The blitz from the cameras were blinding and Dongwoon had to close his eyes for a brief moment before opening them again. He gave the reporter an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry, what was it again?”

“Are you planning to write another book soon?”

“I don’t know yet,” Dongwoon said and stole a glance at Mir. As long as his editor’s not running after him with a scythe on his hand, then maybe he won’t. “It depends.”

“This book is best seller everywhere,” another reporter raised her hand and asked. “I heard that there’s even a chance there’s gonna be the movie version. Will you allow the movie version to be made?”

Yoseob smiled sincerely as he heard the question. He crossed his arms and listened from the corner of the room. The book signing surely went okay, and there were a lot more reporters than expected. Dongwoon looked tired and annoyed by the questions, he never really liked reporters but he’s quite satisfied by the result, judging from his face. Just like the reporter said, the book was sold out everywhere and they even had to republish it. If there’s going to be the movie version, then it’s really worth it.

“Where did you get the ideas for Empty Spaces?”

Dongwoon cleared his throat. Standard question. “In a closed place.”

The reporters laughed because they thought he was joking and Yoseob smiled again.

“I was stuck in an elevator in Japan and it just occured to me. Strange things happened in the strangest places.”

It got Yoseob to frown a bit. He’s not sure if he ever heard Dongwoon was stuck in the elevator when they were in Japan...

“From what I’ve read, this book seems to be the saddest one among your other pieces. Like an unrequited love or something?”

Dongwoon stopped smiling and his face went blank. Yoseob also noticed this. “Well, the theme is about unrequited love. So it’s supposed to be sad.”

“What I suggest, was that your own experience?”

Yoseob could see that Dongwoon disliked the question and he looked away at Mir. Mir, being the dependable editor and manager quickly waved his hand and dismissed all of the reporters to begin the book signing. There was something wrong with Dongwoon and Yoseob thought it was just another bad mood from the annoying questions. As the signing began, Dongwoon’s smile was back to his face and he greeted his readers and thanked them for buying his work.

“Hi,” Dongwoon greeted.

“Hi,” the male smiled shyly. “Can you address it to me? To Hyunseung. Jang Hyunseung.”

“To Jang Hyunseung-ah,” Dongwoon scribbled down on the first page of the book. “Thank you very much,” he smiled.

“Um...Dongwoon-ssi? I was wondering about the last question, you know, was it your own experience or something?”, the male asked innocently with his doe eyed. “Cos, you know... I know how it feels to have that kinda experience... Even though love doesn’t require to be with each other, but it really hurts...when you’re not being able to be with him.”

The brown haired male was a little too long at Dongwoon’s table and Yoseob couldn’t figure out what they were talking, but then he saw Dongwoon smiled kindly.

“Hyunseung-ah, we all have our own unrequited love story. But you know what?”

Hyunseung listened seriously.

“Even if we can’t be with them, they’ll always be a part of us.”

“...you’re right, Dongwoon-ssi.”

Finally the brown haired male bowed and Dongwoon waved goodbye at him. The line moved on, and now Dongwoon’s smiling at a teenage girl and she rambled loudly at how much she loved his books.

Dongwoon looked like usual, but inside, there’s just something that made Yoseob felt uneasy.

 

 

***

 

 

“Hey babe, isn’t this the guy who was with you in Japan?”

Kikwang stopped breathing and almost dropped the plate to the sink. “W—who?”

Junhyung held up the paper he was reading. “This guy. Son Dongwoon. Remember? He’s a writer?”

Kikwang swallowed down his nervousness and tried to act casual. “Oh yeah... I remember. He is a writer.”

Junhyung whistled as his eyes went back to the newspaper and read the sentences. “Book’s famous right now. Title’s Empty Spaces. Wait, don’t you have one? The one that’s been lying around?”

Crap.

“Y—yeah, I bought it because I just wanted to know what kind of story he wrote.”

He sent it to me even though I didn’t give him my address.

“And it’s good? Maybe I should read it too.”

It’s about our story.

Kikwang went slightly panic. “I—I’m not done yet. But since it’s best seller, yeah...it must be good. I’ll—I’ll give it to you when I’m done, how about it?”

Junhyung smiled. “Okay then.”

Kikwang nodded hastily before turning on the water and back to wash the dishes.

I’m sorry, Junnie...

 

 

***

 

 

Dongwoon had been awfully silent all the way home. Both of them didn’t talk at all and Yoseob had to turn on the radio just so they wouldn’t die from the silence. Yoseob glanced at Dongwoon from the corner of his eye.

Maybe he’s tired.

When they’ve arrived at the apartment, Dongwoon quickly went into his work room and Yoseob could only stared at the closing door. Things had been cold lately, Yoseob felt like Dongwoon had really changed but he always pretended like he didn’t know it. He had a feeling that Dongwoon was actually already changing from the moment he began to write his last book but right now it was really obvious.

Dongwoon didn’t tell, and Yoseob didn’t ask.

Inside, Dongwoon opened his locked drawer with a key and grabbed a medium sized envelope. He was hesitant for a while before finally taking out the pictures inside. The moment he took them out, Dongwoon’s eyes softened and he held his breath. His lips tugged into a fond smile as he kept on looking at the pictures.

Kikwang was smiling beautifully in the pictures.

Dongwoon had hired someone to look for Kikwang, because even though it was just a moment when they were in Japan, Kikwang had managed to make him miserable. It wasn’t fair to blame him, because it was Dongwoon who couldn’t let go, and even after a few months and Empty Spaces was published, he became even more desperate whenever he thought about Kikwang.

He couldn’t even hide the guilty feeling whenever he looked at Yoseob. He’s scared that if he talks too much, he would blabber everything and it would hurt Yoseob. Dongwoon couldn’t stand to hurt Yoseob, even though it hurt him even more for keeping everything inside.

Kikwang was the reason.

He’s in love with Kikwang, and that’s a fact.

After several weeks of waiting, Dongwoon got the result and he got everything—Kikwang’s address, Kikwang’s date of birth, Kikwang’s interest, Kikwang’s number, everything about Kikwang, including Kikwang’s boyfriend, a DJ at a famous night club and how long Kikwang’s been in a relationship with him, and Dongwoon thought he should stop thinking about Kikwang because whenever he thought about him, his name was the only thing that popped in his head and it was driving him insane.

Kikwang.

His phone beeped and he thought he must be crazy for imagining it as Kikwang who texted him.

But it really was Kikwang.

A minute later, Dongwoon dashed out of the room and went out. He only told Yoseob that he’s going out and that he shouldn’t wait for him.

Dongwoon was talking too fast and he disappeared as fast as he talked. Yoseob smiled half heartedly and waved his hand at the empty air. “Take care, Woonie. Be back soon. I’ll be waiting.”

Yoseob was ignored, and he was used to it.

 

 

***

 

 

The moment Dongwoon and Kikwang met, Kikwang wasn’t given a chance to breathe anymore.

Dongwoon pushed him against the wall and claimed his lips hungrily. He lifted Kikwang up and held him so he wouldn’t fall down and the latter wrapped his feet instinctively around Dongwoon’s waist and grabbed his shoulders tightly.

Kikwang whimpered softly—both in fear for falling and longingly—and Dongwoon, who still couldn’t take his lips off Kikwang’s moved before he crushed his loved one against the wall to the bed. Dongwoon hovered above Kikwang, and they wouldn’t apart even for just one second.

The aggressive kisses slowly faded into a normal pace, and they exchanged sweet kisses before finally, finally Dongwoon was able to take his lips off Kikwang’s full ones, looked right at him in the eye for three seconds before leaning in to kiss him again. Kikwang chuckled and let him devoured his own lips for a few more moments before hugging Dongwoon tight.

“I’ve missed you,” Dongwoon murmured against his lips.

“Me too,” Kikwang whispered as an answer.

“I’ve almost lost my mind,” Dongwoon sighed and buried his head on Kikwang’s shoulder. “It’s like now I need to see you everyday, every single moment, or else I’m going crazy...”

Kikwang caressed Dongwoon’s hair lovingly. “Junnie mentioned you today...”

“Sshh, no other names. Just you and me. Just Dongwoon and Kikwang.”

Kikwang smiled and kissed Dongwoon’s forehead. “I’m sorry, Woonie.”

Dongwoon closed his eyes in pain. “That’s right. Just my name...”

“Woonie...”

It’s been like this. Ever since Dongwoon had found out about Kikwang’s whereabouts, he managed to contact him. Kikwang was reluctant at first but Dongwoon kept on asking—or more like begging for him to agree to meet him again. They first met in a luxurious hotel that Dongwoon used to run to whenever he needed a different place to write. It was a safe place and no one else knew about it.

Kikwang didn’t want to because he knew the moment Dongwoon showed up in front of his apartment, he’s scared that he wouldn’t be able to let go. The reason why Kikwang didn’t finish reading the book in the first place was because everytime he tried to start reading, his tears would well up in his eyes and he cried, cursing why everything had to happened late.

Why he didn’t meet Dongwoon first and those kinds of curse.

But nothing could be done, Kikwang was tired of crying over Dongwoon. And with his marriage coming up, he thought he shouldn’t think of anything else other than Junhyung, but just when he decided not to weep anymore, suddenly Dongwoon was there. Just when he was about to let go, Dongwoon suddenly showed up and told Kikwang that he finally found him.

Either God cared for Kikwang or hated him.

Everytime they met, they did nothing other than kissing and embracing each other. Dongwoon had never tried any further, and Kikwang was grateful for that. It showed Kikwang that Dongwoon really cared about his feeling.

They did more of the talking, to get to know each other better like they’re on a date, but instead it’s in a hotel room other than going out for a movie or eating together in a cafe or holding hands and laughed over silly things. They laughed at each other’s weaknesses and funny stories and embarassing pasts.

Dongwoon would fall asleep in Kikwang’s arms and Kikwang could stay awake just to hear his breathing and inhaled his scent. And Dongwoon would always, always take off Kikwang’s ring whenever they’re together. He put it on the nightstand, sometimes wishing Kikwang wouldn’t remember about the ring, but Kikwang always, always remembered and put it back on.

That hurtful look across Dongwoon’s face and that apologetic look across Kikwang’s face whenever they broke apart.

They’re in love.

But fate is cruel.

Together is not an option.

I love this man.

“I...”, Kikwang started talking.

But it’s not right...

“I can’t do this anymore. We should—we should stop seeing each other.”

Dongwoon went blank. “What?”

“I mean I can’t... I can’t, everytime Ju—him, he mentioned something that reminded me of you, I just can’t... I can’t... I can’t live with this feeling anymore. I’m going to get married and this... I gotta get rid of this feeling.”

“Don’t get married, then,” Dongwoon’s voice was shaking and it was obvious that he despised the word.

“How is that possible?”, Kikwang breathed desperately.

“Tell him that you’re in love with someone else and that you can’t be with him.”

“Woonie,” Kikwang reached out to touch Dongwoon’s face and the latter flinched under the touch. “It’s not as simple as that. And—and what about your boyfriend? We’re hurting everyone, you know... It’s not just you and me...”

“Everyone, and ourselves,” Dongwoon replied. “We may hurt everyone but to be honest, we hurt ourselves by lying about our feelings.”

Kikwang was speechless and couldn’t say anything else. He opened his mouth to say something but instead, he swallowed it all back. Kikwang closed his mouth and his gaze fixed intensely with the taller male.

“Let me ask you a question.”

Dongwoon got a hesitant nod as a reply.

“Will you be happy if you marry your boyfriend?”

Kikwang’s eyes widened.

“If you marry him, and you’re happy, I’ll stay out of your life forever.”

Dongwoon pulled himself away from Kikwang and sat in front of him. He tilted his head to a side and crossed his hands on his chest.

“That’s unfair. You know I can’t answer that,” Kikwang looked away, unable to look Dongwoon in the eye.

“If it’s going to make you feel fair, then I’ll tell you. I’m not going to be happy with my boyfriend. I will tell him the truth and I will ask for a breakup because I know, he’s not the person I love. He’s really caring and supporting but my heart doesn’t beat for him...at least not anymore. And I’m going to be happy, knowing that you’re happy, even though I can’t be with you. But I don’t want to lie to myself anymore.”

Dongwoon grabbed Kikwang’s shoulders by surprise and the latter gasped.

“I’m in love with you, Lee Kikwang.”

Kikwang’s eyes widened for the second time.

“So it’s really up to you.”

The pretty male palmed his face and sighed in frustration.

Will I be happy...?

Junnie, will we be happy?

I can’t think. I can’t...

“I’m sorry,” Kikwang whispered. “I’m going home...”

I can’t hurt him.

“No,” Dongwoon stated. “No. No, Lee Kikwang. You will not go home. No.”

“Woonie, stop...”

“These past months had been hell. I’ve been through a lot of things to look for you, and I will do anything not to lose it.”

“Please don’t say that...”

“, Kikwang. What will it take for you to admit that you love me???”, Dongwoon yelled angrily. “You know how hard it was for me to keep on living like this? To not be able to forget your face. To not be able to forget your soft lips. To not be able to be with you. You know how hard was that?”

He was actually scared hearing Dongwoon’s rising tone, but he braved himself.

“You think it was easy for me?”, Kikwang snapped back. “You think it was easy for me to let myself be kissed by someone that I don’t love? And ever since he slid this ring to my finger, I cried silently every single night, wishing that it would be you, and I had to force myself to imagine you everytime he touched me, you still think it was not hard for me too?”

Kikwang growled in pain and looked at Dongwoon. He expected another argument was coming, but maybe he was wrong. Dongwoon seemed surprised and Kikwang slowly frowned.

“...what?”

“...by someone that you don’t love?”

Kikwang quietly brought a hand to his mouth. “I mean, not anymore...ever since we met...”

“Does that mean...you love me?”

Dongwoon’s voice was full of hope. He stood there, looking desperate at Kikwang, wanting him to admit that he felt the same way too. Kikwang stared back, and he couldn’t help but wanting to chuckle because Dongwoon should stop being insecure like that, his expression was so ugly and he didn’t deserve it.

He was so handsome, and although his appearance wasn’t the main reason why Kikwang fell in love with him, but Kikwang did, anyway. It was probably what attracted him to Dongwoon in the first place, he was tall and masculine and all those good things that would be endlessly listed, but Kikwang realized he was deeply in love the moment he read the book.

Kikwang could feel that Dongwoon’s in love with him so deep through the sentences, word per word, and that he’s hurting, that he’s not happy, he didn’t want things to end that way, and that they’re both actually hurting. But still he never expected anything because they both got their own worlds and lives to live. Especially he had never expected Dongwoon to look for him.

“Yes...”

Maybe, just maybe, Dongwoon’s the person that’s really meant to be with him.

“I love you, Woonie...”

That Junhyung and the others were just a test for them.

“I love you so much...”

A test for them to be together.

And Dongwoon didn’t waste a single time after he heard Kikwang’s confession.

He never thought someone could be as beautiful and flawless as this.

Dongwoon could not hide his amazement when he saw Kikwang without clothes.

As awkward as it may be at first, but Dongwoon was quite experienced and Kikwang surrendered himself completely. Dongwoon’s touch was different, and it’s as if Kikwang’s body also knew that the hands that were touching his skin were not the usual and his reactions were embarassing.

Dongwoon didn’t hold back and neither did Kikwang.

And the way Kikwang said his name was really y and it turned Dongwoon on even more.

When Dongwoon ed into Kikwang from behind, the latter cried both in pain and ecstasy. Kikwang grabbed onto the pillow too tightly as he cried and Dongwoon noticed this. An arm was on the bed to keep them steady and the other arm was wrapped around Kikwang’s waist from behind, to let him know that he’s safe and he shouldn’t be afraid, because Dongwoon was there.

I got you.

Kikwang opened his eyes in tears for a moment before soon closing them again.

I know...

Despite the pain at first—which soon turned into pleasure as Dongwoon rapidly hit the sweet spot inside him, Kikwang wanted to cry because he could feel that Dongwoon was giving him everything, that what they’re doing right now was what had been stuffing inside of Dongwoon’s heart. And the way he treated Kikwang—kissing him, caressing him, holding him, even the way Dongwoon ed into Kikwang was gentle, too gentle that Kikwang didn’t want it to stop.

You’re too precious.

Was it wrong to feel this deep about someone?

Please don’t leave me...

Was it okay to cry out Dongwoon’s name, even though they’re not officially together?

And why, did it feel so right to have Dongwoon gave him trail of kisses on his back? On his neck? On his shoulder?

Kikwang’s became even louder and ier, and Dongwoon realized that the former’s about to come. Dongwoon turned him around so that Kikwang’s lying on his back and continued rocking against him gently. In this position, Dongwoon could freely kiss Kikwang’s lips and stared at his expressions. And God, the face he made as he cried out Dongwoon’s name...

It was priceless.

Kikwang’s too ing beautiful.

And Dongwoon could die if this male’s not his.

Kikwang cried out and his face was red from blushing as he reached his . Dongwoon came soon after and held Kikwang tight as the two of them were trembling from releasing. Kikwang’s chest was moving up and down, he thought he was going to die from the pleasure and lack of air because Dongwoon didn’t seem to let him breathe just for a quick second. He’d never been this breathless before, and the sensation was new. He had a feeling he’s going to like the way Dongwoon made love to him...

They both stared at each other, and Kikwang could feel something was building inside him.

Now I don’t know how to let you go.

“I love you,” Kikwang whispered and pulled Dongwoon into an embrace.

Or even how to tell it to Junnie.

“Marry me,” Dongwoon whispered back as he brushed some strands away from Kikwang’s forehead.

Kikwang almost immediately replied that it’s impossible. He brought his hand to mid air and was about to say something, when he realized that the curling ring on his finger wasn’t the one from Junhyung. He didn’t know how it got there—or even when did Dongwoon managed to slip it out. He stared at Dongwoon in shock, and the look on his face showed that nothing is impossible.

Kikwang wanted to cry, because then it reminded him of Junhyung, the first person to propose him, but not the person he loves.

Dongwoon kissed him softly and without him replying it, judging by the way Kikwang kissed him back, he knew the answer would be yes.

Kikwang wanted to be with Dongwoon.

 

 

***

 

 

When Junhyung got home, the lights were off.

It was strange considering Kikwang had never gone out at this hour except when they’re together. He the lights and somehow he could feel that the place was empty. Junhyung went to their bedroom and with a hunch, he opened their closet and some of the clothes were gone. Although the clothes weren’t his. They were Kikwang’s.

The closet door was closed and Junhyung turned around.

Not even a slight of panic came across him.

He fished his hands and went to the kitchen. Junhyung took out a can of cola and downed half of it quickly. He then was about to go back to his room when something shiny caught his eye. Junhyung narrowed his eyes, he slowly approached the dining table and took the shining object.

The ring that he gave Kikwang.

It was there, it was left there on the table with a note.

Junhyung read the note with a glance and sat on the chair with a blank expression.

Wherever you are, I just wish for your happiness, Kikwang.

 

 

***

 

 

Yoseob waited patiently for Dongwoon to come home.

Dongwoon had been gone since morning and now it’s just a few hours to midnight. Yoseob didn’t try to contact him, he just didn’t want to bother his boyfriend. He’s been changing the channels on the TV but nothing interesting caught his attention. When Yoseob finally couldn’t take it anymore because the boredness was killing him, he stood up and went to Dongwoon’s work room.

Yoseob stood by the door, with his body leaned against the doorframe, eyes wandering around in the room.

He missed feeling something for the male who used to work and typed in this room. He missed seeing the serious Dongwoon on the desk, scratching and biting his nails whenever he got writer’s block. He missed...no, he kinda missed being together with him. But maybe that’s what relationship was all about. They loved, they fought, they got bored, they made up. Wait, bored? Yoseob himself blinked at the sudden thought.

I’m...bored?

Yoseob walked into the room and sat on Dongwoon’s usual chair. He leaned his back against the soft cushion and sighed.

Maybe it’s temporary.

His eyes drifted to one of the drawer and blinked.

Strange, usually Woonie always has this one locked...

But this time, it wasn’t locked, because the key was still there. Yoseob unconsciously pulled the drawer out only to find a medium sized envelope. There was nothing else in the drawer, only the envelope and a few scribbling papers. Usually he wasn’t the curious type, but this time, he just wanted to know what’s in the envelope. Yoseob gulped before braving himself to open it.

They’re merely pictures.

Pictures of someone—a male to be exact—that Yoseob had never known of.

The male was too pretty, in fact, it made Yoseob lost his confidence right away. It seemed like the pictures were taken candidly without the object knowing because the male looked everywhere but the camera. Yoseob was amazed at his beauty and every males would surely drawn to his beauty. His mouth went dry.

...Woonie?

Yoseob flipped the pictures, looking for a name or any other information he could find.

And he found it.

A Lee Kikwang.

Lee...?

Yoseob’s eyes widened.

Suddenly he heard a creak from the front door and he went super panic. Dongwoon had gone home. With trembling hands, Yoseob tried to put the pictures back to the envelope, but nothing goes right when you’re not in a sane mode. He managed to insert the pictures back but the scribbling papers fell on the floor. Yoseob cursed mentally and by accident the envelope fell along and the pictures scattered on the floor. It must’ve been a ruckus because he could hear footsteps were coming his way. Yoseob sighed and stooped to gather the mess but he stopped halfway. He recognized the handwriting right away on the scribbling papers.

It was Dongwoon’s.

Because there’s always a part of us that longs for a certain person.

“Seobie?”

Yoseob was too shocked to move and he could only stare at Dongwoon.

The taller male opened his mouth to say something, but then he realized what Yoseob was doing and his eyes drifted to the envelope that’s on the floor now and Kikwang’s pictures were scattered everywhere. Dongwoon held his breath and without further ado, he quietly spoke.

“I’m sorry...”

Yoseob could only shed his tears.

 

 

 

 

End.