It took me a second to realize where I was or what was going on when I woke up the next morning.  I bolted upright and my eyes darted around the bare walled room.  I sighed when I remembered the night before.  I must have been exhausted to fall asleep like that.  That boy, I thought as I stretched my stiff limbs.              The sun was high in the sky.  My cell phone made a little beeping noise from somewhere.  After digging around through clothes that had been thrown around, I found it under one of Seung Hyun’s sneakers.  It was a text message from my mom asking how my night was and when I’d be home.  It was Saturday?  Yeah, Saturday.

            With a sigh, I texted her back saying Bea and I would get some breakfast and hang out a little.  She would never know the difference because I knew for a fact she and my dad were out doing whatever diplomats did on the weekends.  The only time I ever saw them was during the week for dinner and on Sundays for dinner.  The rest of the time I spent either with Bea or Mrs. Kim and the others who were paid to keep their eye on me.

            And Seung Hyun.  Who I suppose I paid in other ways to pay attention to me.  I tossed my phone back onto the floor and, putting my clothes from yesterday back on, I crawled back into bed.  I ignored the weird feeling of how gross it would have to be to walk home in the daytime in the same club clothes I’d been wearing last night and closed my eyes.  I liked Seung Hyun’s bed.  I sank deep into the mattress.

            Then I heard voices.

            Creeping out of bed and inching over to the door, I sat on the floor and listened.  I couldn’t see anyone even though the door was cracked open.  I bet they were in the kitchen down the hall.

            “Hyung, you’re just going to leave without telling her?” a voice asked.  Seung Ri.  “That’s not ok.”

            “I can’t help it.  I have that radio interview today with Ji Yong,” Seung Hyun answered.

            “Well, fine, but go tell her.  Give her a ride home.  Get her something to eat.  Do something,” another voice replied, somewhat aggravated.  Dae Sung?

            There was a pause.  “She’ll be fine.  She’s probably already gone by now.  She doesn’t normally fall asleep like that,” Seung Hyun said nonchalantly.

            Someone else sighed loudly.  “Maybe you wore her out,” the person who sighed hissed.  I almost didn’t believe it was Young Bae.  I never heard him get upset.  His voice was always so soft.

            “Chill out,” Seung Hyun replied.  “She knows how it works.  Take off before dawn.  I do it, she does it.  It’s really not a big deal.”  I didn’t hear what whoever said whatever next, but then Seung Hyun laughed and added, “Why are you attacking me?  Dae Sung took her friend home.  What time did you get back, Dae Sung?  How was your night?”

            I sat up a little hearing him mention Bea.  No way would she do anything with Dae Sung.  No way would Dae Sung try anything with her.  I was suddenly grateful that I’d been taking Korean since we moved here way back when.  All international schools in Korea make the students take Korean and a second foreign language.  French wasn’t going to come in as handy here, I knew.

            Dae Sung laughed.  “Don’t throw me in front of the bus.  I drove Bea home.  We sat and talked for a bit and then I drove home.  The end.”

            Seung Hyun grumbled something inaudible to me way down the hall.

            “Oh, I’m going to be late.  I have to get to the recording studio,” Seung Ri interrupted.  “It wouldn’t hurt for you to go check on her before you leave, Hyung.  Maybe she’s still there.”

            I felt a strange fondness for Seung Ri just then.  How sweet of the youngest to think of me.  I also felt a nagging twinge of embarrassment for even being in the situation for them to have to defend me like that.  I heard some more inaudible exchanges and then some shuffling and the front door shut.

            “Don’t look at me like that.  I have to meet Ji Yong, see you later,” I heard Seung Hyun tell the remaining others.  More shuffling.  Dae Sung’s voice said something I couldn’t make out and Young Bae replied.  I think.  Then the front door open and shut again.  Someone else left.

            I was fighting against feeling sorry for myself when I heard the footsteps.  I didn’t realize how close the steps got until they were right near the door.  It was too late for me to jump out the window and not kill myself by falling down the entire fire escape.  The best I could do was throw myself back onto the bed and pretend to be asleep.

            The door creaked open wider.  I heard footsteps shuffle quietly into the room.  I was curled up on top of all Seung Hyun’s blankets.  The footsteps stopped, but I didn’t know where the person was.  I hoped whoever it was wouldn’t find it odd that I was sleeping fully dressed like that.

            A sigh.  More shuffling.  Just when I thought the person had left, the shuffling returned and I assumed the person was back.  I kept my eyes closed and twitched a little, hoping I wasn’t overdoing it.  Something was tossed onto the bed onto my arm.  Then a blanket was placed on top of me and the person tucked me in, brushing hair off my face.  His hand was soft and lingered on my cheek before the person shuffled back out the door.  I sat up when I heard Seung Hyun’s bedroom door click shut.

            I inspected the soft blanket.  It was light green and thin.  It smelled good, but it wasn’t Seung Hyun’s.  I touched it to my face.  I then noticed what had been thrown on my arm.  It was a hoodie and it smelled like the blanket.  I silently hopped off the bed.  I heard more shuffling around outside in the hallway. 

            I didn’t want to get caught so this time I made a mad dash out the window and down the fire escape.  When I landed on the sidewalk, I put on the hoodie and headed for the subway station.

            I was too tired and sore to scale the side of my house, so when I noticed Park’s car wasn’t in the driveway, I knew my parents were out and about.  I entered the house through the front door.  My stomach was empty and making angry noises, so I headed for the kitchen.

            Mrs. Kim was there.  I froze in the doorway, forgetting she would be there.

            “Amara, you’re here.  You went out early?” she asked me with a smile as she flitted around the kitchen, putting dishes away.  “Come.  I’ll make you breakfast.”

            “I-I…” I stuttered.

            “Come, come.  Sit.”  She gestured out of our kitchen to our long, eight person party sized table in the connecting dining room.  She wasn’t looking for an explanation.

            “Can I sit in the kitchen?” I asked not wanting to sit out there at the huge table alone.  I glanced over at the long breakfast bar attached to the island in the middle of the kitchen.

            “Of course, Amara,” she laughed lightly.  “It’s your house.  Sit where you please.”

            I scuffled over to a bar stool at the counter and sat down.  “Mrs. Kim, this morning, I-”

            “Amara, you don’t need to say anything,” she said.  She took food out of the fridge and darted over to the stove.  “Scrambled eggs?”

            “Yes, please,” I replied quietly.  I always liked Mrs. Kim.  She was probably around my mom’s age, but I bet she knew me better than my mother.  She’d been the first one we hired when we moved in.  “Mrs. Kim, can I ask you something?”

            “Of course,” she answered automatically.  She began cracking eggs into a bowl.

            “How long have you been married?”

            She paused her egg whipping.  “Oh, about thirty years now.  This year, it will be thirty years.”

            Thirty years?!  I rested my chin in my hands with my elbows on the counter.  “Were you in love with him from the very beginning?” I wondered.

            She waited until she poured the eggs into the frying pan before answering.  “Not at all,” she chuckled.  “In fact, I disliked him very much in the beginning.  We went to school together.  He didn’t study well and he was always bothering me.”

            “He must have liked you.”

            “Yes.  I learned later that was why he was always pestering me.”

            The eggs sizzled.  “Just like American kids,” I told her.

            “Yes.  I believe boys are the same all over the world.  Troublesome.”

            I giggled.  “Nothing but trouble.”

            She finally turned from the stove and placed a plate of fluffy, scrambled eggs in front of me.  I thanked her.  She turned away again and I got up to make myself some toast since eating eggs alone grossed me out a little, but I almost crashed into her.

            “Toast,” she said, holding another plate out to me.  I smiled a little.

            “Thank you.  Mrs. Kim, will you eat with me?  Have you already eaten?” I asked, climbing back onto the bar stool.

            “Oh, I’m alright, but I will sit with you for a bit.  I could use a break,” she answered, plopping her thin frame down onto a stool across the counter from me. 

            I began shoveling the food by the forkful into my mouth.

            “Slow down,” she scolded me in a motherly tone.  “If you eat too fast, you’ll get a stomachache.”

            “Sorry,” I mumbled around a mouthful of food.

            “Amara, can I tell you a story about my husband?” she asked after a moment of watching me eat.

            “Yes, tell me,” I said excitedly.  She got up first and poured two glasses of orange juice for us.

            “When I first met him, he bothered me to no end, but after we started talking and he started acting like a human being, I really liked him.  He was kind and shy.  He wasn’t like other boys when I got to know him,” she explained, her eyes looking off into the distance.  The tone in her voice, I could tell she still loved him very much.

            “He won you over,” I added.

            Her eyes widened.  “Oh yes, yes he did.”  She nodded and sipped the juice.  “The thing I liked best about him was he used to listen when I talked to him.  He would always remember the things I told him.  He would notice things about me.  I liked that.”

            I nodded.  That must be nice.  I couldn’t help wondering what Seung Hyun knew about me.  We never talked much.  Well, at least not ‘get to know you’ stuff.

            I finished shoving the rest of what was on my plate into my mouth and drown it with juice.  I caught Mrs. Kim eyeing the sweatshirt.  I suddenly felt very exposed.

            “Amara,” she began again.  I swallowed hard, frantically wracking my brain for something to say.  I just blinked at her and then lowered my eyes to my plate.  “A boy who really likes you, truly likes you, will know you.  He’ll care about what you have to say and he’ll remember you when you think he doesn’t.  He’ll surprise you.”

            I nodded.

            “You’re a good girl, Amara.  You deserve a good boy.  You’re young.  He’ll show up.  Don’t you worry,” she said softly.  I nodded again.  “And don’t settle,” she added in a low motherly tone, swatting at my arm.  I smiled.

            “Thank you, Mrs. Kim,” I said quietly.  “For breakfast.”  I got up and put my dishes in the dishwasher.  On my way back, I hugged her tightly and then ran upstairs to shower the humiliation off me.

           I had showered and changed and was downstairs in the living room reading when Miss Kang came into the room.  I sat up.  “Hi, Miss Kang,” I greeted her.

            “Amara, someone left something for you with the security guard at the front gate,” she informed me in an excited whisper.  She was the youngest of our three housekeepers.  She was maybe in her early thirties I’d guess, but she looked like she could be in high school with me.  She held out a purple rose.

            “What?” I questioned taking it from her and turning it over in my fingers.

            “He told me a boy with a hood, baseball cap and sunglasses gave it to him and asked him if he could get it to you,” she explained with a shrug.  “Can I ask, who is it from?”

            I stared at it.  Who knew my favorite color was purple?  Maybe Seung Hyun.  I wear purple a lot.  I might have told him once before.  It had to have been Seung Hyun, I decided.  I felt my mouth curl up into a wide smile.  “Oh,” Miss Kang sighed.  “He must be nice!”

            “Yeah,” I replied, smelling the rose.  “I’ve never a purple rose before.”

            Miss Kang’s entire face lit up.  “They are very rare here!”  Her voice lowered.  “Very expensive.”  I giggled.  “Amara, your boyfriend is very sweet and rich.”

            I couldn’t say anything.  He wasn’t really my boyfriend.  At least he didn’t say anything about it.  Ever.  Maybe I was wrong about him.  Maybe he felt bad about the way things were between us.  I just smiled at her.  I kept smiling long after she’d left the room.

            Later that week was the first time I’d seen Seung Hyun again.  I’d received a rose a day since then though.  Sunday it came to the house again, but during the week, I’d find them taped to my locker. 

            I threw myself at Seung Hyun after I’d crawled through his window.  He wrapped his arms around me, but before he could do anything, I pulled away.  “You’re really sweet,” I told him.

            He smirked.  “Oh yeah?”

            I laughed.  “Yes and thank you.”  He laughed devilishly.  With one swift movement, he had me pinned down.

            “I haven’t done anything yet, but you can thank me after if you’d like,” he whispered seductively into my ear.  I rolled my eyes and tried to pull my wrists out of his grasp.  He let me, but only so he could untie the draw string on my sweatpants.  I opened my mouth, but he began kissing my neck and I forgot what I was going to say.

            I wondered how bad it was that I was so ready to fully fall in love with Seung Hyun because he was sending me roses.  Maybe it was ok.  I mean, it wasn’t like he ever called anyone else to sneak into his window at night.  And he wasn’t sneaking into other girls’ windows.  No, he was mine.  I was his.  It was a weird setup, but if it worked for us.  It shouldn’t matter, right?  Right, I told myself.

            I watched him sleep for a second before I pulled myself closer to him and tried to put my arms awkwardly around him.  He shifted onto his back, lying on my arm.  His skin was hot.  He usually felt warm, but now his skin felt like it was on fire.  With my free hand, I touched his forehead.  He was burning up.  I yanked my arm out from underneath him and began to shake him.

            “Seung Hyun,” I whispered.  “Seung Hyun, Seung Hyun, Seung Hyun!”  I shook him harder.  “Wake up.  I think you have a fever.”  He grumbled and swatted at me.  “No, no, wake up.”

            “It's cold,” he murmured.  Definitely had a fever.  I pulled up the covers to look underneath.  He’d put on his boxers again.  I quickly redressed myself and hurried into his closet to get him clothes.  After fighting him, I managed to get a tee shirt and sweatpants on him.  No easy task to do to a guy who had me by half a foot and at least thirty pounds.

            I slipped silently out of his room to the bathroom to see if they had any fever reducers in there.  Nothing.  What was I thinking?  Five boys aren’t going to keep medicine in their bathroom.  I had to go to the kitchen.  I in a breath and stealthily dashed to the kitchen.  I wrapped ice in a towel and filled a bowl with cold water.  I closed the freezer and turned out, face to face with someone in the dark.  Thankfully, I wasn’t holding anything.  I clamped my hand over my mouth and hit the floor.

            “Sorry,” the voice whispered.  “I heard noises.”

            I looked up at the voice’s owner who had knelt down in front of me.  “Ji Yong, you scared the crap out of me.”

            “Sorry,” he repeated with a laugh.  “What are you doing here?”

            “I…”

            “Well, I mean, I know what you’re doing here in the dorm.  I mean, with the ice,” he said pointing to the ice I’d left on the counter.  We stood up and I was grateful for the dark.  My cheeks were flaming red.  “Are you hot?” he asked looking at me carefully.  “You don’t need ice.  Seung Hyun has a fan.  Just turn it on, he won’t mind.”  I was more ashamed now that he was trying to make me comfortable and that he knew what I was doing here.  He then smirked a little.  “Is that his tee shirt?” he asked quietly.

            Looking down at my tee shirt, I scoffed.  Sure it was big, but it was mine.  “No,” I said bitterly.  “I wear baggy clothes sometimes.  It’s mine,” I defended.  I couldn’t really get angry with him though.

            “Alright, I’m sorry,” he chuckled.

            “I…Seung Hyun has a fever,” I added quietly, remembering the task at hand.

            “Oh!  I’ll run out to get him some medicine,” he said, his face turning serious.  He turned and headed for the door.

            I called to stop him, but he’d grabbed his shoes and ran out the door.  I sighed.  What use would apologizing to him do anyway?  Apologizing for what?  Sleeping with one of his best friends?  Getting caught?  He’s a guy, I bet he thinks it’s good his friend is hooking up.

            Grabbing the ice and water, I fled the kitchen.  In the middle of the hallway, I saw a figure standing there.  I almost dropped everything.  “What is with you guys?!” I hissed.  The figured emerged from the dark.  “Oh, Young Bae, hi.”  Just keeps getting better.  “Seung Hyun is sick.”  He was eyeing my tee shirt.  I fought the urge to explain myself again.

            “You’re going to take care of him?” he asked, stuffing his hands into the pockets in his shorts.  I nodded.  “That’s nice of you.  He’s been really busy these days.  Interviews and his new album and all that.  He hasn’t been sleeping well.”

            “He has a fever,” was all I could say.  Young Bae nodded, his expression unreadable.  “I-I should go.”  He nodded again and then pointed to my shirt.

            “Your shirt is backwards.”

            With that, he turned and went back into his room.

            I was dabbing Seung Hyun’s forehead with the cold towel when I heard Ji Yong return with the medicine.  He poked his head into the room first and when he saw me sitting at Seung Hyun’s bedside, he hurried in.  Together, we forced Seung Hyun into a sitting position and gave him the medicine with water.  He moaned and then fell back asleep.

            “He’ll be alright,” Ji Yong told me.

            “It’s just a fever,” I replied.  “Thanks for getting the medicine.”

            “Hey now, he’s like my brother.  He’d do the same for me.”

            I nodded.  “He’s lucky to have guys like you and the others who care so much about him.”

            “He’s lucky to have you,” he retorted.  I laughed and shook my head.  Ji Yong stretched.  “Well, goodnight then.”

            “I…goodnight,” I said standing.  I’d wait an hour and if Seung Hyun felt cooler, I’d sneak out, but I wouldn’t tell Ji Yong that.

            I waved oddly to Ji Yong from the side of Seung Hyun’s bed.  As he shut was closing the door, behind him, I saw Young Bae’s door shut.