He was in front of me, smiling that smile of his that never fail to make me feel warm and happy.

 “I have a surprise for you.” he said while moving at my back and covering my eyes with his hands. I tried removing it only to be pulled closely to his muscular chest from the force of trying to keep his hands on my eyes.

“Hyun Ae! This is the only time that I have managed to pull off a surprise on you. You always got me busted. So make me happy and cooperate.” he whispered in my ear, sending chills down my spine.   

“Aish. Oppa, you, of all people, should know how I hate surprises! Whatever it is that you’re gonna ‘surprise’ me with, I am sure that I would appreciate it the same regardless of whether my eyes are covered or not. If it’s for the thrill, I am thrilled already.” I said while placing my hands on his legs trying to find the best position to push onto to counter him.

“Now don’t be such a murderer of romance. I’m trying to be cool and romantic here. Oh! and be careful of where you place your hands. I know I’m irresistible and all. I have nothing against the kinkiness of doing it outside but it’s daylight and, hey, kids might see. ” I could hear him snicker, could just imagine him smirk, and I want to smack him for being a erted, conceited freak.

“Now, now, don’t be annoyed. I could feel your eyebrows knitting. Just bear with me for a short while. You know I wouldn’t let you trip or fall, and hurt yourself, right? You trust me do you?” he said and then kissed me on the top of the head, easy for him to do since he’s obviously taller than me.

 I sighed. “Yes, and you better keep to your word. Now let’s go before I change my mind.”  

Fortunately, the walk is a straight path and the road is not rough. Moments later, he finally stopped me. There was a smile in his soft voice when he said “surprise” while removing his hands from my eyes.

The sight before me made my jaw slack. I scanned the area, slowly rotating 360 degrees, not believing my eyes. 

In front of me is a huge yet simple house near the lake.

This is the kind of house I would like to have, as I remembered telling Kai before; a lake house where I could easily ride a boat and spend time simply appreciating the view, meditating, thinking about life in general. I wanted to live in a place where I could be close to nature and yet still not be too far off the city.

I walked towards the house feeling stupid and trying to think of what is happening. Is he just showing me this to appreciate the view? Did he buy this? Is he showing me his new house? Is he giving it to me?

“So do you like the house? Beautiful isn’t it?” I turned around seeing him still standing where I left him with a gentle smile on his face.

“Ok. I’m feeling like an idiot right now. But what exactly is your surprise?”

He laughed at my apparent ignorance and walked towards me. He placed his hands on my arms, and then looked at me, giving me an eye smile.

The look in those dark orbs me got me nervous as hell. “This. This is your new house.” I feel my jaw slacken yet again.

“B-bwoh? I never knew you’re so rich now that you’re giving away houses… Yah. If you have too much money that you don’t know where else to spend, you should just give it to charity!” This time, he instantly removed his hands on my arms and threw his head back and laughed so hard. I don’t know what’s funny with what I said and I’m feeling too serious to join him in his happy bubble. Finally, he seemed to realize my lack of amusement and stopped laughing.

“No, babe. I am not rich enough to sleep on a bed of money. That house is not just yours. That’s mine as well.”

I feel my eyes widen. I couldn’t hide the disbelief showing on my face. I don’t know how else to react so I slapped him real hard on the arm.  

“Are you asking me to move in with you?!’ Cause I know you’re aware of how conservative my family are and they’re going to kill me and feed my body to the dogs if I did!”

“No, that’s not gonna happen.” He said while rubbing his arm, still keeping a smile on his face.

I was about to give a smartass reply when he immediately intervened.

“You’re going to marry me. Live in that house and fill it with our children the number of a football team. So let’s leave now and get married, so we could start working on it.” He winked at me and gave me a heart-stopping, -dropping, playful smirk.

I am officially feeling as If he poured a bucket of cold water all over my body. To say I’m shocked is an understatement.

I’ve been with this guy for two solid years, and I never once thought that he would want to marry me. I know that he loves me. I don’t doubt it. What I don’t know is whether he loves me enough or not to stick with me for a long time. And he struck me to be the kind of person who is highly improbable to be tied down… at least at such an early age.  He’s only 24 and I’m 23. I know that he knows that I view marriage as something sacred and if I did commit on it, I wouldn’t want me or my future husband to violate it with divorce.

Is he serious? Does he really love me that much? Is he that sure of his feelings for me?

I started to feel warmth creeping into my heart and just as I was about to feel utmost happiness, my brain decided to function and absorbed what he said.

.

..

…

“You know what? I don’t know whether to be happy or offended. You seem overconfident that I would marry you. You like basically ordered me to do it! Made me look like an animal whose only purpose is to get pregnant and give birth to your children. I thought you wanted to be romantic!  In what way is that romantic?! ”

I have to give it to him. The jerk had the balls to laugh at me.

“I just wanted to see you mad. You are at your iest when you do.”

He suddenly unhooked a necklace I didn’t notice he is wearing, pulled it out from his button down shirt to remove the ring that served as pendant to it.  

He dropped on one knee, reached for my hand, while the other held the ring.

“You have to forgive me. I’m not the most eloquent person out here. I never even thought that I would even get to propose. Remember when I told you I don’t think I am the marrying kind of guy? Well. It obviously changed.” He said with a soft smile.

“I never thought I would be with someone like you. Someone I never thought I could get along with. You are straightforward, tough, and independent. Heck, you even kicked me on the shin when we first met, thinking that I’m a stalker.” He paused to chuckle.

“You’re loud, talkative, and could be bossy. But you are the boss of me now. Command me at your will. I’m all yours.”

 I’m feeling warm and lightheaded at this point and I couldn’t help but squeeze his hand.

“You should know by now how much I love you.  I never thought I could love anyone as much as I love you now. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, laughing, fighting, crying, making up.. .. ..  Make-up are the best..”

“yah!”

“Well, it’s true. You don’t have to blush whenever we talk about it.”

I squeezed his hand tight as I could until I heard him yelping. Why couldn’t he just be normal for a few minutes? He was proposing to me for Pete’s sake!

“Bwoya?! I’m just trying to test if you’re being attentive. Aish. Chincha.” I gave him a pointed look. He cleared his throat and continued.

 “I want to experience everything with you. I couldn’t even imagine being with any other woman anymore. And I want to be there for you. At all times. To be there when you needed a hug, a shoulder to cry on, to be your pillow at night, punching bag during the day..”

I laughed and punched him on his arm. Good thing he’s keeping a strong grip on the ring or he might have dropped it.

“tsk. See? You are one violent woman. And my mother must have dropped me on the head when I was a kid to enjoy being the recipient of your violence. I didn’t know the word masochism until I met you.“

“You are proposing to me, you might want to get on my good side, buddy.”  I sent him a playful glare and he cleared his throat once again, and then gave me an eye smile.

“I want to have a family with you, to see the fruits of our love. I want to see little Hyun Ae and Kai running around. To have children who look as wonderful as their mother.” He paused and just continued looking at me in the eyes.

“Hyun Ae, would you give me the honour of being the happiest man alive by marrying me?”  

I looked at him. Trying to memorize how he looked right now. His hair being slightly tousled from the soft wind, his loving smile, and hope in his eyes.  This is the guy I want to be with. The only guy who made me fall in love. So am I willing to commit myself forever to this sweet, y, witty, and smartass guy who could make me hate him one moment, and love him the next?  This is a no-brainer.

“Are you sure about this? You know there would be no way out with me, Kim Jong In.” I gave him one last chance to change his mind.

“I’ve never been more sure, Hyun Ae.”

I looked at him for a while before answering him.

“Yes, Kim Jong In, I would love to be your wife.” I gave him a huge smile, still trying to control my tears from leaking.

He smiled back and stood up. He bit his lower lip to keep from smiling any wider and placed the ring on my finger. 

I gasped when I recognized that it’s his mother’s engagement ring. “Isn’t this---“

“Yes. It’s my mother’s. It’s the only thing I have of her. It’s significant to me. You are even more important to me. So I figured, it should be with you. No one is worth it better than you.”

I feel so loved, touched, and honoured right now.

 I suddenly jumped at him, my hands on his neck, my legs straddling his waist. He was shocked for a second then held me close to prevent me from falling. I looked at him and leaned on his face to kiss him. I put all the joy and love I feel for him in that memorable kiss we’re sharing.  

 I leaned back to look in his eyes again. This time, the floodgates opened.

I managed to croak out “Thank you for loving me”, kissed him on the jaw, and then buried my face on his neck.

“No. It’s me who’s thankful.” He said, pulling me closer to him.

-----------------------------

I was pulled out from my reverie by the beeping of a car horn in the distance.

I’ve been awake for some time now, and yet I couldn’t muster up the will to get out of the bed.

I snuggled my face on the pillow, feeling it wet with tears.

I’ve always been tough. I always got through whatever life hurls my way.

But this time, I’m at my weakest now.

I am scared of the future that’s why I am helplessly clinging to the present, unwilling to move on.

I don’t know how to take a step forward.

I must be punished this way.

There is no redemption.

I must let grief and sorrow suffocate me as harsh as they can.

And maybe then…

.…I would die.