The next day, Miss Lee was the one to bring me the rose that had been left with the security guard by a young man in sunglasses and a baseball hat.  It was a white rose.

            I couldn’t bring myself to talk to Seung Ri.  I couldn’t bring myself to talk to Seung Hyun.  I could only talk to Bea about this and she wasn’t much help.  She damn near lost her mind when I told her what I saw on the kitchen table at the dorm.  She was positive that it made sense it was Seung Ri.  Positive Seung Ri had developed a crush on me because I had been the one to leave him a ‘congratulations’ bear on his nomination.  Except that the roses started coming way before I sent the bear, but I didn’t mention that.  She refused to acknowledge that I did that for all the guys when they released a single, an album, or were nominated for something.  She was positive Seung Ri was sending me flowers because he wanted me to see him for the sweetheart he was.  She was positive he wanted me to forget about Seung Hyun.  And positive she had figured it all out.

            I was positive she was nuts.  I wouldn’t tell my best friend that though, of course.

            There was something I didn’t mention to Bea though.  One night, Seung Hyun was in my bedroom when he noticed the hoodie that had been left on his bed that one morning I’d slept in.  I’d forgotten I still had it.  I tried to give it back to him, but he said it wasn’t his.  I kind of had already known that because it didn’t smell like his cologne.

            “I’ll take it back to the dorm though,” he’d told me, tossing it off to the side where he’d left his sneakers in my room.  “It’s Young Bae’s.”

            Young Bae’s?  Young Bae had been the one to come into Seung Hyun’s room that morning?  Young Bae left me his hoodie so I wouldn’t have to make the ‘subway trip of shame’ home that morning in the club clothes from the night before?  He was the one to cover me with a blanket?  That was sweet.

            So why was Seung Ri sending me flowers?  I finally decided to ask Seung Ri.  I worked up enough nerve to go to the dorm one day to talk to him.  I hoped he’d be home.  I went straight after school one day a week later.

            “Hey.”  It was Young Bae who answered the door.  He smiled softly as he opened the door for me to come in.  “Hyung isn’t home now.”

            My whole face turned pink, down to my neck.  “No, I-I’m not here to see him now.”

            “Oh?” he sounded, gesturing for me to sit on the sofa.  “Do you want something to drink?”

            “No, thank you,” I answered.  He joined me on the sofa, sitting with an entire cushion between us.  He turned a little in his seat to face me with an arm resting on the back of the sofa.

            “Hey, I forgot.  I wanted to thank you for…your hoodie.  Seung Hyun said he’d give it back to you,” I told him.  His smile deflated and the one he tried to replace it with was forced.  He had a nice smile though, I noticed.  Genuine when it was an easy smile. 

            “Yeah, I got it, thanks.”  I nodded, feeling awkward.  “You look tired.”

            “That’s just a nice way of saying I look like crap,” I teased. 

            His eyes widened and he shook his head.  “No, that’s not what I meant!” he insisted.  “Come on,” he laughed uncomfortably with a wave of his hand.  “Don’t be modest.  You always look great.”

            I laughed out a breath and looked away from him.  He’d held my gaze for too long.  “I’m just tired.  I don’t sleep well.”  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him clear his throat and look down at the floor.  “Not-not because of S…um, I just mean I have a lot on my mind.  Plus finals are coming up…”  Smooth, Amara.  Super smooth.  The queen of smooth.  It was kind of true though.  With this whole Seung Hyun-rose thing on my mind and then trying to study for finals and Seung Hyun’s late night visits, I really wasn’t sleeping much.  So I bet I did look like crap.  “So that’s why I look like crap,” I tried to joke.

            “You...” he laughed lightly, shaking his head.  “You know you’re beautiful.”

            “Stop complimenting me,” I scolded still laughing awkwardly.  “I’m getting dizzy from all the blood rushing into my face.”

            “You’re just not used to it,” he answered.  “You deserve better than that.”  What did he mean by that?  Did he mean Seung Hyun?  Seung Hyun complimented me.  Oh, who was I kidding?  No, he didn’t.

            Young Bae smiled and looked away from me.  “Who are you here to see if not Hyung?”

            “Oh!  Yeah.  I need to see Seung Ri,” I answered.  “I…”

            “He’s in his room.”  He pointed down the hall.  “You can go see him.  He won’t mind.  He’s not doing anything, I’m sure.”

            I stood up slowly, wringing my hands nervously.  “O-ok.  Thanks, Young Bae.”

            I tried not to make it look like I’d darted from the room.  Down the hall, I knocked on the door I thought was Seung Ri’s.  Thankfully, it was his voice that called ‘come in.’

            He’d been lying on his bed with his headphones on and a notebook next to him.  The pen he was twirling flew out of his hand and he threw himself out of bed the second his eyes laid on me.  “Amara!”

            “Hey,” I greeted him uncomfortably.  I stayed, fidgeting, in the doorway.

            “C-come in,” he said.  He cleared his throat and sat back down on the bed, only to immediately jump back off it as if he’d been burnt.  He backed away from it until he crashed into the wall.

            I stepped in slowly and began to shut the door.  Thinking better of it, I left it open a few inches, but I stayed against the wall next to the door.  With a whole room between us, I hoped Seung Ri wouldn’t be so jumpy.  “I’m sorry to bother you,” I began.

            “No, it’s cool,” he said, his voice an octave higher than normal.  He rubbed the back of his neck and picked up his runaway pen off the floor.  “Sit down.”

            I glanced at his bed and stifled a laugh.  “I’m ok, thanks.”

            “So…um, what’s up?  Hyung isn’t here.”

            I sighed.  Why does that have to be the only question any of them ever ask me?  I cringed.  Probably because that would be the only reason I’m ever here.

            “I-I know.  I’m here to talk to you,” I said, feeling my confidence slipping away.

            “Me?” he squeaked.  “Why me?” he asked, lowering his voice too much to sound natural.

            “I wanted to thank you, in person.”

            He raised his eyebrows and grinned.  “Thank me for what?”

            Did I have it all wrong?  “For the…flowers.  All the roses?”

            “Roses?” he repeated.  His brow furrowed.  “I didn’t send you roses.”

            I must have misunderstood.  Maybe Seung Ri didn’t see the rose on the table when he’d tossed his wallet.  Maybe it was just coincidence.  So it really must have been Seung Hyun who sent me the flowers!

            “Sorry,” I laughed.  “It must be Seung Hyun,” I mumbled under my breath.

            “Hyung?” Seung Ri laughed out loud and then cleared his throat, obviously finding the idea absurd.  “Uh, yeah, must have been.  Why would you think it was me?  Oh, maybe I should have.  You gave me the bear.”  He pointed to his desk where the little bear sat.

            I brushed him off with a wave of my hand in the air.  “No, no.  I do that for all you guys.  I hope you guys don’t think it’s lame.”

            “No way.  It’s nice of you.  We all keep them.  Young Bae hyung even keeps the one you gave him for his solo album on his bed.  We really like them.  You’re cool.”

            I felt my face blush all over again.  “I-I should go then.  I’m sorry to bother you.”

            “Nah…” he sounded and inched away from the wall, trying to be casual.  “It’s cool.  It’s nice seeing you in the daytime.”  His face turned beet red.  “Sorry, I d-didn’t mean…”

            I laughed.  It was a lost cause.  “You know you’re my favorite member, right?” I mentioned unable to pass up the opportunity to a little.  “I have your poster on the wall in my bedroom.”

            He choked up and coughed a hacking cough.  “I-It…I am?  You do?”  I smiled at him.

            “I’m going to go.  Sorry for the mix up,” I said and slipped back out of his room.  Racing down the hall, I hurried out the front door.

            A few nights later, I was in Seung Hyun’s bedroom, wide awake.  The flowers were still coming.  This week, they were alternating, yellow then white then yellow and today it was yellow again.  I looked up the meanings of the colors again.  A different website said yellow used to mean jealousy years ago in parts of Europe.  White for loyalty?  Yellow for jealousy?  White for purity, yellow for friendship?  I was really confused.  It was making me crazy.  I bet he didn’t even know the meanings of the flowers.  Then what the hell was he doing?  Angrily flipping onto my side, I faced him.  He was sleeping.  I pointed a finger at his nose without touching him.  “Seung Hyun,” I said.  Nothing.  I gently shook his shoulder.  “Choi Seung Hyun!”  Nothing.

            I huffed.  With a roll of my eyes, I leaned closer and kissed him.  He hummed and murmured something I couldn’t understand against my lips.  As soon as he started to kiss me back, I pulled away.  His eyes fluttered open.

            “Seung Hyun.”

            “What’s up?” he mumbled sleepily.

            “Open your eyes,” I ordered.  He widened his eyes and blinked rapidly.  “I don’t understand you.”

            “What did I do?”

            “What are we doing here?” I countered, moving my face closer to his on my pillow.

            “Sleeping?” he guessed.  “Before we were-”

            “I didn’t mean that.  I meant what are we doing?  I’m not your girlfriend, but you aren’t seeing anyone else.  I come here when you want me.  I let you go to my house when you want me.  I don’t have anyone else but you even though you don’t care about knowing anything about me.  Then you start sending me roses.  What’s going on?” I vented.  Taking a deep breath, I felt better getting all this off my chest.

            Seung Hyun rubbed a hand down his face and shook his head.  “Wait, wait, what?”

            “What,” I repeated.

            “Where is all this coming from?  Of course, I care about you.”

            I sighed.  “You care about having with me.”

            He rolled his eyes.  “Come on, you know that’s not all there is.  You’re just tired.  Go to sleep, you’ll realize this is crazy.  And I know stuff about you.”

            No, you don’t, I thought sadly.

            “And wait, what?  Roses?  I didn’t send you any roses.”