A Chance

Dec 28^th

KBS Gayo Daejun, backstage

Jonghyun PoV

I was laying while strumming my guitar lazily on the couch at our waiting room when suddenly Yonghwa-hyung came in and asked, “Where are the maknaes?”

“How would I know?” I answered him without bother to look up. Actually, I could answer that question easily. They could be hanging around with Minhyuk’s so-called-Idol-Super-Band members. But I was too lazy to explain that.

I heard him clicked his tongue in annoyance.

“Yah... Jongie...” he called me again.

“De.” That was all I could respond.

I was really not in the mood to reply him if he just wanted to scold me for not paying attention to the maknaes. I also was not in the mood to be socialized with the others, knowing that I would probably cross paths with them again since they were also here. One as performer and the other as one of the MCs.

Then, Yonghwa-hyung walked towards me and sat at one of the couches. I had prepared my ears to receive his preaches. But he only asked, “Don’t you want to comfort your friend?”

“Whom do you mean?” I furrowed my eyebrows but still maintained my sight at my guitar.

“She looks a little bit gloomy today, not as bright as she used to be.”

She? Who else could it be? It’s not like I have lots of female idols that are close enough to me here.

Actually, I noticed that too. She was still beautiful in that white dress which gave her a look like a lovely bride. She was still smiling, but something off with her smile. It was just not the way it used to be. It looked... fake.

As much I wanted to know what happened to her, but...

“Why should I?” I tried to hold myself from interfering whatever happened to her. “She has her boyfriend with her. He must be comforting her right now and being lovely dovey somewhere.” I strummed my guitar harder, annoyed and felt angry without a clear reason.

“Well... It should be like that. But, apparently, I haven’t seen Donghae-hyung around her today. He didn’t even come to MC’s dressing room. That’s why I tried to cheer her up since earlier.”

“Maybe she’s just tired. She will have comeback stages next week. She must’ve been busy preparing for it. Just suggest her to take some rest. Besides, I thought you’ve already made her feel better. Problem solved.” I replied coldly.

“It’s not something like that, Lee Jonghyun.” He said, sounded a little bit desperate. “I can see that she looks lonely. I think she needs to be accompanied. I think she needs you.”

“Huh? Why me?” I finally lifted my head to see him. “I’m just an ordinary friend of her. She could have her other friends to take care of her. Anyone from her agency, perhaps?” I shrugged and continued to misuse the guitar that I used to caress.

“But you’re the one who promise to take a good care of her, aren’t you? And that you will be by her side whenever she needs you?”

I lost words to answer him. Yeah, I told that to him when he helped me to recover from the fever after Jinyi’s birthday party. And I remembered exactly about what she said that night when she apologized to me.

“I just want to have male friends beside my boyfriend… The kind one who will respect and listen to me when I just couldn’t go to my own boyfriend or anyone around my agency… The neutral one who would give his thought from the man’s point of view… I need that kind of friend… And I think you are the one who fits that place the most… I… I need you…”

I need you...

The phrase kept repeating on my mind... But I had been holding myself to not intervene with their relationship for almost two weeks. And that included cutting off any contacts to her.

How could I suddenly appear in front of her and console her? While I don’t know whether she really needs me or not. It will be really awkward.

As if he could read my mind, hyung added, “If that’s the matter, isn’t it your chance to get close to her again? You’ve been avoiding her since our concert was over, Coward.”

I sat up hearing him called me with that word. I hate it.

“I-I... Hyuung... I just...” I paused to control my emotion, taking a deep breath before exhaled loudly. Then, I started to tell him what I felt, “If she is happy with him, then let her be. I’d better stay away from her... from them. I don’t want to create a scene or be an intruder.”

“But it doesn’t seem like that, Jjong. She doesn’t seem happy at all, just so you know.” Hyung looked me in the eyes and sent me a message that he really concerned about this.

Why should he feel that way? It will have nothing to do with him anyway. Or does he know something that I don't?

But, still, I thought it wasn't my business. Even though I did care about her.

“It could be just a tiny misunderstand between her and her boyfriend. They should be okay. She should be okay... without me...” I laid back on the couch, trying to ignore the urge to run to her and comfort her.

“Tsk. Aigoo... you stone-headed namja.” Hyung pushed my temple with his fingers playfully. “I don’t know that you could be this indifferent. Aissh... Whatever.” He nagged alone while I was back to my ignorant state.

“Yonghwa-yah! Briefing!” That was probably manager-hyung.

“De! I’ll be there!” Yonghwa-hyung answered back.

I heard he sighed before said, “Okay, gotta go now. Go look for Minhyuk and Jungshin, you lazy .” He hit my head with some papers in his hand. “Tell them to stand by here in 30 minutes unless I’d kill them.”

When I was sure he went away and closed the door, I stopped playing the guitar and closed my eyes. That was when a picture of the girl, whom we just talked about, appeared.

“Yoona...” I breathed out her name unconsciously.

Then, the idea of a song came out all of a sudden. My eyes snapped open.

“I must write this.”

---

I finished the draft of the song lyric just in minutes. But when I looked at my watch, my eyes widened as it was already 15 minutes after Yonghwa-hyung left me alone in this room.

And the maknaes hadn’t been back yet.

I groaned and got up. The first thing I did was calling Minhyuk. I waited for the dialing tone. But when it finally appeared, at the same time, Minhyuk’s ringtone was also heard from another corner of the room.

“Aissh... shibal.” I cursed before pressed the disconnect button.

Then, I tried Jungshin’s. I should’ve surprised, but I had already felt it. He also didn’t bring his phone with him.

“Great... What’s with you guys?!” I yelled at my own phone then let out a long sigh.

It means I must go out and find them. Which is... I don’t really want to do that due to a certain reason.

But the ticking clock didn’t want to negotiate, so did my hyung.

“I really have no choice, don’t I?” I talked to myself and dragged my feet outside.

---

I thought it wouldn’t be hard to find those tall maknaes around the backstage. But I didn’t know where I should start to look for them. And I didn’t like it if I roamed around the backstage alley alone.

Well, I didn’t have many idol friends or friendly look on my face. Moreover, I was still shy if I was alone despite I had been almost 3 years in this industry. So, I only greeted the others if they greeted me first and put my cold face to the rest.

Then, I saw Minho and other SHINee members. Looked like they had just come down from the stage.

“Oy! Minho-yah!” I called and jogged towards him.

“Oh, other Jjong-hyung!” He welcomed me with a brotherly hug. So did other Jonghyun and Onew-hyung. While Key and Taemin only bowed politely.

But then they excused themselves first, “Uh... Hyung, I think we’d better go to the waiting room first. See you there.”

“Oh, wait up, I’ll come with you. See you later, Jonghyun-ah.” Onew-hyung also bid his goodbye.

“De... see you later all...” I replied their bow.

After three of them gone, Minho asked, “Where have you been, Hyung? Kyu and Chang-hyung are looking for you.”

“Me too.” Other Jonghyun imitated the younger one.

“Sorry, I’ve been in the waiting room, did some compose and writing.”

“Whoa... you really are a guitar freak. You can’t be separated with your guitar, can you?” Jonghyun punched my shoulder in friendly way.

“Kkk... Aniyo, it’s not like that...” I chuckled. “It’s just something” or someone to be more precise “inspired me and I just have to write it down immediately.”

“Aa... I see...” Minho nodded his head. “Is it for your upcoming album?”

I had just wanted to answer him when Jonghyun smacked Minho’s head. “Of course not, you Babo! Their upcoming album must’ve been warped up since their comeback is less than a month from now.” He turned to me with the opposite expression from the one he used to scold Minho. “Am I right?” asked him.

I nodded and chuckled at the sight of pouting Minho.

“Yes, you’re right. But maybe I can put it in our next Japanese album.” I admitted Jonghyun statement and spoke up for Minho at the same time.

“See?? I am also not wrong. Why did you hit me so hard?” Minho still pouted while rubbed his head.

Other Jonghyun just grinned then patted the younger one’s head, “Mianhae, Mino-yaah...”

I smiled watching their cute brotherhood.

Brother... Oh snap!

“Oh, by the way, did you guys see Minhyuk and Jungshin?”

“Hn?” The two man before me looked at each other.

“Hmm... After we performed together, me and Taemin had to prepare for our performance. So, I don’t know where they are right now. Maybe they’re still with Myungsoo and the others,” said Jonghyun.

“Have you tried Infinite’s room?” Minho asked.

“Well, actually, I’m kind of confused of where to find them. But I’ll try to go to their room. Goma-“

I wanted to excuse myself when suddenly a group of girls greeted me, “Hi, Jonghyun-ssi...”

I knew one of them, Bora-ssi, since Yonghwa-hyung and Jungshin had ever mentioned her when they came home after filming Invincible Youth. And, yeah, I remembered we had ever talked together when we were in LA. They were Sistar.

“Oh, annyeonghasseyo.” I gave them a quick bow and turned to Minho and Jonghyun again. I didn’t really bother to be hospitable with them. I thought maybe they just want to greet other Jonghyun.

After they went past, Minho spoke, “Yah, Hyung. What a cold namja you are...”

“You should see their disappoint faces when you just responded to them like they were a bunch of ordinary fangirls while they are a group of y girls!” other Jonghyun animatedly added.

“So what?” I didn’t feel guilty at all. I didn’t have any attraction to them. There was only one girl in my mind...

“Are you gay?” Jonghyun abruptly blurted out that question.

“What?!” I my eyes widened at him. After some time looking at each other eyes, I broke the contact. “Look. I have no time for this.” I glanced at my watch again. It was nearly the time. “Thanks for your help anyway. I gotta go now. Annyeong.”

I turned my back at them but then turned around again, “And I’m not gay.” I pointed at other Jonghyun who was grinning widely.

---

After finding the maknaes in Infinite’s room, I scolded them until I had enough then ordered them to go back to our room.

I was watching over them from behind on our way to the waiting room when all of a sudden my feet stopped track in front of a door. It was MC’s room. I stared at that door.

Is she inside? Is she already alright?

Then I turned my head to where the maknaes supposed to be. They had already dragged their long legs far enough from me. I knew I had to catch up with them to get prepared for the upcoming all-star special stage. But my feet didn’t want to budge from their place. I was still curious about her.

Arrgh... Maybe a little peek would do.

Just. A glimpse. Of her.

 It won’t be long. And if I caught up, I just could say that I was looking for Yonghwa-hyung.

Voila.

I plucked up courage to finally take a peek inside the room. I saw her.

There she is...

She was sitting alone on the sofa with earphones on her ears.

But, where are the others?

I bet she didn’t realize my presence while I had been standing on the doorway, watching her. Not just took a peek anymore.

“Ahem!” I cleared my throat to get her attention. But she was still in her own world.

I scratched my head that wasn’t itchy at all.

“Mmm... Hey...” I tried to call her. But I thought my voice wasn’t as loud as I wanted it to be.

Aargh... What am I doing actually?

I banged my head to the door due to frustration and embarrassment.

Apparently, that action caught her attention. “Oh, Jonghyun-ah! Annyeong...”

I stopped in the middle of banging my head and turned to her. She greeted me with her warm smile.

Oh... that smile... I’ve been longing for it...

Get a hold on yourself, Jonghyun!  I mentally slapped my face.

“I’mlookingforyonghwahyung.” I uttered my lame excuse instinctively. That was all my brain could produce.

She looked puzzled. Then, she unplugged the earphone from her ears. “I’m sorry, what did you say?”

I gaped, froze in my place while staring at her doe eyes.

Screw the foreword.

I managed to close my mouth before closed the distance between us and sat beside her.

“Y-yoona-yah... are you... are you ok?” I asked her carefully. My eyes never left hers.

She looked even more puzzled. “What do you mean, Jonghyun?”

“Well... I mean...” I looked down and rubbed my nape. “...you don’t look ok.” I set my eyes on her again. But she was still silent.

“Is there any problem?” I search her eyes when she tried to escape from my sight. “You can share it with me, you know. We’re still... friends...” I covered her hand with mine. “...after all.”

She slightly jolted when I did that. I was also surprised by my own bold move but I maintained to be calmed and keep looking her in the eyes.

After a minute or so staring at each other eyes as if we could understand one another through it, I gave up.

I did understand that she was currently has problems but I couldn’t guess what it was.

If I don’t know what her problem is, how could I help her?

This is one thing I don’t like from women. They always act as if we—men—can understand them in and out meanwhile they don’t utter a single word at all. And one day they will just be mad at us because we can’t give what they want. And in the end, they’ll be saying, “You don’t understand!”

What’s the point of communication? We can’t read minds. We are not shamans. We’re just ordinary people.

Or we are just too blunt.

I sighed and gave a gentle squeeze on her hand before releasing it.

“Well... If you don’t want to tell me... it’s ok. No problem. I just... go now. Annyeong.”

I wanted to get up and leave but she caught my sleeve. “Wait. Jongie...” I turned to her again.

“Actually... We... me and Donghae-oppa... we are over... again.” She tugged my sleeve harder every time she made a paused and she also put down her head lower and lower.

She exhaled loudly and slowly let go her grip. “Maybe... in spite of everything... we—idols—aren’t meant to have that kind of relationship.” She said in a low voice, still kept her head down.

So... Is that the problem? They’ve broken up?

At one side, my egoistic side, I was happy to hear that. That meant I had a chance to be with her.

But on the other side, I also couldn’t see her being like this sorrowful. I needed to think fast.

“Or... you just aren’t meant to be with him.” Yeah, Brain. You do it right.

In fact, what I was trying to say was more like “He isn’t meant for you. Just go out with me.”

She lifted her face to look at me. “Ne?”

What are you thinking about, Babo Jonghyun?

“I-I mean... I’m sure you can get a sooo much better man than him.” I randomly moved my hands to give her an illustration. “It’s just a man. There are still plenty of men out there. And one of them is your real destiny. The one who is only meant for you and you only.” I touched the smooth skin of her uncovered upper arm with my index finger at the end of my explanation.

I thought I had an opportunity to see her smiling, but then she was back to her previous state after a while.

“But... I thought he was the one. After what we’ve been through together...” She sighed again. “I’m not sure if I’m able to erase him that easily from my mind...” She covered her face with her hands and leaned forward.

Oh, no. Don’t tell me she’s crying.

Do something!

I ended up grabbing her arms, preventing her to cover her face again—and probably crying—and forced her to face me.

Don't ask me, because I also don't know why I suddenly become so bold to touch her.

Maybe because it's her. And she needs me.

Once our eyes met, I told her, “Oh, come on, Yoona... You’re the face of SNSD. You could get any man you want without too much effort. That’s your miracle.” I was serious until that point.

But the next thing I said... I didn’t even know why I said that. “Even you could date Psy-sunbaenim for real if you want.”

“Yah! Jongie!” She suddenly let go herself from my grip and slapped my arm. Literally slapped me with all her might.

“Ouch!” I rubbed my arm to ease the sting feeling. But that was just a beginning.

“Why*slap*from all the male idols in kpop industry*slap*you choose him for a parable?!*powerful slap*” She continued to slap and hit my body but I let her. I didn’t fight back. I didn’t avoid her. I didn’t try to stop her. Maybe it was all that she needed... to release herself from all the hidden feelings and emotions within her.

And I gave myself to be her escape.

After a while, she stopped, panting due to exhaustion. When, she calmed down, I asked her, “Better now?”

She nodded. It was a small single nod but clear enough to assure me that she was getting better. Plus, she was now smiling. A sincere smile.

I couldn’t help but smiling with her. “You are a strong woman... really. So... Cheer up, Yoona-yaah!” I clenched a fist into the air.

“Uh!” She nodded firmly. “Gomawo, Jonghyun-ah~” She was smiling more widely.

“There... You’re much more beautiful with that smile.” I blurted out honestly. She bowed shyly as a result.

“But you’re scary when you are angry.” I added, put up a face full of pain while touching my arms and back randomly.

“Omo!” She snapped out. “Mianhae... Are you alright? Did I dislocate any of your bones?” Her face showed that she was really worried. Then she started to examine me, imitated what I did before.

As much as I enjoyed her hands moved all over my arms and back, but I had to stop it before I couldn't fight the urge to hug and kiss her right away.

“Mwo? Of course not. I’m totally fine!" I backed away from her. "But no wonder you are called as Him Yoona. Hahaha.” I laughed at her innocence face.

“Yah!” A smack landed on my arm. Not just once but repeatedly. On anywhere that she had just caressed earlier.

“Aww... Aww... Ouch!” I scowled while trying to escape from her. "Yah! Mianhae! Mianhae! Im Yoona, I'm sorry!"

Finally, her attack stopped. I took a peek from between my shields which were my arms. She had that satisfied smile on her face. There was no evidence that she had been in misery just now.

"Can we be at peace now?" I asked her, still guarding myself from her who was grinning until her eyes were gone.

After I felt the situation was safe, I put down my arms then extended my right hand to her.

"Hn? What is it for now?" she asked.

"Let's make peace, not war. Okay?" I offered my hand for her to shake. She hesitated for a while before welcoming it.

But instead of shaking it, she hooked her pinky to mine before unite our thumb. "There. We're good now." I diverted my sight from our hand to her doe eyes. "Gomawo, Chingu-yah..."

I just smiled at that.

Well, at least I'm still her chingu, I still can see her smile and hear her laugh. That's enough for now.

But one more thing I know, I still have the chance.

A chance to make her mine...

A.N.

Aargh... what did I write up there?? -__-

Yeah, it's a foreword for chapter 3.

What will I do to Donghae's character? And also, don't forget about Jinyi.

Or their relationship will just be getting stronger here?

Well... we'll see...

Is it that lame? or it's just me? Aaa... mianhae... >.<

By the way, as always, thanks to you all who still want to read this fic. (Huhu...)

Whether you're silent reader or not. Thanks for appreciate and support me :)