Hey guys, sorry for not updating. It have been hectic year for me. Well, this chapter have been in my folder for a while, it just that i dont have enough time to edit it. So here you go. As you know I can't promise you anything since I have this major writer's block that I even hate myself for this. But no worries, I'll try my hardest. Thank you so much for your support. <3

You might want to listen to G-dragon - Black while reading this.

#################################################################

The color of my heart is black
It was burnt to black, just like that
I break glass whenever I feel like
And I look at my bloody hands and think, why am I like this

Staggering, Wonbin walked with his half-opened eyes passing through few people at the hallway who look at him weirdly. Wonbin ignored the piercing eyes as he was used to this before. Even before Hongki was with him, his life was always on the spotlight of everyone accusation. Well, that’s deal when you were born rich. You have all the money in the world and they expect you to behave like those aristocrats but really who was they lying to? Those rich bastards was nothing more than piece of , Wonbin always thought that until one day Hongki came to his life with his melodious laughter. It was an addiction just to see Hongki’s smiling face. Wonbin knew that he has fall in love. But that was years ago where everything was like rainbow and love was the sunshine and now Wonbin knew, he changed again to the worst. Reaching his suite room, Wonbin unlocked the door staggering to land his heavy body on the sofa. His eyes closed, his breathing found it pace again yet the feeling of emptiness still there. His headache feeling worst, he opened his eyes only to have a quick glance on the digital clock beside the sofa. It is still early to be like this, it is only 3 in the afternoon yet he already drunk, Wonbin thought alone. Wonbin took out his phone, his fingers are about to dial a number but he stopped halfway. Feeling the guiltiness engulfing him again, he got up, walked to the bar, reaching another bottle of tequila. Wonbin hate this; hate the feeling of guiltiness circling him, hate the feeling of curious taking him in, hate the feeling of not being able to do anything, hate the feeling that his love for Hongki already gone.

CRACK!

The bottle broke in his hands. He was unaware how tight his grip on the bottle till he heard the crack sound. Wonbin watched how the blood from his hand dripping slowly on the floor. It was dark red almost to black. How funny it looks that his blood was this thick black almost the same as the colour of his heart. Wonbin crouched down still watching his blood dripping slowly on the tile and after a while a laugh erupted. Wonbin laugh at himself and wonder how funny he was right now laughing for nothing. And then he thought, why I was like this again?

Your smile is shining gold
But the way you speak, feel so cold
As time goes by, you’re becoming more like me
Sometimes I feel like karma is running after me, know

“I’ll be home before midnight. Just make sure the guard don’t notice by then Jonghun. Aish! What are you, my mom?” Hongki said on his phone, his laughter echoing in the car. Wonbin watched how Hongki ended his call with Jonghun with a smile and he can’t help himself from feeling a little bit jealous. Wonbin saw how cheerful Hongki was to Jonghun and it makes him like he was no one in Hongki’s life. Hongki was supposed to be his and he supposed to be Hongki’s. It all was past tense; was. “What happened to your hands?” Hongki asked checking the bandaged hand. Wonbin answered with a joke saying his dog bite him yet he knew how far the truth is. “Just be careful, okay” Hongki said smiling but his tone feel so cold to Wonbin like how cold the wind outside creeping inside into the car. Wonbin knew Hongki like the back of his hand. Hongki was this ball of sunshine while him just this ball of despair. How contradict their life yet Wonbin don’t know how the hell they can love each other till this long, till this day. Wonbin was never the one who will love someone this long, Wonbin know, he just knew. Evidence lay in front of him, he lost the feeling now. He can never love Hongki like he was used to. His heart turns black. He knew that for sure.

Wonbin drove the car in silence with the feeling of hatred and he can’t stop blaming the karma. He felt that karma is running after him now. All he did are coming for him now. He knew.

The real name of love is definitely hatred
Hope is the parent of disappointment and despair
Why didn’t I know that the shadow that has casted over my face
Was created from the light called, you

It has been a while since the time between you and I have stopped
Misunderstanding is always the cause of pain
Well I don’t even know myself
So my hope for you to know me is a misunderstanding itself

“I don’t want to hear it!” Hongki screamed startling few other customers that occupied the table near them. Knowing Hongki’s antics, Wonbin took Hongki’s hand, patted it few times to calm him down. Wonbin knew it was a mistake taking Hongki out on a dinner when he was this moody. It was never his choice, it just Wonbin wanted so much to see Hongki; to see if the feeling of love is still there for him. Now, Wonbin knew. He has lost it. “Where is the Wonbin I knew?” Hongki asked, his tone down, a tear almost escapes his beautiful eyes. Wonbin saw how much hatred Hongki have for him as he turned into someone that Hongki never knew. Wonbin saw how many hopes have they put together to build a dream. Yet today he saw how it shattered by the disappointment and despair he gives to the relationship.

“I love you” Wonbin managed to blurt the words and the truth still choked behind his throat. “I love you too” Wonbin heard Hongki answered. “I know you. You will never do that thing. I know you are the only one for me” Hongki added.

People smile with an effort, hiding the truth
As if they’re happy
While hiding the lie in the word love
As if it will be forever

Wonbin’s heart stopped for a while, his eyes locked with Hongki. Wonbin knew if he spilled all tonight, this will be the end of Hongki. So, he managed a smile and said “Yes, Hongki. I am the only one for you” and how much a lie is that.

The color of my gloomy world is black
The beginning and end change, black and white
People are cunning, sometime become delusional
Really why am I like this, why

All the way back to Hongki’s dorm, Wonbin keep kissing Hongki’s hand with his other free hand. His lips kept smiling but it never reaches his eyes. Wonbin kept his composure always. If it already turned out like this, why wouldn’t he keep acting along with the dream that they always wanted before. It wasn’t that hard, he just needed to keep his act together and all is well. Already reaching Hongki’s dorm, Wonbin took the opportunity to kissed Hongki full in the lips. Hongki tastes sweet as always, Wonbin thought. Yet, why was he turned his back on him? His world before this has always been revolving Hongki and now it has not. The beginning was happy and now, is it the end? A feeling that can be as a fragile he’s been feeling.

Saying his last goodbye to Hongki, Wonbin hopped into his expensive car, drive off with his other hand dialling a number. “I’m on my way. Just make sure you look good for me to take you tonight” Wonbin ended the call with a smirked. He knew how cunning he has become but he knew there is no other choice. Either he keeps playing or he will lose his mind for sure. Just why am I like this in the beginning? Wonbin thought alone and light up his last cigarette.

Those lips are red, just like red lies
As time goes by, the language between the two
The colours that each one has don’t mesh, yeah

“So, when you are going to tell him?” Jaejin asked as his leg crossed Wonbin’s leg, both on bed with the white blanket covering half of their tangled body.

 “I won’t” Wonbin stated and untangled their legs on the bed. He walked to the bar and took a bottle of vodka. “Just so you know, we are nothing more than a buddy. Just stay that way and you will always have money” Wonbin added before he poured the drink into the glass. Jaejin smiled and nodded as he knew Wonbin is just avoiding the topic as always. Jaejin knew how strong-headed Wonbin is yet Jaejin knew his soft side as well; Hongki. It always has been, Hongki. Hongki was Jaejin’s friend but they stopped hang out together since Jaejin have too much work to do, a work that Jaejin knew how dirty it is. Jaejin never want this to turn out like this; Wonbin as his client, devouring his body and Jaejin collecting money. He never wanted this but what a mere drop-out college can do these days?

”Wonbin, you don’t call me” Wonbin heard Hongki’s voice on other line. He smile remembering how cute Hongki is but the smile fade when he remembered where he is right now. “I thought you already slept” Wonbin said holding tightly his phone and walked away to the balcony leaving Jaejin alone on the bed. “Yeah, I’m alone. Just watching tv. I miss you too” Jaejin heard the conversation goes on and on and he sighed. A red lies.

Since I’ve met you agony is the only thing left
Everyday is series of hills of hardships and temptation
Now I sing of breaking up, I tell you
This is my last confession

We should break up

“Jonghun, stop! I know him. Wonbin will never do that” Hongki half-screamed, his eyes holding the tears from dropping on his beautiful face.

Seeing how stubborn Hongki is, Jonghun captured Hongki’s shoulder and turn Hongki to face him asking;“What makes you so sure he will never change?” Jonghun saw how the tears drop from Hongki’s beautiful eyes. He knew its hurts for Hongki. Jonghun knew how deep the wound will be but Hongki need to realize this sooner or Hongki will keep in the dark about Wonbin’s behaviour.

“Jonghun is right. I cheated with lots of guys out there. The feeling is not there anymore Hongki. I should never keep you like this. It is hurting you. We should break up” Wonbin said out of the blue. He never expect to stepped into the scene of Hongki and Jonghun in the early morning, but he knew this is the only way. It’s either now or never, an action that Wonbin thought the bravest he ever done before in his exclusive gloomy life. He has to let Hongki go. “I’m sorry Hongki” Wonbin said before he turn his heels and out of the room.

Hongki looked at the closed door where Wonbin just left. His heart feel hurts so much yet he can’t scream or yell at Wonbin. Hongki stood there while Jonghun hold his shoulder still on the same spot. “Jonghun, what is love?” Hongki asked before his legs turn numb and his body falls on its own.

Someday when I’m left at the edge of the world alone
I might miss you yeah
Someday when I’m tamed to the edge of sadness
I might regret at the end

I’m going to go back to the way I came from, black
The summer when you and I were hot, it’s been too long

Fade away fade away fade away fade away
Fade away fade away fade away fade away

A few weeks passed, Hongki have been holed up in his room, Wonbin knew it because he knew Hongki like at the back of his hand. But what can he do, everything have turned black. They can no longer be together like how they used to on the summer day they met. It has been 7 years, too long together and the feeling was gone. Maybe someday when nothing is left for Wonbin, he will miss the moments of happiness that once reaches his black heart. And maybe someday when he was cured from feeling all the burdens he had, he might regret the decision today. But that’s all was a probability. He might, but in the end everything going to fade away, just like how his happiness is.