He is my second boyfriend.

I had only one boyfriend before him. His name was Lee Changmin. Friends with Jinwoon, Jokwon, and another male going by the name of Seulong, he wasn't the most good-looking (in my opinion). However, he was known for his surprisingly good jokes and moodmaking statements. In addition, as the star of the choir, there was no doubt that he was a good singer.

Jooyeon and Jihyun--two of my best galfriends--set us up, hearing that he had liked me for some time. The two were eager to go on 'triple dates' together. So, unwillingly, I went. It would be a lie to say he was a bad boyfriend. He was unexpectedly shy in love and cherished me--monopolized me almost--but he quickly found that he just wasn't the one for me and left, the two of us still good friends now.

Even so, even while dating Changmin for some time, he was always the one in my heart, my only best friend and my first love. Maybe I should have called him my only love. After all, I loved only him. When we finally got together, later than everyone's predictions and to the amusement and teasing of all our friends, I was ecstatic. I half-expected him to be just as happy.

But he is so the same.

However, he was surprisingly calm about it. Actually, some of our friends were surprised as well. He seemed like a man who would cherish his girlfriend more, especially, they had said, since it was me. But I suppose they should have learned from his previous relationships.

He still put his arms around my shoulder and stole my food. He still held my hand as we walked and made me laugh all the time. He still borrowed my homework to copy--and still let me borrow his--and hung out with his guyfriends. He still talked to other girls--and made me jealous, but he didn't need to know that.

He didn't change a bit. He still put me aside for times for others, but still kept time reserved for me. He still teased me and let me . He still acted like we were best friends even though we had become something more.

But only to me is it the best.

However, though others teased us, making fun that I would find a better guy or that he would never end up married--though they secretly told us how happy they were for us and even planned ahead to our wedding. (A long goal, I pointed out though they never listened.)

But, what mattered most was that he trusted me. He trusted that I wouldn't talk to other guys, control my jealousy, and continued to promise silently that we would be the same. Always. Our relationship was eternal. Always, silently, he would promise me. And that meant so much to me. 

Because he would never betray me. I would never betray him. We could lean on each other and help each other out. More importantly, it was a promise that even if our love wouldn't last, our friendship would. Others would look at this silent promise as something trivial, but to me it was important. Because even if he wasn't mine, if he wasn't in my life at all, then I wouldn't have a life to call my own.

He was my second boyfriend.
But he was so the same.
But only to me was it the best.

...xXx...

She is my reason to laugh my second time.

Sounds odd, right? I suppose it does. However, when I was young, my parents had died early on and my aunt and uncle took me in. I was grateful, but since that time, I hadn't laughed once. I smiled, sure enough, but I hadn't actually laughed in so long. I was young so I easily adapted, after many tears and such, and before long, they had become my parents, not replacements, but like second parents. 

And at that young age, being kids, I was always teased and bullied. I wasn't always alone, but it often felt like it. Even the boys who were called my friends never spared any of the harsh comments about my looks, my grades, and soon my lack of 'parents.' As I look back, I find it a bit...upsetting, not just at the males, but also at myself for not having moved on. However, my father--my uncle--had gotten a job opporunity in a town and so we moved.

Moving in, I found that smiling became a natural part of my life and without even knowing, I laughed more with her than I had most of my life. I hadn't even noticed myself until my mother and father had pointed out. 

But she is so hidden she has no idea.

The fact that I myself hadn't noticed only highlighted that she hadn't either. I had once asked her about it, a simple 'what-was-your-first-impression?' question and she had easily answered that she thought I was a shy, but bright boy. I wasn't sure whether to cry or laugh.

This wasn't the first time she had been so clueless. Though we were best friends and knew everything about each other, there were things she always missed, things she just didn't spot. 

She had missed when I chose her over all my girlfriends, instead becoming insanely jealous and cute. She completely missed my love, only for her, and my first times as her friend, or at least missing the fact that it was the first. But she had also missed my true self at the time, surprising me.

But only to me is it something to keep her away from.

Though I felt the need to confess to her the truth, the reasons why she was so important to me, the reasons why I wasn't, the way I truly was, I was afraid to. 

How would her opinion change? How would she look? Would she cry? Would she laugh it off? Would she take me seriously? Would she look down on me? Would she pity me? So many questions, possibilities, and so much fear.

I just couldn't do it, which was why that obliviousness made myself feel better, as if my world was more suited for me. With her, it felt almost as if the world had changed to suit me and contrary to shame or pity, I felt more relaxed and happy, as if I was more important and as if she had seen a me that I hadn't.

She was my reason to laugh my second time.
But she was so hidden she has no idea. 
But only to me was it somehting to keep her away from.