At practice he sang softly. At the dorm, he was silent.

At length, it was Junhong who was the first to break. But he was too kind to say anything. Instead, he just left the dorm.

Then it was Himchan. Without his usual diva style, he only asked Youngjae to just “Please talk, Youngjae-ah.”

“What for?” Youngjae asked back, his voice modulated into a softness that the doctor taught him at his recent visit. “I already am talking.”

Himchan only shook his head, leaving the room to most likely, in Youngjae’s opinion, to rant it out at Yongguk.

Only Jongup was left in the room. In a rare show of intimate affection, the younger hugged Youngjae awkwardly before, too, leaving.

Youngjae was left staring at the screen of the TV, letting the music wash over him. He watched it, his gaze listless as the MVs rolled past, hearing without listening to the stretched high-notes and the impeccable vibrato, the strength and power, watched the synchronised and effortless dancing of each band.

 “The others are really worried you know.” Daehyun claimed the spot next to Youngjae. The two just sat there in silence, observing the shows that the TV flashed at them. Eventually a burning sensation at the back of Youngjae’s eyeballs alerted him to blink, and when he did, he felt something hot and wet slide down his cheek. Blinking numerous times to ease the soreness of his eyes, he reached a hand to wipe the tears away. Suddenly his wrist was captured. He glanced at Daehyun, perplexed, before using his other, free hand to rub the moisture away.

“What’s really wrong?” Daehyun’s voice was low, his eyes shining with concern.

Youngjae shrugged, tugging his hand away and turning back to the TV. “I just wasn’t blinking.”

Apparently, Daehyun hadn’t heard him. “It’s not just about losing your voice, is it? What’s the underlying problem?” He grabbed Youngjae’s hand again, forcing the younger’s attention away from the TV.

Youngjae sharply pulled his hand away from Daehyun’s grasp, resting it in his lap. “I don’t know.” He returned to staring at the TV, remembering to blink. “I don’t know.”

“Bull.”

Youngjae’s head whipped around, his eyes wide. Daehyun rarely swore. Daehyun was staring intently at him, his brow creased, lips curled into a frown. For a fraction of a second, Youngjae was scared. Of what, he didn’t know, but he was frightened by the situation, by the gaze, by the intentness that Daehyun was looking at him with.

In that split second that Youngjae was frozen, Daehyun gathered Youngjae into his arms.

“Sing for me,” Daehyun whispered into Youngjae’s ears. “Please?”

Youngjae shook his head, muttering into Daehyun’s shoulder, “You know I’m not allowed to overwork my voice.”

“Please, just this once?”

Youngjae responded by struggling away from Daehyun’s hold, wriggling this way and that and bringing his hand up to the elder’s shoulder to push. But Daehyun held on strongly, one arm wrapped around Youngjae’s waist, the other around his torso to latch onto the back of his shoulder. The younger found it hard to gain any leverage and surrendered after a brief moment of throwing his weight around, eventually flopping into Daehyun’s embrace. He decided to humour Daehyun just this once, as it seemed the other wouldn’t be letting go any time soon.

So he picked Jay Park, just to spite Daehyun, who he knew found his obsession with Jay Park amusing but at the same time quite annoying. He mumbled the first few notes of the song into Daehyun’s shoulder, until Daehyun gripped his chin lightly and raised it. His voice was quiet and raspy, whether it was naturally that scratchy or if it was still the hoarseness from the nodules, Youngjae didn’t know. Daehyun joined in during the chorus, effortlessly weaving in the harmony, blending it with Youngjae’s voice. He fell silent, wanting to listen to the older’s flawless voice. Unexpectedly, Daehyun stopped too.

“Why did you stop?”

Youngjae only continued to stare at Daehyun’s shoulder, barely moving his lips as he murmured a reply.

“Youngjae?”

The younger finally lifted his head, awkwardly craning his head to look at Daehyun’s face. It was not comfortable the way he was twisted, the lower half of his body sitting next to Daehyun while his torso was still pulled into Daehyun’s embrace. “Why should I sing when you’re more than capable for the both of us?”

Youngjae felt Daehyun’s arms relax around him and he extracted himself from the tight embrace, taking in the shocked face of the older.

“Why would you think that?” Daehyun made no move to grab Youngjae again and Youngjae huffed a mental, relieved sigh. Even though Youngjae was more of the touchy-feely person between the two, he didn’t feel entirely comfortable in the constricting embrace. “Why, Youngjae?”

Youngjae shrugged, turning his attention to the television. “Because it’s the truth.” He said it casually, as if the weight of the words and hearing them out loud, by his own lips no less, didn’t crush his lungs, as if it didn’t leave him winded and struggling for painful puffs of breath.

Daehyun reached for his hand but Youngjae swiped them away from him. He didn’t understand the need for the other to hold him, to touch him. He shifted down the couch, nestling into the armrest, hoping that Daehyun would get the hint and leave him alone. He didn’t, instead cornered Youngjae, invading his space. “Don’t think like that.”

Youngjae shrank away from the other, sinking and closing in on himself, waving away Daehyun’s hands that were attempting to grab him again.

“Please, Youngjae! It feels like you’re slipping away from me. What happened to the snarky smartass that I knew? The know-it-all who explained everything to us in that arrogant but adorable way? The joker who made us all fall into hysterics at the stupid and random antics he’d do, who handled all the negative comments with just a laugh? What happened to the Yoo Youngjae who was always happy and smiling?”

Daehyun’s voice rose until he was loudly demanding Youngjae, grabbing the younger’s arms and roughly shaking the shocked boy.

“What happened?”

Something inside of Youngjae snapped. “I don’t know! Maybe there wasn’t such a Youngjae before!” His voice cracked, forcing Youngjae into a soft whisper. He hated it. He couldn’t poor out all his emotions into one big long scream that would leave him empty, his ability to feel used up into that scream, leaving him to be blissfully numb. Oh, how he wanted to just yell in frustration. “That Youngjae was a lie. That Youngjae thought he had what it took, thought that he could actually become a singer that everyone would love.

“I’m not blind! I’m not deaf! I know what people say!”

Struggling against Daehyun’s grasp which slackened slightly, Youngjae successfully threw Daehyun off.

“What do they say then?” The words were forced through unmoving lips as Daehyun stared up at a now standing Youngjae.

And Youngjae allowed everything to pour out. Whether it was because the bottled up feelings and thoughts suddenly found a crack to pour through or if it was because Daehyun, the one person who unknowingly was the centre of all the pains in Youngjae’s life, actually cared, Youngjae didn’t know, only revelled in the feeling of letting everything go, even his voice rapidly gaining that cursed hoarse quality didn’t stop him.

“Oh surely you must know,” Youngjae started sarcastically. “Here’s a list—maybe it’ll help you remember. My voice is crap. My singing is terrible. I’m not flexible in my range and control. I’m too fat to be an idol. I’m not pretty enough. I can’t dance to save my life or B.A.P’s career. In short, I’m useless. I know the emcees praise your voice to heaven, and I know they only consider my voice as ‘nice’, if even that because they’re on camera they have to say something good. I have no talent, and I don’t understand why I’m still standing here!”

“Youngjae…” Daehyun heaved a sigh.

“Don’t ‘Youngjae’ me!” His voice cracked, leaving him coughing. His throat felt like a rock was lodged there and he knew that it wasn’t from the emotions that were surging within his frame. He slapped a hand to his neck, allowing a strangled cry to emit from his lips. This would set back his recovery by weeks, but really, what did it matter if he couldn’t speak, let alone sing, anymore? He’d be at his rightful position as just another person in the crowd, watching with glistening eyes at the five members of B.A.P performing on the stage.

He felt hands gripping his waist, pulling him towards Daehyun, setting him against Daehyun and letting him settle his head at the crook of Daehyun’s neck. He wanted to push the elder away, but his arms were suddenly all too heavy to lift. He wanted to scream, but his throat was still clogged. He wanted to cry, but his eyes were already dry. Instead he sighed against Daehyun’s neck, allowing the other to draw him closer, arms wrapped around him. It felt nice, warm, comforting, and even though Daehyun was by far more talented than he was, he couldn’t fault Daehyun at all, only himself, so he closed his eyes, drifting into oblivion.

*

“Is he alright now?” Yongguk strolled across the room from where he was leaning against the door to the living room.

Daehyun turned to face the leader. “The pressure is getting to him. He doesn’t think he’s good enough to be an idol.”

Leaning against the back of the couch, Yongguk gently patted Youngjae’s head, affectionately carding his fingers through the strands. His eyes didn’t miss the way Daehyun’s hand twitched or the way the vocalist tightened his grip on Youngjae. He smiled slightly at how close the two were, yet knowing that Youngjae felt overshadowed by Daehyun’s power vocals.

“We’ll have to keep supporting him.” Yongguk stepped back, his feet taking him away towards the dorm’s single bedroom where he knew Himchan was. Despite Himchan’s incessant need to embarrass everyone at every interview, Yongguk knew that the visual cared a lot and needed some reassuring that Youngjae will come around.

With a backwards wave towards Daehyun, he threw a few words over his shoulder. “Tell Youngjae that it’s not Best Absolute Perfect without him and we’ll only ever stand as the six of us.”

This is the end. OTL I was going to upload it later, but then I figured why not now?
It turned out really cheesy... Daehyun just wants to cuddle Youngjae
I'm also working on an AU Action/Adventure B.A.P fic, but that might take a long while to get out... I've rewritten the first chapter three times already and I'm still not satisfied, so you might not see it until next year, orz.