Exhausted. 

It was the word to describe what Tiffany's body is experiencing.  

Frustrated.

It was the word to describe what her thoughts were.

Longing.

It was the perfect word to describe what her heart felt.

She hasnt seen him in a month. Not only that they hardly talked. With the time difference and the long ours at  the studio was taking a toll with their communication.

Everytime she called it either he was asleep, really busy with practices, filming his movie, or he sounded so tired on the phone that she opted to tell him that she has to do something just to let him rest.

She misses him, terribly. She wants to see him, desperately.

As the rain finally fell, so did her tears. She stares at her window wishing that she could be where he is.

____________________________________________________________

"Ok lets have a break for 20 minutes and lets go back to work." 

The 5 men exited the stage as well as their dancers.

"Last day in L.A!!!" Youngbae commented as he sat down the chair in their dressing room.

"Cant wait for New York!" The youngest of the 5 exclaimed.

"But you cant party! Thats part of the deal remember?" Their now blue headed leader butted in.

"I know, i know" 

As the boys chatted Seunghyun sat on the couch trying hard not to fall asleep. He was so tired. Physically and mentally. 

"Hey birthday boy! Will Tiffany be in NYC with you?"

. He forgot to ask her.

"I dont know yet." He just said even if he havent asked her yet. 

He completely forgot to ask her if she can fly to NYC on Nov.7, 2012 to meet him and his family to celebrate his birthday. He sleep the in when they arrived and even slept in after the concert yesterday and completely forgot.

"Has she called you yet?" Daesung asked.

"No, she might be asleep you know."

"Oh yeah." 

As the 4 boys chatted with the crew. He suddenly felt guilt. He hasnt been able to talk to her that much. He hasnt messaged her in days nor returned her calls. Everytime time she called to check in, after 10 minutes of talking she would suddenly says the managers are already calling.

But even so, he hadnt called her after that. Because, he fell asleep. 

He scanned his phone to see when was her last message. 

October 30, 2012 - " Call me when you get to L.A. Have a safe flight! I love you! :)" 

. 

"Ok boys, the fans are now inside to see you practice. Lets go."

"Wait a second." 

"Come on T.O.P no time to call now."

"Ok, ok."

Seunghyun felt like he someone punched his chest. The sudden heaviness. It was a mix of regret, disappoinment and desire just to hear her on the other line.

He hasnt made that much effort to talk to her. He felt like he hasnt done his part to make things work.

There was no reason to be paranoid, but recently things havent been going well. They fight, they make up. Its now a cycle.

His fear might come true if he doesnt do anything about it. Tiffany clearly was. But he wasnt.

He fears that Tiffany will get tired of this, of "us", of him. 

He always was.

Because he always felt that he wasnt doing enough even if he know he should.

But his stubborness could just cost the person who inspires him.

The person why recently he felt contented.

Being in love with Tiffany, is what he sees himself to be in the years to come. 

He has to do something before, the girl he loves gives up on him.

___________________________________________________________________________________

"UNNIE UNNIE HE'S CALLING!!!!!"

Tiffany run towards the bench where her phone was.

"OMG ITS GONE!!!" Hyoyeon screamed again. Before she could even answer it, the call was ended. 

"Maybe he'll call again."

"Yeah, he will, tomorrow."  Tiffany said trying to joke about it.

"Unnie call him back!!!" Seohyun said while she tied her hair.

"I will call him later."  Tiffany said and sat on the reharsal studio's bench.

Tiffany cant help feel disappointed and angry.  It took him 3 days to call. She felt like she didnt matter. She felt neglected.

Recently she has been feeling like she was.

When he was back from his tour, he would hang out with his director and production friends. But never with her.

He would film his movie, hang with his friends, ask for pointers from the elite directors. But he never made an effort to see her despite her busy schedule too.

Surely she felt, she wasnt his priority. And she knows she shouldnt be. But it wasnt so much to ask to see her even for just an hour. It was enough for her. Just to see him, nuzzle at his neck, smell his Tom Ford perfume on his dress coat was enough.

She knew that they were both busy with a number of things, Tour, filming, rehersals, endorsements.  Tiffany couldnt help to wonder if she was a bother to him, a hindrance, an additional matter to attend to.

Maybe she thought, maybe it was better if they took a break.

Just the thought of it, made her disheartened.

But maybe it was the only way for them to focus, to lessen things to worry about

It would hurt, but maybe it would be for the best.