It has been 365 days since I met Jiyong. Keep in mind, today's the anniversary of the day I first met him, the first time I saw him, the first time I got mesmerized by him. I can still remember clearly how excited I was waiting for him to enter his unit. I stayed up and waited and ended up getting scolded by Youngbae and the hospital for being late. I was so stupid. I can’t get him off of my head and sacrificed my sleeping hours just to think about him. I don’t think Jiyong knows that today is a special day to me though but it’s okay. He didn’t have any feelings for me at that time unlike I who was sorta falling madly in love with him even though I haven’t seen him yet.

Was I stupid? Falling for someone I haven’t met yet. Well, maybe I was. But it all turned out well right? It’s funny to think that from a simple crush I was able to end up having a relationship with him. Like I said before, I would take it slow with Jiyong. He has never loved a man like this before so he was very nervous and guarded at first. But day after day I was able to break through that. A few months later, I got him to release all the tension that he’s been keeping. He wasn’t that shy anymore. He was starting to open himself up to me and of course I to him.

Time has been good to us. Well, that made me sound old. Anyway, a lot of things happened between us this past year. Up and downs, yes but mostly ups. Jiyong ended up being the forerunner in his modeling agency and was now training to be a runway model. He was nervous at first always saying that his walk looked weird. To me it didn’t make any difference, anything he does looks beautiful to me. I wouldn’t mind if he crawls on the floor covered in mud, he will always look good to me. There I go again. I can’t help but get mesmerized by him. It has been almost 9 months since we’ve been together as lovers and I still can’t get used to him. I hope I never get used to him though, I want to be surprised every time I see him. To tell you the truth sometimes I would just end up staring at him, I would just stop what I’m doing and just stare. I woud look at him from top to bottom. From those beautiful blond locks in his head, those beautiful hard to see brown eyes, those kissable lips, those skinny arms, those boney hips, those smooth legs down to his cute little toes. Jiyong always teases me when he catches me staring but I just can’t help it you know.

I for one am still working in the hospital in the morning shift every weekdays from 6am to 2pm. Jiyong didn’t really have a schedule, sometimes he would just get a call from the agency asking him to come in for a quick photo shoot. Actually he’s at a photo shoot right now. It’s Saturday today and I was sitting on the couch with him cuddled under me watching some random show in tv when his phone rang. He did that pouty face that I adore, he really didn’t want to go to work but eventually he did. Oh and by the way, he lives in my condo now. I mean come on, it’s just a waste of money if he still lives in his condo right? Eventually we were able to find someone who was brave enough to rent his pink colored walled condo.

I’ll confess something though. Me and Ji, we haven’t done ‘it’ yet. You know what I’m talking about. He’s still scared and fragile and I can’t risk it. I have done it before though but Jiyong hasn’t. Everytime we’re at the verge of doing it I could feel him tense up and I just have to stop. When that happens Jiyong always gives me those puppy eyes indicating how sorry he was. It’s hard of course, I want him so badly but I can’t. He’s obviously not ready yet. I won’t push him. I’ll wait for him. I’ll always wait for him even though it’s torturous on my part. I’ll still wait.

I have everything planned for tonight though. I’ll surprise him of course. He’s obviously unaware for what today means. I’m not going to go all out on him though, he hates that. I know him and the simpler it is, the more he’ll love it. And what more simple than staying here at home? I’ll make a fort out of sheets in the living room and we’ll watch he’s favorite movie. We’ve done it before and it felt cozy and warm. It felt perfect. I know it sound gay but hey, we are.

Time passed and it was already 7 in the evening. I had everything all set up now. In the living just beside the couch I had the red carpet all laid out and throw pillows of all different shapes and sizes everywhere. I had the popcorn on the side table together with our drinks. Jiyong’s favorite movie was already on the dvd player and all I had to do was press play. The lighting was perfect as well. I turned all the lamps on and they gave a perfect yellow glow that was just right for the occasion. All the other lights in the condo where turned off and only the lamps and the tv gave off light. It looked romantic and I am hoping my off that Jiyong would like it.

I, myself tried to look my best for him as well knowing that my little Jiyong is a fashionista from all the clothes he gets from his work. I had a light pink polo shirt on over a stylish black jacket that Jiyong picked for me. It wasn’t too formal but it was just right. All I need to do now was wait for him to come home. He should be home by now though base from his earlier text but it seems like he’s late for some reason.

An hour passed again and Jiyong still hadn’t showed up. I’m starting to get a worried here. I haven’t received any text from him as well. I tried calling him but no one would answer. Where is he? I paced around the room all of the lights were now and I was starting to panic. I wanted to run to where he is but the problem is that I don’t know where he is. I called the modeling agency awhile ago and they said that Jiyong went home at around 4 in the afternoon. He should have been home by 6 but it’s 8 now and he’s nowhere in sight. I wanted to call Bommie as well to ask if she’s seen him but unfortunately she’s visiting her grandma in the countryside so she won’t be able to help me.

Another half an hour had passed and this time I was starting to get a paranoid. Where are you, Jiyong? I had been calling and texting him but no one answered. I tried everything, I called every one of his friends but they all said the same thing, that they haven’t seen Jiyong. My heart was beating fast and my hands were shaking. All the possible things that could happen run through my head. Oh God, where are you, my Jiyongie?

 I called his cell one last time. I was breathing heavily and pacing the room, Gaho was following behind me as if waiting for any news of his owner. I kept the phone in my ear as it kept ringing. I was gonna end it and call again but then someone answered.

“Jiyongie! Where are you??” I immediately asked.

I need to know if he’s safe. I need to hear him. I need to hear his voice.

“Hello?” a unfamiliar male voice replied.

That is definitely not Jiyong.

“Who are you? And where’s Jiyong?!” I yelled.

“Sir, calm down.”

“Don’t tell me to ing calm down! Who the hell are you?!”

“Sir, I’m from the Asian Hospital, emergency room. The owner of this phone was involved in a car accident and is currently in surgery. Are you in any way related to a Mr. Kwon Jiyong?.... Sir?.. Sir?.. Sir?”

I dropped my hand with the phone still on. My body went numb for a moment there. Did I hear him right? Jiyong’s at the hospital and he’s in surgery. He’s hurt. Once again, everything slowed down, I could hear my heart beating in my chest. The next thing I knew I was running. He’s at the hospital where I work. But Jiyong’s at the ER which was on the other side of the hospital where I work. They wouldn’t have known about me and Jiyong. I was running as fast as I could towards the hospital. I didn’t even bother to lock the door. I was running and yelling at the same time. I yelled at people to move away as I pass by them.  I had my phone in hand and dialed Youngbae’s number. I know he’s working over time right now at the ward, he should be at the hospital. A few rings later he answered.

“Hey.” he said.

“Youngbae! I need you help!” I said through my huffs, I was still running at high speed, carelessly avoiding people on the street. I was running out of breath.

“Seunghyun, what happened? Are you okay?”

“Jiyong’s at the ER!”

“He’s what??”

“He’s at the ER! I’m on my way right now. Please go and check on him, Bae! Please”

“Of course! I’m on my way now.”

I ended the call and focused on the road ahead. Oh God, Jiyong please be safe. Please be safe. Oh God if you could hear me right now I know that our relationship is being frowned upon by most of your followers but please please… let Jiyong be safe. I need him to be safe. Please, God. Please….. I need him. I need Jiyong.

I reached the hospital and made my way to the ER. I know where it was so it’s not a problem. People turned their heads when they saw me but I didn’t care. All I care about it getting to Jiyong. He’s in pain. He needs me. I rushed to the ER and looked around. Jiyong wasn’t there. It means he’s still in surgery. I saw the ER operating room doors on my left and I was about to run towards it but strong hands held onto me and pulled me back. I stumbled on the floor while a heavy weight grabbed me and pinned me down.

“Sir, you’re not allowed there!”

I looked up and saw the security guard holding me down together with some male nurses.

“Let go of me!!” I yelled as I tried to get away from their grasp.

“Sir! There an operation going on and you’re not allowed in there.” The nurse said.

“I work here! My ID’s in my pocket! Please! Let me go.”

The nurse took out my wallet from my pocket and indeed saw my ID.

“Sir, even so. You’re not allowed in there.”

It was so frustrating. Jiyong’s right there! A few feet away from me and I can’t reach him. I can’t go to him. Tears were falling from my eyes and I didn’t even bother to wipe them. Jiyong needs me, I needed to be where he is.

“Seunghyun!” A familiar voice from behind startled me.

I was standing up now with the guard’s hands tightly wrapped around my wrist. I turned around and I saw Youngbae running towards us in his nursing uniform. As soon as Youngbae reached me he said,

“I asked them about Jiyong. They said that he’s surgery would be done in an hour. I know you want to see him, Seunghyun but you have to let the surgeons and doctors do their work. You know that, Seunghyun.” Youngbae said like he wanted to prove a point.

And he did. I immediately stopped struggling. I’ll only interrupt the surgery. I need to let the surgeons do their work and my presence will just complicate things. Tears were still falling as I looked down. It hurts so much knowing Jiyong’s there but I can’t comfort him. I can’t do anything. All I could do now was wait.

Youngbae spoke to the guard and told him them to let go of me. They did though but they were still hesitating, thinking that I might run towards the operating room. I didn’t though. What Youngbae said made me stop. Youngbae stepped closer and patted my back, pushing me back into the waiting room that I run passed. Youngbae led me to sit down on the bench and rubbed my back. He sat down right next to me.

“You know that he’s going to be okay, right?”

I was still crying and sniffing so I never really answered him so I just listened.

“The nurse said that there was a car accident on a street not far from here, both cars hit each other and one car skidded to the sidewalk. Unfortunately, Jiyong was walking when the accident happened. He was an innocent bystander.”

I trembled at what happened to Jiyong. He didn’t do anything wrong. He was just walking. Oh Jiyong…

“There we’re no major injuries though, Jiyong was able to run away but he just wasn’t fast enough, the car somehow hit his leg and he fell hitting his head on the pavement knocking him unconscious. He’s leg got fractured and they’re in there right now trying to fix his leg and stitching his head.”

I stopped crying by this point and looked up at Bae. It was hard though, my eyes were swelling so bad from all the crying and my vision was still blurry from the tears.

“No major injuries?”

“None.”

“No internal bleeding?”

“Nope.”

“How about brain damage?”

“We don’t know that yet but from the test results and xrays I’ve seen it seems that Jiyong will make it just fine. He just lost a lot of blood from the fracture and the head trauma.”

I dropped my head in my hands as I started sobbing again. Jiyong’s going to be fine. I know he’ll make it through all that. He’s strong. Thank you, God. Thank you so much. There were no other major injuries. Just a fracture and few wounds that needed stitching and that’s it. All I have to do now was wait. Wait and pray that when Jiyong opens his eyes, he would remember me. That he would remember who I am.

A few minutes later, I was able to get a hold of myself. I started to calm down a bit and I was also able to apologize to the guard and to the nurse that I yelled at. They were okay with it saying that it wasn’t a problem. Being in the emergency room they had probably seen this situation plenty of times before. I walked towards the coffee machine and grabbed a cup of coffee. I regretted it the moment I took a sip. This instant coffee was nothing compared to the coffee Jiyong always makes in the morning. Tears were threatening to from again and I just gently wipe it away from my hand. Youngbae was still there as well, accompanying me as we waited for the surgery to be done. 

A few minutes later the operating door opened and a surgical bed rolled out, I can immediately tell that, that was Jiyong lying on it. I immediately stood up but Youngbae held me back telling me to wait until they put Jiyong in his bed. I nodded this time without protesting, I know how to behave now. They wheeled Jiyong into the farthest bed and Youngbae and I quietly followed. The nurse helped each other as they slid Jiyong to the bed. We waited until there were done hooking Jiyong to the IV. A few minutes later they were done and they left proceeding to care for the next patient.

Youngbae released his grip on me this time and allowed me to go over to Jiyong. Youngbae wanted to give us some privacy and told me that he would be going now since Jiyong was going to be okay. He said he’ll call me later to check upon me. I quietly thanked him as he closed the curtains surrounding Jiyong’s bed, giving us the privacy that we needed.

All there was, was silence. I stood right next to Jiyong and I held his hand. He’s still knocked out cold because of the anesthesia and base from experience, sooner or later Jiyong would wake up. I kept massaging his hand hoping that he would feel how much I care for him, I much I need him. He looked really bruised. All over, every part of his body was covered in bruises and bandages. His beautiful hair was shaved off in order to stitch the huge cut under that head bandage. His leg was in a cast and was held up by a metal stand. His other hand was hooked to an IV. He looked so weak but he’s alive. That’s the only thing that mattered. It’s the only thing I needed to know. I could see his chest slowly rise up and down indicating that he had no problem with his airway.

“Oh Jiyongie…” I softly said, as I kept caressing his hand.

I pulled a chair and sat right next to his head. There was a cut on his cheek. Those beautiful cheeks that turn bright red when he’s shy or embarrassed. I sighed once again as I tried to caressed that cheek. I was gentle of course, I didn’t want to inflict more pain on him. After a few minutes though, he’s head turned. His eyes moved from behind those lids and slowly they opened up. I stood up from where I was sitting and leaned down on him. I saw those beautiful brown eyes again as they searched and moved until he saw me. I could see clearly as if by slow motion how his eyes started to tear up. He moved his hand that was still under mine, and squeezed my hand. He longed for me. He needed me.

He started crying and I just kept on holding onto him and caressing every part of his body that wasn’t covered in bandages or bruises.

“S-seung.. hyun..” He whispered, still silently crying.

“I’m right here, Jiyongie. I’m right here.”

I started to tear up as well. He knows who I am. He remembers me.

“I’m sorry.. Did I w-worry you?” He said, his eyes were half closed this time as he was slowly drifting back to sleep.

I chuckled at what he said. After all that had happened to him, that’s what’s going on in his little head?

“You did, Jiyongie. You have to make up for that.” I .

He chuckled as well. He tried to smile but there was a cut on the side of his lips and prevented him to do so. All he could give at the moment as a small smile, it was nothing compared to his blinding smile but it was a smile nonetheless.

“I will.” He replied.

“Go back to sleep, Jiyongie.” I said to him as I continued to caress his hand.

“I don’t want to….”

“Why? I’m right here. I won’t leave you.” I said smiling at him.

“But… I want to spend this day with you..”

“Jiyongie, we can spend the whole day tomorrow. What you need now is some rest.” I said as I shook my head.

Jiyong can be hard to persuade sometimes, usually he’s the one doing all the persuading while I just do all the following.

“B-but… today’s a special day…” He said as he moved his head to my direction.

I was taken aback by what he said. Special day? He moved his other hand that was hooked to the IV and made an attempt to reach my face, I bent down further so he could reach it.

“It the anniversary of the day we first met…”

By this time, it was me who was tearing up again. I probably had a goofy grin on my face causing Jiyong to slightly laugh at me. That sneaky bastard. He knew all along. The day that we first met, the day I first set eyes on him , and he on me. The first day we talked and got to know each other. The first day our faith had crossed with each other’s path. The day we found each other. The day we become whole.

“You knew?” I asked as I wiped the tears from my face.

“Of course I knew… You were planning something for today right? The face you made when I got a call from the agency confirmed it.” He said as he chuckled.

I chuckled along with him.

“You got me. I was planning on spending the whole night with you cuddled under a bunch of pillows on the living room floor.”

“That’s so gay….” He teased.

“But you love it.” I teased back.

“I do..” He said.

He pulled back his hand and it was shaking. Was he using all his energy just to touch my face? I helped him place his hand back on the bed and caressed the side of his head. I leaned down and kissed his unbruised cheek.

“Go back to sleep, Jiyongie. You need some rest.”

By this time he had his eyes closed as he heavily breathe in and out. I thought he had fallen back to sleep until he spoke again with his eyes still closed.

“Be there when I wake up?” He asked.

I chuckled one last time.

“You know I always do.”

With that Jiyong complete fell asleep as I still kept his hand tangled in mine.

After a few minutes of nothing but silence and Jiyong’s snores I fell back on my chair. Right then and there I felt how tired and exhausted I was. I silently laughed as I remembered how I run all the way from our condominium to the hospital. I must have looked like a big idiot running and screaming at the same time. I shook my head and silently laughed it out.

I stopped and stared back at the angel on the bed. Yes, he’s still an angel. My angel. Like what I said, no matter what he looked like, he would always look beautiful to me. He had bruises all over, bandages on his arms, legs and head but to me all I saw was a wounded angel. I need him to get better and he will get better. I’ll make sure of that. I’ll take care of him, like what I have been always doing. In no time, I’ll have him walking and jumping again. It's a shame we didn’t get to spend the night on the living room floor like I planned but somehow this was much better. Knowing that he’s alive was good enough for me. Or more like, it was more than enough for me.

With that I was finally able to relax and fall asleep with my head resting on Jiyong’s bed, hand still tangled with his, heart still beating for him.

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Author's notes:

I had so many feels for this fic. I just love it so so much.

I hope you guys loved it too......