One lives in hope of becoming a memory – Antonio Porchia

Donghae opened his eyes and saw the whole place white. He felt himself swaying back and forth as if he was being rocked by a hammock. It reminded him of the time when he and the other members were playing on the hammock for the Dancing Out MV. He could feel himself at peace at the moment. Is this how it feels like? To die? he wondered to himself, if so, why is it so lonely here?

He felt a small tap on his shoulder and met face to face with a hazy figure. He blinked a couple times, hoping to see clearly who it was, but no matter how hard he tried, the figure in front of him was unclear. Donghae opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. He doesn’t know if it’s due to shock that he’s not alone or he just can’t say anything at all. He tried again, only able to ask, “Where…?”

The figure seemed to be looking at him, and gestured him to follow it. Unsure what will happen, he got up and followed wherever the figure glided to. As he walked, he noticed on the side memories of the past. He saw of the time he spent with his father as a young child. He was very happy at the time despite not having a lot of money. There was a scene when he was fishing with his father and another scene when he was sitting in the taxi that his father was driving.

Donghae stood in front of the memory for awhile mesmerized by beauty of the moving picture that he was watching. Oh how he wished he could go back to that time when everything was simple. He felt a tap again on his shoulder and saw the figure waiting for him to move along. Donghae nodded, indicating that he understands he has to keep moving, looking back at the picture one last time.

He continued to follow the mysterious figure. No matter how quickly he walked to be standing side by side with the figure, it was always a couple steps ahead of him. The figure was keeping its distance from him, always staying at least more than two arms-length from him. It was almost as if Donghae was a pest that he was trying to keep away.

He shook his head and started looking around seeing more memories passing by. There was the memory when he went to audition for SM Entertainment. He remembered the feeling of anxiety as he audition. He wanted to fulfill his father’s dream as a singer. When he succeeded, he cried happy and sad tears, knowing that he will have to sacrifice his personal time with his family and himself to succeed and debut to the world.

The memory of sitting in his room, crying and stressing over the life-changing decision he had to make was still there in his heart. He remembered his father came in and sat in front of him. His father didn’t say much but reminded him that no matter what decision he was going to make, his father will be by his side every step of the way, supporting him anyway he can. With the support, he decided to follow his dream to be a singer for his dad. He was willing to go on countless train or bus rides to do his training.

Donghae continued to walk slowly, watching his own memories past by. There was a memory of him meeting the rest of the trainees and his closest friends such as Yunho and Eunhyuk. When seeing Eunhyuk’s smiling face come up meeting his old self, Donghae couldn’t help but feel guilty for yelling at him earlier in car for something so childish. His best friend didn’t mean to hurt him in anyway, but he was sure that he hurt his friend’s feelings by yelling at him. He regretted not apologizing to him before the accident. He watched the images of Eunhyuk and Junsu dancing to something and couldn’t help but feel amazed and fascinated like he was in the past.

Donghae took a couple steps and saw another image that made him tear up a little. It was him with Teukie hyung. His hyung that he had put his faith in and promised to follow till the end. He watched as his younger self first met him while cleaning up. Although he was shy, Donghae knew from the first meeting that this was the person that he wants to stick and follow forever.

Donghae felt a slight shove and instead of turning back, he continued to walk. He understood that he was going at a slow pace and the figure seems to want to go somewhere, but he wants to remember and relive a little bit of his memories for as long as he can.

He walked by the images of finally debuting for the first time with 11 other people. Although he didn’t get to have much of the spotlight back then because of being in such a big, it didn’t matter. He was debuting with people he considered and called as brothers. He watched as after they finished their first performance, they were all crying happily that all their hard work was really paying off in the end. Even though they haven’t won anything yet, it was the best memory ever. He continued to go slowly watching as he and the other members cried over and over again on the stage, in the seats, and backstage when they won their first award for U. He remembered that moment that he really did what he set out to do from the very beginning, achieving his father’s dream.

Donghae cried as he walked by the image of him going back to Mokpo to his father’s funeral. At the time, Super Junior was undergoing harsh criticisms and in order to keep a professional image as for Super Junior, he didn’t cry in front of the cameras even though it pains him to do that right in front of his father’s coffin. He remembered being touched by the members when they went to the funeral to support him during the mourning period, not saying much and just crying with him.

Donghae continued down the trip through this memory lane, seeing the two car accidents beforehand where his hyungs and dongsaeng suffered in. He felt his heart ache at the memory of receiving the phone calls about the accidents and awaiting for the news of their health. He started wondering how they are feeling now that he was in the same exact position. Are they crying right now? Praying? Are they still trying to wake him up? Or has did he really pass on to the next life?

He walked again, watching the sad and happy memories go by. He smiled at the image of his first Super Show with his brothers. He remembered how they were having the time of their lives just performing for themselves and their fans.

Donghae realized that as he was reminiscing and watching his memories go by, the figure would quickly wait on the side. If he brooded over the memory for a long time, the figure would step forward and tap him softly, pushing him forward a bit. It didn’t stop him from reliving his own memories, making him wonder what the purpose of this was.

He finally reached up to the current accident. He watched himself walking into the elevator with Kyuhyun walking behind him. He could see Kyuhyun’s concerned look as they waited silently for the elevator doors to open again to the first floor. He continued to watch the events happen again where he had his mini explosion in the car. Remembering that the crash occurred a few minutes after the car started, he watched as the three members in the back continue to whisper back and forth to each other, craning their necks every so often to see if he was awake. Donghae wanted to know what they were saying so badly. From the looks and gazes that they were giving him, it was obvious to him that the whole conversation was about him.

The next scene showed the car moving forward to the street, just a couple blocks from their destination. It had seemed like everything was ok up to the point where they were moving forward when the traffic light changed to green. Donghae watched the car crossed in the middle of the intersection. A car from the left side was speeding and immediately struck the company car right where Donghae was sitting. Donghae watched as the force of the car pushed the company car into a pole, causing the company car to bend into a U-like shape. The windows on the side were broken and glass was flying everywhere. The members in the back were shoved to sides, being restrained by the seatbelts that they were thankfully wearing. He was watched himself slam his head on the window by the hard force and saw himself lose conscious as everyone else was trying to take their seatbelts off and find an escape. The cartilage from the car flew, therefore some kind of bar tore right into his leg.

He grimaced at the state that he was in, being bloody and unconscious. He could see the members in the back were trying to climb out of the back window until Teukie hyung turned back and shouted something to the people outside. He saw him pointed at his unconscious body and tried to turn back as if to help him out of the car, but due to the dividing pole that bent the car, his hyung could not reach him at all. He could see the unhurt members running around the destroyed company car and the other, trying to get to the broken window closest to him, to reach in and wake him up. The scene slowly faded out when Ryeowook reached the broken window, for Donghae remembered what happened afterwards. The quiet figure beside him gestured to Donghae to follow it again.

The figure led him to an open space with an empty wall. “What is it that you want?” Donghae asked, feeling slightly annoyed that he was just following the figure to a random place without any good explanation. The figure started waving its hands in circles as if to create a portal. Donghae took a step back as he felt the wind entering in. Immediately he felt himself being pushed into the portal-like hole by two soft hands. He closed his eyes, not want to look at where he was falling to. Finally he landed on something soft. He slowly opened his eyes and saw that he was back in his room in his dorm. 

A/N: I just feel like making a story with this for a bit.... Please comment/respond your opinions! Thank you for reading ^____^