The sun’s rays drip themselves onto your face and you groan. You lazily rub one eye and open the other, only to find that the bed isn’t yours.

And that you are not alone.

You sit up and look around the all-white room you’ve gotten so accustomed to over the years and smile unconsciously.

“What’re you thinking about?”

His silky voice, it envelopes your entire body with its comfort. You turn to see him, his right arm propping his head up as he gazes warmly at you. You reach over and the back of his nape affectionately, and he does the same. Nothing, you tell him. He chuckles and a warm feeling spreads in your chest. You realize how lovely his laughter can get and, goodness, his beautiful dimple never fails to enlighten you. It is out of instinct - or habit perhaps - that you trace your fingers over it.

You cup his face in your hand and he presses his cheek and lips into your palm, his eyes closed. You can see it now, the ever-growing bluish rings under his eyes. He’s exhausted, you conclude. You know of his never-ending schedules and responsibilities, but seeing what it does to him up close makes you uneasy. Even staying awake for a few hours would prove to be difficult for him. And there you are, wasting away his precious time that should be spent catching up on sleep.

You freeze with this sudden realization and this doesn’t go unnoticed by him. He asks you what the matter is, but you shake your head stubbornly.

Yes, you are stubborn in order to protect the people you love.

You get up abruptly and slide off the bed, only to realise that, God, you have not a single thread of clothing on. You feel the blush spreading on your cold cheeks- it doesn’t help to have him staring- and you pull off the feather-like comforter from his bed to wrap around your body. He yelps as you tug at it and you laugh.

You feel your mouth turn into a pout and silently, you search for your clothes around the room. His gentle hands wrap around your waist and he pulls you towards him. He buries his face into your shoulder- you love his touch so badly you can physically feel the ache pounding your chest. But you can’t deny it, the growing feeling you chuck away to the back of your mind every time you find yourself in his presence. Feeling so ing guilty, that is.

Your eyes close, you hold back the tears threatening to spill over; you don’t want to add to his list of worries. You push him away gently, but he refuses to free you from his embrace.

“Let go oppa.”

No, please don’t let go.

“Tell me what’s wrong.”

I want to, God I really do want to.

“Nothing, there’s nothing wrong.”

I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.

“Liar.”

He never fails to amaze you sometimes. His perceptiveness and influence has always managed to catch you off guard. He leans in closer till his breath tickles your ears.

“Be selfish for once, would you?”

You feel the wetness against your cheeks and you curse yourself inwardly. Burdensome , you call yourself. You’re on the floor, a crumpled mess; yet you realise the arms around you haven’t moved a single inch away. He pulls you closer to him and your hair. You wail your heart out, throwing out all the self-hate and frustration.

It takes you a long time to calm down, and you stay in his arms even after you’ve done so. He turns you around to face him once you’ve quietened down and he brushes aside the sweat-matted bangs stuck on your forehead. He tells you that it doesn’t matter whether you take up a few minutes of his time or even days.

Because he needs you more than you need him.

You find that hard to believe, but you see his sincerity twinkling in his eyes. He says he needs you to be able to survive the long days, to have something to hold on to in life- a place for support. He brushes off the last the last few streaks of tears on your face and grins widely. It’s infectious and you find yourself smiling too. The both of you laugh and he your cheek. Stuck in the moment- that’s the phrase they use. If this is what selfish is like, you don’t mind at all.

Not one bit.