My name is Shim Changmin, or as the I.D on my right shoulder says in bright white block letters, ‘MAX’.  I am the only Android.  I was created 24 years ago in a lab, the prototype of what was soon to be my race, a race of successful and perfect in all ways humanoids.  The scientists’ minds were changed once my eyes blinked to life though.  Their looks of fascination and interest turned into fear, and disgust.  They planned on destroying me, excuses of casualties which might occur were made.  Most of them didn’t even make sense, but no one cared, they just wanted to get rid of me.  Amazingly, eventually, one of them felt pity on me and somehow saved me.  That one person still supports me, sending me the money and supplies I need, but, no matter how that person helps, Im still alone.

Alone.  People fear being alone, having no friends, no family.  Me?  I don’t.  I enjoy it.  No cruel stares, no worries of being found out.  By what Im saying, I don’t mean Im living in the middle of nowhere, no one around but me.  I actually live a normal life, have a small apartment, go to college, anything a person could ask for.  What I mean is, no matter how close the distance is between me and humans, I separate myself from them as much as I can.  Can you imagine the havoc which would happen if I was found out?  I’d be considered an animal, other scientists would want me as their own lab rat, I would be shunned.  I can’t let that happen.

No one ever pays too much attention to me, I keep it that way.  But, even if you don’t look at me for too long, it’s pretty obvious that I’m not like everybody else.  My eyes shine brighter than anyone else’s, but, I mean that literally.  If I don’t pay close attention, all of the LEDs in my eyes spark on.  Another difference is the way I walk, it’s more mechanic, more like a march.  I can’t feel heat or cold either, I don’t even know how to explain how it feels, like everything around me is always room temperature.

Not surpassing any humans in anything is something I always have to be careful about.  An example is the tests we take in my college classes.  I can easily get 100%s on each and every test I take, mainly because of the computer which is my brain.  I can easily store everything told to me as files in my ‘brain‘.  During tests, I can just check the files quickly and easily find the right answers to all the questions.  But, if I did so well, I would be noticed right away, and I obviously can’t be.  On each test and paper in general that I do, I make sure to put at least 3 or 4 mistakes.  Same goes for physical activities.  I am stronger, faster, and have more stamina than any human.  Well, stamina in my case isn’t a question, I just never get tired.  But, I can’t ever show it, because, any unneeded attention could lead to the reveal of who I really am.

Being an Android, I don’t have any feelings like happiness, anger, nervousness, or love.  I guess that is pretty ideal though, those would just make life a lot harder for me.  If I ever have to, I make a fake smile or frown so that I’d seem at least a bit more human.

Many people, mainly girls, have told me how flawless I looked, almost as if I wasn’t from this Earth.  Those many girls are really interesting to me.  They confess their ‘love’ to me, and say they want to date me, but if they ever found out what I actually am, they would probably fear me instead.

Sometimes I’m curious about how those girls feel when they see me.  How does this ‘love’ make them feel?  Happy?  Well, not that I even know how that feels.  People say their heart starts beating fast, but my heart doesn’t even beat at all.  It’s not even a heart, it’s more like a battery.  Others say they can’t stop thinking about that person and that they have ‘butterflies’ in their stomachs.  I’ve never thought about one person for too long, no one has really been that interesting for me, and if someone has butterflies in their stomachs, they should really get that checked.  Since I will never experience love anyways, it’s pointless to think those thoughts, so I usually push them aside.

Those scientists 24 years ago did do a pretty good job though.  They made it possible for me to age the same speed as any regular human, my identity is covered in that sense.  Also, I can eat and take in breaths without my body getting harmed.  The only thing those scientists could’ve thought through a bit more, was the placing of my I.D.  It’s placed low on my shoulder, and because of that, I have to wear long sleeves, or sweaters/jackets very often.

~

I was walking out of the campus alongside many other students, all of the afternoon classes had just ended.  Then from somewhere off to my right I heard a excited gasp followed by a melodic voice exclaiming, “Yunnie!”  I turned to see a fellow student who had an extremely, even though he was male, pretty face.  His raven black hair framed his face perfectly and his big brown doe eyes shined with happiness.  I think he was a classmate of mine, if I remember correctly, his name was Jaejoong.  Coming his direction, arms wide open, was a tall man who, by appearance could easily become a model.  He seemed a bit older than us, probably by at least 3 or 4 years.  I guess that’s probably ‘Yunnie’.  Why anyone would want to be called such a ridiculous name just makes no sense to me.

His open arms were soon filled as Jaejoong crashed into him and wrapped his arms around the said ‘Yunnie’.  “Oh Yunho, you didn’t have to come all the way here,” Jaejoong sighed.

“Anything for you,” Yunho said.  Seeing Yunho’s smile with Jaejoong in his embrace made me feel something.  Something different.  I felt a pang in my battery, or, sorry, heart.  I stopped in my place and lifted a hand and placed it over where that said battery was placed in my body.  Odd, that’s never happened before.  Then, something else happened.  I felt as if I wanted to be in Jaejoong’s place, as if I wanted to be the one in Yunho’s arms.  The one who got to be pressed up against the chest of that god-like man.  So close we were practically breathing the same air. . .

Wait.  No.  Stop it.  In Jaejoong’s place?  In Yunho’s arms?  God-like?  Oh my, has a wire somewhere inside me become unattached?  This can’t be good.  I let my arm fall back down to my side and continued on my way home.  But, no matter how many times I tried thinking or anything/anyone else, that man Yunho wouldn’t leave my mind.

Without my notice, it had already become night.  I guess it’s time for sleep, not that I do.  I just lay there in the darkness staring up into the ceiling.  But, in a way it’s comforting, in the darkness I never have to worry about who I am.  The only thing which reminds me of what I am during those moments of peace is the cable plugged into my left side which charges me.  Usually I completely zone out, my mind blank, but now, Yunho just wouldn’t disappear from my mind.

~

The next few days I felt myself secretly anticipating seeing Yunho after school ended.  He never showed.  Until, finally, a two weeks later he came.  But, this time he looked disappointed about something.  Though I really shouldn’t care, I felt myself wondering what made him frown in such a way.  He was leaned against a tree near the entrance gate of the college.  Curiosity got over me and I sat down on a nearby bench.  So it wouldn’t look too obvious that I was there just to be around him, I comfortably crossed my legs and pulled out a book to pretend to read.  After a few moments, as more people started exiting from their finished classed, I saw him straighten up, his eyes seeming to brighten, from the corner of my eye.  “Jaejoong. . .”

I quickly took a glance up from my book to see Jaejoong, mouth agape, slowly walking in Yunho’s direction.  I expected something similar to last week, Jaejoong giving a huge smile and running up and hugging Yunho.   I made sure my eyes were down at my book so I wouldn’t see the contact between the two.  That pang in my heart really frightened me.  But, what happened instead wasn’t even close to last weeks greeting.

A loud slap could be heard, and all of the people who were milling around came to a stop and stared at the couple, me included.  But, soon enough, people concluded it was just the basic campus drama, and went on with what they were doing before.  I couldn’t do that though, the noise that was made when Jaejoong slapped Yunho, was hollow, and almost metallic.

My thoughts were interrupted when Jaejoong started talking, anger taking place in his melodic voice, “How dare you come here you monster!?  I told you to stay away!  Be grateful I haven’t told the whole world about you!  Just leave me alone!”  Jaejoong then pushed Yunho out of his way and stormed out of the campus, tears slowly dripping from his eyes.

But, I could only pay attention to Yunho.  He fell backwards,  landing on the same tree he was leaning against earlier with another hollow and metallic sound.  I cocked my head aside at the curious noise.   What kind of sound is that to come from a human?  He then slowly slid down the tree and landed in a slump at the tree’s base.  Curling into a ball, shoulders shaking, he blocked his face from view.

Standing up I walked over to him and kneeled down across from him.  Yunho didn’t seem to notice my presence because he stayed in the same position as he was before.  I cleared my throat, but he still showed no sign of noticing me.  “Are you okay?” I asked quietly, unsure if going up to him and asking this was the right thing to do, and regretting my decision to do so.

Slowly lifting his face his eyes locked mine.  But, something was off.  His tears, they weren’t clear like they were supposed to be.  They were black, almost like oil.

“Y-your face. . ,” I started unsure of how to continue.  With a confused look, he lifted a hand to his cheek only to feel the moisture which I had just been thinking about.  Pulling his hand away and looking at the black liquid which covered his fingers, he whispered barely audibly, “I-Im leaking.”

“What?” I asked, even though I clearly heard what he had said, it just made no sense.  Since when do humans consider crying ‘leaking’?

He looked up in surprise almost as if he forgot I was there, so spaced out staring into the black liquid which slowly flowed down his fingertips and fell in drops on his jeans.  “Oh, uh, this is completely normal?” Yunho said in a way which sounded as if he was asking me a question instead of answering mine.  Of course I didn’t believe him, but I just went along with him because of my unsureness of what to do and/or say to a person crying.  Let alone crying black tears.

“Oh.  Okay.  Umm, is there anything I could do to make you feel better?” I asked slowly, again unsure if this was the right thing to say.

Yunho sniffed one more time and got up.  “No, it’s alright.  But, thanks anyways,” he shot a grateful smile down at my crouched position and walked away.

~

If I was complaining about not getting Yunho out of my head before, it’s way worse now.  It’s almost as if every time I close my eyes, he is there, black tears streaming down his face.

~

It seems everyday since that happened, Yunho has appeared somewhere around the campus.  But, he wouldn’t pay attention to Jaejoong.  He would come up to me instead, and say something, from things like talking about the weather, to things like the music he just listened to in his car, or what his best friend said to him the other day.  Though, it was weird getting used to at first, I soon grew to anticipate the end of class so that I could see and talk to him.

Soon, a few months had zoomed by, but, I didn’t notice it at all.  I spent all my free time, which seemed to pass very fast, with Yunho.  Soon, we were both very close, he learned and now knew everything about me, and I the same for him.  Well, except the biggest thing.  Me being an Android.

Being around Yunho made me forget it all.  Forget that I was an Android.  Forget that I technically shouldn’t be hanging around him.  Forget that I don’t belong.  Forget that I never will belong.  I lived in a small fantasy world containing only me and Yunho.

Right now, we are sitting next to each other, so close our shoulders were touching, on the couch in his living room, watching T.V.  “Hey, Changmin,” Yunho randomly said, stealing my attention away from the show which was currently playing.

“Yeah?  What is it?”

“I was wondering. . .what do you think of me?”  He said slowly, his brow furrowing when he finished his sentence.  I turned to the right to look at him.  His eyes were still on the T.V, but I could tell his mind was somewhere else.  He was biting his bottom lip as if he was nervous about something, but I can’t imagine anything that could make him nervous.

“Huh. . .well, I think you are a great person.  You’ve been nicer to me than probably anyone else.  You’re very confident, and once you put your mind to something, or say you’ll do something, you do.  You make me feel like I belong, and when you do something, you always make sure that it won’t affect or harm anyone else.  You are very considerate. . ,” my face suddenly felt hot when I realized he had turned to look at me.  Wait?  Hot?  Is this what hot feels like?  How. . unnatural.  Why am I like this?  I shouldn’t be.

Realizing I had started to ramble on, I said a quiet sorry.  I started looking down, afraid to be met by Yunho’s deep stare.  Then, I felt a hand pull my chin up, and I was eye level with Yunho.  “Won’t you ask what I think of you?” he asked in a huskier voice than usual.

“Oh. . .um. . well. ,” I started fumbling around with my hands unsure of what to do in this situation.  Then, Yunho leaned closer, and I felt something soft brush against my lips.  I-it was Yunho.  Yunho’s lips.  H-he just kissed me.  Lost in the moment, I leaned back towards him after he started pulling away, and kissed him back.

Yunho received the kiss with a huge smile on his face.  “I love you Changmin,” he said.

I love you Changmin. I love you Changmin.  I repeated what he had just said in my head over and over.  As I’ve said, random girls from classes of mine have told me that before, but, this time, it sounded completely sincere.  Unlike some hormone driven comment, this seemed genuine.  I sat there frozen, completely shocked, for a minute.  Is that what I felt too?  Love?

“I-I lo-,” I stopped in the middle of what I was just about to reply.  To tell him that I loved him too, that I couldn’t get him off my mind, that I wanted to spend all my time with him, is what I truly wanted.  But then I remembered who I was.  Or more like, what I was.  I am an Android.  Was alone, is alone, and will be forever alone.  I definitely can’t form a relationship with a human.  That kiss I just shared with him, it shouldn’t have happened.  Even us becoming this close shouldn’t of happened.

Realizing this, I felt something.  Feeling something, that’s never happened to me until I met Yunho.  Actually, a few days ago, I felt happy.  Happy.  Androids aren’t supposed to feel happy.  So, why did I feel that way?  Happy felt wonderful, like all good things in this world were combined into a beautiful feeling.  But, what I felt now, wasn’t even close to that, it was like a huge wave hitting you, you hurt all over.  But, my eyes hurt most of all.

“Ch-changmin. . .your eyes,” Yunho said slowly.  I lifted my hand to my eyes and rubbed them a bit.  Pulling my hand away I saw some ink black liquid all over my hand.  Just like what was coming out of Yunho’s eyes those months ago.

Then, Yunho smiled even wider then he had before, and quickly wrapped his arms around me.  “Oh Changmin!  It was meant to be,” he exclaimed excited.

No.  No it wasn’t, because Im an Android.  I wasn’t supposed to feel this, and I can’t anymore.  I have to stop this before it goes any further.  Deciding that, I pushed Yunho away, and stood up.  I took a few cautionary steps away from him incase he tried hugging me again.  “No, we can’t be together.  I-it’s not because of you.  You. . .you have been perfect.  You are perfect.  Me, Im the one who’s at fault.  Im the one who’s different, who’s destined to be alone.  Please, be happy, I wouldn’t want you any other way,” I said, feeling the pain in my eyes worsen.  Looking away from Yunho, I saw black dots appear all over my shirt and the spot on the ground where I was standing.  I turned around and ran out of his apartment.  I continued running until I stopped hearing his footsteps from behind me.

~

Those terrible black tears constantly fell from my eyes the next few days.  Especially when I got home from school.  Why?  Because, no matter how much I avoided and ignored him, he was always there.  I’ll have to find myself a new and different path to get home, and though it will take a while, it will be worth it.  I can’t imagine how I will crumble if I am near Yunho much longer.

~

I’ve found myself a new route home, and I’ve been sticking to it.  Though it is longer than my usual way, he’s not there.  That’s all that matters, that Yunho won’t be there.  There, making my ‘heart’ feel like it’s ripping into a million pieces, to make those black tears come out of my eyes more forcefully than they usually do.

I was walking home, watching the ground, my mind on a presentation we had coming up in one of my classes.  “There you are,” said a smooth deep voice from somewhere in front of me.

I froze in my tracks and momentarily, all my eye’s LEDs came on when I realized who that voice belonged too.  The one person who I walked this way to avoid had found me.

I was just about to run off when his hand reached for, and grabbed my arm.  “Please, don’t run away this time.  I have something to confess.  But, I can’t say it out here.  Aren’t we pretty near your apartment?  Could we go there?” Yunho asked.  I nodded a curt reply, hoping we could just get this over with.

We walked to my apartment arms linked, I guess he feared I would run off.  When we finally reached and entered, Yunho looked around in awe, this was the first time he came over to my house, I had always gone to his.  Though, I can’t see what could possibly be so awe inspiring, the rooms were sparsely filled.  Spotting the couch he sat down and pulled me down next to him.  “What is it?” I asked trying to sound ticked off, as if I didn’t actually enjoy how close we were.

Yunho sat there mulling over what he was going to say for a few moments.  “You may not have realized, but we are actually very alike.  I realized it when I saw your black tears.  We are the only two on this planet who have the ability to cry black tears.  Or, at least, that I know of.  If you haven’t figured it out, those aren’t actually tears, those are just drops of oil.  For some reason, when we become sad, a lot of pressure builds up inside of us, mainly in our heads.  That pressure pops a tube filled with oil near our eyes, and there they are, our black tears.  Though why it’s always the same tube, I still haven’t figured out.  When I was young I had heard that someone else like me had been created, but I didn’t really believe it.  I thought the scientists had told me that so I wouldn’t feel alone.  I never imagined they would make another one of my race, not after how they tried abandoning me, maybe different scientists made you.  I guess they didn’t tell you about me when you were brought to existence.”  Hearing Yunho continue to talk just made me more and more confused, what could he mean?

“You probably used to think you were emotionless didn’t you?  I did too, until I met Jaejoong, though, obviously that didn’t work out.  I’m not sure why they told us that we don’t have emotions.  Maybe so we wouldn’t fall for anyone, it isn’t smart for us to fall in love with humans.  I know that from experience.  You  know, you can only feel love for someone if you want to, and if you want to be loved back.  That’s how I felt before I met Jaejoong and later you.  I guess that’s how you felt before you met me.  Love is a beautiful thing, especially for us.  For us, love unlocks all other emotions and makes it possible for us to be happy, sad, angry, and more,” Yunho said pausing for a breath.

“What are you trying to say with all of this?” I asked, confused.  How does he know how I felt?  How did he know all this?

Yunho chuckled, “Dummy, you haven’t guessed even after I told you all that?”  He then slipped off his jacket, and reached for his right shoulder.  Lifting his shirt sleeve, he gestured to his now bare shoulder.  “See?  You’re not alone,” he said with a smile.

I looked down at the revealed shoulder, and I saw in ‘U-KNOW’ written in bright white block letters.  Looking back up at his face in shock, I saw his eyes’ pupils weren’t brown as they usually were, there were just bright white pinpoints.

“Y-you’re an A-android too,” I said, stuttering out of pure happiness.