yet to experience that butterfly feeling. Even when I tried to dash that away as I was too old to have a crush, I knew, deep down, that I wasn`t falling in love with these boys, no matter how I tried. After breaking the third guy`s heart, I came to the conclusion that I needed to take a break.

So I let my professor know ahead of time that I was taking a year off and going back home to work at the museum there. They were opening a new section, and needed someone in that field to be head of that section of the museum. I had agreed to the job, with the understanding that after the year I spent there, I would be teaching my underling everything I knew, and that underling would be taking over when I left to continue to study under my mentor. I was going to live in the newly renovated basement, at my folk`s new home they made a couple years ago. It was still in the same neighborhood that Iza and I used to live in.

Iza didn`t live in our old home town. Iza and I had been roommates the entire time we had been in university. Iza had just moved out of our duplex with a fiancée. The boy-shy girl had bloomed into a beautiful woman and had finally found an equally quiet and solemn man who loved her as she was. Iza still lived in our old university’s city and was lamenting we had to be separated just when she was starting to plan her wedding. I had promised Iza we would spend plenty of night’s online video chatting and exchanging wedding dress pictures. Regardless, I was still moving back home. I needed a shift of life. Something really felt missing.

I got comfortable into my new job and got a new friend in my older mom. I enjoyed my small basement apartment, buying things to personalize it. It was my first place on my own, after all.

One day, I had the sudden urge to go visit the apple tree again. I packed myself a picnic and grabbed a blanket. I laid on my back to bask in the sun and read some wedding magazine’s in preparation to talk with Iza tonight. A shadow fell over my magazine after a bit, and I looked up. There was this tall guy peering over me with a straight face, but his eyes were twinkling.

“Do I know you?”

“You don’t recognize me after four years, huh?”

I studied the guy. He was really tall, muscular but not too much. His hair was short with a slight curl beginning to show. Nope, I still had no clue. “I’m sorry, we’ve had a large graduating class.”

The guy sighs, “Geez, Hollis. Does this help?” The guys pouts and gives me a puppy-dog look. Oh my god.

“Taemin?!” I say in disbelief. Taemin smiles in confirmation. Oh, how I had missed that smile. Once I saw those cute dimples, I was won over. I jumped up and hugged Taemin. I was so happy to see him I was laughing in glee. Then I realized that this wasn’t just Iza’s younger brother and old friend but my old love. I broke away from the hug. Taemin tilts his head in curiosity.

“So Iza told you I was I town, I’m guessing,” I say, trying to calm myself down.

“I ask her, actually.”

“Oh…” Why would Taemin be asking about me? Time to change to subject before I came to the wrong conclusions. “So what have you been up to?”

“I was accepted into a Theatre Arts program. I did my first year there. I got a couple of offers with some producing companies for commercials and movies. My agent told me to take a summer off before I really got into this.”

“Wow, you’re really serious about the whole acting thing, huh?”

“You should come see one of my shows. I’m pretty good.”

“I know…” I can feel my cheeks getting heated. “I mean… I snuck in and saw your first show in high school. It was really good. I can imagine you’re awesome now…”

“You came? I never knew…” Taemin trails off in thought. “So, you’re taking the summer off too? Iza said you were doing Archeology? You really loved history when we were kids… it makes sense… you, you didn’t bring anyone with you, did you?”

“What? Oh no. I haven’t had a serious boyfriend in months. What about you? Girls must be killing each other to get with you.”

This is a new smile to behold: a cocky smile. “I’ve left off the girls. They can be too much of a distraction…” Taemin trails off with a hint of darkness coming off of him. He continued though, “I keep my mind on my acting. You think I’m handsome?” Cocky smile is back in place.

“Well, you know you and Iza have always been good-looking. Even as a kid you were so cute. I mean, you were popular with the girl in middle and high school, so I just assumed…” I cut off my rambling as Taemin’s grin got wider and wider as the rambling went on.

“I should get back…” I say, suddenly wanting to escape. This was going to get embarrassing.

“Wait no!” Taemin grabs my arm like he’s afraid I’ll run off. He loosens his hold and smiles disarmingly. “What I mean is, stay here for awhile. Let’s catch up and reminisce about the old days.”

Fortunately for me, Taemin talked about our childhood and laughed at innocent scenarios the three of us kids had gotten into. Whether on purpose or not, Taemin avoided the subject of my senior year, which I was grateful for.

My mind started to betray me. Although we had chatted innocently, my mind made note of this new Taemin. He was still open and unabashingly himself, but with an air of maturity; he had lost his innocent aura but gained some wisdom, unsullied by harsher emotions. His eyes, never changed. They were still brown puppy-dog eyes with a mischievous twinkle. His dimples no longer made him baby cute but accentuated his handsomeness. Taemin had grown into his potential well.

“Hollis? Hollis! Earth to Hollis!” At some point, I had stopped listening to Taemin and just started at him while I was taking inventory of all his changes. Taemin had waked me up with a quick shake.

“Ah, I’m sorry I was—” I started to feel panicky, unable to provide a good enough reason for my lack of attention to his words.

Taemin scratched the back of his head, a sad smile full of forlorn on his face. “You were always thinking of other’s when I was around. I’ll always be Iza’s younger brother to you. Right. I should be going then.” Taemin gets up to leave.

I didn’t know if it was because we were in a place full of memories, like when Taemin had fell asleep on me or we had played here as kids, but the fact that Taemin was in front of me in the flesh, like I had dreamed so many other times, was too good to be true. This was the time to be brave. What did I have to lose?

“Actually, Taemin…”

Taemin cut me off immediately, his mouth set at an angry line. “Spare me the excuses, I’d rather not hear about him.”

I was a little put off by the anger at first. I had hit a sore nerve by the sounds of it. It was still now or never for me.

“Taemin!” I commanded his head with my hands to look straight at me. Our eyes were locked on like that time when I had agreed to Taemin being my prom date. The tension seemed to be thicker than ever before. “I was not thinking of someone else; I was thinking of you.” Before Taemin could interrupt, I put a finger on his lips. “No, not ‘oh how my little brother has grown-up’ more like how you’re features I loved before have bloomed into a man. I waited for you on prom night. You made a promise I thought you’d never break. Why didn’t you come that night?” I could feel the disappointment and sadness from that night bubble up from my chest.

“You had clearly moved on, Hollis. It was a promise you made with a child, not to be honored.”I winced as my own words hit me.  “I knew you found a date to replace me anyways.”

“Because you hadn’t talked to me in months! You were the one with the new girl. I thought it was clear you had no interest in me not the other way around. You were laughing with her with you arm slung around her shoulder like you guys were best friends!”

Taemin was knocked off of his horse. There were no more shrugging or disarming smiles. He was fully angry and shocked. “I did that to make you jealous! I wanted you to realize I wouldn’t be around forever. When you kissed that guy, that was my answer. After years, pining after you, I realized you would never see me as more than your best friend’s little brother.”

“Ah, Taemin. Of all the times you needed to be straight forward, you played coy? That’s what all that teasing was about? You were always so blunt, I never thought…”

“It doesn’t matter. I don’t know why you’re bringing it up. It’s all in the past,” Taemin pauses, very stony.

“Taemin…” I say softly. He refuses to meet my eyes now. I knew there was only one thing left to do. The final test. After this, I would give up.

I drew that petulant mouth that always teased me with a smile or a pout to my own. I gave Taemin a kiss that was stuck between soft because I was still hesitant that he was going to accept me and hungry because I had been waiting for this for four whole years.

It was worth the wait. I knew I was in love and this boy/man belonged to my heart because I finally felt those butterflies I had been searching for. If this was the first and last time, I was fine with that; I was just happy to have finally experienced it.

I finally ended the kiss and pulled away. I slowly opened my eyes, not sure what was waiting for me.

I watched as Taemin opened his eyes. There were tears making a trail down his adorable dimpled cheeks. His smile was a mixture of happiness and understanding. “You do love me,” he stated simply, wonder filling his voice.

I felt tears of my own escape my eyes and I laughed at his statement. “I do, you silly, cheeky, wonderful boy.”

“She loves me!” Taemin shouted, joyous beyond control. He lifted me up with his arms and twirled me around like the little boy I knew he’ll always be at heart.

We settled down a bit and were lying out on the blanket I had previously been occupying. I was sitting with my back against the apple tree with Taemin’s head in my lap. It was like everything was coming back to its beginning. My fingers were combing his hair, missing those baby curls.

“Promise me this’ll never change?” asked Taemin.

“Promise me you’ll grow your curls back out and you’ve got a deal,” I joked.

This smile Taemin had was purely full of love, a smile I had never experienced before. This one was by far my favorite. As we kissed to seal the promise, I thought to myself, it was the first time but certainly not the last.

ZZZZZZ

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