A sharp pain shot through my back, shocking me awake and my eyelids flew open. I glanced down at my lap and realised I had fallen asleep in my chair, my hand still gripped onto Tabi’s. My eyes scanned the room before landing on him and my breath hitched in my throat.

“Ashley.” He greeted quietly, a sad smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “What are you doing here?” His hand briefly tightens around mine before I pulled away, gently wiping the stray tears from my eyes.

I chuckled nervously and pushed off the chair, standing next to the hospital bed. “GD came and got me.” I answered, shoving my hands in the pocket of my jeans and I shuffled from foot to foot. I had to be strong, I wouldn’t cry.

He didn’t want me to be hurt, so I would stay strong.

TOP scoffs, his slightly glazed eyes rolling “I will have to thank our fearless leader for that later.” He said, running his hand through his patchy hair. He let out a drawn sigh and his eyes met mine again. “I assume he told you everything then.”

I nodded slowly before dragging the seat closer to the bed and sitting on it, bringing my knees up under my chin as I stared at him. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked quietly, my hands lightly reaching out and running through his hair.

His eyes closed blissfully as I his head before I pulled away. “Tabi, why did you lie to me?” I asked again. I couldn’t fathom why he wouldn’t trust me with this. We had been through so much together but even after everything, he couldn’t tell me he was dying.

He sighed and pressed a button on the side of the bed, making the top half tilt upwards so he was supported. “I didn’t want you to miss me when I left.” He said quietly and I felt tears b in my eyes again but I refused to let them fall.

I would stay strong.

“If I didn’t lie, you would have had to watch me waste away. Watch me die.” He muttered and didn’t meet my eyes. “I couldn’t bare to see you mourn for me. To sit in that chair everyday like my mother does and cry.” He said gesturing to the seat I was currently occupying.

“Anything else but watch your heartbreak when I knew I couldn’t do anything to fix it. Anything. Even-“

“Die alone?” I finished for him and he smiled sadly.

“Yes.” He lightly tugged at the light blanket covering his body.

I cleared my throat, trying to stop my voice from breaking. “How-How long have you known?” I asked, avoiding his gaze and picked at the chipped polish on my nails. “That you h-had cancer.”

Stay strong.

I heard him sigh and he chuckled dryly, “Three months.” he said and I almost choked.

“Three months?” I asked, my eyes widening and he nods slowly, guilt framing his face and the corner of his lips tilted down slightly.

I am in control. I am in control.

“You left three weeks ago.” I accused breathlessly, “How could you not tell me?!” I jumped to my feet, hands running through my hair and tugging on the loose stands. How couldn’t I have noticed, surely he would have begun looking sicker. Becoming thinner, more tired. Was I really that bad of a girlfriend that I didn’t notice my boyfriend had cancer? “How could I not have noticed. Oh my god.” I muttered breathlessly, hiding my face in my hands.

I began pacing at the foot of his bed, tugging on my hair to distract me. Three Months?

“Ashley.” He soothed and I shook my head.

I was kidding myself.

I was not under control at all.

My boyfriend was lying in a hospital bed! And I didn’t even ing notice he was getting sick!

“How could I have missed this? Oh my god this is all my fault!” I quietly sobbed, paces becoming more frantic as tears beat at my eyelids. What if I had noticed beforehand, maybe we could have gotten treatment or chemo. Something!

Anything!

Not this, please.

Please.

“Ashley!” He called and I froze, I turned to face the man trapped in the hospital bed and he smiled apologetically before reaching for my hand. He encased it in his and I sat next to him on the bed. “It’s not your fault, it’s nobody’s fault. It couldn’t be helped.” He tugged playfully on my arm and I avoided his eyes, I didn’t think I could do this.

“I should have known.” I said stubbornly and shaking my head, a few tears escaping own my face. If he was going to die what would I do without him? It was hard enough thinking he was with another woman, but harder still knowing he wouldn’t even be alive.

He smiled, “I hid it from you. You didn’t do anything wrong.” He said, confidently defending me. “I’m just sorry you have to go through this.” His thumb wiped away the tears that had fallen on my cheeks. “Jagiya I’m so sorry.” He repeated and I shook my head.

“Is there nothing they can do?” I partially begged, knowing I was being weak but the thought of his death scared me. I felt anything but strong at the moment. Knowing I would never see his smiling face again, those days in the sun which we usually followed by running in the randomly appearing rain wouldn’t happen again, he would never hold me again. The end was approaching, and I was not in anyway prepared for it.

I couldn’t say goodbye.

I inhaled slowly trying to calm myself down and meeting his eyes before he shook his head solemnly, preoccupied by playing with my hands.

I chuckled dryly, “Im sorry. I shouldn’t be the one crying, you’re the one in the hospital bed.” I felt a sharp pain shoot through my body again and I almost let out a sob. Is this what I felt like, when your heart was truly breaking?

He smiled, patting my head affectionately. “I have had many months to cry. Doing so now will change nothing.” He admitted sighing and I traced my finger along the line of his jaw.

I shook my head in awe, “How can you be so strong in all of this?” I ask breathlessly. How could he lay here, knowing he would be dead in a few weeks, knowing he was powerless in his fate. There I was sitting there bawling my eyes out while he contently played with my fingers.

He chuckled slightly twisting my ring around my finger. “I noticed you were wearing this when I woke up.” He admitted, smiling goofily at it. “I even remember the day I gave it to you.” He admitted quietly and I nodded blushing, wiping my nose on my sleeve and sniffling.

He twined our fingers together and let them rest on the bed. “You.” He said simply and I looked at him. His lips tugged up at the side and he looked downwards. “I can be strong for you.” He finished shyly.

A lone tear slid down my cheek, it’s existence standing out amongst the hundreds of tears I have already cried. He was trying to be strong, for me.

Me.

Me.

I wiped the tear from my cheek and locked the floodgates, not a single tear would fall. I wouldn’t let it. I was not going to be the weak girlfriend crying over her man’s sick body. I would not make his last few weeks painful. He said he didn’t want me too, so I would respect his wish.

TOP smiled at me as I calmed myself, brushing a stray strand of hair out of my face. “Don’t have the operation tomorrow, please?” I managed to whisper, frightened my voice would betray me. He sighed and the side of his lips tugged up in a half smile.

He looked at the door behind me before his eyes met with mine and he nodded slightly. “Okay.” He whispered, looking slightly un easy.

“Are you allowed to leave the hospital? Like can you go anywhere?” I ask, the idea of him being cooped up in here until his time was up was almost as bad as him leaving tomorrow.

He nodded suspiciously, “Yes. They said that as long as I took it easy I could go for walks. But i have to sleep in the hospital. They want to keep me under observation.” He answered and I smiled slightly.

“Can we go for a walk tomorrow afternoon? Where we usually go?” I request and he grins widley.

“Definitely. It’s a date.” He chuckled and I clapped my hands excitedly. It was terrible that he would have to go, but I would make sure his time left would be the best time of his life.

*~*

The dusk sun reflected of the mirror like surface of the water, golden light shining on my skin. My hand was grasped in TOPs and we slowly padded our way along the edge of the water. The boys steps were short and staggered but the grin on his face shone brighter than the afternoon sun. The crisp grass crunched under our feet and the cool air rushed across our skin, goose bumps raising on our mostly bare arms.

We approached a small hill of grass over looking the bay and we carefully climbed it before sitting down, ignoring how the night dew dampened our pants. Tabi carefully wrapped his arm around my shoulder and I sighed contently, entwining our fingers as our eyes rested on the beautiful water.

“I remember,” TOP began, lips tilted in a small smile as we watched the sun slowly set over the city. “When we would come here every week, just to watch the sun disappear over the horizon.” He sighed, leaning the side of his head against mine. “Before any of this drama, before this pain. It all seems so long ago now.”

I chuckled sadly, letting the memories I tried to contain flood through my mind. All the time when I felt the happiest, the saddest, they were all the times i had spent with him. And soon he would be gone, and I couldn’t do anything to help him.

We sat in silence, the sun half hidden beyond the horizon and it’s glowing rays reflecting of the buildings and water. Making everything look warm, and happy. I was like the entire world had lit up in peaceful flames, orange quickly flitting across our skin in strange patterns.

“Thankyou for bringing me here.” He mutters quietly and I turn to face him and spot one stray tear slowly slipping down his cheek. His eyes lock with mine and he smiles gratefully. “This is the nicest thing you have ever done for me.” His other hand slowly traces up my jawline before his lips met mine is a chaste kiss, his warm lips melding against mine and his thumb lightly tracing across my cheek.

His slowly pulled away, the suns rays skimming across his skin and his eyes studied my face, as if engraining it to memory. “Thankyou for everything you have done. You have made this so much easier. Im ready, I can die in peace now.” His fingers gently spun my promise ring  and he smiled as the sun finally disappeared over the horizon, the sparkle in his eyes shining brightly in the darkness.

*~*

My hand gripped onto his tightly as I walked beside the hospital stretcher, The doctors wheeling TOP towards the operation rooms. His hand squeezed mine as we approached the big red and white doors, I couldn’t go passed here.

This was where I left.

This was where I had to say goodbye.

The doctor turned to me and placed a hand on my shoulder, “Do you two need a minute?” he asked and I nodded sadly. He sighed and his hand tightened around my shoulder supportively before signalling for the other doctors to follow him and he walked down the hall.

I turned back to the hospital stretcher and TOP slowly pushed himself up ad swung his legs off the bed but stayed seated, his now frail ankles too weak to support his weight. The three weeks I had been with him had flown by, and he slowly became weaker and weaker until he could hardly walk without his legs giving out.

The doctors told him it was time, there wasn’t any other options. They had to operate now or he would die slowly and painfully. The boys had already come to say goodbye, Ji Yong bursting out crying and collapsing on Mina. The band was going to fall apart, they all knew it. But it was more than that.

They were going to loose a very dear friend, and that friend would be missed more than their band member.

In the end it was just me who had to say goodbye, but TOP refused to let me go. So I walked with him across the hospital, staying by his side as we approached his fate. And now here we were, now was the time for me to say goodbye.

And I was lost for words.

He saw my bewildered face and he quickly grabbed for my hand and held it to his face, kissing my palm and closing his eyes. “I lied.” He muttered and my eyes widened. “I’m not ready to die. I’m really not.” He almost sobbed and my heart shattered. I knelt down in front of the hospital stretcher and captured his chin in my hands, making him look at me.

“I know Seunghyun. I know.” I cooed, his cheeks and wiping away the few tears sliding down his face. “But you are so strong, you can do this. “

“But I don’t want to go into the darkness. What if there is nothing, what if it just ends.” He muttered wiping away any left over tears and sighed. I rubbed his cheeks comfortingly before wrapping my arms around his neck.

“Death is not the end.” I soothed, running my fingers through his patchy but unbelievably soft hair. “We will see each other again.” I ensured, bringing his left hand up to my mouth and kissing his ring. “I promise.”

He sniffed and I wiped my own tears, my own stupid tears that I swore I wouldn’t let slip. He gently kissed each escaped tear before meeting his mouth with mine, and it was the sweetest kiss I had ever shared with him. Light shone through my body and furled in my stomach, flying me higher and higher as our lips melded against each others.

His familiar musky scent filled my nose and soaked into my brain, bringing me comfort now instead of pain. His hands tangled in my hair and pulled me closer, locking me in place. Another tear slipped down my cheek and mingled in our kiss.

This couldn’t be the end.

He gently pulled away and stared into my eyes, his filled with mixed emotions and boing holes into my soul. “I’m going to miss you.” I whispered, his face still only centimetres from mine. My finger gently traced along the lines of his face, I wouldn’t forget. I could never forget.

He gently kissed my fore head, “I love you Ashley.” He whispered, his voice broken and cracked. I nodded and ran my fingers through his hair, his eyes closed and he sighed quietly.

I kissed him on the cheek, rubbing the same spot on his skin with my thumb. “I love you too.” I whispered back and he smiled before linking our left hands, our promise rings clinking quietly together.

“Forever.” I whispered and he nodded.

“Forever.” He kissed my fingers and sighed slowly when the doctors re appeared around the corner.

“It’s time.” The lead surgeon said and we nodded, Tabi re-taking his place on the stretcher.

“I’ll be seeing you.” He said kissing my hand once more before disappearing through the double doors.

A nurse appeared at my side. Her young but wise face smiled gently and she hugged me. “Come.” She said, leading me by the hand. “Come to the observation room.” She cooed and we disappeared through a single white door.

*~*

The tears began to flood down my face as I watched the doctors and nurses bustle around in the room before me, the glass window separating me from the chaos inside.

“We need to get him stabilized!” One doctor ordered, rattling off some long medication names and a nurse rushed off to a cupboard in the side.

“He is slipping!” another warned.

The young nurses hand gripped tightly around mine as I watched TOP be encircled by doctors, an oxygen tube running down his throat and 4 needles sticking into his arms.

“It Is ineffective, his heart rate is peaking!” an observation nurse called from a computer in the corner of the room.

TOP’s body convulsed on the table, a small amount of foam dripping from the side of his mouth. A loud buzzing noise echoed throughout the room and a doctor cursed.

“He has flat lined! Paddles!” another doctor demanded and two electric paddles were placed in his hands.

“Charged.” A nurse called.

“Clear!” The doctor shouted before he flicked the switch ad TOP’s body lifted off the table.

Buzzzzzzzzzzzz.

“Still flat lined.”

“Charged?”

“Neh!”

“Clear!” His body arched off the table again, but he didn’t response.

Buzzzzzzzzzzz.

“He has stopped breathing!” The main doctor warned. “CPR.”

A nurse appeared at his side with a oxygen mask, placing it over Tabi’s mouth after removing the previous oxygen tube. The doctor began the compressions on his bare chest, counting out loud with each press.

The nurse administered the oxygen again and the doctor restarted the compressions. “Come on!” He shouted at the unconscious TOP. “Come on breathe dammit! Breathe!”

Buzzzzzzzzzzzz.

The nurse placed the oxygen mask over his pale mouth again and the doctor looked hopefully up at his partnering doctor, who shook his head. The main doctor sighed sadly, removing his white gloves.

“Okay I’m going to call it.” He called.

The nurse rubbed my back comfortingly as I stared at TOP’s unresponsive body, his thin frail form half covering in a light hospital sheet.

Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

“Time of Death. 5:47 pm.” He announced and I sobbed.

Until we meet again.

In Heaven.

A/N Hey guys, so i dont usually write long A/N but i am going to this time. This story had been bubbling away in my brain for a long time and i know my writing style is crap so im sorry but i dont hope you enjoyed it. I actually got the inspiration for the story from the song Haru Haru by Bigbang and i was hit with the thought; what if the roles were reversed? And so this story was born. So yes this is my entry into JannCakes Short Story Competition, the link can be found in the description.

I am sorry if you cried, but please do tell me if you did (or if you didn't, you whatever is cool) And if you want more depressing short stories from me as most of my subscribers know i looooove me some angst <3 

Okay guys, thankyou for reading.

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-Sha