Kevin POV

We were friends. Nothing more than that. I lay awake in bed, thinking about the only thing that had been occupying my mind lately-Kiseop. I couldn't stop thinking about him. The thing that bothered me was because I knew exactly why. I had been in love with my best friend since May 6th, 2012. Today was August 11th, 2012. 11:09 pm. I sighed, rolling over in my bed to get more comfortable. Kiseop, I love you. Why can't I tell it to your face?

"Because he's freaking STRAIGHT!" I cursed to myself, remembering exactly how he had made that clear.

*FLASHBACK*

"Hey Hoon, um...can you ask Kiseop if he's gay for me? Just to see...you know...you can ask him over email!" I asked, feeling kinda embarassed.

"Of course Kev," Hoon replied, giving me a warm smile. We had been emailing back and forth with Kiseop for a while, so we sent him a quick message:

"Hey Kiseop!!! Hoon has something to ask you, but he won't tell me what it is~ here he is.

Hey, it's Hoon!!! So, I just wanted to ask you...are you biual or gay?"

We sat in silence for a few seconds before we started talking again.

"You guys would be SO adorable together!" Hoon gushed.

"No, we wouldn't! Plus, he's straight anyway..."

"But you don't know that! He's never ONCE SAID it!"

"But it's a bit obvious, don't you think?"

"You guys could be called...KevKi? Um...KevSeop...KiVin...VINSEOP!" We realized it had been 15 minutes since we sent the message. Still no reply.

"I'm going to call Kiseop," Hoon decided, pulling out his phone.

"Um, okay..." Hoon dialed his number and put him on speaker.

"Yeobosayo?" Kiseop said through the phone.

"Hey Kiseop, it's Hoon!"

"Hey Hoon! Wassup?"

"Ok, Kiseop? Check your email!"

"Um...okay...?"

"K bye!" Hoon hung up, leaving a dumbfounded Kiseop with no choice but to do as he had been told. I sat there in anticipation, jumping when I heard, "You've Got Mail!" coming from my laptop. I anxiously opened the reply, my eyes being greeted with many capital letters.

"NO!!!! I AM NOT BI OR GAY!!!! I AM STRAIGHT!!!! Oh my gosh...that was shocking..." After reading the email, I turned to Hoon and said;

"Haha! Told you so!"

"But...but...awww!!" he sulked, pouting as he sat cross legged on my bed.

"I told you he was straight!" I acted happy on the outside, but just beneath the surface, my heart was being shattered into a thousand pieces.

*END OF FLASHBACK*

I think about that everyday. Ever since that email, I KNOW I have no chance with him. I can dream, but it will never be a reality. I remember the day he started to suspect me of liking him. Hoon had a sleepover with Soohyun and Kiseop one day, and all of us friends always tell each other we love each other. Just as friends, you know? Now Kiseop knew that I was gay, but didn't know that it was because of him. So I texted Hoon and told him to tell Kiseop I loved him. As a friend of course. So I get a text from Hoon a LOT later explaining everything that happened:

"OMO so I told Kiseop you loved him, and he said, 'W-what? Repeat that...' and I said, 'AS A FRIEND!!!' and started slapping him...he suspects you...Kevin you are SO dead..."

From that moment on, I told my self never to initiate skinship with Kiseop. I haven't seen him all summer, and I miss him terribly. I turned over in bed and looked at the clock again. 11:39 pm. I'm never going to fall asleep...I need to let these feelings out somehow...Then I got an idea. I dug around in my secret 'no parents allowed' drawer full of all my writing journals and pulled one out. This was my old warm up journal from social studies last year...I opened up to a fresh page, and started to write a song. 

My eyes have gone blind, time has stopped
I got to know you, who is so eye-blinding
I can’t hide it, I can’t help myself
I love you, I want you
I know I can’t have you- the love of a friend
I can’t forget for a single day- I can’t stop

Breathlessly, I love you, I only love you
My heart that looks toward you is burning
We’re not friends, we’re not lovers- it hurts and I cry
My heart cannot be hidden- it’s getting bigger- it hurts

I can’t breath because I can’t have you
This is a heartbreaking one side love
I Need you, I Want you, I Miss you, Wanna Feel you.
(Hey, Baby) So please, know that my mind is only for you

If you are tired and exahusted
and you need someone else
I will be there, I’ll treat you well so you can rest
I will stand behind you-
I’ll look at you alone- the love of a friend
Though I try to erase, I cannot erase
(You’re my beautiful girl)

Beautiful, I love you, I only love you
My heart that looks toward you is burning
We’re not friends, we’re not lovers- it hurts and I cry
My heart cannot be hidden- it’s getting bigger- it hurts

Even if I throw everything else away, I want you
The foolish monlogue, the words I couldn’t tell you

Breathlessly, I love you, I only love you
My heart that looks toward you is burning
We’re not friends, we’re not lovers- it hurts and I cry
My heart cannot be hidden- it’s getting bigger- it hurts

If we are born again in the next world, I won’t let you go
I love you like crazy, I love you till death

Tears fell onto the notebook, smudging some of the pencil markings. Friends. I thought. Nothing more than that.

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hey its kissmeimirish!!! so, i hoped u enjoyed hearing my life story...through the eyes of kevin xD if you havent heard love of a friend by ukiss, i recommend listening to it now. that song is my life story wrapped up in about 3 minutes...anyway, hope u liked it!!! annyeong~