Joonmyun's hand is shaking slightly as he presses the phone to his ear. The dial tone sounds unusually shrill in the dead silence of the dorm and the young male shoots a paranoid glance around the room to make sure he hasn't alerted any of the other members, quickly thinking that that's a ridiculous thought since the sound isn't actually that loud.

He taps his foot against the linoleum flooring and bites the nail of his thumb, both gestures that are more anxious than anything else, as he listens to the sound on the other end. He all but panics when the steady bleeping suddenly stops. It's just then he realizes that he actually has no idea what to say. He should have really thought this through before calling.

For a few moments Joonmyun holds his breath until the person on the other end lets out a quietly mumbled 'hello'. It comes out groggy and somewhat grumpy and Joonmyun kind of understands why. He was most likely just woken up. "Joonmyun?"

"Wufan, hi," he blurts out, far too loud for the current situation and he even makes himself cringe a little at the volume. He looks around again just to make sure. "I, uh... How-how are you doing?"

The other lets out a heavy sigh. "You call me at four in the morning just to ask me how I'm doing?" Joonmyun's bright smile falters momentarily but then it picks right back up even though he knows the other male can't even see this. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah!" comes the answer, far too enthusiastically and far too rushed for it to seem natural. Only a blink of an eye goes by before Joonmyun exhales and he slumps over slightly. "No."

There's a bit of rustling at the other end and then the sound of a door opening and closing quietly, probably Wufan leaving his room so he won't wake anyone else up. "What's the matter?" the other leader's deep voice mutters and he is sounding remarkably more awake than he did mere minutes prior. The younger has always admired this ability he seemingly has to be on right away whenever he's needed and right now he is.

Everything, Joonmyun wants to answer. "Nothing," he actually says. Letting out a tired sigh, he rubs his eye with the heel of his hand. "Just... I just... I needed to hear your voice."

"That's not all, is it?" A wry smile tugs at Joonmyun's lips. Wufan knows him too well by now. "You know you can always tell me if something's wrong, Joonmyun-ah. I'm here for you." Those are the words that open the floodgates.

In a matter of seconds the younger has tears streaming down his face and he has to cover his mouth with his hand to muffle the sobs that rake through his entire body. On the other end of the line Wufan is muttering soothing words in a patient attempt to calm him down, at least enough for him to speak and say what's wrong. "I-I can't d-do this, Wufan," Joonmyun gasps once he gets his voice under control. "I can't... I c-can't... it's too h-hard. I can't d-do it. Wufan..." His words die into unintelligible sobs and he clasps his hand in front of his mouth again.

The older mutters something in Mandarin under his breath. "I'm coming over," he then says and to be honest Joonmyun kind of wants him to stay away, but he doesn't manage to say anything at all before Wufan has already hung up on him.

Joonmyun greets Wufan with a stiff smile when he enters the kitchen after letting himself into the dorm of his Korean band mates. He has managed to collect himself somewhat in the time it took for the older male to arrive and he hopes the tearstains on his cheeks aren't too obvious even though he's pretty sure they are. "Hi," he chirps unnaturally brightly. "Y-you didn't have to come over, you know. I'm fine by myself." That's a lie and they both know it.

Wufan searches his face and his eyes, calmly standing there with a few feet of nothing between them. Eventually the younger male has to look away. The other's gaze is too intense, scrutinizing. It's as if he can see right through the younger male's defenses. "Don't hold back," Wufan says almost demandingly. Joonmyun is afraid to look at him for fear of which emotion he's going to see on his face. Pity is one of the last things he wants right now. "I know you, Kim Joonmyun. You always hide behind that bright smile, but I know that you are not okay. I can see it in your eyes. Don't hold back. Let it out."

The moment the tears well up Wufan takes a step closer to offer him comfort. Joonmyun reaches out to cling desperately to the older male as if his life depends on it, hands gripping at his shirt. Wufan responds by wrapping his long limbs around him and allows him to cry into his chest while he rocks him back and forth. "I d-don't wanna d-do this any-m-more," the younger gasps. "I-I'm not c-cut out for th-this. I-I can't be an i-idol. I can't b-be the l-leader, I c-can't."

"Don't say that. You're going to be fantastic, I'm sure of it."

"B-but the kids, they don't-they don't even l-listen to me. A-and I'm just a kid myself! I can't do this. I'm not ready. I... I'm not ready." This time Wufan doesn't counter him, he just holds him and stays silent while the younger soaks his shirt with tears.

It's Baekhyun who eventually stumbles into the kitchen out of nowhere, rubbing his eye with the back of his hand. "What's going on?" he mumbles and his words slur together because his tongue is still coated with sleep. He seems alarmed when he finally wakes up enough to notice the tears on Joonmyun's face. "Hyung?"

Joonmyun attempts a smile despite the fat teardrops that roll down his cheeks still. "It's nothing for you to worry about, Baekhyun-ah, I'm f-fine. Just... go back to sleep, okay?" The younger male looks concerned and he opens his mouth to say something. Wufan glowers at him. That seems to make him change his mind and he turns around right away and heads back to his room, no questions asked. Joonmyun lets out a mirthless laugh. "See? You're much better at this than I am."

Wufan doesn't even smile. He just cups the shorter male's cheeks with both of his giant hands and Joonmyun feels like his entire face is being covered by them as thumbs swipe over his skin to collect his tears. "We're going out," Wufan mutters after studying his expression for a while without speaking. The younger opens his mouth to protest because they can't just 'go out', they have practice in the morning and he has to make sure the kids get out of bed so they can get there on time and... Wufan shakes his head. "I don't want any objections. You need this. Now, go put on your shoes and your jacket."

"But... but I'm in my pajamas," Joonmyun attempts to reason.

"So am I and I fail to see your point. We're still going out." After receiving another stern look Joonmyun gives up on protesting and merely sighs in defeat, trudging off to fetch his outerwear just like he has been ordered to.

Somehow Wufan manages to find a place that sells ice cream at four thirty in the morning and after getting a cup each they retreat to a nearby park. They find a playground and occupy the swing set, sitting there in complete silence as they consume their frozen treats. "Sometimes I just want to give up," the younger confesses after some minutes of silence. His voice is quiet and hoarse from the crying he did earlier. "I want to give up and I want to go home to my family and friends and just be Kim Joonmyun because I don't think I can do this."

"This is your dream." Wufan sounds calm as he speaks. "You've come so far and you've worked so hard. You're so close now. We're so close now." Joonmyun stares down at his cup as he stirs the melted ice cream at the bottom of it so the brown and the white blend together. "You're selling yourself short, Joonmyun-ah. I think you're capable of being a leader and an artist and so much more than that." The older male stands up and takes the paper cup out of the other's hand to throw that as well as his own in the trash.

Letting out a sigh, Joonmyun curls his fingers around the cold steel of the chains that carry the swing he's sitting on and he uses his legs to push off the ground and set himself into motion. He really doesn't understand how Wufan can be so calm in a situation like this when Joonmyun is getting increasingly closer to breaking down as the time between now and their debut diminishes. "Do you think the other members will listen to you? Do you think Minseok-hyung and Luhan-hyung will respect you even though you're technically younger than them?"

"Of course they will, I'm terrifying." Wufan cracks a smirk when his comment manages to make the other male chuckle. A genuine smile looks better on Joonmyun than any other expression. Wufan stays standing, leaning back against the low brick wall that surrounds the area as he watches Joonmyun move slowly back and forth. "Are you afraid that you won't be able to control the kids?"

"Among other things," he answers after a while. He doesn't clarify what 'other things' he's talking about. Wufan doesn't pry.

"We should probably head back home," he says instead. Nodding, Joonmyun scrapes his feet over the ground to halt his movements. The swing comes to a stop and he stands, approaching the older male and they begin to make their way back to the dorm together.

The sun is about to rise, painting the horizon a faint orange, and they have to be at the studio in a few hours, but this isn't the first time they've had to survive on next to no sleep so it's no big deal for them. They walk close to each other side by side, arms brushing once in a while due to the proximity. "Thank you for this," Joonmyun says after a few minutes of silence and then confesses with a heavy sigh: "I still have absolutely no idea how to be a good leader, though."

"Don't worry about it, I'm sure you'll figure it out," Wufan responds and flashes a grin as he elbows him in the side. "You're the guardian, after all." Joonmyun scowls playfully at him and tries to elbow him back. Wufan easily avoids the assault, causing a pout to form on the other's face. The older ignores that. "I have faith in you, Kim Joonmyun. As a leader and as a singer and as an idol." There's still a faint hint of a smile on his face as he wraps his arm around the younger male's slighter frame and ruffles up his hair despite numerous sputtering protests. "You just need to have some faith in yourself as well."

~*~

A/N: WHAT IS THIS PIECE OF DISGUSTING DISGUSTINGNESS I APOLOGIZE FOR WASTING YOUR TIME. OTL
to be fair I did tell you to leave while you had the chance, though. :b oh god. I don't even know what to say right now. uhm. uhmmm. yeah. I love krisho/sukris, I really do. I think they're fantastic together. seriously. leader couple? it's perfect ok. I should write more about them, right? y/y? eh. here's suho having a nervous breakdown before their debut and calling kris for help because kris is kris. yeah. I have nothing more to say.
oh, in case you didn't know 'suho', joonmyun's stage name, means guardian in korean. hence kris' "you're the guardian" comment.
have this picture:

DON'T THINK I DON'T SEE THAT WANDERING HAND, KIM JOONMYUN! I KNOW YOU WANT DUIZHANG'S BUT YOU'LL HAVE TO REMEMBER THAT YOU'RE IN PUBLIC OK SO CONTAIN YOURSELF. *cough* wat.

also, thaaankkk youuu (again) to everythingkpop for making this super nice and pretty poster for me even though I didn't even ask for it and oh my god it's so nice of you and I'm so toucheddd you have no idea aaahhh. TT^TT MY READERS ARE THE BEST OF ALL THE READERS I SWEAR!

I LOVE YOU ALL! ♥