Chanyeol was kind of forgetful. Spacey, even.

He’d often forget to lock the door on the way out of the apartment or leave something in the oven without setting a timer. Wu Fan was sure he was unconsciously careless, but at times he wondered what the younger boy would do without him. Still, Wu Fan loved Chanyeol, spaciness and quirks and all.

Which is why Wu Fan was devastated when he received the news that Chanyeol had been in an accident.

Chanyeol had been out with Jongdae for lunch when a car careened  around a corner made slippery by the rain and collided with the side of Jongdae’s vehicle. The latter had only sustained bruises and a scrape on his forearm from the broken glass, but emergency teams spent twenty minutes extracting Chanyeol from the crumpled metal. When they finally got him out, he was unresponsive, and they were on the way to a hospital now, or so the hysterical phonecall said.

Without a second thought, Wu Fan rasped into his cellphone that he’d be there as soon as possible. He threw on his jacket to protect himself from the rain and made it out the door in record time.





Wu Fan suppressed the overwhelming urge to vomit as he entered the hospital waiting room. The smell of over-sanitization never sat well with him, but the reason he needed to endure it churned his stomach even more. His eyes darted around the room, noting the handful of nurses flitting about and the lone visitor sitting on the hard plastic chair with his knees pulled to his chest.

“Jongdae.” Wu Fan croaked, his voice failing him. He cleared his throat and swallowed the tears that threatened to fall as the younger man looked up at him with shining eyes.

“I’m sorry.” Jongdae stood up and Wu Fan wrapped his arms around him, causing a succession of sobs to wrack Jongdae’s body. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t. It wasn’t you.” Wu Fan murmured, clenching his eyes shut as he leaned his head against the side of Jongdae’s. “Has there been any news?”

“N-Not since they took him in.” The shorter man clutched the back of Wu Fan’ shirt as if it were the only tangible thing in the world. “What if he’s - ?”

“Shh. Stop. Just… Don’t.” Wu Fan the back of Jongdae’s head. “Just wait for a report. There’s no sense in wondering if you don’t know.” Truthfully, Wu Fan just didn’t want Jongdae’s speculations to make his own mind wander to the deepest, darkest recesses he knew only opened when something bad happened in his life. The taste of bile still lingered in the back of his throat.

“Sit with me?” Jongdae asked weakly. Wu Fan nodded and led him to the only sofa in the waiting room. It wasn’t particularly comfortable, as years of use had made it lumpy and kind of saggy, but he supposed it was better than standing. Jongdae sat next to him but immediately turned to curl into Wu Fan’ chest. The blond rubbed his back; willing himself to count his breaths, watch the rain on the window - anything but think of Chanyeol.

Wu Fan jerked his head up when he felt himself dozing for the third or fourth time. His weary eyes glanced at the clock; 9:18. He’d gotten the phonecall at half past four this afternoon. He rubbed his hands across his eyelids and glanced down at the sleeping Jongdae in his lap. Wu Fan was thankful that his companion’s nerves had calmed enough to allow him to sleep through this agonizing wait. He idly rubbed his thumb over Jongdae’s cheek, wiping away the remnants of tear tracks that lingered there.

An old, kindly nurse appeared from behind the staff desk and offered Wu Fan a small cup of coffee. He managed to smile up at her briefly as he took it with a nod of thanks. She put her hand on his shoulder reassuringly and continued on her duties. Taking a sip, he hoped the caffeine would keep him awake for when any news came from the emergency room. The warm liquid felt good against his throat worn raw from tears and sobs that just would not escape. He drained the cup and placed it on the table next to the sofa.

And Wu Fan continued to wait.





It was quarter past eleven when the sliding glass doors to the emergency unit slid open to reveal a haggard-looking doctor holding onto a clipboard. Wu Fan gripped the arm of the sofa and stared at him. The doctor began walking in his direction and Wu Fan gently started to nudge Jongdae awake.

“Are you here for Park Chanyeol?” The doctor asked somberly.

“Yes.” Wu Fan swallowed hard and willed the coffee from earlier to stay down. Jongdae finally blinked the sleep from his eyes and sat up, first looking at Wu Fan, then to the doctor in front of them.

“He’s alive, but I’m afraid he’s slipped into a coma,” Wu Fan’s breath hitched. “He sustained a bit of head trauma in addition to multiple broken ribs and lacerations. He’s stable for the moment, but we’re going to keep a watchful eye on his vitals.”

“Can we see him?” Jongdae blinked back tears. The doctor pat him on the shoulder.

“You may, but only for an hour. We’ll have to ask you to leave in order to continue with testing.”

“Thank you.” Wu Fan whispered, looking at the floor. Jongdae took his hand and squeezed it softly, tugging the blond off the couch to follow the doctor down the hall of the ICU.

Jongdae thanked the doctor again profusely when he brought them to Chanyeol’s room with the promise to be back in exactly an hour. Wu Fan opened the door with shaking hands and stepped in.

The sound of multiple machines met his ears immediately; various whirring noises and Chanyeol’s heart rate beeping slowly and steadily (thank god) among them. The door closed behind the two of them and Wu Fan was the first to approach the bed. He covered his mouth with his hand as tears finally leaked from the corners of his eyes at the sight. Chanyeol - his Chanyeol - was as pale as a ghost and had threads of red lacerations over his arms and his cheeks. His eyes were closed and he was breathing regularly, but Wu Fan knew he wasn’t sleeping. Or rather, he wasn’t waking up. Not anytime soon. The realization hit him like a ton of bricks and he dashed into the adjoining bathroom to finally throw up.





Jongdae was just about to nudge the bathroom door open when he heard the toilet flush and the sound of Wu Fan rinsing out his mouth at the sink. When the elder reappeared, Jongdae approached him cautiously.

“Are you okay?”

“No.” Came the only response. Wu Fan walked past his companion, brushing off his outstretched hand. Jongdae watched as the elder dragged a chair from the corner of the room over to Chanyeol’s bed and settled into it. He grasped his boyfriend’s hand, careful not to disturb any of the tubes or wires, and held onto it with both of his own. Wu Fan’s elbows were braced on his knees, and he pressed Chanyeol’s hand against his cheek with a sigh.

“Jongdae?” Wu Fan called quietly. The younger took a moment to register that he was being spoken to, but finally strode over to the bed as well.

“Yeah?”

“I hope you’re not blaming yourself.”

“How can I not?” A strangled noise came from Jongdae’s throat as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “If I hadn’t taken that street, if we’d stopped to look at those ducks by the side of the road, if we had just gotten dessert like he wanted to the whole time…”

“Filling the world with your ‘what-ifs’ isn’t going to wake… Wake him up.” Wu Fan couldn’t even bring himself to speak his boyfriend’s name. He was smoothing his fingers along Chanyeol’s hand over and over. Jongdae watched him and let out his breath in a long, even exhale.

“I wish it could.”




Wu Fan and Jongdae became regulars at the hospital’s information desk. They would arrive as soon as visiting hours opened and sometimes stayed well past the time they were supposed to. The haggard doctor from the first fateful day was kind to them, and turned a blind eye to their after-hours presence as long as they weren’t in the way of Chanyeol’s tests and analyses.

It had been five days before Jongdae really noticed that Wu Fan wasn’t eating. He’d share things like cereal and snack mix with Jongdae throughout the day, but any time the younger announced he was going downstairs to the cafeteria and ‘did he want anything’, Wu Fan remained mostly silent. A few times he’d bring his companion half of his sandwich or a bowl of rice, but it usually sat on the beside table, forgotten, until they left at night. Wu Fan drank coffee nearly all the time, and Jongdae could see that the inundation of caffeine was effecting him in the way his fingers sometimes twitched as he rubbed Chanyeol’s arm or the way the blond’s pulse was thundering against his chest anytime Jongdae hugged him.

“Please look after yourself.” He finally told Wu Fan on the seventh day. The elder looked at him solemnly; cheekbones more pronounced than ever and eyes ringed with red. “I know what you’re thinking, but… Chanyeol wouldn’t ever want to see you like this.”

That statement hit hard, clawing down into Wu Fan’s soul. Chanyeol had always been the epitome of cheerfulness, it was true. Anytime Wu Fan came home in a bad mood, Chanyeol was there to tell him about something mundane that amazed him; like a feather he found in the grass or the way this new book smelled when you held it up to your face. Chanyeol saw the light in everything and illuminated the darkness that lurked in Wu Fan’s mind. Was he being selfish? If he woke up now, the first thing he would do is try to cheer Wu Fan up with a goofy smile, and the younger was the one that needed the love and consolation more than he.

The next time Jongdae went downstairs, Wu Fan requested that he bring back ginger noodles.





On the sixteenth day, the beeps on the heart monitor suddenly increased in number, and Wu Fan’s gaze shot up in panic. Jongdae was about to call for a nurse when the hand in Wu Fan’s grasp squeezed back. The blond’s breath caught in his throat and he motioned for Jongdae to stay where he was. They watched in silence as Chanyeol’s eyes moved behind their lids before finally fluttering open. Jongdae attempted to bite back a squeak of relief, and Wu Fan felt pinpricks of tears behind his eyes. There were so many things he wanted to say, but saying them all at once would certainly overwhelm Chanyeol so he simply tightened his grip on the fingers he held.

Chanyeol’s gaze took a few blinks to clear, but once the fuzziness receded he was able to focus on the face in front of him.

“Jongdae.” He murmured, a smile curling the edge of his lips ever so slightly. His friend fell to his knees on the opposite side of Chanyeol’s bed and intertwined his fingers with his free hand. Jongdae began weeping muffled apologies, burying his head in the sheets next to Chanyeol’s torso. The curly-haired boy let out a soft laugh and raised their joined hands to place them on Jongdae’s head comfortingly. Wu Fan felt his pulse quicken when Chanyeol finally turned towards him. The blond smiled for the first time in days, holding the younger boy’s hand against his chest. Chanyeol blinked a few times, then squinted in concentration and wriggled his hand out of Wu Fan’s grip. “Who are you?”

Who are you?

Wu Fan could have sworn his heart plummeted like a lead balloon into his stomach. Silent tears threatened to fall, but he barely noticed. He tried his hardest to smile.

“Chanyeol, baby, that’s not funny…”

“Who’s being funny? I don’t know who you are. Jongdae…?”

“That’s Wu Fan; your boyfriend? Chanyeol, you know him.” Jongdae did his best to use a soothing voice, but his heart was shattering into tiny pieces at what was unfolding in front of him.

“Boyfriend? Have I ever had a boyfriend? I don’t think I have a boyfriend. Jongdae, why is he here?” Chanyeol shrank away from the blond, hands searching for purchase on Jongdae’s arm. The dark haired man opened his mouth to speak, but Wu Fan beat him to it.

“I’m sorry, I should be going. Take good care of him for me, please.”

Wu Fan stood so abruptly from his chair it nearly toppled over, and he left. Head down, he made a hurried beeline for the hospital’s exit door without ever looking behind him. A wave of numbness coated his body and his mind as he drove home in the rain. As soon as he stumbled into his apartment, he collapsed into their bed, soaking wet clothes be damned. Wu Fan let those dark places in his mind envelop his thoughts, breaking down any emotional walls he had left and for the first time in countless years, he cried himself to sleep.





Despite Jongdae insisting over the phone that he take a day or two to just rest at home, eat something substantial and try visiting again another time, Wu Fan steeled himself against the infinite possible outcomes and tugged the younger boy along to the hospital at almost noon the next day.

“I want you to introduce me to him.” He said on their walk down the ICU hallway. Jongdae adjusted his glasses and quirked an eyebrow at him.

“To Chanyeol?”

“Yes. He trusts you. Maybe it will jog his memory or something and he’ll… He’ll come back to me.” Wu Fan felt his throat tightening and Jongdae reached over to brush their hands together. “At the very least, maybe I can get him to fall in love with me again, someday.”





Upon their arrival at room 126, Jongdae and Wu Fan could hear other voices, quickly followed by a weakened version of Chanyeol’s unmistakable laughter. The blond’s heart sank. Whoever was in there, he clearly remembered who they were. Wu Fan rubbed at his temples and offered an unconvincing smile to Jongdae as the door opened.

“Jongdae! Wu Fan!” A doe-eyed blond chirped from beside Chanyeol’s bed. Luhan was here with Sehun, he saw, and Chanyeol clearly remembered them enough to let them curl up on either side of him. “I was hoping we’d catch you today.”

“How are you feeling?” Jongdae asked Chanyeol as he nodded a greeting to the other visitors. Wu Fan still hovered by the door.

“Not really any better.” The curly haired boy frowned. He struggled to sit up against his pillows, and Wu Fan watched with a stab of pain as Luhan and Sehun oh so tenderly helped hoist him up. “I’m still really sore, and it hurts to breathe a little.” Chanyeol’s eyes flicked over to the door before staring curiously up into Jongdae’s. “You brought him here again?”

“Him?” Sehun leaned over Chanyeol to get a better look at the room, as if he was missing someone standing there aside from the tall blond. “That’s your - ”

“He’s not my boyfriend; I don’t know why everyone keeps saying that.” Chanyeol said in frustration, flopping his head back against the overstuffed pillow. Jongdae gave Sehun a silencing glare and shook his head sternly while Chanyeol wasn’t looking. He mouthed ‘tell you later’, and Sehun could only stare at him with a startled expression.

“No, this is someone I want you to meet, Chanyeol.” Jongdae said, the words painful in his own ears. He gave Wu Fan an apologetic glance. “He’s our friend, Kris.”

“Kris,” Chanyeol said thoughtfully as the person in question walked over at long last . He weakly offered his hand and Wu Fan leaned in to shake it, fighting the urge to run his thumb over the soft skin on top of Chanyeol’s knuckles as he’d done so many times before. “Do you get why so many people think we’re dating? That’s so weird.”

Because I love you. “Not a clue.” Wu Fan forced himself to say, biting the side of his tongue to keep from crying. He could feel his heart lurch painfully in his chest and knew this wasn’t going to be easy.


Closer to dinnertime, Chanyeol meekly asked for some time alone to talk to Jongdae. Luhan and Sehun complied easily, mentioning that they should actually head out so Chanyeol could continue resting without the pressure of too much company. Hugs were exchanged and Wu Fan decided to walk with the couple to the parking lot.

“What time did you two get here?”

“Almost ten this morning, when visiting hours started.” Luhan answered, waving the question off as if it were nothing of importance. “Wu Fan, does he really not know who you are?”

“It doesn’t look like it.” The tallest of them sighed. “I seem to be the only one he’s forgotten. He recognized Jongdae as soon as he woke up yesterday, and responded to Yixing and Baekhyun’s names. You two seem to be fine with him, too.”

“Maybe it isn’t anything to worry about.” Sehun said, putting a comforting hand on Wu Fan’s arm as they walked. “He’s always been on the forgetful side, kind of scatterbrained, you know? Remember that time he bought coffees and left them on top of the car and didn’t notice until he got home?” Luhan shot him a withering look.

“That’s not the same thing.” He said, nudging his insensitive boyfriend in the ribs.

“It could be. The accident could have just jostled his head and amplified his forgetfulness for a little while. Maybe once he starts recovering, he’ll come back to you, Wu Fan.”

“Yeah. Maybe.” Was all he could say as he pushed the glass door open into the cloudy afternoon.

“I almost wish he could have forgotten me instead of you.” Luhan said quietly. When Wu Fan stopped to look at him, tears were shining in his eyes. “I know how much you love him-- you must be in so much pain.” The eldest’s lip trembled and he buried his face in his hands. “I can’t even imagine what it must be like!”

Wu Fan couldn’t get any words past the lump in his throat, but he didn’t want to cry in front of Luhan. He wrapped his arms around his friend’s shoulders and let the shorter blond sob into his chest. Sehun sidled up next to them, pressing his cheek against Wu Fan’s arm and his thumb along the back of Luhan’s neck.

“It’s okay, baby.” Sehun murmured.

“I-It’s not, though.” The eldest took a deep, shaky breath and looked up into Wu Fan’s face. He wiped his eyes on his sleeve. “I’m so sorry. I’m sure you’ve been hearing this since… Since it happened. But still, if there’s anything you need, Wu Fan, you have my number.”

“Thank you, Luhan.” Wu Fan wiped a lingering tear from Luhan’s cheek and let Sehun take him by the hand. Luhan continuously looked over his shoulder as he walked to the car, his eyes wide and full of compassion. Wu Fan waved at him once more before he and Sehun disappeared around the corner. The blond leaned his back against the brick wall of the building and slid down until he was on the ground. He pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes until he saw stars, and decided to eat dinner alone that night.





In the following week, the relationship between Wu Fan and Chanyeol was still leagues away from where it had been before the accident, but Jongdae’s ‘introduction’ encouraged improvement. As much as it hurt to lie to himself, Wu Fan would rather start over as a new friend then wallow in solitude waiting for Chanyeol’s memories to catch up with him.   

Yixing had come to visit on Thursday, bringing Chanyeol a vase of blue hydrangeas to put on his bedside table. Sure enough, the curly haired boy immediately recognized Yixing when he poked his head out from the bundle of flowers. Every time a visitor would come, a part of Wu Fan silently prayed that Chanyeol’s mind would blank and there would be another trapped behind the glass with him. Wu Fan cursed himself for being so cruel.

Chanyeol ran his fingers over the clusters of petals and promised to take good care of them. Yixing smiled brightly, and something about his presence gave the room an air of tranquility. His soft, graceful movements and delicate voice sent a wave of calm washing over Wu Fan’s shattered heart. He swallowed his venomous thoughts from earlier; relieved that his dark haired friend decided to come after all.

During his visit, a nurse appeared at the door and explained that she had to perform an evaluation of Chanyeol’s vitals to measure how his recovery was progressing. Wu Fan and Yixing stepped away to linger in the other corner of the room. Wu Fan didn’t particularly want to watch Chanyeol be examined like some kind of experiment, but he found he didn’t want to look away from him, either. From the corner of his eyes, he saw the nurse checking his pupils with a penlight, measuring his blood pressure and instructing him on how to breathe as she listened to his heartbeat. Wu Fan noticed that Chanyeol was generally happy the entire time despite the situation, and he cracked a smile despite himself. When the nurse lifted Chanyeol’s sheets to check the bruising on his side, she brushed a particularly raw spot and he cried out.

“Are you still in a lot of pain?” She asked, gently inspecting the purpling skin.

“Yeah, this side more than the other.” A wincing Chanyeol nodded towards the side that had gotten the full force of the impact.

“I’ll up your dosage for today, but you seem to be recovering fairly well.” The nurse adjusted a few dials on the IV stand next to Chanyeol’s bed and wished him a good night. She bowed politely to Wu Fan and Yixing, and took her leave quietly.

Wu Fan was the first to return to his side and Yixing hovered around the foot of his bed, straightening the blankets fretfully. They shared a comfortable silence until Chanyeol stifled a yawn on the back of his hand and blinked up at Wu Fan.

“You all right?”

“Yeah… The pain meds make me sleepy, that’s all. Will you sing to me, Kris? I think you’d have a really nice singing voice.” The curly haired boy offered another small smile and Wu Fan felt his heart stutter. He stood for a moment, shocked at the request.

“You might want to ask Yixing that favor. His singing voice is much nicer than mine.”

“Mm… But there’s something about your voice that I really like.” Chanyeol’s eyelids began to droop. Wu Fan looked to Yixing who simply offered him a sweet smile that seemed to say, I think he knows; try it. The blond took a seat on the edge of Chanyeol’s bed and breathed deeply before scanning his brain for a song. He decided on one he had heard on the drive to the hospital that morning, but slowed the tempo into something of a lullaby for the broken boy next to him.

Na ajikdo neoreul jiul su eobseo
[I still cannot erase you]
Jakkujakku niga saenggangna
[I keep thinking about you]
Niga neomu bogo sipeo
[I really miss you]
Pamsae hansumdo jal su eobseo
[I cannot sleep at all at night]

Chanyeol’s eyes eventually slipped shut, whether from the medication or Wu Fan’s singing, he couldn’t tell. He reached out to smooth the younger boy’s hair off of his forehead, feeling his eyes gloss over with emotion. Yixing appeared at his shoulder and rubbed a comforting hand over Wu Fan’s back. The elder leaned in to place a feather-light kiss on Chanyeol’s cheek and whispered, I miss you.  

Yixing drove him home that night, and even walked him to the door of his apartment. He gave Wu Fan a tight hug before departing, encouraging him not to lose hope, that things will get better. Wu Fan still felt a few tears leak down his face before he could fall asleep that night, but something about Chanyeol asking him to sing made him really want to believe Yixing.




“You know, I think our voices would sound really good together. We should sing together when I get my strength back.” Chanyeol said the next day, munching on a steamed bun. Wu Fan raised his eyebrows at him over his bowl of rice.

“Did you actually hear me last night? You fell asleep awfully fast.”

“No, I did. I didn’t exactly hear the whole song, but I was right about your voice. It’s soothing, and there’s something super familiar about it.” Chanyeol tapped his chin thoughtfully and Wu Fan tried to mask his excitement. Was he starting to remember?

“Well, that will be your reward, then. As soon as you’re better, I’ll sing with you.” Wu Fan set his chopsticks aside and folded his arms proudly. “How’s that sound?”

“Deal!” Chanyeol’s signature smile spread across his face. Jongdae looked up at them from where he was reading a few feet away, sending Wu Fan a knowing smirk. “Until then, can I ask you a favor?”

“Of course.”

“Can you… Can you still sing to me every night? If you’re here, I mean. I slept really well last night--no nightmares or anything--and I think it was thanks to you.” Chanyeol looked at his blankets shyly, and Wu Fan thought he saw a blush creep across his cheeks.

“What do you want me to sing?” Wu Fan prodded, shifting in his chair to lean in closer.

“The slow song was nice. Comforting.” The curly haired boy picked at a loose string on the edge of his quilt. Wu Fan nodded and promised Chanyeol a new song every night. The blond reached out to put his hand on top of the younger boy’s, and for once he did not pull away. Wu Fan released the breath he didn’t know he was holding and ever so slightly rubbed circles into Chanyeol’s wrist with his thumb.

“Oh, before I forget.” He said suddenly. “I had some of these lingering around at home, I figured you might like one before they go stale.” Wu Fan reached into his bag and produced a large sugar cookie wrapped in plastic. Chanyeol grasped it excitedly.

“Kris, these are my favorite! Thank you--how did you know?”

I made a batch last night like we used to do together. Because I love you. “It was a lucky guess.” Was the response he selected as he tossed another cookie at Jongdae.





One Saturday, the doctors prevented Wu Fan from visiting until extremely late. They explained that unforeseen complications had come up overnight, and they needed to watch Chanyeol over the course of the day in case his condition suddenly changed. By the time they finally did allow him in the room, he found that Chanyeol was already fast asleep. Wu Fan exhaled disappointedly, but resumed his position perched on the edge of the bed anyway.

Wu Fan traced nonsensical patterns over Chanyeol’s skin with his fingers. The younger smiled a little in his sleep, and Wu Fan felt his soul lift a little bit. He decided to sing Chanyeol his nightly lullaby even if he was already asleep; it calmed Wu Fan’s nerves just as easily. He chose a song he used to sing at the apartment on rainy days, simply because it was so touching. Chanyeol used to , saying that the song was far too sad for any day, but always ended up singing along in the end anyway.

Sesang nuguboda, neoreul saranghagie chama deo
[More than anyone else in this world, I love you, so I don’t hold back]

O nan... ni son jabajul suga eobseo, missing you
[Oh I… I can’t hold your hand, but I’m missing you]
Nunmulman angilkkabwa, I’m missing you
[I’m worried I might just have my tears to hold, so I’m missing you]
Hamkke hajal suga eobseo, I’m missing you
[I can’t tell you to stay with me, but I’m missing you]
Himgyeobge doraseo, naegen gajingeon simjangppun motnan nomira
[So it’s too much, but in the end it’s because I’m a man who has nothing but his own heart]

His final note wavered as the lyrics sank into his heart, and he let out another exasperated breath. Wu Fan watched the slumbering Chanyeol for a moment more before pressing a lingering kiss to his forehead. He then straightened himself and, as he did every evening, turned for the door.

“Wu Fan? Wu Fan, is that you?” The blond froze in his tracks. He pivoted slowly to look behind him, almost positive that he was hearing things because ever since Chanyeol had woken up, he’d refrained from using his true name. Even the others had begun to call him ‘Kris’ in Chanyeol’s presence. Wu Fan’s eyes met the younger boy’s and in an instant there was a spark of recognition.

“Chanyeol?” Wu Fan felt goosebumps blossom over his arms as he walked back to his chair.

“Where are you going? I didn’t think you’d ever come see me.” Chanyeol pouted, holding out his hand to his bewildered companion. Wu Fan took it gladly and nearly sobbed when Chanyeol laced their fingers together and squeezed.

“Chanyeol… Jongdae and I have been here nearly every day. You didn’t… You couldn’t remember me. Who I was. That I was… Yours.” Wu Fan bit his lip and Chanyeol’s eyes widened considerably.

“I remember Jongdae coming to see me, but I don’t remember you being here. And I certainly don’t remember not remembering you.” Chanyeol pat the empty space next to him on the bed, gesturing for his companion to sit with him. Wu Fan obeyed, and Chanyeol sat up to meet him face to face. “I couldn’t remember you… But you still came to see me every day?”

“I came to see you every day because I love you.” Wu Fan touched their foreheads together. He felt Chanyeol let out a shuddering breath against his face. “Even if you didn’t love me; couldn’t remember how to love me…”

“I love you, I do!” Chanyeol clenched his eyes shut, tears of his own spilling over. “If there’s a world where I don’t know how to love my own boyfriend, I don’t want to be in it!”

“Just don’t leave me like that again. I couldn’t stand to lose you a second time, Chanyeol.” Wu Fan’s voice was a thick whisper, and he knew he didn’t want to speak anymore. He slid his fingers along Chanyeol’s jaw and tenderly grasped the back of his neck. The kiss that they shared sent tingles down Wu Fan’s spine exactly as their first kiss had. It was soft and warm and their lips melded together at a perfect angle and it was - albeit salty with tears - the greatest kiss Wu Fan could imagine. The machine monitoring Chanyeol’s heart emanated beeps at a faster rate as their lips continued to dance, fingers curling into hair and clothing. The younger pulled away with a sheepish laugh when he felt Wu Fan begin nibbling his jaw, saying that he probably shouldn’t get himself so worked up in a hospital bed. The blond chuckled and complied, pressing one last smiling kiss to the side of Chanyeol’s mouth before gathering him up in his arms and just holding him. They ended the night in each other’s embrace, echoing words of I missed you and I love you to one another to break the silence every couple of moments.





Three weeks later, Wu Fan was wearing black. Internal hemorrhaging, the doctors had told him. They had fed him a lot more information with a bunch of medical terminology as to how and why, but Wu Fan’s senses had shut down by then. Countless apologies and condolences fell on deaf ears, both at the hospital and at the funeral. Without the Chanyeol-shaped piece that was most of his heart, Wu Fan felt like little more than a fragile husk.

He stayed at the burial plot for hours after the ceremony had ended. Friends and family bid him farewell and trickled out of the cemetery little by little. By the time the sun was setting, the only two that remained with him were Jongdae and Byun Baekhyun, Chanyeol’s best friend. Wu Fan was kneeling in front of the freshly upturned earth, idly running his fingers over the petals of a white lily.

“I’ll come see you every day, Chanyeol.” Wu Fan promised out loud. Baekhyun leaned his head on the blond’s shoulder, still sniffling. “I’ll drink your favorite tea here with you, and I’ll bring you more flowers in the spring - the really colorful ones.” His eyes scanned over the headstone for what felt like the hundredth time today. Names and dates in the polished marble reflected the orange glow of the sunset behind them, as well as the one request that Wu Fan had personally made to be carved at the bottom:

“You’ll never be alone
Because I love you.”
 

A/N ;; The songs Wu Fan sings to Chanyeol are '0330' by U-Kiss and 'Only Tears' by Infinite - two songs that never fail to get me emotional.