Your POV

I never thought it would end, us. I thought we would last forever. But you had me fooled. All the promises we made to each other, all the time we spent together, was all a lie. Everything, was all a great big ruse.

I remember the day you ran halfway across town to tell me goodnight when my phone was flat and you had no other way.

I remember when you dropped everything and flew back from a Bigbang tour to stay with me while my father was in hospital.

I remember the day I asked you to move in and how you were the happiest I had ever seen you.

I remember the day you told me you loved me for the first time.

I also remember the day you tore my heart out and left it on the floor, while you ran back to her.

Because now she is the one you love.

All this crosses my mind as I once again stand in front of our apartment (well MY apartment now, considering he moved out) with my head resting against the cool wood of the doorframe. I finally built up the courage to unlock the door and braced myself for the memories about to suffocate me. I opened the door and my smell mingled with his filled my nose. I begin to drown in the painfully familiar scent and my mind slowly becomes empty of any coherent thought. Throwing the keys to the kitchen table, the sound wringing through out the empty apartment, echoing off the unfriendly walls.

My eyes rest on a smashed photograph lying on the floor in the hallway, the shattered glass littering the surrounding timber as our faces smiling up at me send a ghostly chill down my spine. I slowly padded over to it, picking up the frame and re-hanging it on the all. It was my last photo of TOP and I, the one photo I chose to keep after he left.

I read the inscription down the bottom of the frame "Ashley and SeungHyun (TOP). 10th of February 2012." and a tear rolls down my cheek as the pain shudders through my body. My knees collapse under the weight of my life and I fall to the floor, sobs filling the silent hallway.

He was probably taking his new girlfriend out to dinner this very moment, he would wrap his arm around her waist as he led her to their seats. He would pull out her chair because he was a gentleman and he would pay for anything and everything she wanted. He would laugh and smile, the gorgeous expression lighting up her world, and later tonight she would be wrapped in his arms as he made love to her.

And here I was, alone.

I looked down at the promise ring on my ring finger. He used to wear one just like it, they were our couple rings. The thin ring of sparkling silver wrapping around my fourth finger and glinting in my eyes, I ran my finger over the simple ring and I could almost convince myself everything was okay.

--Flash Back—

“Ashley?” A deep voice asked and I looked up at the boy above me, my head resting in his lap as we sat in the sun. Enjoying the brief summer weather that would no doubt be ruined in an hour or two by rain.

“Neh?” I answered and he gave me a nervous smile, his hypnotizing eyes tilting up at the edges.

“I-uh,” he scratched the back of his head and reached into his pocket. “I got you something.” He said and I straightened up.

“Tabi!” I complained and he chuckled. He knew I didn’t like him buying me things because I didn’t have enough money to buy him something in return.

He raised his hands in defence and shook his head, a massive grin almost taking over his face. “No, no, don’t worry. It is something for both of us.” He said pulling out a medium sized jewellery box from his pocket.

I looked at him suspiciously, “What is this?” I asked and he passes the box to me.

“Open it and find out.” He said, raising an eyebrow at me. His lean angular face turned serious as I flipped the lib of the box and I almost squealed. I repressed the urge to scream and dance but I keep my face serious and questioning.

“Couple rings?” I asked and he nodded excitedly.

“I wanted to buy you something and I know you hate it when you can’t get me anything in return, so I bought us both rings.” He said grabbing the box and picking the smaller one out of its spot and holding out a hand, asking for mine.

I grinned like a fool, unable to hold in my excitement anymore. I placed my hand in his large one and he slipped the small silver ring on my fourth finger, the sparkling silver shining in the sun. He then grabbed his own and slipped it on the same finger on his left hand before smiling contently.

“There, now your officially mine.” He chuckled pressing a light kiss to my lips.

--Flash Back End--

The ringing of the phone split the tense air and shocked me out of my hypnotized state. I wiped my eyes and sniffed before pulling myself together and walking to the phone, pulling it off the hook.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Hey Ashley" G-Dragon said on the other line and I sighed into the phone.

“What’s up Ji-Yong Oppa? Honestly if you’re going to talk about TOP I don’t want to hear it. I know your intentions are good but it doesn’t help me.” I said leaning up against the wall, head resting on the cream wooden surface.

“It is and this time you do need to hear it so don’t hang u----beep beep beep” I pressed the little red button, cutting off his call. The leader of the band had been calling non-stop for that past few weeks trying to ‘help’. Telling me it wasn’t my fault TOP dumped me.

Little did he know he was just making it worse, made it harder to let everything go.

To let him go.

The phone began to ring again and I picked up. “GD leave me alone okay, I cannot forget him if you continue to pester me.” I exclaimed before slamming the phone back down on the hook, hitting it a few more times for good measure before sliding down the wall, my arms wrapping around my head and I curled into a ball.

Why did everything hurt, why was my head pounding like it is being hit with a sledge hammer, why was my heart shrivelling up and crawling deeper and deeper into my chest. Why couldn’t I just let go?

I crawled across the room and pulled myself up onto the couch that smelled strongly of Tabi, burying myself in the blanket resting on it and closed my eyes. Shutting out the world. Sleep would take me to a world more terrifying than the current, but at least there nothing could hurt me. I knew I could wake up from the horrors in THAT world.

Here, here I was stuck.

I felt the dark tendrils of sleep slowly pull me under as the musky smell that filled the apartment soaked into my lungs and I sighed contently before I was swept off.

*~*

*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*

I groaned and rolled over, my body falling off the lounge and landing on the hard floor causing me to wake up fully. The rapid knocking continued and I slowly got to my feet padding over to my front door, swinging it open and revealing an upset G-Dragon with tears staining his cheeks.

“Ji-Yong what happened?” I demanded leading him into my apartment, his clothes all creased and sweaty. “What happened to you, did run a marathon or something?” I asked sitting him down at the table, quickly running into the kitchen and turning on the jug to make some honey lemon tea.

“Just give me a second I will find you some clothes. Stay in those and you will get the flu.” I chided running into my bedroom searching for anything TOP left behind. I found a loose t-shirt that would be way too big for Ji-Yong’s smaller build and a pair of loose jeans which would go way past his ankles but it was the best I could do.

I grabbed the clothes jogging back to Ji-Yong and passed them to him. “Go get changed before you catch a cold. Have a shower if you need to. When you get out you are going to tell me what is wrong.” I chided pushing him down the hall and into the bathroom. He muttered an acknowledgment before disappearing behind the door, his whole body shaking.

I turned around and headed back to the kitchen to make his hot drink. Something was wrong, and it was big. Ji-Yong hadn’t visited this apartment in weeks, Ever since Tabi left.

--Flash Back—

“We need to talk.” TOP said as he came home from another rehearsal, I was lounging on the couch watching k-drama re-runs until he came home.

“Why what happened?” I asked, sitting up and walking over to him immediately. “Did something happen with the guys, are you going on tour again?”

“No, no” he said shaking his head, his hand rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “It’s about something else.” He said throwing his jacket across a nearby chair. “Here, sit down.” He led me to the couch again and I sat down warily.

He sat down on the small coffee table opposite me and leant his elbows on his knees, pinching the bridge of his nose between his forefinger and thumb. “I am about to do something I never thought I would.” He mumbled clearing his throat.

I stared at him curiously. “Seunghyun, what is wrong?” I asked grabbing his hands in mine but he pulled away.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t do this anymore.” He said and I froze.

“Pardon?” I asked chuckling.

His expression was like stone, the eyes piercing my soul that were usually filled with so much emotion; dead. Cold. Glued to me but gave away no sentiment . “I think we should break up.” He said slowly, each word piercing my heart.

I stumbled over words for a few seconds, praying this was all a joke. “Di-did I do something wrong?” I asked and he shook his head.

“No.” he broke our eye contact and looked at his hands, twisting the sliver ring around his finger. “No, I am seeing someone else.” He said, clearing his throat.

All the air became trapped in my throat and I tried to re-start my heart. He was with another girl? When? Who was it? I breathed deeply before nodding. “Who is she?” I said trying to ignore the pain that was slowly seeping through my body.

He let out a long sigh and rubbed his brow, standing from the table and walking halfway across the room. “Mina.” He muttered and I shot from my chair. No ing way.

“You were screwing my best friend?!” I shouted and he visibly flinched at my choice of words. “When did this happen?!” I demanded and he hung his head.

“A few weeks ago. We have been seeing each other in secret.” He muttered.

I scoffed, “She is dating Ji-Yong, do you have any idea what this will do to him?!” I demanded and he shook his head. Mina and GD had been dating for going on two months, and Ji-Yong had been bitten by the love bug.

“Not anymore,” he said and I gaped at him. “She dumped him.” He stated matter of factly and I collapsed into the chair.

“What the Seunghyun!” I shouted.

“We can’t see each other anymore. I don’t love you like I used to.” He said, and I saw it. His eyes had changed, a little bit of regret had slipped past the barrier and was shining in his eyes but he shook his head and it disappeared. “We can’t do this anymore I’m sorry. I will come to get my stuff in a few days.” He said before walking across the room, grabbing his coat and exiting through the front door, leaving me stunned on the lounge.

--Flashback over—

“Ashley? I’m done in the shower.” GD muttered meekly as he entered the kitchen, snapping me back to the present. I looked down at the honey tea I had made and it had chilled so I put it in the microwave and set it for thirty seconds.

“I see that.” I said nodding at him, yeah the clothes were definitely too big but it was better than his soaked clothes he had on before. “Okay, Ji-Young what is going on? Why did you show up at my front door drenched in sweat and shaking.” I said approaching the still rattled leader, pulling his drink out of the microwave and handing it to him.

“Thankyou.” He said, “We need to talk, please sit down.” He said gesturing to the couch.

I shook my head, “Oh no. Last time somebody said that to me I got dumped.” I said making myself a pot of coffee. “You can tell me what is gone, and we can do it in the kitchen.”

“Ashley,” Ji-Yong said softly and I turned back to him, cradling a mug of coffee in my hand. “We really should sit down.” He said and I sighed, nodding.

We walked into the lounge room and I curled up in the corner of the couch while he chose to sit on the coffee table. This situation was getting more and more familiar by the minute. “It is about Seunghyun.” He began and I scoffed, shaking my head.

“I don’t want to hear about him, I want to know why you appeared at my door crying and drenched in sweat!” I exclaimed gesturing to him. He shook his head.

“He was the reason I was at your door. I ran halfway across town because I needed to tell you something.” He said his head falling into his hands. “Something I can’t hide anymore.” He finished, his voice crackling and I knew he was close to tears.

“Ji-Yonggie,” I cooed putting my coffee down and pulling him closer to me. “What happened.” I said as he sat beside me on the couch, tears glistening in the corner of his eyes.

“He, he told me not to tell you.” He began.

“Who?”

“Tabi.” He answered and I nodded, leaning forward. “He lied when he told you he was with Mina.” He said. “Mina and I are still together.” He finished and I shook my head.

“No that can’t be right, if so she is cheating on you I saw them together the other day when I was walking down the street.” I dejected waving my hands slightly.

He chuckled. “It was a deal, between us three. TOP, Mina an I.” he admitted with a sad smile on his face. “Mina had to pretend to be dating TOP, so you could get angry and hate him. Eventually forgetting him and letting him go.” He said and my mind reeled.

“What are you going on about Oppa, why did I have to forget him. What is this madness?” I demanded my brain slowly becoming more and more confused.

Ji-Yong let out a long ragged sigh and drained the rest of his tea. “I think you need to see for yourself.” He muttered and dragged me towards the door.

***

I couldn’t believe it. I was standing in front of a glass window with blues shades, currently open, in a private hospital half an hour from my apartment. I hadn’t said a word since I arrived, I was too overwhelmed with, everything.

Because behind that pane of glass I could see TOP lying on his back in a hospital bed with multiple tubes sticking out of his arms and a nurse fiddling with the dials on the machines next to him. His hair had visibly thinned and the black shaggy cut I had grown accustomed to had been reduced to a slight layer of hair on the top of his head, some chunks completely missing.

“He has cancer, Ashley. He just didn’t want to tell you.” He said leaning up against the wall opposite the room.

Cancer.

“He didn’t want it to hurt you when he died.”

Cancer.

“ ‘Ji-Yong’ he said, ‘This is my last wish. Don’t let her know I am dying. Let her hate me, and forget all her pain.’ “

Cancer.

“And so Mina and He pretended to be dating, to make you hate him, and make his passing bearable.”

Cancer.

“But I couldn’t let him do that to himself, I know it may be cruel to you, but I want his last days to be happy.” He said and I turned to him. “And he is only happy with you.” He finished and I sniffed, tears pooling at the corners of my eyes as a stared at the man in the bed before me. He had gotten skinnier since I last saw him, his arms now paler and lankier. His chest rose unevenly and he was as pale as a ghost.

Cancer.

“He is dying, and in order to help you he was willing to die alone.” GD said, walking up beside me and placing a hand on my shoulder as a ragged sob erupted from my throat sending my body into a light spasm.

Cancer.

The tears spilled from my eyes as my body collapse in shudders, I fell to my knees and held my face in my hands. This could not be happening. Was this a dream? It had to be! I was still asleep on my couch at home and this was just a very vivid dream conjured up by my desperate mind. I would wake up any minute now and continue to live in that empty apartment and TOP would be happily dating Mina!

Anything but this!

I would rather be dumped a thousand times and watch him kiss a million different women that weren’t me, then see him die.

“Please tell me this is a dream.” I rasped, my breath unevenly filling my lungs and I began to gasp. “Its just a dream.” My hands fisted in my hair and I groaned, a few people turning to look at me. Ji-Yong wrapped an arm around me and pulled me against him.

“I am sorry for putting you through this.” He said and I just continue to sob into his shoulder.

“Why, why did you choose to tell me now? How long has he got?” I begged and he shook his head.

“In this current state, a few weeks, maybe less. But that wasn’t the reason I told you earlier than I planned.” He answered, his voice crackly and I knew he was fighting back tears.

“What GD, just tell me. It can’t possibly get any worse.” I demanded.

I twisted on the floor and looked up at him kneeling next to me. “He is opting for surgery. Surgery that has a 5% success rate and will kill him almost instantly.” He said. “He just wants it over with.”

The breath caught in my throat again and I looked at the ground, my mind not coping with all the disaster. “I never thought I would say this but isn’t it his choice?” I asked, sniffling and my voice still breaking.

“He is only doing it so he doesn’t spend his last few weeks just waiting for death to take him, he likes to have control. You know that. If he can choose when to die and how to do it, he will take that opportunity.” He said chuckling sadly. I slowly got to my feet and dragged G-Dragon with me.

We padded back over to the window and I stared through the glass, my eyes studying the leaner than normal angles on TOPs face, sickness making his already prominent jawline seem sharper. Almost unhealthily so. His high cheek bones protruding through his skin making his face look skeletal. His lips were dry and cracked, opening and closing with every ragged breath.

“Is he awake?” I ask quietly and G-Dragon shook his head.

“Not right now, he will be in an hour. The decision for the surgery will be made later tonight, the procedure shall take place tomorrow evening.” He said sitting down in the seat near the door leading to Tabi’s room. I leant up against the glass, another tear slowly sliding down my cheek, I shoulder have run out of tears by now. The amount of times I had cried over this boy, surely I was all cried out.

“Can, can I sit with him?” I asked and he nodded grimly, opening the door next to him and I walked into the room. The nursed bowed at me before swiftly exiting and I sat on the chair beside the bed TOP was currently occupying.

He looked even worse up close, his skin was pale white and dry making him look like a ghost. His hands were thin and stick-like, his torso noticeably thinner. I reached out and held his thin hand in my own and I felt the cold texture of metal against my palm. I opened my hands slightly and saw his promise ring still on his fourth finger and I let out another small sob.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I whispered and I brought his hand to my lips, kissing the back of it before holding it to my cheek. “Why couldn’t you have told me the truth.”