Due to my own ignorance, for train station, I know it's not always like the tall subway station platforms, but please do pretend that a train station platform = subway station platform.

A Few Years Ago 

A letter slipped into the pocket of a hooded man who wiped his tears as he stepped into the busy train station. His tears kept falling as he let the crowd push him to the platform---but no one gave him a single glance of concern for his tears, despite his face being plastered on some of biggest posters of the most popular group in the country; a group that had just undergone a painful incident and was now the biggest topic for news. The beautiful face was unrecognizably swollen and puffy, his eyes were lifeless and lacking the spark, wit and fire it once held.

Heechul walked through the train station, not caring that he was supposed to be an idol that advertises his pretty face—not caring about the scandal he was planning to create soon. His mind drifted to the letter he wrote to his lover---no, his former lover who had left him---hopefully for the better. His first and last letter, hopefully forever---

*******

Dear Hankyung,

Should I say, how are you? Are you doing better than me? Well, I hope so—

“Sorry, that I loved you—forget me and goodbye---"

Why? Why did you say that, when you know fully that it is impossible? But, by the time you read this, I think it might be too late for me to hear you out---but, never mind about me. I know you told me not to contact you ever, but please, just let me burden you with my last words towards you as well. Mianhe---Saranghae---

Your last words toward me are forever impaled and carved into my mind. I can never forget you, nor will I ever. Not that I will have the chance anymore—anyways, I’m still thinking about why you said that---why?

Your smile, your tears, your laugh, and your cheer---I’ll never hear, nor see them again. It’s my fault that I was blinded towards your pain---never even offered you a hand to get you through it. Instead, my words, my desires, and my temper bit at you, cut through you even more. We lived together, now we’re apart, but my heart is forever gone with you---a thousand worlds away----ever since the day I promised it to you; my heart has always been yours. Hankyung---where art thou? At least, let me apologize for being such an incompetent lover, before and now.

Everything around me is a shadow, insignificant compared to the times we had. Why do I find myself in front of the train station again? ---Ah—yes, it’s the place where we first met. Do you remember? Nothing has changed since that special day---I still remember---how it all began, and how it will all end--

I had been bored out of my mind at the train station in 2001 while waiting for you because the manager had told me to. You had missed your train to the city from where you landed because you were late and you couldn’t understand Korean. I was pissed---quite thoroughly pissed---and extremely cranky. Oh—those days! I waited for such a long time, I thought I was going to go crazy, but thinking of it now, I could have waited forever.

Anyways, I had been so frustrated, when your train had arrived, I gave up looking for you and just screamed your name over hundreds of heads. When we finally got to each other, we were so embarrassed, we nearly ran out of the train station---only to find that it was raining. What luck we had-- By the time we got to the separate dorm we were to live in, we were soaked. Your things had arrived earlier, so we had settled in nicely---quite perfectly.

Isn’t ironic how my soul feels like it’s shattered in pieces, but all I can do is laugh and cry as the pain grows stronger---please---come back, embrace me, love me. I promise I won’t curse you, get angry with you, nor will I ever demand silly yet wild requests. Yet again—I guess this is a wild request. Dammit—Hankyung---I feel like an empty shell without you—not for long anymore.

Those days were filled with silly arguments---when was it that we grew so close, so close that we started loving each other? When was it that you slowly wheedled into my heart, until I just gave up and gave it to you? Every time I had a temper tantrum, you had been patient with me. You were probably the only one who could understand yet calm me down every single time. You were the only one who made my heart beat like it did---and you will forever be the only one. That I’m sure of—especially now--

Do you remember the first time that I finally started teaching Korean to you? I just wanted to tell you, I lied about how it was horrible. Despite how I was angry all the time, how I kept yelling at you, I was actually enjoying every single second of it. I was happy that I was of some use to somebody---but I guess my worth to the group now is pretty much zero. Then again, what did I ever give to the group besides looks? –Scratch that---I’m a mess now; I can’t even perform or go on shows---I don’t know if I will ever again either.

Hankyung-ah---please, do this one last favour for me. Remember our first confessions after two long years of living and training together. Do you remember how I snapped at you, how I stumbled while dancing, and then fell right into your arms? I can still feel your arms around me; I still dream of the warmth you gave me. I feel so cold without you---I’m sorry for burdening you with this but please, remember me---

Once again, do you remember our first show together? How much we laughed so much, in the end, we could barely stand. Do you remember our first date? How we ate ice cream, noodles, went shopping---do you remember it at all? Everything still haunts me now.

Most of all, do you remember our first kiss, our first night? Your lips on mine—your hands around me---I can still hear your voice. Every night, the same dream still envelopes me, mocking me—mocking us, laughing at how I believed that you would be by my side forever. Please, just come back and look at me with your eyes—just once more. Is that impossible?

I know the answer---it is impossible, isn’t it? Yet every single fibre inside me screams in denial and every crack inside my soul shatters even more---I’m missing pieces. I don’t even remember what I have done these past months, since you left, left our room, left our paradise to go to your own, left me alone.

I think I hurt the others---I ignored them and locked myself up in my room. I haven’t eaten anything; I’m not even hungry. They’re all sad too—but not one of them is sinking like me—I’m only an anchor pulling the others down. I should leave---and I will soon, hopefully---escape this world without you.

Sometimes I wonder if I ever meant anything to you, and I tried believing it, but I don’t think I can hang on any longer. My whole being is already burning in pits of fire--- my support is gone, you’re gone, my heart is gone with you. I’m no longer worth a thing in this damn world without you here---it’s time to leave.

I must apologize, having to burden you with this---but I don’t think I have much time left and you’re the only one on my mind anyways. I got out of the dorm---some of them were happy to see me get up and out—but I hope they don’t cry or get angry after what I do soon. I don’t think it’ll hurt any more than what I’ve gone through already.

The others---I don’t know anymore---I left them a note---an apology and a farewell. They’ll find it in my, no—OUR room soon, if not already. You left, I’ll leave too---my heart, I leave it with you, so far away. I hope they won’t come here, won’t come to see me one last time. I don’t want to drag them down. The rain soaks me to the bone---but I’m still colder on the inside. I’m scared, yet I’m not scared---what? I make no sense.

Isn’t it funny? It all began when you missed your train. So then, you took another one to where I was waiting. This time, I missed my train, but now, there is no other train that will come to get me---get me to where you are not even waiting. This train will only get me to somewhere else—some place where I can wait for you forever---at least my heart will be with you, until we meet again. Aren’t I lame? When did I get so sentimental? When did I get so weak, crying like this?

Know that my heart is with you---forever and watching over you. Stay safe and stay healthy! This will end where it started. I missed my train already ---Farewell, my—l***.

                                                                                          Loving you forever, your Cinderella,

                                                                                                            Heechul

P.S. If the others ever blame you, show them this letter. It’s not your fault— Love you.

*******

            Heechul took out his letter again, tears blotting some of the last words on the last page, as he read it over again. He knew that if the letter was in his hand, his group mates would find it and give it to who it was left for--- Folding it carefully into his pocket and gripping it with all his might, he took in a deep breath, his thoughts purely on the face of his lost love, and shuffled slowly to the edge of the platform. Luckily, he thought, no one will notice, especially with this many people.

He knew no strangers would pose as an obstacle to him; no one ever tried to stop people from jumping off the platforms. He knew he could make it seem like he fell off, he didn’t care though. He prepared to step off the side, when his phone vibrated. Sighing, he picked it up, wondering who in the world would bother him at this time.

“KIM HEECHUL, DO NOT MOVE. IF YOU DO, I SWEAR--” He slammed the phone shut.

Glancing around, he saw the remaining Super Junior members running through the crowds towards him, their faces hidden but clearly panicked. He gave them an apologetic expression, bowing slightly, tears running down his face freely and threw himself onto the tracks, headfirst. His body fell down the short distance without a sound as the others continued running as fast as they could towards the edge.

The horrified expressions on their faces were the last thing he saw before he sank into a blissful state of darkness where only Hankyung’s voice and face existed with open arms accepting him. His hands never loosened around the letter--- Finally---

Voices broke through his senses, “HURRY, GRAB HIM BEFORE THE TRAIN COMES---.” He felt a distant throb in his head, but blocking it out, he drifted back to Hankyung in his dreams. His consciousness completed faded out---into blissful Hankyung darkness---

Frozen in shock, Kyuhyun and Ryeowook watched as the body of the second oldest-- the fieriest, the wittiest and one of the strongest--- of Super Junior disappeared off the platform. Even worse, the two turned in horror as the dynamic screen in the station showed that there were 5 minutes till the next train came, meaning the other members who were at the edge trying to help bring back Heechul had a limited time to bring him back and get back out---before---

As they too neared the edge where their fellow members were frantically working quickly together, their eyes grew wide at the sight of the small pool of blood around Heechul’s head------ambulance---

Hope this is okay~ :( For a while, I've been kind of depressed, so after writing this, it kind of let all the bunched up feelings go. My guy doesnt even acknowledge that I exist :$ cuz' I chicken out before him. I cried after... Please feel free to comment, give suggestions, corrections, you know--- :(