The only word I remembered that day that came out from my mouth was, “Let’s break up.” We never had fights before, we were sweet back then. I did not know what came to me when I said that. All I know was that, I had made a big mistake. Breaking up with him was the worst thing I could do for myself. Maybe I got it wrong, maybe he misheard it. But, god, that was a month ago! I haven’t spoken to him since and I haven’t seen him around anymore. Maybe he already left for China. Or maybe he already has another girl friend. I don’t know anything. Since he left my side, I never gave a damn. I never cared again, not even for myself.

It was a bright, sunny day today and I decided to look for the answers to my questions. I had to check him out, maybe talk it out over coffee. Maybe he’d agree. Maybe not. I don’t know but I am so frustrated to check him out. I miss him. I miss US. I miss everything about him.

I admit, I’m still not over him. C’mon, I know it’s my fault. If it wasn’t for my big mouth, then we still might be together today. The only problem with him was he did not try. He did not even strain himself to fight for the relationship that was almost ending. It ended, but I’m still in denial. I don’t know how we both came to this conclusion. I don’t get anything. I just don’t get it.

I’m struggling from the pain. I still love that guy. Wu Fan. I call him Kris. I call him oppa. I call him almost anything. But he doesn’t care. That’s the problem. He did not even try to care. He never tried to stop me from talking. He never told me to shut up.

I headed towards the door, held the key in my hand and took my umbrella. We never know when it might rain.

I covered my eyes from the blinding sunlight, as soon as I stepped outside into the busy streets. I allowed my eyes to adjust before I continued to walk straight ahead. I still know where he lives, unless he moved somewhere else.

The house was still the same when I arrived. Nothing was new.

I made my way towards the front door and breathed in before I knocked. I called out, my voice shaking, “Oppa? Are you in there?”

There was no response. Not even a sound of footsteps walking towards the door.

“Look, it’s me. I know I’m too late but I’m sorry.” I said, trying to hide my emotion. No response. I turned the door knob, no reaction.

“We need to talk. Come out for a while, please?” I requested. What now? Is he still that mad at me?

Giving up, I decided to look for the keys. I left my umbrella and made a beeline towards a plant pot. I found it under the flower pot, still the same place where he kept it when we were still together. He never changed.

I opened the door and let myself in. It was dark inside. No sign of life. No sign of Kris present.

Maybe he already left for China. I knew it. I should have talked to him before. I should have tried to settle things between us. I was too stupid to notice him. I was too stupid to thing that he might have still loved me.

I wandered around the house before I got inside his clean room. Still the same one before I left him alone. I sat on his desk as my eyes fleeted to a single photo on the table. It was my photo, but it was a bit dusty, dog-eared on each side. I set it aside and took out a small clean paper and a pen. On it I scribbled down, I’m sorry to enter your house without permission. I missed you. Let’s talk things over when you have the time, okay?

I folded it into half before inserting it on a book on top of the table. I went out and closed the door behind me.

I took the key and placed it back under the flower pot. I walked away and halted for a cab just a meter away from his house.

When I got to my house, a bouquet of flowers waited for me outside. What registered into my mind was from whom it came from. I was sure it was Kris. He was the only one who knew my favourite: white roses. Without thinking twice, I ran as fast as I could. He might still be a meter away or something. But one thing’s for sure, he was here a while ago. And I missed him because I was too busy wandering inside his house.

In the middle of the street I ran, searching for a tall guy with hair like the sun and a smile that sparkled like the stars. I sought for him, looked everywhere I possibly could.

The least I was expecting for was a rain. Luckily, I arrived his house. I must have left it somewhere near the flower pot. But when I checked, it wasn’t there. I must’ve left it somewhere. I must’ve left it at my house. Oh, why am I such a loser?!

“Kris oppa?” I called out, knocked on the door twice before curling my hand over the doorknob. There was no answer.

“Oppa, open the door. It’s me.” I said and twisted the door knob. It was locked, the way I left it a while ago.

I must be hallucinating. Kris was the only one who knew about the white roses but why wasn’t he here? Did he leave already? Was the flower only a form of an apology? Something like, I’m sorry I left you this way.? Or was it only a mistake? Someone might have just placed the flower on my porch before I left, hoping to make a fool out of me. Or maybe…

Maybe I was just making a fool out of myself. Maybe I was expecting too much that I did not actually notice that I was already fooling the hell out of myself. Maybe, maybe it was just me all the time. Kris is actually already miles away from me and I did not know. Maybe he already left.

I forced myself off his house and wept as hard as I could along with the rain that was descending from the sky. I walked, ignored the rain and the people who passed by and looked at me like I was the most unfortunate girl in the world.

I stopped in front of the middle of street and sobbed. I buried my face in my hands. I don’t care what happens next. I want to cry and I want to do it here. Nobody can stop me. Kris is gone and I did not even grab the chance to talk things over with him. It was my entire fault. I deserved this kind of treatment.

Suddenly, like a cue from the director, the rain had stopped. No, it did not really cease, someone was just actually trying to shield me away from the pouring rain. I turned to see who it was.

I could not explain the happiness I felt when I saw the familiar pair of eyes I had missed out for a month. It was my Kris, standing right in front of me, trying to catch his breath in quick gasps.

“Babo.” He muttered, looking straight into my eyes.

“How could you cry in a street? How could you just leave your umbrella?!” he furiously asked.

“I-I’m sorry.” I said, wiping off the tears from my eyes.

“I won’t let this chance pass again. Ever.” He bluntly said before taking me into his arms.

“How did you find me?” I asked as I inhaled his sweet scent, the one I missed so badly.

“I passed by your house. I was hoping to talk things over with you. But you weren’t there when I came, so I left and placed the flowers on your porch. When I arrived home, I saw your umbrella near the flower pot where I kept my keys. Without second thoughts, I decided to look for you. And I found you. Here.” He whispered on my ear.

“I’m sorry, Kris—“

“Oppa.” He corrected.

“I’m sorry, oppa. I-I don’t know what happened to me that day.” I reasoned out and held on tight the same that he also did. Never mind I was dripping wet.

“It doesn’t matter. From now on, I’ll spend each day with you. No more, no less.” He said as he cupped my chin and reached out to kiss me on the lips.