3. Hi Ya Ya

6th February 2012
    The ray of sunlight that success escaped the heavy curtain now tapped lightly to the front face of the birthday man. He groaned and rolled over unwillingly to come back in reality yet. He almost fell back to the dream land when the ringing of his cell didn’t stop since the previous midnight, with an annoying grunt he opened his still dazed eyes and checked his e-mail one by one, being the kind hearted man and stuff, he reply a thanks and other polite replay to all of them, and by the time he send the last e-mail, his fingers were shaking and the sun already high enough to let him know that morning would be over.
    By the time he came out from his room, it was already noon and he found the maknae was munching a snack on the sofa while watched some silly drama. He was about to joint the evil maknae when the doorbell started ringing.
    “Minnie-ah, can you get that please?” asked yunho while plopped down on the fluffy sofa and making him comfortable, changmin just furrowed his brown and sighing dejectedly.
    “I will do it just because it’s your birthday hyung, don’t getting used to it you old man” mocked the maknae who already standing and avoiding a popcorn that being thrower at him and he swore he heard his hyung mumble something like ‘you little brat, and 26 is hardly old’ but he pretended didn’t heard it and come to the door.
    “Coming!” shouted changmin to whomever outside their dorm who keep ringing the bell inpatient. He opened the door and greeted by the sigh of a young man with a black hoddie, a ripple skinny blue jeans, a glassed and an equal black masker, before he could said something along ‘sorry but you got the wrong address’ the young man already came inside the room and closed the door behind him, the loud bang and then silent. They stand face to face, or more like face to chest for the young man, considerate he much shorter and smaller than changmin.
    “Get out! For crying out loud who are you?!! I don’t give you a permission to come inside!”  screamed changmin when his mind started to functional again and just realize that a completely stranger just invading his dorm, he attempted to shoved the young man to the door, but before he even as much as taking his first step, a voice just made him frozen.
    “changmin” called a soft angelic voice that all too familiar and the young man in front of him removed his hoddie, glassed and masker. A milky white and porcelain skin, soft plump cherry like small lips, cute pointed nose and the most gorgeous big brown long lashed eyes which blink cutely greeted the tallest man and made him speechless instantly.
    “wha-, what are y-“
    “I won’t take long” said jaejoong quietly while giving the maknae his breathtaking smile, he stand still for a moment, memorizing the tallest member in front of him, the baby that he raised practically for more than years already grew up became this handsome young man, he stared and after what feel like eternity, finally the older man started to walked to the living room.
    “Hey! Who give you permission to came in?!” shouted changmin while walked briefly to the beautiful man that already ahead of him.
    “yah shim changmin, what are you shouting at?” asked yunho while standing in front of the sofa, and his breath feel liked caught in his throat when he saw someone that shouldn’t be here standing  innocently in  front of him.  
    “What are you ding here?” demanded yunho coldly when he realize that jaejoong really standing in front of him. Kim jaejoong who left him and changmin just for his freedom, the traitor who ripped his heart and smash it into pieces, someone that he should erase from his memory.
    “told you, you’re unacceptable in this place anymore” said changmin with equal coldness that made jaejoong feel small all of sudden, his yunho still angry at him for leaving dbsk  and his baby who didn’t know anything must be caught in this, but despite the harsh words that being throw at him, he would rather die than told them the truth. He braved his self; after all it was his only chance.
    “I just want to say happy birthday to you” mumble jaejoong meekly, his eyes lingered to yunho facial feature which didn’t change at all, still cold and unfriendly, he switch his gaze to the maknae just being greeted with the same expression.  He could feel a stunk hotness in his eyes, a barely tears that he hold almost streaming down, but he won’t let that happen.
    “Is Just that? I think you know where the door is” said yunho while turn around and attempted to sit on the sofa when he heard those soft melodious voices that belong to the pretty member.
    “i-, yunnie ah” called jaejoong suddenly, his arms was lingering in the air, in a pitiful state of wanting to touch the leader-shii, but he made up his mind and let his arms fall again on its original place, his eyes was downcast and he made a silent step to the leader who already facing him again when he called him.
    “I-“ a small step and jaejoong stood directly in front of yunho’s neck, he keep his eyes downcast and failed to saw an agony and sadness gaze that lingering on the leader eyes.
    “i- , yunnie, I never regret it for loving you, you’re the most important people for me, but that’s not why I come now” said the smaller man, he raised his head and big doe likes eyes stared at the leader with so much sorrow that it needed all of yunho will power not to hugged the member of jyj in front of him.
    “What then? Don’t you satisfy enough? You leaved dbsk, our hard working just like that! You leave me! Why jaejoongie? I hate you, no I loathe you!  You’re so evil don’t you know that!” shouted yunho with hoarse, changmin just glance his face sideline, he hates how everything turn out, hates his hyung for what their doing, and mostly hate himself for not able to did anything.
    “I know” breathed jaejoong
    “And I hate you more because even after all the pain you gave me, I still love you! I ing love you that it hurts, jaejoongie why? I can’t live without you, don’t you know that?” whispered yunho while shooting a dagger to the person that mean the world in front of him.
    “If you love me yunho, why don’t you leave with us, why choose to stay? You said yourself that I mean the world to you, aren’t I enough?” asked jaejoong quietly, his voice was trembling and he did nothing to hid it.
    “I really love you, what I said wasn’t a lie and you of all people must know that better than anyone, but I’m not that ungrateful to leave the company that make us famous like now, they make us become who we are right now, it’s my duty as a leader to protect dbsk name and stay loyal” answered yunho stubbornly, he won’t change his decision about stayed where he was now, not in near future.
    “There, you know pretty clear that your love to me is mean nothing compared to your loyalty to this company, don’t try to deny it, that why yunnie-ah, I have a favor for you”  said jaejoong while glazing at the handsome male in front of him, it was now or never.
    “I want you to let me go, you said it yourself that loving me is hurting you, then just let me go yunnie, don’t wait for me anymore, I for sure would never come back to this company, so just let me go” that statement alone was enough to made yunho feel that his world just stopped, no no, how can he let him go? Yes he was angry, but letting go was out of question.
    “I won’t, how could y-“
    “yunnie, don’t you feel tired of hating me?  If hating me while loving me at the same time hurting you, you can let me go yunnie, I’m okay with that” and then the porcelain skin man backed down slowly until there was an arm length gap between them.
    “why?” asked changmin suddenly, hw want to punch the living daylight of the pretty male, but he knew that physically hurting his umma figure was like a sin itself, he wouldn’t never did that.
    “Because I love my yunho so much that’s why I willing if he want to let me go” said jaejoong while put on his disguising again.
    “but why?” asked changmin again, he himself didn’t knew for what question was that directed, why hurting each other if their love was so much bigger that the world? Why asking yunho hyung to let jaejoong hyung go? Why he left in the first place? Why leaving dbsk when everything was perfect?
    “Because I remember someone asked me, would I prefer regretting something because I did it, or regretting something because I never did it?” said jaejoong while his hand already on the door.
    “And then?”
    “I choose the former” answered jaejoong without a single glanced and closed the door behind him with a soft tug.
    “pabo! Pabo…., if you regret it, why did it? You know from the start that you would regret it, yet you still did it, you sound like you don’t have any other option” mumble changmin to the closed door in front of him, he set his lip on the tight line and came inside the living room again.

                    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Present time

Pain, hurt, and mostly anger is the only things he can feel, the main actor of rooftop prince now crunched, in a tight ball inside his dimly apartment,  tears keep falling down like a river. Rolled down his pale face and for a split second he is choking in his own sobs, trying to say something, anything, but his mind is in jumble of mess.
    “chunnie.. *sob*” calling junsu weakly, he is slumbered in the red sofa that oddly comfortable despite the awkward angle he unceremonious dump his body in there the second they come to the apartment.  
    “Why? Why can’t we just tell them the truth? It’s *sob* I- I can’t” mumble yoochun miserable, he miss yunho and changmin so much it hurt, he miss the warm stare he would get when staring at his favorite leader not a cold and unfriendly glare, he miss snarling comment with the maknae, bully junsu together, not being the target of that like-stab-words.  
    “Just a little bit, chunnie please *sob* just hold on a while longer again” plead the shorter member.  He stared at the white ceiling without blinking, they already come this far, they can’t just give up now,  even though his heart hurt and sadness wash over him like a rain he know that he can’t regret anything right now. Seeing the two members make the old memory that he thought already forgotten coming back to the surface.
The time that feel like eternity ago, when they still a mere trainer so naïve and oblivious to how the world works, how it feel when they perform together in the same stage, that though alone enough to make a choked sob bubble in his throat. The roaring of their beloved Cassiopeia, the flashlight that flooding them, singing in the synch rhythm that slowly forgotten, stop, stop he can’t think about that, but it’s too late, it seem his memory make a live movie inside his head, flashbacking all the memories they shared, as dbsk, as their first debut, as their so many concert, and as they sang their song, from hug, the way you are, hi yaya, forever love, lovin’ you, proud-  a hitch in his breath, and he wonder since when his vision become blurry from the tears,
He proud of how he become part of dbsk, meet the other member, even it hurt
He proud of how Cassiopeia loving them unconditionally, even it brings back so many guilty tears
He proud how his jaejoong hyung big heart which can forgive and loving them selflessly, even if it hurt him greatly
He proud about dbsk, it’s the 9th years since their debut and everyone still support them, even if the price is too expensive and aren’t equal at all
He proud of changmin who his jaejoong hyung raise practically already grown up finely, even if his heart clouded by a dark sky
He proud of the man his jaejoong hyung given heart is standing and protect the baby of the group, of how he loved his hyung and become the source of his happiness, even if his eyes changed to stoned cold
He proud of his chunnie whom body now already stand up and walking to the bathroom already recovering from his momentary breakdown, how the once crybaby is now the pillar of strength of jyj, holding them like a solid rock
And mostly he proud about how despite every anger, hurtful words, pain, and tears, he can see the love that he familiar with in every eyes of his beloved little family, despite the years of separation and the cold attitude, he still can see the love that radiated from the eyes of his 2 other member, that little truth is enough to make him keep the faith all this time, a lesson he wouldn’t never forget that his jae hyung told him.
    “junsu, let’s go” said yoochun who already came back from his little trip to the bathroom, mostly to wash his tear stained face.
    “Yeah, manager hyung will have our neck if we late on this important meeting anyway” chuckle junsu snapped from his train though and heading to the door while brushing his face with the tissue and toss it to the garbage nearby.
Soon……. Just a little bit longer…..

                    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

10th January 2012
‘it’s my e-mail address, I want all of you to add me as a friend in your contact list, I will accept every one that add me, and please keep this DM as secret, sincerely Kim Jaejoong
-Send to all following-
The pretty doe eyes singer hands now busy clicking his other tab window to his e-mail, he didn’t need to wait that long, because in a matter of second many contact that added him and demand his attention to accept every contact list, he smile amuse med at his beloved Cassiopeia enthusiasm and happily greet every contact which already be friend with him.
    “well, it’s look like someone is happy hmm?” said a deep bass voice which the raven haired man know by heart beat the owner of that filled with amuse med voice.
    “chunnie, welcome back” said jaejoong happily while stand up from his sitting position and embraced his soul mate and they shared an equal grind while still hugged each other.
    “what about that stupid grind anyway?” asked yoochun while he put his forehead on the beautiful male in front of him, made their forehead touched and he could feel the faint breathed from the oldest member.
    “our fans, and chunnie I don’t run a fever so stop worrying” whined jaejoong while make a little distance from the mother hen in the skin of the Casanova his best friend had and pouted cutely in an attempt to looked angry, but it just made him look adorable instead.
    “said the person who just fainted out of blue just this morning” remarked yoochun bitterly while dragged the still pouting jaejoong to the kitchen and demanded the older member to sat down and he served a warm milk to both of them.
    “Hey chunnie” mumble jaejoong between sipped his warm milk and they lapses to the comfortable silent again for a while.
    “Hmm”
    “wasurenaide” breathed the still in his white pajamas beautiful man while stared at the person in front of him whose hands lingered in the mid of put the mug in his lips but frozen mid air, he stared warmly to his yoochun who gave up in attempt to drank his milk and put it down instead.
    “that stupid, of course I won’t forget about you” an that was a truth that both of them already know, they both know how the beautiful singer was held in special place in the other heart, how his present would always lingered and how his name engrafted in his skin.
    “I know that, and chunnie, stop crying for me will you?” asked jaejoong softly, a second passed and jaejoong already engulfed in the warm and desperate bear hug that covered almost half of his body.
    “joongie, joongie, joongie” and yoochun keep called him like a mantra, he let him, nothing he could did about it anyway, he hugged back and stayed like that.
    “chunnie, start to learning how to cry from happiness, my happiness, not my sadness can you?” asked jaejoong again, he could feel how the hug tightened and his noses trill was overwhelmed by the smell of his yoochun, the crybaby of dbsk, the sensitive yoochun.
    “I, you know that I never say no to your request joongie” said yoochun with a weak chuckled and star to released jaejoong from his tight hug and sat on his original seat.
    “yeah I know that” mumbled jaejoong with his warm smile and once again silence blanked the atmosphere, about his question early, he feel childishly insecurity early, and he though that maybe one day yoochun would forgot about him, even though he knew that was impossible to happen anyway. According to his soul mate raw reaction, he knew that he won’t be forgotten. He was glad to knew that, because for him, everything about dbsk, about their little family, jyj, everything just unforgettable.
Everything about dbsk was important to him, something he cherishes with all of his heart. Dbsk gave him a chance to meet met his soul mate and mostly met his other heart. Being with the other member that long made him realize a value of many kind of love
He realizes it when they were on the harder time; of love is not how you listen, but how you understand.
He saw when yunho let the anti fans that poisoned him go without charged her; of love is not how you forget, but how you forgive.
When they won their first award after debut, of love is not what you see, but what you feel.
And through everything, how it made him understand about the true meaning of happiness when he poured by the love from the people he cherished the most.
    He stand up, made yoochun looking up to him in a question gaze that made him wanted to laugh about his chunnie overprotecting in sting about him.
    “Where’re you going?” asked yoochun worriedly
    “To my bedroom, I want to sleep” said jaejoong casually while sending yoochun his beautiful smile and walked to the kitchen door, but he pauses at the mouth of the door and looked at yoochun who still sat in the kitchen seat.
    “chunnie, do you know that God had chosen you?” asked the pale man with a far away gaze
    “What?”
    “hmm, he choose you to become my soul mate, and I’m very thankful of that” and the cherry red lips man was already gone, leaving a stunned and half crying park yoochun in the emptied of the kitchen.
                        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~